Nyota has had about enough.
Chekov and Sulu's near constant almost-flirting made the bridge consistently annoying. Not that she minded so much that they were happy; but they weren't exactly subtle, and their incessant giggling made it a little hard to focus. And Kirk and Spock's weird aborted will-they-won't-they dance around each other was, at this point, just plain sad.
She had told herself she wasn't going to get involved in other people's relationships(she was quite happy with Christine, thank you very much), but she might have to if she wants alpha shift to be productive whatsoever.
She bit back a sigh, and decided that Jim would be the first person she talked to. Spock might get a touch irritated at someone he perceives to be prying, and she didn't feel like going all the way down to botany right now.
She sits across from Jim in the mess hall, tries to keep an amiable demeanor, and gets right to the point.
"I would really appreciate it if you and Spock could refrain from flirting with each other on the bridge. Sir."
He doesn't sputter, but he gets very close to it.
"I- uh. I'm not entirely sure what you mean, lieutenant."
Yuh kutiya. She raises an eyebrow at him. He quickly reddens.
"Wait-" he says, brows furrowed like this was the most difficult equation he'd ever seen,"Spock's been flirting with me?"
She stares at him, deadpan, for a minute. Non ne vale.
She grabs her tray and leaves.
She's on her way to go vent to Christine when she runs into Pavel and Hikaru. She's so lost in thought she almost misses them holding hands. Mayzhe.
"I'm happy for you guys," she says, even though she's this close to strangling them in their sleep. She's only mildly surprised when they both look at her with matching expressions of confusion. Because why the Kurva wouldn't they.
"So you aren't dating, then," she asked, knowing the answer and setting herself up for disappointment anyway.
"N- no," came Pavel's response, sounding both unsure and confused.
"Cool. Stop flirting on the bridge, then."
Their expressions were almost comical, with Pavel looking about two seconds from a crisis and Hikaru looking(mildly) guilty.
"I didn't know you were flirting, 'Karu! I thought you were just saying idioms wrong!"
"Why would I be saying idioms wrong!"
"I don't know, I'm not the one who was saying idioms wrong!"
"Mano dievai," she mutters.
"First of all," she says, feeling the need to fix this problem she caused."If you're using idioms to flirt I don't think I can do much to help you."
Hikaru makes an aborted attempt to defend himself before she cuts him off.
"And second of all, you do realize that the UTs struggle with region-specific phrases and tonal indicators, right?"
They both looked at her as if she'd single-handedly fostered peace across all known planets. With the amount of work she's put in, she might as well have, anyways.
"It's so bad, rakas" she mumbles, laying face-down on their bed while Christine finishes some paperwork and laughs at her.
"You're laughing at me," she says, propping herself up with her arm solely to glare at her partner."I'm fighting for my life and you're laughing at me."
"Well, it is a very distinctly you problem to have, amour." Christine says, coming over to sit on the edge of the bed.
"It's still frustrating."
"I don't doubt it."
She plants her face back into the mattress with a groan.
"I still have to talk to Spock." she whines.
She can hear Christine laughing at her again.
Ultimately, she decides that talking to Spock can wait until tomorrow. Not only is it late, but she sincerely doubts that Kirk didn't immediately run to him and tell him everything, as attached-at-the-hip as they are already.
Apparently, she should have done anything but, as the next day's alpha shift is incredibly tense.
Chekov and Sulu are barely talking to each other, and Kirk is fidgeting so much that she's surprised he's still in the chair. And of course, with Kirk acting weird, Spock is acting weird.
She thought it couldn't get any worse than it was yesterday, so why wouldn't today be the most miserable shift of her existence? Dia math.
She resisted the urge to plant her face down into the monitors at her station, stood up, and cleared her throat. Four faces looked at her with a mix of fear, confusion, and pleading desperation. Dios Mío, what did she get herself into.
"Alright, that's enough," she says, sounding a lot more confident than she feels. "Captain, First Officer, you've been flirting with each other for months. Please, respectfully, just have a conversation about it instead of moping and pining."
Chekov snickers, and she rounds on him.
"And don't think I haven't noticed you bringing wine, bread and apples to the botany lab, Ensign. You're not as subtle as you think you are. And you," she says, turning to Sulu. "He's Russian and Jewish Orthodox, Lieutenant, you have to be very direct."
Four faces stare at her with barely contained awe and dawning realization.
"If that's all, I believe it's time for shift change," she says, and walks to the lift to hide her mounting panic at the fact that she just sassed two senior officers while on duty.
Damnú.