Chris: (Recapping last episode.) "Last time on Total Drama Action... our caveman movie challenges made some people look good and other people look better. Bald Heather was obsessed with getting hair by any means necessary. And Duncan fell for Courtney. Again. The teams tied and had to share a mammoth rack of mastodon ribs, which, due to an unsaid accident, may be preserved for future paleontologists instead. Will Heather keep her hair? Will Courtney survive the ire of her teammates? And what will become of her and Duncan? Find out the answers right now on Total... Drama... Action!"
(Theme song plays.)
(The episode begins in morning, where the guys are woken up by a loud trumpet.)
Harold: "I can't take the shelling anymore, sarge! I just can't take it!"
Duncan: "Harold, if you added trumpets to your snoring, it's definitely time for you to die."
Justin: "That's it, I'm moving to Canada. 'Cept I'm already there."
(We now cut outside, where Beth is seen walking in her sleep, twirling Courtney's PDA.)
Courtney: "Hey! That's my PDA! (Beth unconsciously throws it into the air) Ooh!" (She dives in to save it.)
Beth: "Huh? (Gasps,realzing what she's doing.) I'm so sorry! I must've started sleep-twirling again!"
Leshawna: (she walks out) "Did she say "sleep-twirling"?
Courtney: "That PDA is my legal right in this game. Touch it again, Beth, and prepare to be served!"
(Chris arrives in a marching band outfit, playing a trombone, with drums.)
Chris: "Morning, sports fans! Who's ready to put up a good offense?"
Chef: (He arrives in a food vendor outfit) "Spaghetti here! Get your piping hot spaghetti here!" (He throws balls of spaghetti at the castmates.)
Harold: "Whoa, whoa! That was a spitball!"
Chris: "That was breakfast."
Lindsay: "Pasta for breaky?"
Chris: "It's called carbo-loading, contestants! (The contestants start eating) Today, you're all going to give two hundred percent in our exciting sports movie challenge!"
Harold: "You are aware that two hundred percent is a mathematical impossibility?" (A spaghetti ball is thrown at him)
Chris: "Suck that 'ghetti back, you lovable underdogs destined to come back from certain failure. We've got a training run." (he walks off)
(We now cut to a sports-themed movie set, where the castmates jog to the stadium.)
Chris: "That all you got, sports fans?! Man up! It's time for more action!"
Leshawna: "Three cups of spaghetti followed by a 3K jog? (She lies down) All I'm ready for is a nap. (She notices the fake grass) W-What the hell is this? Plastic lawn?"
Chris: "AstroTurf. Hello? It's a set. Today's competition is gonna require sweat, guts, heart, and sweat."
Heather: "You said sweat twice."
Chris: "Because it's not just your sweat you'll be dealing with. There's Chef's sweat, too! (Chef is sweating and doing jumping jacks.) 'Cause you'll be pushing him the length of the field! And he just ate a huge jar of jalapeño peppers, so he's spraying like a gym class shower."
Justin: "We gotta push spiced-up Chef like he's a football dummy?"
Chef: "Don't call me a dummy!"
Heather: Um, I am not swapping sweat with an oversized jalapeño.
Leshawna: "You're taking it for the team. Now get your skinny behind out there and push that damn dummy!
Chef: "What'd I say about the dummy thing?"
Heather: "You can do this one without me."
Duncan: "Gotta side with Leshawna on this one. You're doing it." (Leshawna looks hopeful)
CONFESSIONAL:
Leshawna: "'Side with Leshawna'? [gasps] Are they finally coming around? That'd be like rolling up Christmas, Kwanzaa, Easter, Canada Day, and BOGO day at the shoe store all into one! Sweet, sweet forgiveness!"
END OF CONFESSIONAL:
(Chris blows the whistle and the Gaffer try to push Chef.)
Chef: "That all you got?! I can push better than that on my day off!"
Leshawna: "Don't you talk smack to me! (Grunts as she pushes Chef all the way to the other side.) Sorry, dummy. Guess I came to play hardball." (Chef groans.)
(Meanwhile, the Grips are hopping tires, but their feet are stuck)
Beth: "These are so not normal tires."
Lindsay: "My feet keep getting stuck!"
Chris: "Aw, really? I'm sorry. Wait 'til they get a load of the mousetraps! (The mousetraps go off, as The Grips all get hurt.) Snap to it, losers!"
(Later, both teams are crawling under barbed wire in the mud.)
Courtney: "I have never seen our school football team doing this!"
Chris: "You're right. But we had some mud and barbed wire left over from the war movie and it just seemed fun to me. Is it?"
(Everyone else groans at this.)
(Meanwhile, the contestants all got out of the mud.)
Duncan: "That truly bit."
Courtney: "Who won anyway?"
Chris: "Let's see. (Reads on a sheet of paper with a clipboard on it.) Uh, three, carry the five... Nobody!"
The contestants: "Huh?"
Chris: "It was just to establish who's playing who for the real contest to follow. We're running four sporto contests with competitors seeded according to these results."
Lindsay: "Seeded? There's a gardening challenge?"
CONFESSIONAL:
Lindsay: Okay, so he meant like sport seeding. I knew that. But if there was a gardening challenge, I would seriously kick some ass. I mean, nobody can even touch my tomatoes! (Realizes what she said) I'm not sure that came out right."
END OF CONFESSIONAL:
(We now cut to a boxing set, with Chris & Lindsay in the ring. While the rest of the teammates are watching.)
Chris: (Through microphone.) "In the right corner-ner-ner-ner, from the Killer Grips-ips-ips-ips, the blonde bombshell, the lye, the Lollapalooza, the Blue-Eyed Bruiser! Liiiindsaaaay! And in the left corner-ner-ner-ner from the Screaming Gaffers-ers-ers-ers, the sarcastic sucker, the lazy lightweight, the know-it-all numbskull!"
Harold: (to Duncan) "Sounds like you're up."
Chris: Haaaaroooold!
Harold: "Me? Why me?"
Chris: Because you and Lindsay came in last in the football drills. Loser versus loser. We're gonna build to the top two players.
Harold: "Glove me up. (Big white gloves are put on his hands) But these are marshmallows."
Chris: "Props. So you don't hurt those pretty actor faces. And, in true boxer movie tradition, you'll be fighting in... (In slow motion.) Slooooow moooootiooooon..." (the bell rings and Harold and Lindsay step up)
Harold: (Deeper voice.) "You're... going... down." (He lifts his arm, and Lindsay dodges)
Lindsay: "Wha! Take that!" (She hits Harold, who does a slow-mo walk into the ropes.)
Leshawna: "How does he do that?"
Duncan: "Eh, he has a lot of experience getting hit."
(Harold goes to punch Lindsay, who takes a bite out of his glove)
Lindsay: "Mmm. Delicious.."
Courtney: "Oh, don't eat it! (She drops her PDA) Block it!"
Beth: (Beth picks the PDA up) "Courtney, your-"
Courtney: "Play dirtier! (Duncan giggles & looks lovingly at her.) What?!
Duncan: "I like when you talk like that."
Beth: (Hushed.) "My boyfriend is gonna be so surprised to hear from me! (She sees something) What is... oh, my glory!"
(Later, the bell dings again)
Chris: "Round two, ooh, ooh, ooh!" (Chef walks around wearing a purple string bikini holding the 2 card, which disgusts the contestants.)
Duncan: "Ew, ew, ew is more like it."
Chef: "Ah, y'all are just jealous." (Beth puts Courtney's PDA back without Courtney knowing, then Harold and Lindsay step out.)
Leshawna: "Let's go, Harold, baby! You've got the moves, you've got the grooves!"
Harold: "Why, thanks, Leshawna. It's nice to-" (Lindsay hits him in the face, as he falls down to the ground.)
Chris: "One. Two. Three."
Leshawna: "Get up, Harold!"
Chris: (Counts quickly.) "Four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. And the winner is, is, is, is... Harold and the Screaming Gaffers!" (The Gaffers cheer, while The Grips are confused.)
Lindsay: "Huh? But I knocked him out!"
Chris: "He scored a bunch of extra points for doing such great slow-motion. And I had to dock you for biting. Very unsportsmanlike, Miss Tyson."
Lindsay: "This was fixed! Ref's going down!" (Courtney and Justin hold her back)
Justin: "Easy there, tiger."
(We now cut back to the Stadium set.)
Justin: (He's holding a badminton racket) "Hey, it's a miniature tennis racquet. Where are the miniature tennis balls and how come the net is so stupidly high?"
Chris: "This is a badminton court, Justin."
Justin: "There was never a sports movie about badminton. That'd be seriously lame."
Chris: "There was a movie about badminton, it was very un-lame! And it starred the very talented... me. (beat) Thanks for asking, I'd love to recreate my finest scene. (Takes the racket, and starts acting) I just want you to know, you guys... are the best darn badminton players I've had the pleasure of coaching. You're beacons of freedom. Go show the Olympic committee we deserve a shot! Show them, it's not badminton, it's good-minton! Heck, it's great-minton! Now get out there and win one for the Flipper!"
CONFESSIONAL:
Chef: "Why couldn't the Olympic committee just give the Flipper a break? It was his big dream!" (Snorts and cries.)
END OF CONFESSIONAL:
(We now see Beth & Heather in a tennis court.)
Chris: "Battling for supremacy in our second round, Beth and Heather!"
Heather: "Me against her? Piece of cake."
Chris: "Watch the birdie!" (Tosses Beth a bird)
Heather: "Feathers are about to fly!"
Courtney: "You can do it, Beth!" (Beth hits the birdie, and it squeaks)
Beth: "Eek! It's alive!"
Chris: "It's stuffed. With a squeaker. That okay, Chicken Little? Serve to Harold!" (Heather serves the birdie, and Beth misses)
Leshawna: "Woohoo! Buh-ring it! Show her who's in charge! (Harold and Beth hit the birdie back and forth) Cheer her on, guys!"
Duncan: "That's right, Heather, no mercy!"
Harold: "Serve her up a hot steaming bowl of humiliation!"
Leshawna: "Your chances of winning are just about as real as your boyfriend!" (Beth is angered, and her game improves; later with one final twirl of her racket, she hits the birdie into Heather's wig)
Heather: (Gasps.) "Ahh! Get it out! Get it out!"
Chris: "We have a winner! (The Grips cheer) Now that's some great-minton."
Leshawna: (to Beth) "You might have game, girl, but you still don't have a boyfriend." (The Grips stop cheering as Beth glares at Leshawna)
Beth: "You just resent me for being a champion baton twirler! Just like you resent everybody here!"
Leshawna: "Excuse me?!"
Beth: "Why don't you admit it? Or should we have Courtney play what you said about all of us on her PDA?"
Courtney: "I told you to stay away from my PDA!"
Beth: "It's on the Total Drama website, Leshawna. Everything you said about all of us when you went on that spa night!" (Duncan and Harold both gasp.)
Chris: "Ooh, the underdog's about to take a bite out of her rival. This can't end well. Don't go away. There's plenty of sports-themed backstabbing fun to come on Total... Drama... Action!"
(Commercial break)
(We now cut back to a nervous Leshawna.)
Lindsay: "You said mean things about me?"
Harold: "Let me see, let me see!"
Courtney: "No!"
Duncan: "Come on, Courtney, you know you wanna."
Courtney: "Only because I think you all have the right to know what she said." (The castmates, except Leshawna gather)
Leshawna: "There's nothing to see! You guys will be bored."
Leshawna: (On tape.) "Ooh, Heather. Mm. just mean for the sake of being mean. Lindsay has half a brain cell. (Lindsay gasps, then glares.) Max. And it's usually gone out shopping. Ooh, ooh, probably with Justin's giant ego! (Laughs as Justin is shocked.) Oh, Duncan likes to think he's a bad boy. But when Courtney was there, she basically dragged him around by his eyebrow ring. (Duncan glares, while Courtney is shocked and glares as well.) Beth actually wears a side ponytail. A side pony! (Beth rolls her eyes in anger.) And Harold? Darn boy's sweet on me. But he's getting about as much play as an old school cassette tape in a world of MP3. (Harold is upset by this, as Leshawna and Leshaniqua laugh.)
Leshaniqua: [on tape] "Ooh, girl." (The video ends, and the other castmates glare at her)
Leshawna: "You don't understand! That was outside the game! I didn't know anybody'd see it."
Lindsay: "So you weren't just joking? I thought maybe you were joking."
Leshawna: "Uh, yes! I was! And I wanted you to see it! Yeah, isn't that a riot?! Ha ha, psych!"(Laughs nervously.)
(Back inside, the other castmates are sitting far away from Leshawna)
Heather: "Leshawna just told it like it is. I don't see what the big deal is. I do it all the time."
Lindsay: "She called you mean and nasty."
Heather: "I can live with that."
Leshawna: "You can? Thanks, girl."
Heather: "Don't push it. It's not like we're new BFFs."
Chris: (Greek accent.) "Silence! (He's rolled in on a chariot, in a roman outfit.) The score is one to one! And now... second seat Courtney will attempt to brrreak the tie competing in Grrreco-RRRoman wrrrestling with... Duncan!"
Duncan: "He shoots, he scores!"
CONFESSIONALS:
Courtney: "My heart can't be swayed by just any tattooed bad boy oozing danger out of every pore. (Gets serious) I-I'm a fit and well coiffed little package of pure competition!"
Duncan: "Oh, she's a fit and well coiffed little package, all right. But I'm not going there. Even though I could. Remember what happened to Trent and Gwen? Hehehe. Ugly."
END OF CONFESSIONALS:
(Both Coutney and Duncan are in their swimsuits in the arena.)
Duncan: (to himself) "Just compete, just compete, just compete. (Chris drops a huge ball pit on top of them, shocking the other castmates.) W-What, wait a second, I have to wrestle her in a kiddie ball pit?"
Courtney: (She emerges and coughs up some balls.) "Ew! How the hell since these things have been washed that long?!"
Chris: "Never. We got 'em from a local carnival. A really cheap, skeevy one. Now play ball! [he blows the horn and the two start wrestling as Courtney starts having the advantage.)
Courtney: "What's the matter, big boy? Can't swim?"
Duncan: "Ah! (he sees what appears to be a shark fin) Shark!
Courtney: (she picks it up, revealing it as a dirty diaper) "Ooh! The big bad diaper shark! (Stuffs the diaper in his mouth) Come on, tough man!" (The contestants, except Duncan and Courtney groan in disgust, while Chris & Chef laugh. As Duncan spits the diaper out.)
Duncan: "Oh, that's it. No more Mr. Nice Guy. (He gestures Courtney to 'Bring it' and Courtney kicks him down, as everyone except Duncan and Courtney gasp.)
Courtney: "Ha!"
Duncan: (Himself.) "Trent and Gwen, Trent and Gwen." (He throws Courtney off and pounces on her.)
Courtney: "Oh! (Everyone except Duncan and Courtney gasp.)
Duncan: (he picks up a baby bottle) "What the hell is under here anyway, a daycare center?"(He picks up a small boy.)
Child: "Mama?" (Chef is lowered and picks the kid up as Courtney pins him down.)
Duncan: "Ow! (Chris is lowered down, awaiting Duncan's call) Uncle!"
Chris: And we have a winner! (The Grips cheer)
Courtney: (Panting.) "In your face, Duncan! I am the world champion ball wrestler!"
CONFESSIONAL:
Duncan: "I don't know. The kid called me mama and it threw me off my A-game. (Cameraman laughs.) What, am I funny to you? Let me come over there, and you can laugh to my face."
END OF CONFESSIONAL:
(Back outside the stadium, with a basketball court.)
Chris: "So, as we head to the fourth and final leg of the Total Drama sports tourney, the Grips are ahead two to one. Final face off? A slam dunk competition. With points going to the most creative dunk. Let's play it for the camera! It's Justin and Leshawna!"
(The Grips cheer as Justin prepares to dunk.)
Harold: "Letraitor. LeBenedict-Arnold. Le-I'm-Too-Sad-To-Think-Of-Another-Insult!"
CONFESSIONAL:
Leshawna: "Play it for the camera? I just wanted to hide under the bleachers 'til the whole thing was over. Think anyone's ever done a slam dunk from under the bleachers? That'd be creative."
END OF CONFESSIONAL:
Justin: "All right. I call this the "Justin Freezes the Gaffers" Slam. (Justin dribbles the ball) Hey. Watch it. (He butt-bumps Leshawna) Whoa. Hey. (The other Grips giggle) Look out, huh huh!" (Bounces it between Duncan's legs as it hits Harold's chest)
Harold: "Aw!" (Beth, Lindsay, and Courtney giggle as Justin puts Heather's wig on the ball and slams it into the hoop as the Grips laugh)
Courtney: "Whoo!"
Leshawna: "See, there's just telling it like it, and there's just being a big old jerk! (Gives Heather her wig back and preps her shot) I call this the 'Leshawna Climbs to the Top Wham, Bam, Thank You Slam'!"
Justin: "Real creative." (Leshawna slams Justin with the ball, causing him to bounce off the trampoline and into the hoop.)
Chris: "Point to Leshawna and the Gaffers! Prepare for the ultimate extreme sports tiebreaker!"
(We now cut back to the contestants.)
Chris: (On jumbotron.) "Get ready for the battle of battles. The grudge match the world has been waiting for! The competition so intense, so grueling, so..."
Leshawna: "So what is it already?" (Chris drives in on a golf cart full of pom-poms)
Courtney: "Pom-poms?"
Harold: "Where there are pom-poms, there are pom-pom girls!"
Chris: "The only cheering will be done by you and your team. Each team's gotta dig deep and create a cheer for someone they think deserves cheering."
(Later, the Grips are huddled up as the Gaffers think)
Harold: "Ooh, ooh! I got it! Let's cheer for Norbert Swinlow!"
Heather: "Who?"
Harold: "The inventor of the pom-pom? Duh."
Heather: "I say we cheer for me."
Leshawna: "You?"
Duncan: "I'd rather cheer for my school principal, my mother, Leshawna."
Leshawna: "Hm."
Heather: "Okay, that's really low."
Leshawna: "Hey, while we're fighting, they're working on whipping our asses!"
Chris: "Time! Gaffers, up!"
Harold: "Um, well... Chris... we, um..." (Leshawna takes the pom-poms)
Leshawna: (Rapping, & cheerleading.)
Courtney, Courtney, she's my pal! She loves her PDA and she's an organized gal!
Lindsay and Justin might be dumb!
But I'd be so proud if they called me their chum!
Heather, Heather, queen of mean!
She got a nice scalp for a grooving teen!
Duncan and Beth, they're quite a pair!
He's tough, she's goofy, but they both got flair!
And Harold's the best, he's quite a guy!
He's goofy and scrawny but he's got my eye!
Woohoo!
Harold: That was either the coolest thing or the dorkiest thing I've ever seen.
Heather: Yeah! How much heart did that have?! I'd like to see the Grips beat that! (the Grips start)
Killer Grips: (Singing.) Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris
(They grab the Gaffers and form a pyramid)
Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris
Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris
Chris, Chris, Chris
Chris!
(They finish with a poster of Chris.)
Chris: "Amazing! The performances, the artistry! The incredible kissing up! We have the winners! Losers... I'll see you in the theater." (The Killer Grips cheers)
Duncan: "Ugh!"
Leshawna: "Get my bed ready, Leshaniqua. Your trash talking cousin's coming home."
(We now cut to the Gilded Chris Ceremony, with The Gaffers & Chris.)
Chris: "So, the Gaffers lose it again. Must be tough, especially with your own teammate dissing you all over the World Wide Web!"
Leshawna: "Hey! I got enough problems without you mixing things up!"
Chris: "And Heather, you gotta feel awful over your humiliating loss to Beth on the badminton court. (Beat.) Heather?"
Heather: "Sorry, I'm trying to remember what feeling awful is like."
Chris: "Duncan might remember, seeing as he lost to a girl... in wrestling!"
Duncan: "She's not a girl, she's Courtney! It's a whole 'nother thing."
Chris: Harold, I'd say you're the only one here who might be safe.
Harold: "Well, Chris. I-"
Chris: "Oh, nobody wants to hear it. Just take the statue. (Throws to statue to Harold, & Heather.) Bird-hair, you're safe too. (There's one statue left) Leshawna..."
Leshawna: "Yes?"
Chris: "I'm sorry, but... it's a tie!"
(The Gaffers gasp in shock.)
Leshawna: "What?!"
Duncan: "Huh? How can there be a tie?"
Chris: "Don't know, don't care. And seeing how this is a sports episode, I know just how to solve this. It's time for... BOWLING FOR DRAMA!"
(We now cut to Duncan and Leshawna at a small bowling lane, with Chris, the Gaffers & the Grips watching.)
Chris: "To break the tie on the votes, Duncan and Leshawna will bowl one ball, and the loser gets to go home. Clear?"
Leshawna: "Sounds good to me."
Duncan: "I'm game."
Chris: "Ok. And.. Go!" (Blows the whistle.)
(Then Duncan & Leshawna both bowl their bowls. We then go to multiple scenes with Duncan & Leshawna getting gutter balls, splits, spares, strikes, and missed pins. After 10 rounds were over. Chris checks on the score.)
Chris: "Ok.. Let's check how many points you got.." (Gets out a piece of paper & reads it.) "Leshawna got 150 pins.."
Leshawna: "Ok."
Chris: "While Duncan got.." (Duncan looks nervous at the moment, with Courtney crossing her fingers.) "151!"
(The contestants gasp in shock, while Courtney puts her fist in the air in relief.)
Duncan: "WHOA! Seriously?!"
Chris: "I am serious! You officially stay in the game!" (Throws the last gilded Chris to Duncan, as he catches it.) "Sorry, Leshawna. But your ride comes to an end."
Leshawna: (Sighs sadly.) "Ok.." (Looks at the contestants.) "And everyone. I'm sorry for those harsh comments against all of you.."
Lindsay: "It's ok, Leshawna!"
Beth: "We all forgive you."
Courtney: "Well, not all of us.." (Glares at her, Heather does the same, while Leshawna glares at them back.)
Leshawna: (Walks to Harold.) "Harold. Kick their sorry asses for me."
Harold: (Hugs her, while she hugs him back.) "I will, and I'll win it for you."
(Leshawna smiles & pulls away, as she walks to the lame-o-sine, & it drives off.)
(We now cut to Chris & Chef at the boxing ring.)
Chris: (he's seen boxing with Chef) "Wow. Leshawna sealed her fate! How's that for a dramatic sucker punch? How long until Harold regrets voting off the love of his life? Are Courtney and Duncan gonna kiss again? Am I gonna knock big ol' Chef out with my killer uppercut?! (Chef briefly knocks Chris down) Find out next time here on Total. Drama. Action!"
(End credits.)
Surprised? Yes indeed Leshawna's run sadly ends here.. How long will Heather last? Stay tuned to find out! BTW, sorry Leshawna fans..
Votes:
Leshawna - Duncan, Heather
Duncan - Harold Leshawna