The Simpsons go to Mount Splashmore is the twenty second episode of the second season of my fanon. The Simpsons go to Mount Splashmore, a water park where Homer gets stuck on a ride.
Plot"Now live from Mount Splashmore. The world's funnest water park... It's the Krusty the clown show!" said a voice over.
Kids at the park in their swimming costumes cheer.
"Hey hey kids! Hooahahahaha!" said Krusty laughing. "You know kids. Today is the last day of a very special week. Our fabulous vacation at Mount Splashmore!" said Krusty.
"I just wanna say. The staff at Mount Splashmore have been super to me and Sideshow Mel." said Krusty. "The food, the grog..." he continued. "They even threw a brunch. With fresh fruit and delicious melon! Mmmmmmm! Melons..."
"But the thing I'll miss most of all is the amount Splashmore water slides. God bless them..." said Krusty.
"Our son was decapitated by one of those slides!" said a mom.
"Well maybe he shouldn't have stood up in the boat then!" Krusty yelled at the grieving mother.
Bart, Lisa and Oscar are watching The Krusty the Clown show when Krusty reveals he's at Mount Splashmore for a special show to announce a price drop in the cost of the tickets.
"Now it's time for..." said Krusty expecting his crowd to reply.
"Kroon along with Krusty!" Cheered the kids.
The lyrics!
I want to go to Mount Splashmore!
Take me! Take me! Take me! Take me nooooooow!
Now! Now! Now! Now! Now!
Mount Splashmore, take me right now!
Oscar was sitting on the couch grooving to the funny music.
"Ha! Look Lis!" Bart asked Lisa to look at Oscar's funny dancing. Lisa giggled.
They continued watching Krusty's promotion of Mount Splashmore.
"Oh my gosh! Look Bart! That kid in the audience looks like you!" Oscar said pointing to the Bart lookalike singing the I want to go to Mount Splashmore song.
"Ay carumba!" yelled Bart.
Then Krusty was humiliating Sideshow Mel.
"Who's Sideshow Mel?" Oscar asked.
"He replaced Sideshow Bob because he got fired for framing Krusty." said Lisa.
They immediately beg Homer to take them.
"Can we go to Mount Splashmore? Can we go to Mount Splashmore? Can we go to Mount Splasmore?" they repeat endlessly.
"No!" Homer responds. However they continue and he gets more annoyed. They even bother him in the shower! Eventually he's trying to sleep while the kids are still asking "Can we go to Mount Splashmore?" Over and over.
"If I say yes will you kids quit bugging me?!" Homer yells.
"Yes. Well? Will you take us to Mount Splashmore?" The kids ask again.
"Yes! Now go to bed!"
...
The next day they get packed to go to the waterpark.
Homer decides to get revenge on the kids for pestering him.
Bart is sleeping and looks cute. Homer is in his room. Um weird...
"Mount Splashmore!" Homer yelled.
Bart screams and leaps out of bed. When he lands back on his bed Homer puts a rubber ring/inner tube/Floatie ring on him.
Lisa is meditating in her room.
"Mount Splashmore!" Homer yells startling her. He gives her two pool noodles. Lisa looks startled.
Marge is changing Maggie's diaper.
Marge hums a tune.
"Honey, are you in there?" Homer asks over the baby monitor.
"Yes..." Marge sighed.
"Mount Splashmore!" Homer yelled over static.
Marge yelped and squeezed talcum powder in her own face,
Oscar sees her with a white face from the talcum powder and laughs.
"Homer get the lead out!" said Bart. That means hurry up basically.
"I told you! Call me dad!" Homer yelled wearing a 19th century striped bathing suit.
Oscar laughed.
"Shut up boy." Homer growled at him.
"Homer that suit doesn't leave much to the imagination." said Marge.
Homer got in the driver's seat. "Okay kids I'm pushing the seat back."
"It is back." Bart groaned, squashed by the seat.
They were on the road.
"There's the turning Dad!" Lisa called.
"Calm down kids... I won't miss the turning to your stupid water park..." said Homer.
"It's not stupid! It's advaaaaaaanced!" said Oscar quoting Invader Zim.
Homer winced.
Then the kids annoy Homer with repetitive chants.
"Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
"No!" Homer groaned.
"Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
"NO!" Homer shouted.
In the traffic there was that family from Winnipeg and the shouting father.
"IF YOU KIDS DON'T SHUT UP, I'M DRIVING BACK TO WINNIPEG!" He yelled.
Homer saw his kids flinch and remain silent. "Hmmmmm..."
"Don't even think about it Homer. Our annoying chants will resume until we get to Mount Splashmore." said Bart aiming his slingshot at Homer.
...
They arrive just in time to see Krusty. Along the way the kids chant "are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?" repeatedly which annoys Homer.
"SHUT UUUUUUUUP!" Homer screamed. They immediately stopped.
"Okay kids. Here's the rules. Always stick together and- D'oh!" said Homer but the kids went off in different directions.
A sign at the water park said "This park isn't copless so please don't go topless."
"No! I will free my breasts! Woohoo!" A woman yelled and ran around with no bikini top on.
"Hey!" Wiggum on duty chased her.
Bart and Lisa came across a slide with a park worker announcing "Challenge the raging waters of death! Find out what the water's really made of!"
"Pee?" Oscar asked.
"No Oscar... it's not pee..." Bart sighed.
However all the lines for the rides are horrendously long. Bart and Lisa have a plan to get on one. Lisa pretends to cry so they let her go first.
"Waaaaaaaaaaa! I want my mommy!" Lisa does a great act of crying.
"Step aside! Coming through! Lost kid! Coming through! Love the hat!" said Bart pushing to the front of the queue.
Marge is in the kiddie pool with Maggie. But she's swimming into deeper water.
"No Maggie! Stay in the shallow end!" Marge explained as she guided Maggie back to the shallow end of the pool.
"Hey! You there! Stop peeing in the kiddie pool!" The lifeguard told off a fat kid who was smiling while peeing in the kiddie pool.
Stewie Griffin was scuba diving in the kiddie pool and released from a cage some hungry piranhas. The water quickly turned red with blood as the peeing fat kid was eaten alive.
Bart to his chagrin had to help inflate Oscar's water wings as he blew into them to inflate them.
"Oz learn to swim, you big baby!" Bart ranted.
"Goo!" Oscar gurgled wearing a swimming diaper under his trunks.
They then went on a water slide. Its queue, a long one, resembled M C Escher's infinite staircase.
"Damn you Escher!" Bart yelled shaking his fist.
Homer then tries a slide. However he's too fat and gets stuck.
"There's a blockage in the delta sector." said a ride operator.
"It's too big to be human. send down some kids." said another ride operator at the computer.
"No send Bart Simpson down!" said a silly ride operator.
"No Virtual Bart references! Please!" Bart groaned. He was waiting to go on a ride.
At the water slide Homer was stuck in several kids were sent down the ride. They looked like they were enjoying it until they collided with Homer.
"Oof! Can't breathe! So many kids!" Homer groaned.
The kids whined as they were trapped
They manage to cut him out eventually, but not without causing him embarrassment.
...
After an embarrassing day Homer decides he needs to lose weight.
"Alright family. I want the truth. Don't pull any punches. Am I just a tiny bit overweight?" Homer asked.
Everyone is too nervous to answer and upset him.
"Well am I?" said Homer.
"Dad, it takes a while for us to come up with a sugar coated answer." said Bart.
"Put it this way Homer. Remember when you got mistaken for a beached whale at Sandy Beach..." said Oscar.
Homer groaned.
"Well at least Krusty compensated us with this jar of Krusty Brand mayonnaise." Marge had a jar of mayonnaise with Krusty's smiling face and logo on it.
"Is it an instrument?" Patrick Star from Spongebob asked.
"No Patrick it's not an instrument..." Marge sighed.
He sat down on the couch and watched TV.
"Hmmmmm... Homer you have been watching an awful lot of TV lately..." Marge sighed voicing her concerns.
"Pffft! I have not..." Homer retorted.
Later Bart was watching cartoons.
"Hrrrrrmmmm!" That's too much TV you've been watching today, Bartholomew..."
Bart frowned trying to look around her because she was in the way.
Even later... Oscar was watching cutesy Disney cartoons. In particular he was watching Disney's Bonkers.
"Oscar sweetie, that's too much TV." Marge instructed him far more gently than Bart. She has a soft sport for him.
"Haaaauuuuw! Clown bobcat!" Oscar squealed trying to look around Marge by leaning to the side to glimpse at the TV behind her.
Marge sighed.
"Guys come on... we'll play a board game or something.
"I wanna watch Bonkers..." Oscar said sharply in petulance.
Bart rolled his eyes mortified.
"Bart a mouse decapitating a cat is not a suitable show for him to watch..." Lisa sighed.
Kent was interviewing Krusty over Homer getting stuck in a water slide.
"It was a one time occurrence!" Krusty snapped.
"And the little boy who got decapitated?" Kent asked.
"This interview is over!" Krusty covered the camera with his hand and pushed his way through the journalists annoyed.
...
Homer was weighing himself on the bathroom scales.
He was horrified by how much he weighed. "Four hundred pounds?! I'm fat! I'm super fat!"
"Oh darling! You're not fat! You're just big boned." said Marge.
"That's what I tell everyone. But they won't listen." said Cartman.
"Marge you can't put on thirty pounds of bone..." Homer rolled his eyes at her blatant sugar coating.
"Unless you're a dinosaur." said Oscar.
"Quiet boy..."
Plot 2His old stuff is in the attic. The family go in the attic to look through his stuff.
A pair of eyes is watching them. (Spoiler! They're Hugo's!)
"Gee it sure is spooky up here." said Bart as they use a never again seen door and stairwell to the attic. From then on they use a hatch in the ceiling like regular houses do. Unlike Peter and Judy's Jumanji attic. Stupid extra stair well.
"Shut up boy! Turn on the lights so I don't hurt myself." said Homer. Bart does so. Homer suddenly sees himself in an old mirror and screams. "Don't scare me like that!"
"Sorry Dad." said Bart turning out the lights of the attic so it was dark.
"D'oh!" Homer groaned. "Turn on those lights!" Bart turned them back on.
Homer gave Bart strict instructions.
"Now don't touch anything! And stop saying the attic is spooky there's nothing to be afraid of up here!" Homer nagged Bart.
Hugo groaned eerily.
"Shut up!" Homer yelled. The attic grew silent.
"And-Oscar! What did I just say?!" Homer yelled at Oscar.
"Awwwww! Hugey!" Oscar hugged Hugo who growled like a vicious animal and struggled.
"Dad, who the hell is that Oscar's hugging?" Bart asked.
Homer growled.
They find some of Marge's paintings from art school. She stopped painting because her teacher kicked her out for constantly painting pictures of the Beatles. Lisa is impressed with the pictures and suggests they send them off to Ringo.
"Mom! Did you paint these?" Lisa asked.
"Yes I was quite the artist." said Marge.
"What happened?" Lisa asked.
"My art teacher was a philistine..." Marge grumbled. Her art teacher was a dickhead and wouldn't let her paint what she liked to paint. Ie pictures of Ringo...
The eyes are still glaring at them.
"Mom why is there a pair of eyes glaring at us..." said Bart.
"Uh Marge, take the kids and your beautiful paintings downstairs I'll be just a sec." said Homer.
"Oh Homer!" Marge kisses him and they all go downstairs.
Homer approaches the silhouette which is revealed to be a Bart like boy with messy hair, a buck tooth and sunken eyes wearing disheveled clothes.
"Now you listen here! I didn't want another kid! Now keep out of the way and stop attracting attention!" Homer scolds the boy. After Homer left, Hugo made a face at him. He stuck out his tongue.
Hugo then curious about the mirror looked into it to see what he looked like.
"Gaaaaaaagh! I'm hideous!" he screamed.
"Shut up boy!" Homer yelled from the landing.
"You Shut up!" Oscar yelled.
...
Ringo Starr replies to Marge's letter and puts her picture up on his wall. Marge is encouraged to paint again.
"And to answer your question Marge, yes we have burgers and fries in England. But we call them chips." read Ringo's letter.
Meanwhile in the bathroom. Homer weighs himself. He groans at his heavy weight.
"That's it! I'm going on a diet! From now on there'll be no pork chop too succulent, no donut too tasty no pizza too laden with delicious toppings to prevent me from reaching my ideal weight! As God is my witness, I'll always be hungry again!" said Homer.
His stomach groaned.
"D'oh! Shut up!" Homer yelled.
His stomach was quiet.
"As I was saying. As God as my witness, I swear I'll always be hungry again!" said Homer.
"Homer I'm making meatloaf!" said Marge from downstairs.
"Oooooooooh!" Homer said delighted.
Back at Ringo's office.
"Are you gonna reply to all those fan letters sir?" His butler asked.
"Yes I certainly will. Even if it takes forever." said Ringo.
Then he spent an hour narrating Thomas the Tank Engine episodes...
...
Meanwhile Mr Burns is having his portrait painted, but dislikes all the pictures painted of him.
"Garbage! What matchbook art school did you flunk out of, housepainter? Throw this on the dung heap!" Nr Burns yelled.
"I quit." The artist snapped and stormed out.
"Smithers I'll never get a new painting of myself to replace the one Goya painted of me..." Mr Burns sighed. The camera pans up to reveal a scary painting of Mr Burns as Saturn/Kronos devouring his children.
Oscar screamed at the painting because it frightened him.
"Oh get out of my office! This is not a crèche!" Mr Burns snapped.
Smithers had a bad idea. And Abraham Lincoln poisoned himself by accidentally drinking turpentine.
Abraham Lincoln keeled over dead from turpentine poisoning.
Mr Burns was baffled.
Well that was rather stupid... he thought.
"Damnation! This is as half-baked as your idea about me having children. Find me an artist." Mr Burns snapped.
That's just random...
"Or that time with Regis Philbin!" said Mr Burns.
Smithers sighed.
"You've systematically alienated Springfield's entire art community." said Smithers.
"Look what that last wretch painted!" Mr Burns held up a Picasso style painting of himself.
"That's cubism sir... a lot of people love that art style..." said Smithers.
"Smithers, someone up their likes me." said Mr Burns pacing his office.
"Someone down here likes you too sir." said Smithers being gay...
"Oh shut up!" Mr Burns snapped.
...
Meanwhile in the Power Plant cafeteria the donut delivery guy is concerned that the donut boxes are piling up and their sweet fried contents aren't getting eaten.
"Hey what gives! No one's eating these donuts! Where's Homer? He's usually wolfing them down!" said the donut delivery bloke.
"Oh didn't you hear? Homer's started dieting. Again." said Lenny's voice from Carl for some reason. Oh my god!
"Oh my goodness!" said the donut delivery man when he hears this news.
He left and Oscar was behind him horrified by Carl sounding like Lenny.
"Oh my god! You sounded like Lenny! You ate Lenny!" He screamed. He started laughing maniacally and ran off.
"Uh it was an editing mistake..." said Matt Groening.
"This is indeed a disturbing universe..." said Carl's voice from Lenny.
Oscar winced exasperated as he took a chocolate glazed donut and began eating it.
At home
Homer is weighing himself.
"D'oh! D'oh! Two-forty-nine! Yeah!" He lost weight. "Marge! Marge, look at me! My clothes are hanging off me." His clothes fall off in a pile round his ankles. "D'oh!"
"My eyes! It burns!" Bart screamed.
"Shut up boy..." said Homer.
"That's wonderful! Right, kids?" said Marge encouraging Homer. The kids said nothing. "I told you to show support." she said sharply.
Bart said nothing.
Lisa suddenly piped up. "Way to go, Dad!"
"Awwwww! Thanks sweetie..." said Homer.
"Oh what a family..." said Homer sighing with joy.
...
Mr Burns is in his office dealing with Smithers clearly coming onto him but mistaking it for brown nosing.
"Don't worry Sir, I'm sure there's plenty of artists out there clamouring for the chance to paint such a handsome man such as yourself." said Smithers clearly giving Burns the eye...
"Wait a minute. Is he coming onto me?" C M Burns thought grimacing.
As Smithers polished his shoes he hummed a love song and smiled at Mr Burns.
"My God! He is coming onto me!" Mr Burns thought.
Smithers was admiring the Goya painting of him.
Mr Burns's brain screamed in internal monologue.
Luckily the phone rang. Mr Burns answered it.
An artist was taking up his offer to paint him.
"Mrs. Simmons, you may immortalize me." said Mr Burns.
"At last, the world will see you as I always have." said Smithers being gay.
"Will you stop that you horny little man! Anyone would think you're attracted to me!" Mr Burns yelled.
Smithers flinched.
Mr Burns was dressed up nicely.
"Smithers how do I look?"
"You look marvelous!" said Smithers.
"That's better." said Mr Burns softly. "Now I believe I have a weeks worth of ironing to attend to."
"I'll see to it sir..." said Smithers.
Mr Burns dismissed him to attend to tasks he had been given.
After Smithers left the phone rang. Mr Burns answered.
"No mother! Stop calling me! Why aren't you dead yet?!" He yelled and slammed down the phone.
...
He then over hears Homer talking about Marge painting. He asks Homer if his wife would paint for him, but warns if he's not happy with the result he will fire him.
Meanwhile Marge uses the shape technique to turn shapes into a portrait of Homer.
"There you go Mr Lightbulb!" said Oscar snarking that Homer's body starts as a lightbulb when drawing him.
"Shut up boy..." said Homer.
Marge then painted a bowl of fruit but Homer was eating it.
"Hmmmmm! Homer..." said Marge sighing.
Then she was doing the shape technique again. Oscar was as well to draw a picture of his teddy bear Teddy. Teddy in the picture came to life and stuck his tongue out and made a rude sound.
The phone rang.
Marge answered.
"Yes Professor Lombardo! I'd love to show you my art!" said Marge. "Well okay. See you Friday night." Marge put down the phone and sighed happily.
"That's sticking it to your philistine of a art teacher..." Oscar grinned.
The phone rang again.
"Oh!" Marge answered. "Oscar it's for you. Sounds like the Blue Haired Lawyer."
"I have a name..." said the Blue Haired Lawyer.
Oscar took the phone. "Oh really? Oh really? Well tell em to stop or I'm filing a lawsuit." Oscar snapped putting the phone down. "That was the Blue Haired Lawyer. Seems Scooby Doo is using Dark Clowncy without my permission!
Oscar goes off the set and onto the set of Scooby Doo and Guess Who!
Dark Clowncy is a glowing blue ghost clown or clown ghost.
"Woooooooo! I am Pazzo the ghost clown!" Dark Clowncy was acting like a ghost. "Also I'm voiced by Dee Bradley Baker for some reason."
"No. you're my copyrighted character Dark Clowncy, but you're glowing blue for some reason. Probably from radiation..." said Oscar.
"Actually a ghost aura..." said Dark Clowncy.
"Who told you they had my permission to use my royalties and my intellectual property?!" Oscar ranted. "Come on Dark Clowncy we're going home. After I file a DMCA take down on these dweebs..."
Dark Clowncy laughs like Mudboy.
Plot 3Mr Burns and his team turn up at the Simpsons house.
He rings the doorbell.
No one answered.
"Don't people answer the door?" Mr Burns asked.
"Allow me. Open up! Open up!" Smithers knocked loudly.
Marge answered. "Mr. Burns! Would you like to come in?"
"He'd like to commission a portrait." said Smithers.
"Have you painted the rich?" Mr Burns asked.
"No, just Ringo Starr." said Marge.
"Ring Go?" Mr Burns asked.
"He was the drummer for the Beatles." said Smithers.
"Beatles, eh? Oh, yes. I remember their off-key caterwauling on the old Sullivan show. What was he thinking?!" said Mr Burns.
"This commission and all of its glory can be yours... but you must answer one question." said Mr Burns.
"Shoot." said Marge.
Oscar shot at a lamp and it shattered.
"That's not what I meant!" said Marge annoyed at Oscar.
"Can you make me beautiful?" Mr Burns asked.
Harvey Fierstein was suddenly standing in front of him. He was suddenly touched with loving joy and acceptance. "Oh honey! I'm so happy!" He hugged Mr Burns.
"Oz no!" Bart groaned.
Oscar laughed.
"Mr Burns doesn't like to be touched!" Smithers pulled Harvey Fierstein off of him.
He has brought an art critique to judge Marge's work.
The art critique judges that her work is impressive and suggests Mr Burns give her a chance.
"Fine..., very well." Mr Burns sighs. However during the day he proves to be extremely difficult to please. Including constantly insulting Marge's art and laughing at Homer when he explains he's taking up exercising to lose weight.
"You're the fattest thing I've ever seen, and I've been on safari!" Mr Burns laughed.
Homer cried. "If you need me, I'll be in the refrigerator!" He ran off sobbing.
"Like Hell you are! There's not enough room for me and your groceries and you! Zuuuuuuuul motherfucker! Zuuuuul!" said Zuul from the kitchen.
Then he has a problem with Maggie hugging his leg,
"Aaah! There's something on my leg, get it off, get it off!" Mr Burns yelled.
"Mr. Burns, she's just a baby!" said Marge sharply as she picked up Maggie. In canon she refers to her as It. Um rude!
"Mr Burns have you not seen a baby before..." Oscar asked.
"Mmmmmmmmmmm! Put you in my oven!" Mr Burns screamed in disgust when he looked at Maggie sucking her pacifier.
"Stop making that kind of remark! It's offensive!" Oscar snapped.
Eventually Marge snaps at his bad treatment of Homer and her family and throws him out. Mr Burns angrily fires Homer.
"Simpson you're fired!" Mr Burns yelled.
Homer whined.
Homer then tries to eat all the flour because he decides he'll never succeed at anything, but Marge stops him and encourages him to continue his diet.
"Thanks, but now I have no job!" Homer whines.
"You must have the patience of a saint to work for that awful man!" Marge comments.
"Well, he's my, I mean was my boss. I had to do as I was told." Homer replies.
...
Marge talks with Smithers.
"What do you see in that awful, awful man?" Marge asked him.
"Actually, I value every second we're together, from the moment I squeeze his orange juice in the morning till I tuck him in at night. He's not just my boss, he's my best friend, too." said Smithers.
"That's just gay..." Bart remarked.
"Bart!" Marge told him off.
"Now sport... I value every second I'm with Oscar, together. From the moment I squeeze his orange juice in the morning till I tuck him in at night," said Teddy, Oscar's living teddy bear creature.
Oscar cooed and hugged Teddy.
"Like I said. Gay..." said Bart.
"Bart!" Marge snapped at him.
...
It was morning. Marge was making breakfast before she had to work on Mr Burns's painting.
"How would you like your eggs?" She asked everyone.
"Just salt and pepper dear." said Homer.
"With some soy sauce Mrs Simpson." said Smithers politely.
"I'll have mine with mustard and jellybeans, please." said Oscar.
"Oscar! Eeeeeeugh!" Everyone groaned in disgust.
Mr Burns's Office.
Oscar was screaming at his spoof of Goya's Saturn eating his children painting again.
"Ooooooh! Smithers! Release!" said Mr Burns.
"The hounds...?" Oscar sighed.
"No. Smithers release that cartoon slime monster security found in sector 2E one Friday afternoon." said Mr Burns.
Smithers pulled a lever and the bookcases lifted up revealing in a dark chamber was a cartoon slime monster.
Oscar wearing a diaper gulped.
The cartoon slime monster grinned and grabbed him and stuck him in its slimy body engulfing him.
Later...
Bart was getting a can of Buzz cola out of the fridge. "Mom can Oscar have cola?"
"No! No! No! Toddlers can't have soda!" Marge said in a hurry.
Eventually Marge finishes Mr Burns's painting. At the art exhibition it is shown to Mr Burns. It is a picture of him naked. Marge feels she needs to explain the painting so she does making a bold statement of the fragility of the human body.
Mr Burns is stunned. He admits he doesn't hate Marge's picture, in fact he approves of it. He then whispers that he's glad she didn't make fun of his bedsores.
"Oh, I thought I did..." Marge comments.
Trivia When the family is in the attic looking through their old stuff, Hugo's eyes can be seen in the darkness.