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Espacole and Spork

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Shepard shot up as EDI's voice broke her out of her half-asleep nap, "Commander, the Rannoch fleet has detected the Batarian war-fleet at the edge of the system. They are forwarding a threat-assessment as we speak, and it will be ready by the time the scout-fleets have rejoined with fleet-actual. Jeff is en route to the cockpit as we speak, and would like you to meet him there."

"On my way." She grunted as Tali rolled off her side of the bed and grabbed Shepard's chest-plate, turning to help her get it on while Shepard woke up. It only ever took her a minute to shake of the fog but she still smiled as she turned, letting Tali press the back to her armor on. "How are you still always faster than me?"

"Hm?"

"At waking up."

"Emergencies happen in the Fleet all the time." Tali paused then chuckled under her breath, "Well, happened, I suppose. But anyway, you had to be ready to react whenever. Lot of people are light sleeps for it."

"Tracks." She nodded, pursing her lips, "You ready for this?"

"It won't be our first, hm, engagement in space, exactly, will it?"

"Har har." She faux-laughed at the Quarian's pass at a dirty joke. "I meant… This could be the start of a war, Tali. And not one we can fight with kid gloves, with the Reapers coming."

"I know." She felt Tal's hands land on her waist, digging in enough for her to feel them well even through her body-suit - and enough to be reassuring. Shepard leaned back, into the contact and into her partner's chest, and felt all the better for it. Quietly, the Quarian assured her, "I believe in you, Shepard. If this is coming, it is coming. And you can get us through it."

"But, I'm…" She frowned, "We're causing this. Me, Anderson, this is all-"

"A way to get ready to face the Reapers." Tali cut her off, "The best way. The Batarians would never work with us. Best case, they'd be a distraction. Worst?"

"A source of Husks…" Shepard nodded, frowning. Even if they wouldn't be the same type, per se, as the Human ones, she knew from what they'd learned about the Reapers that they turned their foes into weapons to point at the enemy. Spies or mangled, monstrous foot soldiers, the Batarians as they were would only feed the Reaper war machine.

"Exactly." Tali nodded, "The bloodshed isn't going away. We're just… Choosing when it happens."

"Alright." She sighed, reluctantly pulling away from the other woman and reaching for her boots. "Let's get it done, then…"

"Mhm." Tali nodded, turning to pick up a gauntlet and adding, "And then, dinner?"

"Hah." She smiled, "Sounds like a plan."

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Joker eased his baby into line between a pair of Geth destroyers, and tried his very best to remind himself they were friendlies, and not going to, you know, open up those torpedo tubes he could see on their flanks right into his port and starboard side. Which would rip the ship apart regardless of the barriers he had up, especially if their mass accelerators which he could also see along the sides, just above the torpedo tubes, decided to join in. Which would send him drifting through space with nothing but soft synthread and cotton clothes between him and a molten death of radiation and suffocation - assuming he survived the fireball and Eezo core overloading.

So he was having a fun time all around!

He heard the Commander step into his cockpit before EDI's little alert - a little blue light on his display - lit up and smiled, "Commander. How was paradise? Any cool shower scenes I can watch back later? You know, for research purposes."

"I'd hit you if you wouldn't shatter." She growled, slapping the back of his chair good-naturedly. She didn't let the humor hang, though, grunting, "What are we up against?"

"Mostly corvettes, destroyers and frigates." EDI answered her, "Which is as was expected. However, the Batarians' fleet composition includes surviving Heretic ships. They number between fifty and sixty ships. Long range interference, likely from Geth electronic warfare, is preventing perfectly accurate counts. We are also unable to determine their fighter complements, beyond that all the Batarian frigates are likely light support carriers."

"Are they hanging back?"

"Yep." Joker grunted, flicked a display of the long-range scans up onto the main display so she could see it. It was a simple layout, with a vast stretch of empty space just outside an asteroid belt where their blue dots were moving into formation slowly while, far across empty space, the red dots of the enemy fanning out behind a swarm of easily thirty or forty smaller ones that flitted on and off of the screen as the long range lost and found them - or others. "See 'em, at the back there? Nice, solid line. Alliance training says their probably Braha'tok class, with long range missile tubes to support."

"And shitty ones at that." He heard the frown in Shepard's words and frowned himself. "They never were good at ship-to-ship fire… So why send them here? The Hegemony isn't bright, but they aren't idiots either. They know these aren't useful."

"I mean," Joker shrugged, "they're here, so… Maybe they don't agree?"

"It is possible they simply sent what they had at hand, due to limited time and supply." EDI offered quietly, "Another possibility is that the ships have been altered. Or that this is a faction within the Hegemony's military acting on its own directives, and thus they are limited in terms of fieldable craft."

"Estimates on strength there?" Shepard asked, "With the fighters?"

"A hundred or so." EDI answered smoothly, "More than ours. But too many to all be Geth platform fighters, based on long-range scans of the fleet itself."

"Unless they berthed them on their hulls." Joker grunted, scratching at his chin idly as he watched the red dots move closer. "I mean, that's what we're doing, right? Why wouldn't they think of it."

"Batarians are idiots?"

"It was a suggestion made by the Geth." EDI pointed out in that cold, dry tone she always used when she wasn't happy with whatever she was saying, It was a slight thing, but one Joker was getting better at picking up on as time went on. "A purely logical suggestion to carry more potential fighting capability. It is perfectly reasonable to consider that the Heretic forces would also come to the same conclusion."

"Assume the worst." She grunted, "How do we look?"

"None are large enough to be heavy bombers." EDI answered, "I predict casualties. But we should win."

"And you aren't just telling us that to be nice?" Joker asked, making finger quotes in the air as he mouthed the words over-dramatically, "'To save the weak, frail little humans all that nasty, nasty stress' and all that?"

"I assure you that I am being forthright, although I do prefer my meat-bags more relaxed." He blinked and turned, slowly, rotating his chair just enough to look at EDI's little avatar. And she sighed, tiredly, and said, "That was a joke…"

"Right…" Joker muttered, snorting as he turned back to his control scheme and shook his head. "Remind me to check your search history. Last thing we need is you watching the Terminator or whatever…"

"But Jeff," she said, "I've already seen all twenty two of them."

"That fills me with so much comfort…" He sighed, receiving the signal to move up into formation with the destroyers, flanking the former Live-ship and the heavier Geth frigates that surrounded it and pushed forward a bit protectively. Their destroyers fanned out in two wings to either side of it, like horns curving around and forward. Sighing, he asked, "Which was your favorite?"

"The second."

"Eh," Joker shrugged, grimacing, "first was the best, but second was pretty good, too. Commander, we're waiting for the Batarian ships to act."

"And how long will that take, do we-"

"Detecting thermal build-up." Joker cut in as his sensors lit up, bright reds washing the rear ends of all the Batarian ships as they suddenly accelerated. "Engines are active, hard-burning towards us. Combat sensors will be locked on inside three minutes, Ma'am, but the Quarian captain is suggesting we move to engage on our own."

"Negative." Shepard grunted in his ear, leaning down over the arm of his seat so she could see what he did. Quietly, she went on, "Allied fleet, please receive. We move to engage, the Hegemony will just pin this all on us. This needs to be them starting hostilities. Prime Barriers and brace for incoming fire. The minute they open up, move to combat stages."

"Acknowledged."

"Great. I love playing bait for four-eyed psychopaths…"

"Tali, how's the Thanix's power supply looking?" Joker asked quietly as the 'horns' of their formation spread out ever so slightly more to either side, opening space to avoid collateral fire as best they could. A little light on his console blinked bright green, the Quarian too busy working to answer, and he sighed as he settled in, "God damn it, Shepard, I hate this political shit. I swear if it wouldn't shatter my hand, I'd knock you-"

"Open the long-range comm, open broadcast." Joker knew better than to argue, or even quip, when she took that tone and just sighed and flicked the signal-feeder to the right channel, upped the range to max, and waved for her to go ahead. She leaned forward, as if the well-tuned audio systems needed her to, and spoke in that same firm, authoritarian voice she so often relied on in times like these, "Batarian Fleet, this is Commander Shepard, Alliance Navy operating joint with Council authority in this region as a recognized Spectre. Transmitting ident-codes now. By Citadel law, you are commanded to-"

"We are not in Human or Council space, Commander." A rough, deep voice rasped as someone tagged onto the pointedly open line. She flicked him a look, leaning over his shoulder, that asked if there was a vid-feed and he shook his head.

"Regardless," she sighed, leaning back, "firing on my ship is an act of war the Alliance will act on. And the Council-"

"Are dogs collared and leashes by you pathetic apes." The Batarian snarled as their fleet crept closer and closer to engagement range. "This is Batarian space. Our claim on it stretches back decades, only contested by the wretched Geth. And they have agreed to grant it to us."

"Those are Heretics, they don't represent-"

"You have your treaties, we have ours." The Batarian snapped hotly, "Leave or we will enforce them, and drag your corpse in front of the Council when we go to defend it. This dialogue is done!"

"Well…" Joker sighed, "Once again, your diplomatic chops are impressive! Oh look, they're launching torpedoes!"

"Take evasive action!" She snapped, though Joker could her the faintest traces of amusement in her voice - even as hard as she tried to hide it. "Allied vessels, as a representative of the Council, I am officially stating that engagement is green."

"And unofficially?" The Quarian captain asked with a weary sigh.

"Give them all a space walk, the slaving bastards." She shrugged, turning and leaving the cockpit to get to her secure cabin while Joker handled the fight.

He shrugged and took the lead with his 'wing' of lighter ships, moving forward and closing in so the Quarian and Geth ships could open up with their defence lasers while both 'horns' passed each other. The cheap, old torpedoes the Batarians used lit the dark of space up in bright splashes of color as the advanced GARDIAN systems, and the Geth's own far more advanced defensive measures, found the unshielded, electronically unguarded torpedoes and ripped them apart. Why there were even there was revealed moments later, though, as the faster, more advanced and harder to detect, Geth missiles shot through the debris.

Emergency read-outs blasted from the closer Quarian destroyers as they impacted, and the Captain leading the combat directed them out and away while the heavier line moved forward and the fighters shot into the middle to meet each other. At Joker's signal, the two horns rocketed away and curved around in a wide arc, banking into a flanking maneuever that brought them right into view of the Batarian warships' long flanks. Then the formation broke apart, scattering as the ensconced cannons opened fire, lobbing cluster munitions at them as if the Batarians were piloting some kind of ancient pirates' ship.

It worked, though, the shrapnel peppering even his Barriers as he twisted the Normandy up so that it was flying with its wings 'up' and 'down' on its approach to the Batarian ship. The Thanix 'whumped' as it often did when it fired, and the superheated metal splashed into the destroyers' flanks. The old, layered navel armor the Batarians favored worked like butter protecting it from a molten knife and Joker spun up as he turned, peppering a frigate in pulse-fire as he passed, easily overwhelming the Batarian barriers and ripping into its side, too.

Pulling away, he let Geth bombers fall in his wake as he moved for the frigates firing their long range missiles-

And felt the ship shudder around him as one struck and instruments went haywire. Only a heartbeat passed before everything settled for them but, further out, the smaller destroyers and escort frigates the Quarians and friendly Geth had sent were spinning through space, disabled by…

"Viral missiles." EDI reported quickly as he and the Geth bombers turned, assaulting the heavier ships as they got to work popping the friendly ships, "Geth ships are recovering more quickly. I am assisting Quarian vessels, but-"

"Lemme guess 'prioritize the heavy ships'?"

"Yes." She sighed, "Do that, please."

He grunted and turned, brows furrowing as he sighed, "Never simple, is it…?"

The next ship, a larger Geth destroyer, survived the Thanix hit. But it overloaded the ship's barriers on that side and his pulse-fire, and a bomb cluster from a friendly bomber still trailing him, blew in damn near in two as he passed by and peppered a cluster of enemy fighters turning to swarm him. Half a dozen went up in little puffs of smoke like popcorn, but some got through. Their light rounds overwhelmed the forward bit of his shields by sheer mass, not taking it down so much as hurling so much fire at it that some simply… Slipped through. But their advanced armor meant they lost little more than paint.

Even so, he growled, "Hands off the baby, chumps!"

And, spinning, he opened up with the defensive flare launchers and anti-missile shrapnel dischargers. Normally meant for defense, to scramble missiles and rip up torpedoes when GARDIAN defenses failed or were overheating, they were still more than a small threat against the swarm of fighters. Fighters that scattered as he punched through their formation, one impacting on his Barriers and hurtling away in a crumpled heap as dozens more were destroyed utterly. And all they managed even then was a dip in his barriers and some lost paint…

They did zero his trailing bomber, though, but the Geth could upload out of their platforms, now.

So he moved on, sighting the next frigate and checking thermal systems for the Thanix.

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Captain Charn sat at the edge of the system in his private cabin, watching the battle play out in the distance as his own more advanced ship took its leave. It was a shame, he felt as he watched the Geth ships and his own brothers and sisters in arms die, to lose so many brave souls. And the valuable material the Heretics who had agreed to donate some of their simpler ships to their cause, of course. But the Hegemony had elected to pay the price needed to replace them, and he had never been one to go against his orders.

At least not obviously…

To think he'd meet Shepard here, though. What an odd stroke of fortune…

"Sir." The scientist in charge of studying the battle reported, voice laced in the faintest static. "We have acquired all the data we need on the Normandy to guess what the best Alliance vessels will likely have. I suggest withdrawing, before we are noticed."

"Hmph." He hummed, ignoring her while he thought to himself. An odd stroke of fortune indeed, that she'd end up here, right at the front of a war with his people. It was almost poetry. Like design. Finally, he grunted, "Fine. Take us home."

It was time for a war that had been brewing for decades…

Whoever their intel had come from, the Hegemony needed to keep them close. They were an invaluable asset.

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Krazyfan :

XD

The Rosey Nomad :

Oh that's right! Been a minute so slipped my mind - but Penny stayed with Shepard! Muahaha, here comes angst! Pain! Suffering for my pretties!

Capttaindickscratcher :

It is. But in a military, you aren't often told EVERYTHING. Especially when it's advantageous not to do so. Shepard is the commander here. This was just a military gamble that went wrong in a way she could not have foreseen.

Lea :

No, Light isn't a peeping tom. Lmao. I don't actually know what you mean? And yes, Light's fuckery will get him some problems if he doesn't cut it out. However, if you read between the lines in Charn's section, there's some… Implications laced.