Falling Back One Life

by Silver-Entrantress-Elf

Bilbo Baggins had made his peace, accepted his regrets, and was ready for death even though the ones that he would call family were beyond his reach. Such was the reality for a Hobbit who had fallen in love with a King that had died before his time and made a family from a mismatched group of questing Dwarrow. He never expected what happened next could have been possible. BB/TO

11. The Morning After

With the morning light awareness came to the satisfied Hobbit slowly as he enjoyed the long missed feeling of having connected with his heart song intimately and waking up in Thorin's arms. Because of that enjoyment, the realization that he was still a fool for all of him promising himself that there would be no chance of his Heart Song's seed catching while they were on their journey came to him only when one of the many pleasant aches he was experiencing registered fully. He hadn't partaken in any preventative the night before as he had sworn he would. Bilbo swallowed the spike of fear down as he gingerly lifted the still sleeping dwarf's arm from his middle and eased himself out of bed. His body protested at the movement, the aches from the acts it had been part of last night not at all happy with him for doing anything other than relaxing.

While less effective, as his lover's seed had gotten the night's head start to its destination, he could have some tea to try and prevent what he foolishly allowed to be a chance. He fumbled a little, ignoring the soreness left behind by the night before as he dug out his special tea. Once that was well in hand, or rather tucked away securely in his pocket, he threw a sleeping robe over his night clothes and fought himself over if It was necessary to write a note before seeking out a cup of hot water. He wouldn't want Thorin to worry if he woke alone, now would he?

In the end Biblo did write a note explaining his absence in terms of retrieving breakfast and promising his Heart Song that he would be back soon, before sneaking from his rooms down the still quiet elven halls. While he could have probably called for the water to be brought to his room he much preferred getting it for himself. He was not such a spoiled hobbit that disturbed someone's peace for the sake of a tea he only needed now because he had been foolish enough not to take it before indulging himself. No, that would be far too mortifying, especially if they happened to stay for his preparation and recognized the blend or took offense that he was using his own stock instead of one of the wonderful blends they offered here. One could never quite know what sort of thing would offend an elf, especially if said elf felt as if they were being snubbed.

Using the memories that he held from a lifetime ago he found the kitchen's in short order. From there it was not a hardship to arrange for a tray of breakfast foods and a teapot to take back to his heart song, the food an addition that hopefully camouflaged that he was only after the water in their teapot from all involved. While he didn't doubt that the dwarrow that he traveled with would be well aware of the odds of what he and their king had gotten up to, he knew that there was a chance the Elves would not be. And besides the boys the Elves were the only ones who would be aware of the chances he might conceive from such an act.

Bilbo didn't want to think of what one of his mother's dearest friends would do if he thought there was a chance that Bilbo may swell with a fauntling before this quest was complete. At this point in their last life Thorin had not yet admitted that Bilbo was his one, let alone taken him to bed so it hadn't been a worry he had experienced during this stay. During that time their host had no reason to be concerned about Bilbo experiencing such a delicate state during Gandalf's quest because of their connection either, however on his return journey the elf had known the full extent of his loss and had sworn that he wouldn't have allowed Bilbo to leave his halls had he even suspected. As they were in the older beings Kingdom the threat to detain Bilbo for his well being was especially potent should it become known that he was having relations with his Heart Song, even if it hadn't been made yet. The Dwarrow wouldn't have a chance of taking him back if that should happen. Not without a disagreement that they didn't need with what was to come ahead of them still.

He quickly made his way back to his rooms, and was thankful to find his lover hadn't woken up while he was gone. That meant that he wouldn't face questions as to why he was drinking his own blend from the other man just yet, and that he wouldn't have to decide if he was going to lie about the blend use either. Bilbo quickly prepared his cup of tea, feeling a stab of guilt as he did. While he hadn't deliberately hid the fact that his race allowed him to carry from Thorin in their last life he was definitely doing so in this one. Both so the already stressed king didn't become paranoid every time they coupled, and to avoid the inevitable question of if it had happened in their last life because Bilbo hadn't had access to this tea and they had coupled frequently before they had recaptured Erebor.

Hiding their child's existence and death wasn't something Bilbo took pleasure in doing. It hadn't ever been, even if he had never mentioned the child to Frodo when he told the lad his adventuring tales. But he knew without a doubt that couldn't explain it now. Not when their journey had just begun, and there would be dangers that couldn't be avoided ahead of them. If taking the tea proved to be ineffective because of the time that had passed during the night, well Bilbo would cross that bridge when it happened. Because Fili and Kili knew both of his ability to carry, and had identified that he was pregnant before Bilbo himself had in their last life hiding this slip up from them would be key. Bilbo knew that they hadn't been kidding about whisking him off if the circumstances repeated this time, and again that wasn't something that could happen because Bilbo was the one that was needed for the dragon.

Once the dragon was taken care of, and the army fought, if Bilbo proved to be carrying there would be time for explanations. And angry lectures, of many he was sure there would be. Bilbo would plead his case and ask for forgiveness only then. And then he would have to figure out what to do with the ring while he came to term and after. Eru that would be a mess in itself, since the ring had to be destroyed before it instigated yet another disaster and he wouldn't just hold onto it to pass off to Frodo in this life. Bilbo sighed softly, shaking his head as he waited for the tea to finish brewing.

There was so much to do that Thorin didn't know of, and yet Bilbo knew that he couldn't speak of just yet. It was his burden to carry solely, not something to dump onto the Dwarf who had more than enough to plan just to stay alive this time. Because the ring and the baby, while important, didn't take precedence over helping the dwarrow reclaim their home simply because the knowledge of either event wouldn't aid in defeating the dragon. Bilbo speaking of things that had happened after his boys died would only spark more stress and anger. Which would only be a distraction from what they must do in the short term. The longer the hobbit stood thinking, the more his mind created rambling excuses to justify his actions.

Finally the tea had steeped long enough. Bilbo grimaced a little as he picked up the cup and sipped at the liquid inside, knowing that the blend would be bitter and he wouldn't be able to use sugar at all. He didn't know if the addition of sweet to the potent mix would truly render the mixture ineffective, or if it was the old biddies who ran the apothecary in town's way of punishing the naughty hobbits who may have use of the mix but he wasn't about to chance it given the urgency of preventing conception at this time.

Perhaps later, after the kingdom was claimed, the ring destroyed and he had one fauntling in arm he would try just to be sure though. Then it wouldn't truly matter if seed took, and if the biddies were wrong he could correct their belief. Or at least inform their poor targets of the truth. Amusement mellowed the guilt and panic Bilbo had been experiencing since his failure to prepare had registered after waking, leaving a much calmer Hobbit for Thorin to find when the smell of food roused him.

"Just what made you so merry this early in the morning?" Thorin's voice questioned, breaking through Bilbo's pleasant wonderings. The Hobbit finished off his tea without a grimace before setting the cup down and looking at his Heart song. His heart swelled at the smug look painting his king's face, and the bared chest that stirred other pleasant thoughts. Truly, being able to experience this sight was an experience, considering thier last life's trysts had always ended long before the morning came. This was a first for them both.

"A good night's sleep, after a night well spent you smug dwarf. As I'm sure you're well aware of considering how relaxed you are. Since I woke first I brought breakfast and hot water though I won't force you to drink the leaf tea. I'm well aware of your opinion of even the finest blends our host could offer us." He replied cheerfully. Thorin snorted, before sitting up and leaning against the headboard. Bilbo shamelessly watched the way his lovers muscles moved as he repositioned himself with interest. If Bilbo didn't suspect that their nephew's would soon find a way to their room he may have been tempted to initiate another bout in the bed at the sight.

But, like many things, such an event would have to wait. Bilbo was a Baggins, not some mindless beast out to sate his baser needs after all. He did have some sense of proprietary, even if much of it had been lost over the years. Imagining Fili and Kili stumbling in on them together was enough to put a damper on any urges in any case. Thorin looked over the meal Bilbo brought with a quiet sort of happiness in his gaze. Of course Bilbo drank in this sight as well, a different sort of appreciation growing in him. This was yet another experience Bilbo had never gotten to have with his Heart song. A quiet morning, with a warm bed and good food and nothing demanding their time since the map couldn't be ready just yet.

"I hope to have many more mornings such as this filling our future Bilbo." Thorin murmured, shattering the quiet moment with his voiced hopes. Bilbo pushed down the wave of sadness that unexpectedly swelled inside of him. While Thorin may not have had to live the decades alone that Bilbo had, it was clear they shared the same hopes. The same regrets. How he had ever battled the Fadings Call for Frodo Bilbo would never understand. Not when he had Thorin back and could feel this deeply again. He smiled, hoping it wasn't too shaky.

"I do as well. So don't go and get your fool self killed." He scolded, before picking up the tray and making his way to the bed. Letting the regrets and sadness of the life they had lived before swallow him whole would do neither one of them any good. And Bilbo refused to have this morning marred by the past that they were in the process of changing. He would enjoy this meal with the one who completed him and he wouldn't think of the Fading's Call, that damned ring or the child he had lost. Thorin had the decency to look regretful for a moment, before he settled the tray and they began their meal.