Chapter 2: Exploration mission failed.

I was in love with Sasuke for basically my whole life, and then you know, one sided love, he didn't care for me that way, I was annoying, I was knocked out, almost killed twice, I spent years crying myself to sleep worrying about what he was doing and how could I get him back to Konoha and help him take the darkness away. And then the war ended, he came back and was forgiven for his crimes and still he decided to leave…again. And once more, he rejected my company, a little less cold towards me but a rejection nonetheless.

It's been six months since the war ended and Sasuke is still out there in his redemption journey. And I was getting tired of waiting, and sad, and frustrated and I get why he did that but he could've stayed, he could've started by repaying the damage he did to me. He could be here right now holding me down.

But no he was out there someplace way too far away from me. I am seventeen and I felt I was wasting my youth waiting for him to come back with the big chance that still wouldn't give a damn about me. Meanwhile the rest of the world was happy, war-free, enjoying life, and I was still being tortured by my unrequited love.

So Sasuke left, I stayed and I decided to keep my mind busy with other things. But peaceful times are boring (not a complaint) and even when I have tons of responsibility and a crazy schedule I still have lots of time to think and think and think and leaving me and my brain alone is dangerous.

I kept thinking about him, he would usually be the last thing in my mind before I fell asleep. But months have gone by, he never reached out to me, I would spend every second of my free time thinking of him. I would probably not even cross his mind.

Once more it's a friday night, and I´m alone in my house, laying in bed staring at the ceiling. I looked towards my dressing table where my Team 7 photo is. And once again, I thought of Sasuke, how cute he was as a kid, no wonder I had this massive crush on him. And we aren't kids anymore, and he was not just cute, he was such an attractive man, if the Uchihas didn´t have their Kekkei Genkai, I bet they would still be famous just for their looks.

I feel guilty admitting that when we met, almost three years after he left Konoha for the first time, in Orochimaru's hideout, through all my emotions and thoughts during the encounter, my first thought was "damn he looks good". I just turned 16 so I guess my hormones were going crazy ignoring the fact that he was in revenge crazy evil mode. And I mean yes he was consumed by rage back then…but he did look good.

But I guess with training under Tsunade-sama, my hospital shifts, the Akatsuki and the war, I really didn't have time to indulge in my more carnal thoughts back then. But now all that was over and I guess now I could focus on feeling feelings I've never felt.

Hopefully towards men who notice me, so looking at the picture, and now thinking of how attractive Sasuke was but that he was never going to love me back, my mind drifted to all the other single guys in Konoha and that maybe going out on a date with one of them would be fun.

And maybe doing more than just dating would be even more fun. I had never kissed anyone and it was a lonely, boring night, and for the first time in my life I started thinking what it would feel like to do more than just kissing. I was giggling alone in my room because I couldn't believe I was so nervous just thinking about it and because I didn't even know what to think, I had no experience.

What would it feel like to kiss and touch a man? What would it feel like to be touched? I hadn't even touched myself before, Ino, as ever shared too much information with me and had told me that when I had time to myself, to open a good bottle of wine, maybe light a candle, to prepare a nice hot bath and then explore let my fingers explore my body. The light in my brain turned on and I quickly stood up and set up all that.

Few minutes laters I was half a glass of wine down, naked in my bath, not knowing what to do with myself. I was getting stressed and forced myself to think of something I liked, and Sasuke came to my head, how he appeared at the battlefield that day with his shirt that barely covered any part of his torso, how he looked back at me and in his deep dark voice said my name and I shivered and felt heated all of the sudden. I imagined Sasuke minus the battlefield, just the two of us alone.

What would happen if I got closer to him, close enough to feel him breathing, what would he do if I put my hands in his bare chest and felt his hard muscles, would he stop me? No, it was my fantasy. He would shiver and repeat my name, like a soft low whisper to my ear. He would gently grab my head with one hand and would brush my mouth with his finger, then my cheek, he would linger his finger and trace my shin and then my neck, then my collarbone. I started tracing my body with my hand the same way I imagined Sasuke doing so. My hand was gently resting on top of my bare chest. And then I stopped.

NO. Sasuke is a no, don´t think about him, we are moving on from him, remember. I told myself. But I could see my nipples were hard and I felt myself a little wet. But how am I supposed to enjoy myself and maybe one day in the near future enjoy the company of someone else,if I keep thinking of him, he is not coming back any time soon.

So I grabbed the wine glass and finished the rest of it. Then I looked at the empty glass and the bottle next to it and grabbed the bottle and drank directly from it. Ok Sakura, you and the rest of the world with eyes have seen Sasuke, yes he is handsome and hot and mysterious, but he is not the only one. Think, who else is hot, who else is serious and mysterious and smart and has a low voice like Sasuke and then I had a glimpse of someone and I gasped.

Ew! Not Shikamaru Nara…I mean, he is an attractive man but he is just my friend, and not even the closest of friends, though I guess if I´m thinking of someone while naked in my tub, I'm glad it's no one I see daily, I can't imagine looking at Shikamaru´s eyes next time I see him after almost having dirty thoughts about him. At least it's not someone I see often, like Naruto…no. I instantly felt nauseous, if inner Sakura was around, she would kick myself to death for bringing Naruto´s name to this situation. So between Naruto and Shikamaru, as if they were the only two people my brain could think of, I stuck with Nara.

But why him? I respect him and care about him as one of the Konoha 12 but we are more colleagues than friends, I guess I do see him often but not really give him too much thought. He is always at the Hokage tower and I go there usually, and he was helpful with all the planning of the clinic so I guess we do hang around, but he is usually sitting in complete silence, just focusing on work. Well, like Sasuke, I guess they have something in common.

And last week he came to the hospital to get his physical check up. The policies in Konoha had changed, and now shinobis needed a check up every six months instead of twelve. And I guess I was surprised by how tall he got. I guess being constantly around people makes it hard to notice those physical changes. But he was tall, I noticed while writing down all the information in his report.

And he had gained muscle, surprisingly because I thought he was more into exercising the mind and not the body, especially since he didn't go to missions so often but I guess he still trained…maybe daily. I mean he looked good, kind of thick, that vest and long sleeves were hiding his body. Maybe he should go back to wearing that fishnet shirt.

My mind went blank when I suddenly heard a soft moan leaving my mouth, my eyes shut open and I realized one hand was cupping one breast and my thumb was rubbing softly on my nipple and my other hand was delicately going up and down my inner thigh. Oh my god, I was exploring my body thinking of Shikamaru!.

And I was wet. I felt it. Oh my god. I should stop, I said to myself and then, as usually having one-sided conversations with myself, I replied "but this feels good, and he did look good" and I guess no one had to find out.

I took another sip from the bottle and then I reached out my other breast with my hand and started rubbing my nipple and arched my back towards my hand. It felt good. My other hand was sitting in my inner thigh and I felt self conscious and brought it back to rest on my stomach. So far let's focus on my chest,it feels good enough for now, thinking about my lower half makes me nervous.

I closed my eyes again, and there was Shikamaru. Sitting on the bed in my office, no shirt on. Was he a good kisser? Was he good at sex? He was so smart and the best strategist in Konoha, would that apply to his physical abilities? Was he still a virgin?

I mean Shikamaru is a great friend, he has always been there for everyone, especially Naruto. No. Keep the orange wearing guy out of here. Go back to the dark hair guy with a ponytail.

But he was a good friend and he was trustworthy and a serious person and he was deliciously tan. I guess cloud-gazing did him good. He had a little sunburn on the back of his shoulders.

Did he spend too much time outside without a t-shirt on? What training ground did he usually go to? What would happen if I encountered him shirtless and sweaty one day, and we were both alone. Nothing would happen obviously and it's not like I was going to start spying on all the training grounds for a small chance of that happening.

But he was a good friend, would he be a good lover? What would happen if I asked him out? Do I even want to date him? Do I even have to? Maybe we can have just a teenage fling. I bet he would be mature enough to keep feelings and professionalism apart while still having a friends with benefits relationship with me.

Nope, Sakura focus, you can touch yourself without planning to date someone. I bet most people have dirty thoughts about others while touching themselves, right? There's nothing wrong about it, no one gets hurt, no one needs to find out. Has anyone touched themselves while thinking of me? Has Sasuke ever pleasured himself? What would he fantasize about? Did he think of other women?

Goddamn Sakura, now you are getting upset and jealous and the water is getting cold and you are nowhere near to finish what you started. Stop thinking of him! God I wish I would hate him. But ok Sakura. Breath in. Breath through. Breathe deep. Breathe out. Grab the Uchiha boy and throw him far away from your thoughts and bring back the shadows guy.

Oooh shadows, was he able to do stuff with his shadows? I started laughing, I´m not even sure how to kiss someone and I'm already going down the kinky rabbithole. What would he even do with his shadows?

A chill ran through my body.

What would he even do with his shadows?

Ok, focus, you don't have the expertise to go that far, keep it simple. So back to my office. With Shikamaru. On a hospital bed. With no shirt. Delicious tan. Broad shoulders. Toned arms. Thick back. Nice abs. Interesting V-shape pointing down to a patch of hair down his pants.

Fantasy Sakura approached Fantasy Shikamaru, placed her hands on his hips and slowly circled to his back and just with her fingertips explored his toned and muscular back, Fantasy Shikamaru grabbed Fantasy Sakura´s hips and pull her closer, opening her legs with his knee, brushing that special sensitive part of her. He kept one hand on her hip and brought the other up to the back of her neck and gently but firmly pulled her face up for a kiss. A soft kiss. The press of lips on others, slowly parting apart letting enough space for Fantasy Shikamaru to slip his tongue and then…

Fuck! Why was he here? I felt a chakra signature approaching and heard footsteps going up the stairs. I quickly stood up from the tub, dried myself fast and put on my Yukata and heard the knock on my door.

I looked at myself in the mirror, I looked like a tomato, my whole face was red from my neck to my ears. A second knock on the door. I hurried myself and opened the door.

"Hey" said Nara freaking Shikamaru with a bored look on his face.

But quickly his eyes focused on my face and something caught his attention. He was looking thoroughly at my face. Why was he looking at me like that? What was he thinking?

"Are you okay?" he said "Your face is red as hell"

Oh.

"I.. umm, I was you know taking a hot bath with a hot cup of tea and I guess the heath and all that you know." I said. Really Sakura, that's the best answer you came up with.

With zero discretion, his gaze went down to my neck, then to my chest, my robe, though not overly revealing, was not completely closed, so he could see a little bit of cleavage then down to my breasts, then down to my legs and slowly back up to my face with a smirk on his face.

Chill ran through my body, I felt my face getting even hotter if possible, my chest started beating fast and my nipples harder. My body was betraying me.

But he was looking at me differently, his eyes darkened and that smirk. Why? Was he attracted to me? What if my fantasy manifested him? I mean this is the first time he came to my house, when I was literally about to pleasure myself thinking of him. Maybe the universe was telling me something. Should I take it as a sign to pull him closer and kiss him?

Great, my mind was betraying me.

"Sakura?" He said with that smirk on his face

"What?" Focus Sakura

"Can I come in?" he asked "It will be quick"

"Why? I mean sure, come on in" I step back and let him inside and then close the door behind.

Shikamaru in my house, me with nothing but a yukata on. Shikamaru in my house, right when I was thinking things I would never confess to anyone. Shikamaru in my house, standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. Snapped out of it Sakura.

"I´m sorry Shikamaru, it was a long day at the hospital and I have so many things in my mind, I got distracted again." That's slightly better, Sakura. "Do you want a cup of tea?"

"No, I´ll be out quick" he went to sit down at the couch in the living room and I followed him "Sasuke faced some guys who were doing shady stuff and had a bunch of herbs and plants with them and they had this scroll, which he sent to us, but its encrypted and I think the key to the scroll must have to do with something medical so I thought of coming here to ask for your help."

"Sasuke-kun sent it? Did he sent anything else" I asked

"Yes, both nothing concerning you or your needed skills unless for this specific scroll." He said with a bored expression.

Sure, he has maintained contact with Kakashi, informing him of events outside the village. Was it so hard to send a "hello" note among all the other stuff?

"So" he continued "the scroll is kind of complicated to decode and I don't get the medical stuff and I was thinking you can help me. Kakashi agrees, so he already let the hospital know you´ll be spending the day with me working on it and I was walking home and decided to stop by, because I know you are usually awake really early for your shift but we have a meeting with the elders tomorrow morning and I will be free until the afternoon. So I just wanted to let you know that you can get up late and enjoy your morning, and I´ll see you tomorrow at 2 pm, ok?"

"Sure, see you there then." I said, while he was standing up. Did he need to come inside for such a short talk? "Is there anything else I can help you with?"

He stared at me again. Not subtle at all. Was he always like this?

"Not for now" he said walking towards the door "See you tomorrow, Sakura"

He winked at me and one second later he was gone.

Was all of this necessary? He could´ve had an ANBU agent let me know tomorrow, why enter my house? Why visit me at all? Or maybe it was completely normal behavior and I am just overthinking because I feel guilty.

I felt defeated. I don't know why. I walked slowly to my room and got on my bed.

Sasuke sent a message to Konoha. Not to me. Was it so difficult for him to reach out? Maybe I should contact him? He will probably roll his eyes and be annoyed. Because I annoyed him.

And tomorrow I will spend the day with Shikamaru, alone, after spending part of my night having sexual fantasies about him.

Great.

And Sasuke wrote to Kakashi but not to me. Why would he? He has no interest in me.

I growled to my pillow and kept thinking about everything that just happened. I almost touched myself for the first time thinking of Shikamaru. I would've gotten my first orgasm thinking of Nara instead of Uchiha.

But why would it be thinking of him, he doesn't care. In just one second Shikamaru looked at me with more desire than Sasuke would ever do.

Sasuke would never look at me like that. Shikamaru did.

Sasuke doesn't even bother to write to me.

Where is he now?

And once again. I fall asleep thinking of Sasuke.