When Lexie got home, she went right up to her attic bedroom.
She didn't bother eating dinner, and she didn't spend time with her niece like she normally would after a long shift.
When she made it up the last few steps to the small room, she shrugged her jacket and purse off and threw them on a nearby chair, before slumping face down onto her mattress. She pressed her face into a pillow, trying to forget what she had said and done.
That didn't work.
Lexie told Mark she was in love with him. That, and a lot of other really desperate feelings. She bared her most vulnerable thoughts and feelings barely outside the four walls of the hospital.
What the hell was wrong with her?
Mark was probably telling Julia right now how sad and desperate she is. Lexie's head filled with even more humiliation, remembering that she had to fly out to Boise tomorrow for another conjoined twin surgery. Mark was the lead plastic surgeon on the case. She'd have to face him again.
How was she supposed to spend a whole day in an unfamiliar operating room him? What the hell was she thinking saying all that tonight of all nights.
She buried her face deeper into the pillow, attempting to suffocate her thoughts.
Lexie's mind refused to relent. It forced her to replay the one-sided interaction over and over.
She said what she needed to say. Albeit frantic, that's what happens when you hide your feelings for too long.
The ball was in his court now. If Mark decided to leave it there, then that was his choice. As embarrassed as she was, she knew she needed to tell him her feelings. She really hoped he would return them.
At some point, after hours of spiralling thoughts, Lexie fell asleep.
Mark's entire body jolted when he was awoken to fist pounding on his front door.
He had passed out on his couch after one too many glasses of scotch. A dull throb pulsed against the sides of his skull.
The pounding continued, inside is cranium and at his door.
"MARK!" a muffled woman's voice yelled.
He stumbled to his feet and made the several, short paces to his front entrance. He opened the door to an exasperated looking Callie, juggling their daughter, a diaper bag and purse in her arms.
Callie looked Mark up and down, a look of disgust forming her features.
"You were supposed to pick-up Sofia half an hour ago. I have to get to the hospital, I have a consult with Nick in an hour," Callie's voice pitched, the stress tangible in her voice.
"Arizona is a mess, I've barely seen her," Callie inhaled sharply, forcing a fake smile on to her face for the sake of their daughter. "So, I need you to step it up, okay? No time for brooding and hangovers, okay?"
Callie placed Sofia in his arms before Mark could argue.
"Alright Sofia," Callie said, her voice singsong. "Daddy's gonna take you to daycare, but first he's going to put you in your playpen with your toys while he has a shower, because Daddy smells like a distillery, doesn't he?!" she tickled Sofia's arm before meeting Mark's gaze, an unimpressed look formed her face this time.
"I'm fine," Mark assured, his voice hoarse.
"Mhmm," came Callie's reply, dripping with skepticism. "Shower. Now," she said, pointing towards his bathroom. She planted a quick kiss on her daughter's head before disappearing down the hall.
Mark shifted his daughter in his arms and walked over to the playpen he kept for her in his living room, placing her inside.
This was going to be a long day.
An hour later, Mark waited in front of a row of elevators inside the hospital. He couldn't shake the tense feeling he'd had since last night; he hadn't stopped thinking about Lexie's confession.
Her voice telling him she loved him over and over coursed through his mind, creating a different kind of headache that coffee, ibuprofen, and alka-seltzer couldn't fix.
The ding of the elevator arriving shifted his focus back to the present. The doors opened, allowing Mark to step inside.
There stood Derek Shepherd, a smug smile immediately pulled across his mouth.
"How's Julia? You impregnate her yet?" Derek asked, before Mark could even turn around inside the elevator.
Mark sighed.
"No, I was all ready to, but then Lexie…," he sighed again, closing his eyes as he winced. "Oh, she told me she was in love with me," he confessed.
Derek's face lit up at the dramatic revelation. "Ooh. What'd you say?"
"I said thank you for your candour," came Mark's reply.
The neurosurgeon's brows raised in disbelief. "Thank you for your candour?"
"What was I supposed to do?" Mark asked his friend, while folding his hands at his waist.
Derek gestured his hands before offering advice. "Oh, I don't know… Kiss her."
Mark considered Derek's suggestion. The thought had crossed his mind last night, but he resolved that he did the right thing. Out of respect for the relationship he now realized he wanted out of.
"Julia's away on a conference. I'm not a cheater," said Mark.
Derek gave him a dubious look.
"Usually," Mark admitted.
"Mm," was all Derek replied.
"Look, I owe it to the both of them to…," Mark's train of thought quickly shifted. "I don't want mess this one up, okay?"
Derek's face knotted in confusion at his friend's admission while Mark continued.
"Julia wants to give me everything I want," Mark explained. "But I'm in love with Lexie, who doesn't want anything I want."
The elevator dinged again, signalling it had reached another floor and was about to open. The doors slid open revealing Lexie on the other side.
Her eyes widened at the sight of her brother-in-law and the man she loved.
"Dr. Shepherd. Dr. Sloan," she said, acknowledging each of the pair while avoiding eye contact with Mark.
"Lexie!" Derek's voice came out warm and amused. "Come on in," he said, offering his hand out to his wife's half-sister. "Plenty of room."
Lexie's mindlessly stepped into the elevator, she started to stammer.
"You know, actually, I was just gonna update you on the Boise doctors' bios, but since you're both here, I'm just gonna give it to you, and then that way, I can," Lexie tried to exit the elevator, but the doors had already shut.
"…Leave," she exhaled, aware that she was stuck with the two men for at least another several, long seconds.
She stared straight ahead, boring her eyes into the metal doors willing the machine to move faster.
From behind her, Derek glanced at his friend and waved his head towards Lexie, encouraging him to say something to her.
The elevator dinged, opening once more. Lexie sighed with relief.
All three started to walk forward when the two men bumped into Lexie. Her spine straightened at the contact.
"Oh, uh, no," Lexie laughed nervously. "You guys go, I'm gonna stay."
She reached to press a button for another floor when Mark spoke up. Dread filling her entire body.
"Oh, hey, Lexie, about that other thing, don't think I forgot what you said. I just need to ruminate on that, you know? Run it up the old flagpole?" Mark said as the doors started closing again.
She nodded several times, hoping he'd stop speaking, her ego already beyond bruised.
"Okay," she said meekly, closing her eyes.
When the elevator doors shut again, she exhaled hard and shook her body. As if the uncomfortable feeling that blanketed her would fall away by doing so.
"You know, it's too bad Meredith and I are moving to Boston," came Derek's amused voice. "I'm gonna miss this," he finished, starting to turn away.
Mark cringed at himself when Jackson suddenly appeared, eager to see his mentor and ask him a question.
"Hey, you got a second?" Jackson asked Mark. "'Cause I cannot figure out what to do about Tulane," referring to one of his fellowship choices.
"And there's this whole other thing that happened at the boards, and it's all kinda thrown me for a loop," his last word came out with confusion on the end of it.
Without acknowledging his student, Mark walked away. He had other things on his mind.
Lexie felt herself float through the rest of her morning. Not really aware of what she was doing. She had a mountain of delinquent charts she had to finish before leaving for Boise.
Several hours had passed when she realized she'd made it through two-thirds of them, unsure of what she had even typed in the last one by the time she'd started a new one.
She glanced at the clock noting it was lunchtime.
Meredith and the other residents were likely already in the cafeteria. As if on cue, her stomach growled. She remembered she hadn't eaten since yesterday. She'd skipped breakfast this morning too, feeling too uneasy to stomach food when she woke up.
When she made it downstairs, she grimaced at the smell of processed meatballs. Spaghetti Wednesday, gross. She opted for a chicken salad sandwich with a garden side salad instead.
She walked over to their usual table to find the whole group already seated. Alex shoveled a pile of bright red spaghetti noodles into his mouth as she joined them.
Lexie picked at her food quietly from the head of the lunch table. Her focus pulling in and out as her peers rambled on about their fellowships.
Her thoughts drifted to the approaching future. Meredith and Derek were headed to Boston. Well, that's what Derek kept saying anyway.
When Lexie had asked Meredith what their plans were after she passed her boards, Mer couldn't give Lexie a straight answer. She knew she didn't want to leave Cristina, but Cristina likely wasn't staying in Seattle either, her marriage with Owen was on the rocks. At least, that's what Lexie overheard the night after everyone had left Meredith's post-board exam party.
Cristina, who was clearly at the weepy stage of her inebriation, appealed to Meredith for advice on whether to stay with Owen, if she should forgive him. That's all Lexie heard from her bedroom before Mer shoved her into a cab.
Lexie had procrastinated finding a place of her own and needed to know if Mer was selling the house, not fully processing that her sister was actually going to leave her house, despite knowing Derek's dream home in the woods was nearly complete as well.
Mer had told her not to worry about it right now. That she could stay at the house for as long as she wanted to. It warmed her heart that her sister cared this much about her, that she wasn't going to put her out on the streets, or rush her into finding an apartment, but she also didn't expect Meredith to take care of her.
Everything was changing and she didn't know what was next for her. Lexie couldn't help but feel left behind.
She resolved that her fifth year of residency would keep her insanely busy. Alex, Jackson and April had told her over and over how stressful the year had been. She watched her friends accomplish huge goals, preform complex solo-surgeries. She looked forward to getting to experience it herself.
Lexie also knew she needed to keep occupied. The thought of being alone at Seattle Grace Mercy West terrified her. Although, maybe Lexie wouldn't be completely alone. Mark would still be here, right?
When she drifted back into the lunch table conversation, she caught a lame spaghetti joke from Alex that made her snicker. She would miss this. She continued to pick at her food while her friends kept up their conversations.
She was chewing piece of her sandwich when her whole body suddenly reacted.
Cristina asked Jackson what Mark's opinion was about his fellowship choice. She couldn't help the shutter that came over after hearing Jackson speculate something was wrong with Mark, claiming that he was "disturbed" about something.
She got up from the table without another word. It was time to busy herself with work again.
Mark left his patient's room agitated and still unsure of what to do about his feelings for Lexie.
He walked over to a nearby computer and began angrily punching the keys, jotting brief notes into the chart.
His patient had married the same man three times.
Maybe that was insanity, but there had to be a reason why fate kept bringing two people like that together, right?
Did he even believe in fate? That two people are meant to be?
Most of Mark's relationships were transient, when they ended, it was mostly of his own volition. He never really thought twice about it.
With Lexie it was different. Their timing just never seemed to work out. First it was Sloane, and then Sofia, and then before Mark could try to prove himself as the right man for her again, she'd started dating Jackson.
He wanted Lexie to be happy. Even if she didn't want to be with him.
She deserved happiness. Lexie was the one who showed him what true happiness could be like, she opened his mind up to the possibility of more.
His relationship with Julia was good. Safe. Easy. Was that enough? Was he being selfish? He knew he was.
It was selfish of him to stay with a woman he would never truly love, but it would also be selfish to go back to a woman and hope she would give in and give him what he wanted.
Mark knew what he had to do. He had to end his relationship with Julia and confront Lexie about her confession.
He needed to be sure she meant what she said before making a final attempt at being together.
Mark could be flexible. He could be patient. He would not expect an instant family from Lexie.
However, if they came together, she'd have to accept being a part of the family he'd already built.
As unconventional as it was, Sofia was the light of his life. His daughter and her mothers depend on him and being a father was a role he took seriously.
As Mark closed the patient file, he glanced at the time on the corner of the screen on the monitor.
The evening had snuck up on him. It was time to get ready for his flight to Boise.
Mark thought about Lexie again. When would he get the chance to speak with her, before the surgery?
The doctors were scheduled to fly out shortly after 10 p.m. The flight to Idaho wouldn't take long, they'd arrive around midnight, the conjoined twin surgery wasn't scheduled until the late morning.
Mark headed to the elevator. His mind and heart racing as he mentally put together his next steps. He would speak to Lexie when they arrived at their respective hotel rooms tonight.
No more avoiding.