In which trauma and angst happen.

Once again, I didn't even get to knock on the Clearwaters' door the next morning before it flew open. "What were you THINKING yesterday?!"

"Leah—"

"No. Seriously. What were you thinking? I want to know." Before I could answer, Leah shook her finger at me, so close to my face I had to lean backward so she wouldn't hit my nose. "Don't you ever do that again, you hear?!"

"I agree—"

"I'm serious. I can handle Paul, okay? But you know what I can't handle?!"

"Me getting hurt," I supplied.

"Exactly, so stop being so stupid!" She glared at me, apparently either not realizing she'd insulted me or not caring.

"That's been one of the major long-term goals of my life," I agreed, and then I cleared my throat. "Mom, dad," I said to the two vampires behind me who looked very unsure of what to do here, "meet Mrs. Clearwater. Mrs.—"

"Sue," corrected Leah's mom, who was behind Leah.

"Right, Sue—" That still felt weird and I planned to "forget" it again as soon as possible. "—these are my parents. And Josh and Cari, and David," I added as an afterthought. I still wasn't sure I should be bringing this many vampires to their rather small house, but she insisted it was fine. I sensed this attitude was a big change from her previous one.

"It's good to finally meet you," said my mom, when my dad only waved awkwardly.

"Come," Leah ordered, and yanked me inside. I accepted my fate and let her bring me into the kitchen, but to my surprise, instead of yelling at me, she resumed aggressively chopping the pile of vegetables on the counter. "We're making salad."

"O... kay." I reached for a potato peeler and searched my memories for a time I'd seen someone use one of these. "I don't have a clue how to cook, but I can probably... I'd better not go near the microwave, though. Those things and I, we don't get along so well." I'd blown up several in the name of science, and one in the name of making a snack for one of my human friends.

Seth trotted in and reached for a carrot. "You can't cook? Really?"

I figured he'd need to do so pretty often, as much as the wolves ate. "It wasn't as common for guys to learn back in the day, and I don't eat."

Leah smacked Seth's hand with a rolling pin, making me flinch but not her brother. "Out. Henry and I are talking."

By now I was correctly peeling the remaining carrots. "So, why are we making salad?"

"We're having dinner with Sam and Emily tonight. If—" Meek Leah returned. "—that's okay with you?"

"Sure, sounds great. Going to be a crowded house, though." I could hear Mrs. Clearwater and Seth showing my brothers around.

"Not here, at their house."

"Oh—cool." I gave her a thumbs-up.

"Good." She finally relented and smiled at me, and on looking over, she noticed I was done with the carrots (we vampires worked fast, once we learned how to use weird little gizmos like this peeler). "Now you... oh, where's the other knife? Here, take this one—"

My body tried to freeze, duck back, and block the knife all at once. I ended up sitting on the floor, unable to move.

"...Henry?" Leah was as surprised as I was. She laid the knife next to the carrots and oh-so-slowly knelt next to me, close but not touching. "Henry, are you okay?" she asked in a small voice.

I unfroze. "Okay, maybe I have a little bit of PTSD. Still sub-clinical, though." Although this wasn't the area that would come closest... I didn't know how much about the dark side of my uncanny memory she'd put together.

"What did I do?"

Note to self: if Leah ever turned those puppy-dog eyes on me to get something, I'd be doomed. Mine were no match. "Well, you see..."

So I told her about the day my transformation started, with my daily runs and the knife and the bite and all.

Maybe she was getting used to my stories of past excitement, because she only sat there shaking her head when I was done, with her eyes closed. "Why were you in that part of town?"

"I told you, I ran a lot. Sometimes I'd go to another part of town to run, just for a change." And I ran further every day than most humans could probably manage, young and in shape or not. "I don't know... to be honest, I wasn't paying attention that day. I'd been walking and running for a long time. Even now I'm not sure where I was, I wasn't paying attention to the scenery at all."

She noticed the change in my voice, if my ending up so far from home without noticing or caring wasn't strange enough to alert her. "What do you mean?"

I sighed. "You're not going to like this. Um... I wasn't doing so well at that point. It was... we got a letter a while before saying Josh was missing in action, because they couldn't find his body, you know? So I'd lost my brother, and then Edward died from the flu, and so did his mom—and he was like another brother to me growing up, and his mom was like a second mom to me. And I lost some other friends to the flu, too, and a couple of older ones to the War. And then David came back, and he was all messed up, and sometimes it was like he wasn't there either... I didn't know what to do, how to adjust. We'd been so busy with everything I'd barely thought about what I was going to do now that I was grown up, and I'd never thought about what I'd do without Edward or Joshua. At home... My parents had lost one of their kids, and my dad's sister and nephew. And David was worse off than any of us. So... it got to me. I didn't realize it at the time, but remembering now, I know my parents were pretty worried. I didn't smile much at that point, I guess. It wasn't that bad, compared to what some people go through, I mean... I just needed to process some things, and I'd always done that by running. Still do." I paused to see how Leah took that, but her eyes were still closed. "Looking at it now... yeah, I was depressed. It was grief so maybe it didn't count, but... I didn't realize it at the time, I just thought I needed to think for a while, and be alone, and I'd get over it. I still think I would have even if Josh hadn't come back. And it's not like the rest of my family wasn't going through worse."

Leah was quiet for a while. "I had something like that when Sam left me."

"Yours was probably worse too."

She waved that comment away. "Did you, when Annie...?"

"That? Nah. It hurt, and my heart was kind of broken, but nothing a little duct tape couldn't fix, I guess?" Duct tape was a wonderful invention. "It wasn't the same."

"I thought your relationship was pretty serious?"

"It... it's hard to say. I mean, we barely held hands. But... yes? On my end? The breakup, though—I saw it coming. We'd talked." And yeah, it still hurt, but not in the way she meant.

Or—wait. It still hurt a week ago. Now it made me confused instead.

"You never—" Leah broke off midsentence. "Never mind."

"What?"

"It's not important."

"No, really, what were you going to say?"

"Um... So you... never kissed...?"

"Nah. Not even close, really." What was the proper tone for that statement these days? Mournful? Matter-of-fact? Amused?

"Have you ever kissed a girl?"

I felt another hormone attack coming on. Focus, Henry. "No."

We looked at each other. I tried to appear outwardly calm. Inwardly I was not calm. Was this a good time...? Did I want to? (Yes.) Was I brave enough?

...

Help.

"Hey guys—what are you doing?"

"Oh, hey, Seth," I said weakly. "Us? Nothing, just, you know, making salad... on the floor..."

Leah jumped up and started slicing my carrots. She was either blushing or smirking, maybe both.

Okay, so that happened.

. . . . . .

April 1986

"Um, hey. Hello."

"Oh—Henry. I didn't see you there."

"People often don't."

"I'm starting to notice that."

"Right. Um. Annie, I was wondering if... you'd like to have dinner with me?" Stop being nervous, Henry, you've done this like a hundred times.

"I'd love to."

Good... the easy part was done.

. . . . . .

"You're allergic to everything?" Annie probed. The last bite of her dinner was long gone, but we were still here. There was more to talk about with some people than others.

"Yep."

"But only if you eat it."

"Yep."

"I don't believe you."

This was where normally I would shrug and say the doctors didn't get it either and bluff my way out. "...Yeah. So, about that..."

Annie waited.

I glanced around the small restaurant, not that anyone could eavesdrop anyway with my talent engaged. " I'm about to say something that sounds really, really strange. Just go along with it, all right?"

She raised her eyebrows. "Go on."

"Hypothetically, what if I was a vampire?"

She considered me. "That would explain why you're pale and don't eat."

"Okay. And how would you hypothetically feel about this?"

"I might ask what you want with me."

"What if I said you're a wise, godly, and clever woman and I'd like to date you in a fittingly respectful way?"

"I might say you're using your vampire charm, Mr. Taylor. I don't know if I should trust a vampire." She winked.

"We're misunderstood creatures. Well, some of us."

She just chuckled. I didn't think she was taking me seriously, but then, most sane people wouldn't. Annie was a lot more sane than her peers.

"What if, hypothetically, I was eighty-five years old as of January?"

"I might—" She muffled a snicker with her hand.

"Excuse me, what's so funny?"

"Eighty-five?"

"Yes? Are you laughing at my age?"

"Henry, at least make yourself a few centuries old."

"I'll have you know that a World-War-I-era vampire would be very wise. He would have lived through a handful of wars and the Great Depression, is that not enough for you?"

Annie sat back. "Why are we pretending you're a vampire, Henry?"

Okay. Deep breath. This usually went well if you picked the right humans, but I'd been wrong before. "Hold this rock."

She humored me.

"Feels like a normal rock?"

"I'd say so, sure."

"Heavy?"

"For its size...?"

"Tap it against the table."

She did.

"Still a normal rock?"

"Yes, I think so."

"Watch." And I took the rock and crushed it right over her hand, letting the resulting gravel drop into her palm. I took a pinch of that and crushed it into sand.

Annie went very still.

"Hypothetically, what if I'm a vampire?"

. . . . . .

"Can you catch a dragonfly?"

I spotted one, pounced, and brought it back cupped in my hands. It didn't take long, only half a second, and the confused insect sat in the hands of the vampire it couldn't sense for several times as long before taking off.

Annie hopped to the next rock, one of many along the river. She liked hiking, apparently, and these days it was sometimes acceptable for a guy and a girl to be alone together. Her parents lived a good distance away from her university, anyway. My vampirism was by this point well-established. "Does time seem faster to you?"

"Not really. It doesn't seem like it's been almost nine decades, but an hour is still an hour." Except when I went hiking with a girl I was maybe—probably—in love with. Then time flew.

"Are you going to live forever?" She asked so many questions, and even I often couldn't tell where she was going with them, but she always had something in mind.

"I'm sure something will kill me eventually. A horse tried once... but you've heard."

She turned to face me. "What is it that makes you sparkle?"

"Sheer charm, Miss Annie." I liked how unphased she was by my glittering. I didn't feel so conspicuous with her, even with the water around me glinting like a disco ball. (I loathed disco balls. That was not an attractive comparison.)

"How long are you going to call me 'Miss'?"

"Since it makes you blush, forever. Also, you started this."

"I only called you by your surname once."

"And I'll remember it forever."

"Will you remember me forever?"

Now I was blushing, thanks to my recent feeding that made a lot of blood available to my face. "I—well—if you want an honest answer, yes, probably." She'd learned my weak points quickly.

"Oh, Henry. I love you."

I swore to my brothers later that my heart actually beat once.

. . . . . .

"I'm so sorry, Henry."

"It's all right."

"...You're going to cry."

"No, I—I understand, really. I don't know if I'd leave my family either."

Annie laid her hand on my wrist.

"Can we stay in contact, at least?" I managed.

"I'd like that."

. . . . . .

"Henry, what happened?"

I sniffed, which was funny since nothing different happened in my body when I cried.

"Is it Annie?"

I nodded tearfully, except the tears were invisible. I could almost feel them, though. I was ready for this feeling to go away now.

"Oh, Henry, I'm sorry, brother. C'mere."

I accepted the hug and sobbed into his shoulder. Josh was a good brother.

My dad joined in. "You gonna be okay, kiddo?"

"Y-yeah. Lemme just—be sad for a bit."

"That's the spirit. It's healthy to let your feelings out sometimes, eh, Joshua?"

. . . . . .

"Henry."

"It's good to see you again, Sam. Should I call you Sam?"

"Yes, do. Welcome to our home."

"I like it."

The girls were squealing about something, which made two times I'd heard Leah squeal like that. It wasn't a noise I'd ever made in my life (I doubted my mom had, either), but it made me chuckle. I liked happy Leah.

"You don't eat," Sam observed as we walked inside.

"I don't. No worries, I'm used to it." I smiled easily; Sam wasn't so scary with his arm around Emily, sneaking a kiss to her hair every time she looked away from him. Would Leah do that to me when we got more comfortable with each other?

Shut up, hormones. I thought we reached an agreement last night.

Soon we were seated and food was served to those who could digest solids, and I quickly got lost in the girls' conversation, as much as Leah tried to include me. She had a lot of friends whose names I didn't know. Of course, she didn't know most of mine, either.

"So, Sam," I said finally, "You're technically the chief?" I'd deduced this. Very impressive, I knew.

"That's right."

"Cool. But most people don't know that, I'm guessing."

"No, we keep the secret well."

"I imagine it's a little like when I get to be the new kid on the job when I'm two or three times the age of most people around me," I said dryly.

He chuckled. "How old are you?"

"Almost a hundred and seventeen, or eighteen and a half, depending. Or twenty if Charlie asks." Always good to spread that information; I did not want Charlie finding out I was lying to him.

The first word caught Leah's attention. "It's almost your birthday?"

Uh-oh. "I shouldn't have mentioned that, huh?" I honestly did not like having my birthday celebrated, although it was all right if it was, y'know, not a werewolf who was obsessed with me.

She winked. "I won't forget, don't worry."

Oh dear. Well, my family could keep a secret, usually... I'd have to threaten Edward, though, if he remembered the exact date. I was sure I could keep from thinking it... Oh no, Alice...

Funny that she didn't even try to ask me, though.

Sam got my attention again. "My pack has a question for you, Henry."

A question from the werewolves who were less friendly toward vampires? "Yeah?"

"They want to know if we might have heard of any of your cases."

I laughed. "Not what I was expecting."

"We were talking about you this morning. Have we?"

"...Without going into too much detail, probably so. You won't find me in any of the records, for obvious reasons."

I was getting The Look from my left. Someday I was going to have to disclose which cases those were, but not now. "Ahem. Anyway, Emily, I was wondering..."

. . . . . .

"Well," I told Leah as I started up my car to take her home, "your mom likes me, your brother likes me, and I think your ex and your—is she your second cousin?"

"Yeah."

"Right—I think they like me too. I guess it's just Charlie now?"

"You don't have to win him over. He's too cynical."

"Maybe I remind him too much of Edward." Who kind of deserved what he got in that department. "I do wish I'd gotten to meet your dad. He sounds cool."

"He would have liked you too," she murmured.

"...He had a heart attack, didn't he?"

"Yeah. When I phased." Her voice was flat.

When—it was the shock, wasn't it? Women weren't supposed to phase. "Oh... oh, gosh. I'm sorry." I hadn't realized this would be another touchy area. Er, not this much.

"You didn't know."

"I almost killed David twice," I admitted after a minute of driving. "Three times, if you count when I bit him, but that one was expected."

She'd been staring out the window—definite proof she was upset, she wasn't looking at me—but now she turned. "When were the other two times?"

"The second was when I first met him after I got turned. I'd only been a vampire for a few weeks, and I was okay with human blood—kind of like Bella—but he was what's called a 'singer' for me, like Bella was for Edward." I hadn't known that term before meeting the Cullens.

"And the first time?"

"Just kids playing around. We were playing on a bridge, I think, and I almost knocked him off. It's one of my earliest memories. I didn't realize what could have happened until Mom scolded me. I think I was five, he would've been seven."

"Oh."

I'd been hoping for something along the lines of "It wasn't your fault, Henry," so I could point out that hers wasn't her fault either, but no luck. "So you're Jacob's Second?"

"I suppose. Not that it matters since I don't phase anymore—at least, as soon as I get my temper under control. I'm almost there."

Wait—"You're trying to stop phasing?"

"Hmm? Yeah."

"...Like, for good? Forever?"

She frowned. "Yeah?"

We'd arrived at her house; it wasn't far from Sam and Emily's. I turned the car off and faced her, eyebrows pulled together. "But... you'll start aging then."

Leah tugged on her seatbelt, avoiding my gaze. "You won't have to wait as long this way." Then she got out of the car and slammed the door.

I was stuck in place, but snapped out of it in time to catch up with her. "We need to talk about this."

She stopped—not that she had a choice, I was blocking her and wouldn't let her brush past—and took a shaky breath. It was raining lightly as usual. "I told you I'm not going to force you to put up with me. And I'm not going to let you force yourself, either. At least not permanently."

"But—"

"No. I know you're going to try to do what's best for me or some—" I could practically see her editing out a swear word for my sake. "—something like that. You don't need to feel guilty, though. One lifetime will be more than enough."

"Leah!"

"Don't. I won't stop you from being happy. I'm used to not being wanted, remember?"

I was speechless, and she took that as a sign the conversation was over. I was left alone in the rain.

But... but...