Three Men and a Comic At a comic book convention Bart wants a really expensive Radioactive Man comic but his mom and dad say no because it's 100 dollars. Marge suggests Bart do chores to earn his own money for it. However when he comes home from the creepy old lady's house with iodine burns she decides to sue the creepy old hag for every penny she has. More than enough for Bart's comic! Looks like our boy wonder gets his way again!
PlotOne morning Bart is walking about the block with Milhouse.
"What a day, eh, Milhouse? The sun is out, birds are singing, bees are trying to have sex with them - as is my understanding..." said Bart.
There is buzzing and frantic cheeping from birds.
"Oh my god!" Oscar screamed looking up at something.
"Oh sweet Space Jock! No author!" Bart was horrified some almighty Earthly power caused bees to try to have sex with birds...
"Bart look!" said Milhouse. There was a poster for a comic book convention opening in town, tomorrow.
"Cooool! A comic book convention." said Bart.
There's a comic book convention in town.
Elsewhere because of Bart and Milhouse's absence, a fight broke out between Ralph and Kevin. A kid that keeps biting him.
Everyone minus Bart and Milhouse watched the fight.
"This gets uglier every year, any sign of Bart and Milhouse?" Richard, Bart's grey haired friend asked Lewis.
At the comic book convention.
Bart decides to turn up dressed as Bartman.
"Bart, that's just you in a purple mask and cape." Lisa sighed.
"And my blue shirt." Bart corrected her.
"Kids don't run off! Wait up!" Marge called after them as she caught up, along with Homer who was holding Maggie, and Oscar.
"Mom keep up! All the good comics will be gone!" Lisa whined.
"What Good comics? Lisa all you like to read is Casper the Wimpy ghost." said Bart.
"Oh how ingenious... equating friendliness with wimpiness... how very mature Bart... not!" Lisa retorted.
"I think Casper is the ghost of Richie Rich." said Oscar.
"Hey you're right Oz! They do look alike!" said Lisa comparing a Casper and Richie Rich Comic.
"Well if so. How did Richie die then..." asked Bart in disbelief.
"I don't know, maybe his materialism lead him to take his own life." said Lisa.
"Or he tried to dive into his money like Scrooge McDuck and cracked his head open." said Oscar.
"Kids lighten up!" Homer groaned at their morbid conversation.
"Well I know one comic book character that's cool! Radioactive Man!" said Bart.
"Ah the old muscular, perfect looking Adonis everyone dreams of being but can never achieve with out the use of anabolic steroids..." said Lisa.
"Lisa stop using big scary science words!" Marge told her off. "And steroids! Honestly! Why can't men exercise properly..."
At the convention Bart looks at the comics. He browses quickly a Radioactive Man one.
"Radioactive man punches a thug into the sun. His speech bubble reads 'Hot enough, for you?'" Bart reads aloud before bursting out laughing. "Hahahahaha! Hot enough for you? That's so witty!"
"hmmmm... I'm sure it is Bart..." Lisa sighed. "Ah! Issues of Happy Little Elves."
Bart made a disgusted face as his sister picked out a nauseating cute Happy Little Elves Comic.
"Happy Little Elves and the Happy Little Green Idiots...(That scribble thing Bubbles turned into when he fell into the honey.) Happy Little Elves, the Curious Bear Cub has a tooth ache... Oh the latest issue! Where a new baby elf is born!"
Bart had already gone elsewhere bored of his sister's enthusiasm for sappy cute comics.
Meanwhile Martin has lost one of his Vulcan ears to his costume. "Anyone turned in a left Vulcan ear?" Martin asks lost property.
"Hmmmm no... we have a utility belt, tricorders... a lightsaber..." said a nerd running the lost property area.
"Cooooool!" said Oscar collecting the lightsaber and igniting its red blade. Psssssh! Foooooom!
"Oscar, that's not yours! Put that back!" Marge told him off. Oscar sighed and returned the lightsaber.
Bart sees a very rare Radioactive Man comic. However it's a hundred dollars.
"Radioactive man 72! The one where he marries Larva girl!" said Bart.
"Hmmmmph! As if! I'm only in middle school still!" said Lava Girl from Sharkboy and Lava Girl.
"Shark boy! And Lava girl!" Oscar sang to the Stretchdude and Clobbergirl theme.
"No! Don't your ears work? I said Larva girl! Not Lava girl." Bart whined.
"Well to be fair, Larva sounds like Lava..." said Oscar. Lava Girl nodded and agreed with him.
"A hundred bucks!" Bart gasps. "I don't have that kind of money... Maybe I'll ask Mom or Dad..."
"A Hundred bucks?! Are you out of your mind?! No way!" Homer yells.
"Moooom..." Bart begs.
"I'm sorry sweetie, but we just don't have that kind of money that we can spend that much for a comic book!"
"Yeah! Get a job then you can spend your own money how you like!" Homer ranted.
"Cool!" Bart replied.
"Homer!" Marge yelled. "Well, I suppose you could do chores for extra allowance. That quiet old lady down the street could do with some help.
"I suppose so..." Bart sighed.
Meanwhile Oscar was talking to Otto.
"Hey dude! Ready for school tomorrow?" Otto greeted him.
"No, no one likes going to school except Lisa and Martin..." Oscar moaned. He saw Otto was selling a comic. "Coooool! You write comics?"
"Just this one. It's a little project I worked on while high... it's about an ordinary school bus driver by day, but at night he fights vampires in a post apocalyptic war zone!" said Otto.
"Coooooooool!" said Oscar. "I'll take one!"
"Oscar? Where are you? Don't run off..." Marge called.
Ace was buying vampire comics because he's a vampire...
And Fallout Boy's actor fought in Nam!
...
Then the Simpsons went to Krusty Burger for lunch.
"No Mr Teeny! Don't swim in the special secret Krusty sauce!" Krusty yelled.
A monkey/chimp screeching.
"Eeeeeeew!" said the Simpsons in disgust.
"Okay, nobody order anything with super special secret Krusty sauce on it." said Homer.
"But Dad, everything has that sauce on it..." said Bart.
"Mmmmm... Ebola..." Oscar groaned aroused and drooled.
"You really are a sport, Dad, taking us to a fine restaurant like that." said Bart being nice for some reason.
"What are you getting at?" Homer smelt a rat.
"I need $100 for a comic." said Bart.
"For a comic? Who drew it, Micha-malangelo?" Homer gasped.
"That's Michelangelo doofus! And no! Michelangelo doesn't draw! He's a talking turtle who eats pizza and yells "Cowabunga!"" said Oscar sharply.
"I think Dad meant Michelangelo the artist who painted the Sistine Chapel ceiling, Oz..." Lisa sighed.
Oscar shrugged and slurped on his soda.
"Dad, I want this more than anything." Bart begged.
"Well, T.S." saud Homer.
"Dad I'm not familiar with that acronym." said Bart.
"Grrrrrr... Bart I'm not explaining what it means because Oscar is listening." Homer growled.
"Is it a naughty word...?" Oscar asked.
"No!" Homer yelled hoping to put him off from guessing the swear word.
"Anyway moving on, please may I have $100 Dad?" Bart cut in.
"No!"
"Please Dad."
"No!"
"Please, Dad."
"No."
"No! Look, we all know that usually when you bug me I give in."
"I know you will..." smirked.
"Shows you been paying attention. But we all know I'm not giving you $100." said Homer.
"Now, are you gonna stop bugging me?" Homef asked.
"No."
"Are you? Are you? Are you?"
"No. No. No."
Homer seethed annoyed as Bart didn't seem to be getting fed up.
Bart laughed. "I have a will of iron Homeboy..."
"Are you gonna give me 100 dollars Homeboy?"
"No!"
"Are you?"
"No!"
"Are you? Are you? Are you!"
"Okay! Okay! (Crying and whimpering) Just take it! Take it all! Just stooooop!" Homer cried.
Bart took his wallet and laughed maniacally.
"No Homer!" Marge gasped taking back his wallet. "Honey you need to be made of stronger stuff!"
"I can't help it!" Homer sobbed.
Marge sighed.
Oscar was crawling over the side of their booth into the next one where Jurkle, his Jewish friend and his parents were sitting.
"Boy sit down!" Homer grabbed at his shorts and forced him to sit down.
"I was offering Jurkle a sip of my chocolate milkshake." Oscar pouted.
"I'm lactose intolerant Oz..." said Jurkle.
"Well I never! I'm tolerant of everyone! Whether they lack toes or not!" said Inane Brian. Oscar's black haired friend with big buck teeth and a flat button nose.
Bart winced at him exasperated.
"Hmmmmmm, maybe Bart should get a little job..." Marge relented.
"Me?"
"Get a job? Were they serious?"
"I didn't realize it, but a part of my childhood had slipped away, forever." Bart did a The Wonder Years reference and stared at the fourth wall...
"What are you staring at?" Homer yelled.
"Nothing." Bart said snapping out of his um staring trance.
He then started monologues again and staring...
"Bart! Stop it!" Homer barked.
...
Marge explained she wanted an E Z bake oven to make cookies when she was a little girl. Her ugly sisters tricked her into being their Cinderella and doing chores for half their allowances.
"Mom that story sounds alarmingly like the story of Cinderella..." said Bart at home.
"Quiet boy! Oh I hope there's talking mice wearing clothes like people and a handsome prince..." said Homer.
"Well I did find my prince..." Marge looked lovingly at Homer.
Homer purred at her aroused.
Marge giggled.
"Yeeeeeeuck!" Bart groaned.
Anyway Little Marge was Cinderella just so she good get a mini toy oven thing that actually cooks food...
"For months, I worked while my sisters smoked."
"Venus! Ooooh Venus!" Also they called her Venus instead of Cinderella for some reason. Probably because Disney might sue...
"We want these clothes washed and drip dried. The floors cleaned and our homework done etc." said Selma.
Anyhoo, Little Marge worked and worked. Sometimes she was visited by little talking mice wearing people clothes!
Homer in the present laughed hysterically.
"Author we don't need a full retelling of Cinderella..." Bart groaned.
Then her fairy godmother arrived.
"Marge you shall go to the ball!" said the fairy godmother.
"Because I'd worked for it... all those light bulb-warmed treats always tasted extra good." saud Marge.
Bart winced.
"Well I suppose I'll have to earn the money then."
Plot 2Bart was dropped off at a creepy house.
"Jeepers! Reminds me of something from Scooby Doo..." said Bart.
"Remoinds me of the Bates house from Psycho or that haunted house that eats people from Extreme Ghostbusters." said Oscar.
The old lady/Mrs Glick asked him to help out round the house. However she was stingy with payment and kept offering candy which was stuck together in a big lump.
"I said one piece, little man." The old lady said sharply.
"But it's all stuck together!" Bart explained.
"I wanna go home... I miss my cartoons... my toys... and my teddy bear..." Oscar whined.
Bart was mortified by Oscar's babyish tendencies.
"Well aren't you a sweet little boy." Mrs Glick. Pinching Oscar's cheeks.
She also offered weird food.
"Do you want something to eat? I've got dried apricots, almond paste, sauerkraut candy." asked Mrs Glick.
"No, thanks." saud Bart.
"I can't eat solid food yet." said Oscar.
"Oz stop telling everyone you still eat baby mush..." Bart groaned.
Then Mrs Glick showed them boring photos.
During one afternoon she asked him to do the gardening. However the garden was horribly overgrown and neglected. Bart forgot to ask for garden gloves and tried to pull the weeds out by hand. But he injured himself.
"Ow! A bramble..." Bart groaned.
The old lady noticed his cuts from the brambles.
"Oh my! You're hurt! Let me put some iodine on that!" she went to get the iodine.
"No that won't be necessary and- Aaaaaaaaagh!" Bart explained but screamed as the iodine burnt him.
This continued every time Bart got injured helping out. And his allowance from her was still stingy.
...
However one afternoon after helping out the old lady. Marge sees Bart's iodine burns. She gasps and demands he tell her where he got them.
"Well I got hurt while pulling out weeds Mrs Glick and..." Bart explained.
However Marge overreacts and demands payment for Bart's injuries or she'll report Mrs Glick.
Bart does nothing as he doesn't like the old lady anyway and is just glad he doesn't have to go there anymore.
"Well she was kinda crabby. And she has weird candy..." said Oscar.
"Oz try to be polite about old people..." said Lisa.
Mrs Glick apologizes to Marge, but Lionel Hutz badgers her on the way home to employ him to act as her lawyer. He is very persuasive.
Marge wins the court case, reluctantly. And gets enough money for Bart's comic book. However she wants to save it for something worthwhile.
"But Mom!" Bart whines.
"But nothing! I'm teaching you to be frugal Bart. It'll go to your college fund."
"But I don't want to go to college!" Bart whines.
Marge frowned at him.
...
However the next morning Bart gets up early and sneaks into his parents' room wearing his lucky red cap to tense Indiana Jones music.
He dodges past the slippers and approaches the money jar. He studies it before carefully grabbing it. As he goes out the house shakes. Similar to the first act in Bart's Friend Falls in Love
"Why you little!" Homer in just his underwear yells.
"Uh oh!" Bart yells. Homer chases him about the landing but trips and falls downstairs after Barr who is running from him like the giant boulder chase in Indiana Jones. The Indiana Jones theme kicks in as Homer chases Bart across the house. Bart slides under a table, gets shot with sticky cup darts by Maggie, swings from the ceiling fan in the kitchen and then runs into the garage.
Homer activates the garage doors to trap Bart, but he slides under them, momentarily looks for his hat before grabbing it in the nick of time and runs onto the school bus. Homer collide with the garage door in an amusing fashion, leaving a dent.
Bart gets on the school bus.
Homer runs out in his underwear brandishing a garden rake and yelling in Hovitos gibberish.
...
Bart went to a comic store. In canon, the Androids Dungeon. He bought the expensive comic.
"One copy of Radioactive Man issue 1." said Bart.
"Here you go. Ugh... such a waste of money..." said Comic Book Guy giving Bart the comic.
Bart read it and no misfortune deprives him of the comic. Because I said so...
"Thanks Narrator dude." said Bart.
...
Meanwhile. Mr Burns bought a bear and was being mean to it.
"Smithers, where is that stupid bear? You, lardbutt! Hey! You lazy slack of flab! Get your smelly carcass up! You buffoon!" Mr Burns is rude to a bear that is sleeping.
The bear. Which looks like the one from Disney's Peter Pan. Roars at him and mauls him.
"Aaaaaagh! Oh! Smithers help! Oh!" Mr Burns cried.
"That's what he gets for taunting a bear..." said Oscar.
...
That evening Bart spent the money on his comic book he wanted. Marge isn't happy.
"Hrrrrrrm!" Marge grumbles.
"Marge, you have to do more than that. I suggest we confiscate his comic, rip it up and make him work to re-earn the money he took!" Homer ranted.
"No way!" Bart ran away with his comic.
Homer growled frustrated.
"Homer just leave him. All that anger isn't good for your heart..." Marge sighed. Warning him not to get worked up.
Bart is in his treehouse reading the comic when he's called down.
Mom and Dad are in the living room with Milhouse and Martin.
"Bart, we've been talking. And we decided you can keep your comic book, but you must share it with Milhouse and Martin." said Marge.
"Our folks said no to that comic too, Bart." Milhouse explained.
"Now we can all enjoy it!" Martin added.
"Fine..." Bart sighed.
"Good! Because you're friends are having a sleepover tonight!"
"But-" Bart tried to explain that Martin wasn't his friend.
...
Meanwhile Milhouse sold his dad's beer to try to make money for the comic Bart got.
Milhouse was at a lemonade stand but selling beer.
"My beer!" Kirk cried.
Lou asked Milhouse if he had a liquor license.
"Son do you have a liquor license?" Officer Lou asked.
"Um yes but my dog ate it...' said Milhouse. The dog that's actually his plushie sometimes.
Lou face palmed.
"Thirsty?" Milhouse offered him a beer.
"Milhouse since you're a good kid I'll overlook this but you have to shutdown this little speakeasy immediately." said Officer Lou.
Then Martin tried to by the comic with forty dollars.
"Not even if you were Mister Mxyzptlk!" Comic Book Guy yelled.
"But I sold seeds! I visited my aunt in the nursing home! I found a dime in a sewer for God's sake!" Martin whined. "And I still can't find my Vulcan ear!"
"I found a murderous clown in a sewer once." saud Oscar.
Martin winced.
"Well T.S. Let me play you a song on this tiny violin..." said Comic Book Guy.
...
Meanwhile this episode is named after the movie Three men and a baby. Where Tom Selleck, Steve Guttenberg and Ted Danson have to look after a baby. Diaper changes and gross out humour ensues.
Thomas Magnum from Magnum P.I., Steve Guttenberg who is only famous because The Stonecutters pulled some strings to make him famous and some guy I've never heard of were looking after a baby. Like I just said but it's funny mentioning Magnum P.I.
"Oh my goodness! There's a ghost boy behind the blinds! Look out Tom Selleck!" Oscar yelled. The ghost boy from Grudge was behind the blinds.
"Oz that's an urban legend... like the hanging munchkin in Wizard of Oz..." Lisa sighed.
"A munchkin did hang himself and there is a ghost boy haunting Tom Selleck, Guttenberg and Danson!" Oscar yelled.
"Is not!"
"Is too!"
"Is not!"
"Is too!"
"Ok tyou two need a distraction outside the house..." Homer sighed prising them apart.
"I'll practice my saxophone..." said Lisa.
"I'll help out that poor lonely old lady Bart was helping." said Oscar.
Lisa smiled at Oscar. "Well despite I was just arguing with you over something silly, that's very sweet Oscar."
...
Marge wasn't so sure.
"Oz she used Iodine on Bart's boo boos." saud Marge.
Bart winced at her saying boo boos.
"She's just old fashioned and possibly a little senile... she's not mean..." said Oscar.
Marge relented and dropped him off at the creepy old house with the weird old Mrs Glick.
"Well what you're doing is very sweet." Marge pinched his cheeks lovingly.
Oscar blushed. "Well I kind of owe it to everyone to make up for all the trouble I caused recently. Ie letting Bart fall down into the Springfield gorge..."
Oscar rang the doorbell of the creepy house.
"Mrs. Glick?" Oscar was at her door with Bart.
"You must be Bert Simpson." said Mrs Glick. "And this must be Oscar."
Bart glared coldly at Mrs Glick for pouring iodine on his injuries.
"Bart be nice..." Oscar hissed elbowing him.
"Looks like you've got a strong young back." said Mrs Glick. "Do you want something to eat? I've got dried apricots, almond paste, sauerkraut candy."
"No, thanks." Bart said too quickly that it came across as extremely rude.
Oscar frowned at him.
"Sorry but I'm not hungry right now." said Oscar politely.
"Who's that?" Bart asked looking at a photograph.
"That's my brother, Asa. He was killed in the Great War. Held a grenade too long." said Mrs Glick.
Oscar cracked up laughing.
"Oh look who's being Mr insensitive now..." Bart frowned at him.
"Lighten up Bart. That's funny! He held the grenade too long and went boom!" Oscar chuckled.
"Oz, that's her brother..." Bart seethed.
...
later it was raining while Bart and Milhouse and Martin read a comic book while Oscar was helping the old Mrs Glick.
"Looks like rain. We better get this baby home." said Martin taking the comic book.
Bart snatched it from him. "Uh my comic I paid for..." He frowned.
"But Bart! Your mother said to share!" Martin whined.
"So? You can both read it tonight then it is mine! Mine!" said Bart.
That night that Marge and Homer arranged, the boys are in the treehouse in their pajamas sleeping up there.
"Boys, just remember. If the weather gets bad you'll all have to come inside." Marge explained.
"Yes Mom..." Bart sighed. She then left them.
They shared the comic reading it together.
"I have you now Dr. Crab!" They were reading the speech bubbles.
"Wow look at that classic violence! Radioactive Man just clobbered him!" said Milhouse.
Then they laughed at Oscar for wearing feetie pyjamas.
Oscar blushed as he had baby ppyjamas on.
However the problem came of how to sort out a fair rotation so they each had to share it on a fair number of days. There was one odd day in the week. Sunday.
"What about Sunday?" Oscar frowned.
"Yeah what about Sunday?" Bart interrogated Martin.
Martin suggested he would have it on that day.
"But that's not fair! I bought the comic! I say I get it on the extra day!" Bart insisted.
They then started fighting.
Meanwhile.
Marge sees a thunderstorm is happening.
"Homer! Check on the boys!" Marge nags him.
Lightning flashes to show the boys scuffling. Oscar is strangling Bart.
"They're fine..." Homer replies.
Plot 3Eventually Bart, Milhouse and Oscar decide to tie up Martin to a chair.
"Um, where are we going with this?" Martin asks.
"Mmmmmmm! I dunno..." Oscar wagged his eyebrows aroused.
"Oz no!" Milhouse groaned.
"Silence! You're our prisoner, comic book hog! You're not supposed to speak!" Bart told him to be quiet.
However Oscar's recording everything. This scene somehow comes up in Martin's memorial video in a later episode...
"Oscar, why are you recording our sleepover..." Bart asks him.
Later Marge comes up.
She is muttering angrily with Homer for not checking on the kids properly.
"It's time to come in boys. It's raining cats and dogs out here and- Why is Martin tied up?" Marge asks.
"Um... We're playing cops and robbers!" Bart replied.
"Well you can play indoors. Get your shoes and coats on because it's wet and muddy." Marge replied.
They untied Martin and did as they were told. Bart took the comic as he didn't trust his friends.
"Hey!"
"No fair!"
"Guys buzz off! My comic!
"Gimme!" Milhouse wanted the comic.
"Would you boys like some milk and microwave s'mores?" Marge asked. The boys immediately stopped fighting and Marge was none the wiser.
"Yes Mrs Simpson." saud Martin, Milhouse and Oscar.
"Yes Mom." said Bart,
...
The next day at Apu's. a new comic book arrives and it's even more expensive! However Bart is relieved as Martin and Milhouse are more interested in the new comic than the one they were sharing.
Bart chuckled deviously and read the rare comic he bought.
...
Bart was reading his comic while watching TV.
"Kids don't sit so close to the TV! You'll ruin your eyes!" Homer barked.
"We won't..." said Bart.
"Yes you will! Now plant your keisters back here!" said Homer.
Bart and Lisa scooched backwards.
"More... More..." Homer called them the sit further from the TV.
"D'oh!" Homer grunted because Oscar wearing just a diaper sat right in front of the TV.
"Oh for Pete's sake... Oscar get dressed... I'm finding you something to do away from that dreaded box..." Marge sighed.
She dropped him off at Nrs Glick again.
"Mrs. Glick?" Oscar asked.
"You must be Oscar." Mrs Glick let him in. Bart was there too,
"Looks like you've got a strong young back." She does repeat herself... She's old. Duh...
"Do you want something to eat? I've got dried apricots, almond paste, sauerkraut candy." She offered weird food again.
"No, thanks. Who's that?" said Bart looking at her photographs.
"That's my brother, Asa. He was killed in the Great War. Held a grenade too long." said Mrs Glick.
Oscar laughed hysterically.
Bart frowned at him.
Then she showed them her boring photo albums.
"Here, have some ribbon candy. Boys love candy." Mrs Glick offered them her gross candy stuck together.
"No, thanks." said Bart.
"Boys love candy!" said Mrs Glick.
"I'd rather get to work." said Bart
"We'll start with yard work. Then you can have a barley pop." Mmmmm...
The yard was a jungle.
"I want you to clear out all the weeds. You do know which ones are weeds?" asked Mrs Glick.
"All of them?" Bart asked.
"Good boy." said Mrs Glick.
"What about me?" Oscar asked.
"A sweet little bouncy baby doesn't do chores." said Mrs Glick taking him inside.
"Uh what gives you the impression I'm a baby?" Oscar asked.
"I can see the waistline of your Bambinos, kid." said Mrs Glick.
Oscar winced as the waistline of his diaper was visible.
...
Inside Mrs Glick's house.
Bart was given a break to look after Oscar.
"I hate Go Fish. Can't we play something else?" Bart sighed as they played cards.
"Sure, let's play strip-" said Oscar.
"Oz! No! Don't be so crude!" Bart told him off.
Oscar sulked.
The end.