"Well, that's finally over." Aether sighed to his floating companion/emergency food occasionally referred to as Paimon.
"Why do we always have to do everything for these guys?" She grumbled.
"We, Paimon? Are you sure about that?"
"Yup, Aether and Paimon are a real package deal!"
"I don't know, Paimon," Aether replied sarcastically; "Everyone's always asking for you: "Look, it's Paimon! Could you please take care of that hilichurl camp for us?" "Oh, Aether, thank goodness you're here, is Paimon with you?" "Paimon, come quick, Osial's attacking!" Frankly, I feel a little underappreciated, Paimon." He frowned melodramatically.
"Hey! Don't you make fun of Paimon!"
"I wouldn't dare," smirked Aether.
"So, where to now?"
"Paimon's tired! Let's go take a break."
Aether opened his mouth to speak up, but gave up halfway.
The two travelers walked (and floated) through the bustling street. It was a typical afternoon for Liyue Harbor, shopkeepers tending to customers and shouting out special offers, ordinary offers, and often just plain bad ones. The street was filled with shoppers, merchants hauling their goods and workers on their afternoon break.
Chihu Rock was the place to be for the common Liyue citizen to spend their time shopping or dining, as it was the cheapest area in the Harbor. Small houses littered the stone paved streets which served both as stalls and homes for the humble shop owners. The sun was still high in the sky, with the bright blue sky breaking up the rows of shingle roofs. Aether and Paimon approached a large teahouse dominating a small square on the edge of Chihu Rock - The Third Round Knockout.
"Ah, finally a place to sit down and relax!"
"But you don't even sit..." Aether wanted to continue messing with Paimon, until he noticed someone.
Overlooking the sea stood a table for two, where a certain Funeral director sat alone, sipping tea with an expression of absolute satisfaction.
She turned to look over to them and grinned.
"Would you look at that, it's Aether and Paimon! Didn't expect to see you here!"
"Hi Hu Tao!" Paimon yelled out.
"Nice to see you," Aether smiled.
"Don't you usually go here with Zhongli?"
"Yes, but he's not just my consultant you know! Some jeweler snatched him from me this morning, so I'm out here by myself. Care to join me?" She said with her usual, playful tone.
"Sure, we were looking for someplace to relax anyway."
"Oh, I see. The life of an adventurer must be tiring,"
"I see where this is going..." Paimon glumly added.
"Which reminds me, I did a little thinking about the last offer I gave you-"
"There it is."
"And have come up with a new one, to truly fit your unique needs as a client and friend!"
"Hu Tao, I-" Aether tried to defuse the beaming Director.
"No worries, I know exactly what you're thinking. I understand some of my offers can come off as a liii-ttle bit out of touch, but I assure you, this offer is perfectly suited for you. No coupons. No friend referrals! Tasteful, good old fashioned dignity is the name of the game!"
"No free trials?"
"None." Hu Tao said proudly.
"Okay then... Let's hear it, then."
Paimon stared at Aether with utter shock.
"What the heck are you doing?!"
"Hehe, glad you've finally come to reason. Okay, wait a second-" Hu Tao reached into her pocket and pulled out a small piece of paper.
"I thought a little visual aid would help convince you~"
She unfolded the paper and practically shoved it in Aether's face. On the paper was a sketch of a half-opened coffin with intricate carvings resembling the patterns on his outfit. Aether couldn't help but notice all the unrelated doodles on the edges, including a smaller, closed coffin, several grimacing ghosts, and a doodle of what looked to be himself, with crosses for eyes. Charming.
"I call it; 'The Outlander's Farewell'! A full funeral package complete with custom coffin, deluxe funeral ritual and a two-page obituary by yours truly!"
"This is what you call 'tasteful'!?" Paimon interjected.
"D-deluxe funeral package..?"
"Of course! I'd never cheap out on such a valued client! And believe me, Wangsheng "cheaping out" is still a luxury for most."
"And don't just think I'm just trying to impress you with a fancy piece of wood; I came up with an offer hand-tailored for you."
"For no extra charge, Wangsheng will provide your immediate retrieval and preservation within 24 hours anywhere in Liyue, regardless of any danger to our staff."
"R-really? 24 hours?"
"Are you actually falling for this?!" Snapped Paimon, exasperated by Aether's apparent interest.
"And what's more, we will completely cover the travel costs of up to 8 people of your choice, so that no matter where you depart, you'll have those closest to you by your side."
"That... Actually doesn't sound that bad."
Paimon groaned audibly.
"Aiya, is someone jealous?" Hu Tao finally acknowledged Paimon.
"How did you come to that conclusion?!"
"Hehe, in that case, I have something for you as well."
Hu tao bent over and grabbed something from behind her chair. She then proudly produced a small wooden box in the shape of a-
"Why are you carrying THAT around!?" Screamed Paimon with a mix of confusion and fear.
"It's a little model to go along with the sketch!" Hu Tao said, smiling, completely ignoring the fairy's panic.
The lid of the coffin really did resemble the smaller coffin on Hu Tao's sketch, except with a slight addition: a small engraving that simply said: "Do not eat."
Aether swore he could see a smaller text saying "Unless it's an emergency" but before he could confirm it, Hu Tao swung the lid open and leaned towards Paimon.
"Why don't you try it out?"
"You said no free trials!" Paimon blurted out, flinching away from Hu Tao.
"Oh come on, why be so scared? It's not like you'd get trapped inside! That only happened once-"
"Again with those afterthoughts!" Paimon was on the verge of tears.
"Hu Tao, you're traumatizing your client." Aether groaned, facepalming at the scene in front of him.
"PAIMON'S NOT A CLIENT!"
"Not yet~" Hu Tao was now standing on the table, swiping after the evading Paimon.
Aether opened his mouth to speak, but again, it was no use.
After an embarrassingly long Paimon-catching session the funeral director gave up and sat back down next to the exasperated Aether and terrified Paimon hiding behind his back.
"Hehe, maybe another time, my dear Paimon!"
Paimon peeked out from her cover and immediately retreated without saying a word.
Aether sighed heavily.
"You still have a lot to learn about attracting clients."
"She's more interested in catching them!" Cried a voice from behind Aether.
"So... Is that a yes on my offer?"
"I'll... Think about it."
"Don't think too long! You never know when it might be too late~!"
"Yeah, t-thanks."
"So, anything new with you, Hu Tao?"
"Oh, not much. The mortuary business isn't exactly known for its excitement. But something interesting did come up recently."
"I'm not sure if I should ask what that might be..."
"Oh, it's nothing. It's just that someone heard some strange noises near an old tomb. Clicking, banging, scratching. You know, the usual" She said cheerfully.
"That's what you call nothing!?" Said a pair of eyes peeking out of Aether's cape.
"It's not an evil spirit, right?"
Hu Tao let out a hearty laugh: "Oh, of course not! Like I said, evil spirits are so rare, and even then, they don't go around wrecking tombs. It's probably just a bunch of rowdy Hilichurls, or a Geovishap."
"Well that's a relief-"
"Of course, it could also be the resident himself."
"You mean the-the-" Paimon stammered, her face now fully exposed, still wrapped in Aether's cape.
"Of course! Sometimes, when the deceased's coffin is too cramped, or people talk ill of them, they get a little... Cranky. They start curling up, turning from side to side, banging relentlessly on the walls of their wooden prison, shouting and screaming on top of their lungs, and ripping anything within their grasp into a thousand pieces!" Hu Tao said, looking intensely into Paimon's eyes with an expression that was somehow both smug and incredibly intimidating.
"Really!?" Aether asked, bewildered.
The Wangsheng Funeral Parlor's director took a deep breath, then stared into Aether's eyes with the gravest expression he'd ever seen.
"No."
Hu Tao appeared back where she was originally, with a completely deadpan expression while her two friends gazed at her with utter shock.
Without breaking her nonchalant look, she uttered triumphantly:
"Got you."
Aether could tell she was cackling inside.
"Anyway, I'm actually going there to investigate right now! You know how it is with these things... Send an employee and they either run off before seeing anything, or they come back saying every evil spirit and their next of kin is haunting the place."
"With you as their boss, I'm not exactly surprised."
"Point taken, hehe~"
"And what are you two up to today?"
Aether just now realized that he had absolutely no work for the rest of the day, something so rare that he was physically taken aback. With the amount of commissions he'd take daily, he had begun to feel that if there were an Archon of time, he'd have gotten a vision three times over.
"Oh, do you have someplace to be?" Hu Tao reacted to his now bewildered expression.
"No, not at all! Actually, I have nowhere to be. Work's dried up, it seems."
"Why don't you come with me, then?"
"I kinda wanted some rest, though..."
"Oh, don't worry! It's real close, we'll just take a walk up to the tomb, see if anything's damaged, and walk back! Come on, it'll be fun!"
Aether knew he shouldn't be this trusting, especially of Hu Tao of all people, but he couldn't help himself. He didn't feel like walking all the way to another abandoned ruin, but spending some time with his friend? Beats sitting around the city all day. He spoke to the eager Hu Tao:
"Sure, why not?"
"Awww... Do we really have to walk again?"
Aether gave Paimon a cold stare.
"F-float..?"
Much to the chagrin of the airborne ration, Aether and Hu Tao paid their tab and got up to leave.
"You know, if you're tired, I can just carry you!" Hu Tao looked at the sulking Paimon with a caring smile.
"Oh! Paimon didn't think of that! Finally, someone who shows a little respect for their friend, unlike some people!"
Arms crossed, Paimon gave a sneering side-glance at her traveling partner.
"Alright then, hop in!"
Shocked by the sudden betrayal, Paimon froze for a good moment before commencing evasive action. Hu Tao took mercy on her uncooperative client however, and simply laughed before putting the coffin away.
And just like that, Aether could tell this was going to be a long day.