So life is a mess and my insomnia is raging. So I filled a bit of empty time by redoing this old one shot. I don't know that it's any better than the original from a hundred years ago, but it did keep my mind busy for a while. -MP
Right Now
Quil stood at the counter, beer in hand. It provided little comfort, offering no more than a slight calming effect. He'd give anything for a good buzz.
Embry walked in and Quil knew he wouldn't be able to get out of the conversation, again.
"Who is she?'' His best friend wanted to know.
Taking a pull from the nearly empty bottle, Quil shook his head, "She's no one.'' He lied.
"Bullshit,'' Embry complained. Embry knew Quil better than anyone else and he wasn't buying the lie.
Quil sighed, "It doesn't matter who she is, does it?'' The bitterness leaked out despite his best effort.
"Do you love her?'' Embry wanted to know.
Quil threw his now empty beer bottle into the trash, unable to hold back his strength, the bottle shattered filling the room with the sounds of broken glass.
"I can't love her, can I?" Quil growled. "I can't give her anything. I can't tell her I love her and I'll never leave her. I can't marry her and give her my name. I can't watch as she swells with my child. I can't do anything because some wolf magic says I"m supposed to have that with a fucking two-year-old.''
Embry sighed, "I"m sorry Quil. You're like my brother and I'm so fucking sorry.''
Quil knew Embry meant it. He'd been the only one to give a damn about how he felt. Everyone else thought he was being stubborn or being an ass at the thought of being celibate until the two-year-old grew up.
Turning, Quil met Embry's eye. "You want to know the worse part?'' He asked taking a breath to calm himself down. "I want all of it and I want it with her. I want to marry her and give her my last name. I want to wake up every morning to her face and fall asleep beside her every night. I want my children to have her eyes." Quil confessed, feeling the tears he'd been fighting slide down his face.
"Fuck,'' Quil yelled, dragging his hand across his eyes.
"Leave,'' Embry suggested. "Leave and don't come back. You can't keep going like this.''
"I can't. I want to, but I won't risk... If I, Em, if I were to leave her in five or ten, fifteen years for the goddamn curse the Ancestors plagued me with. It would kill her. I could never risk doing that to her. I love her too much and she deserves more.'' Quil sadly admitted.
"What are you going to do?'' Embry asked, looking at his friend.
"What can I do?'' Quil shrugged. "I've never even kissed her, never felt her against me. I've never told her that I love her.''
"Quil...'' Embry started to say.
"I gotta get out of here,'' Quil announced, silencing whatever Embry was going to say. He grabbed his wallet and keys from the counter and barreled toward the door.
Quil made the four-hour drive in just under two and a half, thanking the spirits he hadn't been pulled over and ticketed. He pulled into the parking lot like he'd done every Saturday night for the last seven months.
Walking into the dimly lit bar, he found his usual seat in the darkened corner, ordered a beer and turned to watch her.
She flitted around the room, taking orders and smiling at her customers. She'd gotten over her clumsiness, she'd grown up and filled out in all the places that make a woman desirable. She was beautiful. But it was her eyes that Quil loved the most. She'd seen too much, been through too much, and kept too many secrets. A man could drown in her eyes.
When the last barstool was lifted and the floor had been swept, Quil stood and deposited a few bucks into the old jukebox. Walking up behind her, Quil leaned down and whispered, "Dance with me.''.
He held her close, her soft curves molding against his body as they swayed to the music. The bass of the haunting tune playing through the speakers mimicked the hopelessness of their situation.
Holding her gaze, he hoped she could see everything he felt that he wasn't free to say, but knowing no matter what she saw in his eyes, it would never be enough to explain how he felt about her.
''I...'' Quil started to say only to be silenced when she pressed her finger against his lips, stilling him from saying the words they both knew were on his tongue.
She stood on her tiptoes and pressed her lips against Quil's. Moving from Quil's mouth to his neck, barely able to reach, she leaned in with barely a whisper, "Don't say anything you will have to take back.''
Quil could only nod. She knew. She'd always known.
"We can have right now.'' She told him, her voice barely audible.
Looking into her eyes, Quil knew this would be the last night he made the drive to see her. Tonight would be the last night she would look for him. Anything more and neither of them would survive because life had been decided for them. At the end of each day, the sun would set, darkness would take hold, and they would always be left with the consequences of the choices they had taken from them.
But tonight Quil would make her his.
"Let's get out of here,'' Quil said lacing their hands together and walking towards the exit.
Quil drove them to the first motel on the strip. They got the set of room keys and walked hand in hand in silence toward Room 424. Each of them knew this would be their only night together.
Once inside the room, Quil flicked the lamp on and then pulled her close. Leaning down he kissed her lips trying to burn into his memory the soft feel of her mouth on his.
"For right now,'' He whispered before tracing his tongue along her bottom lip and sighing as he tasted her mouth for the first time.
Strawberries. She tasted like sweet strawberries.
The kiss was not heated, it wasn't hungry or hurried. It was sweet and full of all the words they could never speak, filled with promises they couldn't make and choices not their own. Moving from her mouth to her jaw, Quil kissed his way to the soft skin just below her ear.
He slipped his hands under her shirt skimming his fingertips over her delicate skin. Her hands grasped the hem of his shirt and began tugging. Quil pulled the cloth over his head and tossed it on the floor before one by one unbuttoning her shirt. Slipping the material from her shoulders, he sucked in a breath seeing her porcelain flesh.
Unclasping her bra, her breasts were bared to his eyes. She was flawless.
Lifting one hand to wind around her tiny waist, he cupped her breast with his other hand and bent down pulling a pink nipple into his mouth. Quil heard the quiet moan escape her and he suckled at her. Reluctantly releasing her from his mouth, he lifted her under her knees, she wrapped her legs around his waist as he carried her the few steps to the bed.
Hovering above her the air shifted around them filling with an electric current.
Quil popped the button off her pants and slid them down her legs. She lay before him in only a pair of light blue lace panties. Quil was sure no one in the world was as beautiful as she was.
Looking her in the eyes, Quil slowly pulled the blue lace from her body. Her sweet, musky scent wafted toward him and Quil had to bite his tongue to keep from growling.
Quil eased himself from the bed and held her gaze as he unsnapped the button on his jeans and let them fall to the floor.
Quil lifted her foot and kissed her ankle, working his way up her leg, nibbling the underside of her knee, leaving soft kisses on her skin until he made his way to her sex. He knelt, digging his knees into the mattress, and lifted both of her legs, pulling them around his neck.
She smelled so good, Lightly tracing her outer lips with his fingers he reveled in the wetness he could already feel as he teased her with his fingers before leaning down and tasting her.
Quil was rewarded with soft moans and the gentle rocking of her hips. She raked his scalp with her nails and tugged on his short hair. Quil used his fingers and tongue to bring her to the brink before pulling her clit into his mouth and gently biting down.
He felt her clench around his fingers. Quil lapped at her release, savoring the flavor that was uniquely her. He kissed his way up her body, covering her mouth with his as he entered her body with his own.
Quil stilled his body, letting her adjust to his size. Neither of them was a virgin, but Quil could feel she wasn't far from one. He held her eyes waiting for her to be ready.
"Right now,'' She whispered and rolled her hips against him.
Quil allowed some of his weight to settle over her, and wrapped his arms under her body, holding her as close as he could. Quil had never felt anything as good as feeling himself move inside of her body. Her breath fanned across his face as he bent his head and kissed her.
Dear Sprits, how could you be so cruel? Quil demanded as they made love. In and out, back and forth like a pendulum. Her legs wrapped around his waist, pulling his body further into her own. Looking at her, he knew nothing would ever feel as right as this moment with this woman.
"Right now,'' Quil said against her mouth.
She smiled against his lips, "Right now,'' she moaned.
Their bodies worked together, fitting together like puzzle pieces. Each relishing the moment and mourning the knowledge that this moment would be all they ever had.
They kissed, moaning into each other's mouths, and they came.
Quil didn't want to leave her body, so he stayed inside her as long as he could until finally pulling himself from her. Quil felt the loss of her in every part of his body and soul as if an emptiness took the place she had been.
Quil pulled her into his arms, holding her close and letting himself have just a moment to think about what it would feel like if they were allowed to belong to one another.
"Don't go. Not yet.'' He pleaded.
Quil felt her tears land on his overheated skin as she placed a soft kiss against his chest where her head lay. He felt his own tears gather in his eyes as they lay there in silence, lost in thought. There were no words that would change the reality of their situation. It was what it was. Of all the unfairness in the world, Quil thought this might be the cruelest.
He wasn't sure how long they lay there before he drifted to sleep with her curled into his side. Every inch of his naked flesh touched her naked flesh.
Quil woke the second he could no longer feel her against him. He pretended to sleep as she moved from his arms. He could feel her eyes on him, smell her salty tears and hear her heartbeat stutter as she watched him. It was a battle to keep from reaching for her.
The bed dipped and she rose. The sound of clothes rustling as she dressed echoed in the room.
She was leaving.
Quil kept his eyes closed as she leaned down and kissed his lips. "Right now, Always.'' She whispered before slipping out of the door and out of his life.
Bella was Quil's choice if Quil was free to make his choice.