KAGEYAMA
I'm laying in Akaashi bed staring at the ceiling. I couldn't stay in that house last night. I tried but all I could think about was Hinata. Before I realized it I was crying. Then I realized it was best for me to leave. Akaashi opened his door to me not even thinking twice. I showered and then gave him what Hinata clearly doesn't want from me.
"That was great," mutters Akaashi as his finger dances on my chest. I chuckle lightly because it tickles.
"Glad you're happy," I reply. Deep down I feel terrible for coming to Akaashi after what happened. I know the best thing for me to do is to be alone. Feel my emotions but….I couldn't bare it.
"I should fix us some lunch," he sighs. "What you in the mood to munch on?" I grab his hand holding it.
"Good question," I reply. Akaashi smirks.
"You want steak?" he asks. I look at him.
"How did you know?" I inquire.
"I know a little something something," says Akaashi sitting up. He slides out of bed allowing me to see his naked body. He walks to his draw pulling out some sweat pants and a tee shirt. "I will shower in a bit. Got to get some food in you. I know you burned some major calories last night." I blush causing Akaashi to giggle. "I will let you know when the food is ready." He heads out of the room and I stare back at the ceiling my mind busy with thoughts. Akaashi has been really good to me. Why did I have to fall in love with Hinata instead of him? I sit up grabbing some clothes I left here before. I head into the kitchen to see Akaashi is at the stove placing potatoes into a pot. "I figured I would fix up some sides as well. Got a 16 oz ribeye for you."
"That is a lot of meat," I reply. "It's perfect." I sit down at the island as Akaashi takes the meat down. I notice his piece is smaller. "You didn't want a 16oz?"
"Hell no," he laughs. "The 9oz is the perfect size for me. I will cook the greens following the potatoes being ready."
"I'm not rushing you," I reply. "I appreciate all the details none the less." Akaashi faces me leaning back against the counter.
"Are you okay Tobio?" he asks softly. "I know something is upsetting you." I stare at Akaashi not sure if I want to talk to him about Hinata. Akaashi does a little nod. "You don't have to speak on it. Let me know if there is anything I can do for you and I will do it."
"You already are," I reply. Akaashi looks at me smiling. This makes me happy. I can tell he is happy with me. He likes my honesty I believe. "Is it okay if I stay here until school starts back up?" Akaashi appears surprised.
"Sure," he replied. "I will get you a key."
"Thank you," I reply. "Will Bokuto be okay with that?"
"He will be fine with it," replies Akaashi. "Thanks for asking though." He goes quiet for a moment. "I don't need a relationship from you Tobio. Although I am enjoying our time together." He smiles. "I like the idea of you staying here. That way we can see what it is like to be….around each more often." He laughs lowly covering his face. "I sound stupid." I stand up walking over to him.
"No you don't," I reply grabbing his hand. "Living with someone is intimate. There is no hiding. Not that I am but when you are living someone you get to see everything. The good times, the bad…." Akaashi nods.
"I'm so glad you understand that," he replies. "Some guys would want me to move in with them and I wouldn't do it without a test run first."
"Smart man you are," I reply. Akaashi leans in kissing me. The way he is kissing me I can tell he cares about me. "Hm, anything I can help with?"
"Sure," he replies. Akaashi begins to instruct me how to cook the asparagus. He is cooking it in the oven which is something I have never done before. We have a nice chat over the lunch he just prepared. It's so strange because I can see myself being with him but not at the same time. I decide to head to the house knowing that Hinata is with Miya. I unlock the door heading inside. I can smell bacon in the air. I'm sure that means Hinata cooked. Asahi doesn't cook often. I make my way to room grabbing my medium size luggage before deciding to go with my larger one. I plan to be there for the next two weeks. I need work clothes, workout clothes, briefs, socks, sleeping clothes, toiletries. I begin to move around my room packing everything up in 40 minutes. I wanted to ensure I didn't forget anything. I head down the stairs seeing Asahi is in the kitchen warming up something in the microwave. Smells good whatever it is.
"Hey," he says eyeing the bag in my hand. "You moving out?"
"No," I reply walking over to him. "I wouldn't move out without saying anything. I'm just going to stay with Akaashi for a while." Asahi nods. "You know what happened don't you?"
"I do," he replies. I could tell by the look on his face. "I understand how you feel."
"Do you?" I inquire. I can feel my body tense making me take a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I don't have the right to be mad at anyone. I did this to myself."
"Hey man," he says softly. "We all make mistakes. I can't even talk to Yuu…." Noya? Why is bringing him up? Does that mean…. "Yuu and I were friends with benefits." I am stunned as I stare at him. He's serious. I notice he looks very glum. "It started his 3rd year. I didn't think anything of it. It was kind of nice being with him in that way. I thought it was going to lead something but then he fell to pieces finding out Tanaka and Kiyoko made things official. Yuu then told me about him going to travel the world. He has never brought this up before. Yuu was planning to attend my college. We were suppose to be roommates." I continue to look at Asahi fighting not to break down.
"I love him," he says finally. "I love him more than anything in this world. He doesn't feel the same way about me. At all."
"I'm so sorry," I reply. Asahi chuckles surprising me.
"About as sorry as I am for you," he replies. He does understand. He wasn't just saying it.
"How did you move past it?" I ask. "How do you stop loving him?"
"I didn't," he says bitterly. "I learned to live with it." My heart falls. How can I live with such an emotion. I can't… "I know it hurts man. You learn to live with the pain. It's why I can't date Tadashi. I know he doesn't understand but I can't hurt Tsukishima in that way. Besides I know my heart isn't in it. It's still with Yuu…."
"You and Yamaguchi were a thing?" I inquired. I wasn't sure what was going on between them. I want to respect people's decisions like I expect them to respect mine.
"Not really," he says with a shrug. "We kind of just connected, started fooling around until I ended things this morning. I never saw him so angry." I can't even picture Yamaguchi angry. He is always smiling, and happy.
"Do you think he loved you?" I ask.
"I don't think so," Asahi replies scratching the back of his head. "He was well on his way though." I believe that. I don't talk to Yamaguchi often but he was coming around more often. He was clearly content.
"I'm sorry for him," I reply.
"I know I am doing the right thing," says Asahi. "Tsukishima was drunk accidentally confessing to him." I know it was accident. Tsukishima barely wanted to tell me how he felt about Yamaguchi. That liquid courage is a total bitch. "I'm not sure what we will do about spring break."
"It will be fine," I reply. Asahi looks concerned.
"Are you sure?" he inquires. I fold my arms.
"Yes," I say sternly. "I'm not ruining my spring break because Hinata is dating Miya."
"Hinata is dating Miya!" exclaims Asahi. "When did this happen?"
"Last night" I hiss. I am done with this conversation. I'm about to get upset all over again. "I will bring Akaashi with me on spring break as I am sure Hinata will bring Miya." Asahi nods his head quickly.
"I get it," he replies. "Do what you got to do." I am looking forward to this spring break. An upscale cabin, hot tub, several rooms, plenty of space. The small town makes it seem more like something you would see out of a movie or something.
"Thanks for listening to me," I reply. Asahi nods.
"No problem," he replies. "You know most of us can see that you love Hinata. We weren't sure if it was friends or something more."
"It developed into something more," I reply. "At least for me it did. I'm not ashamed but I wish he felt the same." Asahi pats my shoulder.
"Take as much time as you need," he replies. I nod grabbing the strap on my laptop bag. I head out to my car making way back over to Akaashi. I use the key he provided me heading inside the apartment. I see Bokuto in the kitchen fixing a sandwich he turns to me grinning.
"Hi roomie!" he greets. I chuckle sliding my shoes off.
"It's just for a few weeks," I reply.
"Sure it is," he replies taking a bite of his sandwich.
"Keiji in the room?" I inquire.
"Yup," replies Bokuto. "Sad you guys didn't leave me any food."
"It would have been better fresh," I reply.
"Um hm," he replies. "My boy was tired this morning. I wonder why." I blush deciding to take my leave. "It don't have to be like that!" He chuckles. I already know I will certainly be more quiet when having sex with Akaashi when he is home. I open the door to see Akaashi in bed. His eyes are close as he is rolled on his side. He opens them looking at me.
"Did I wake you?" I inquire sitting my bag down softly.
"No," he replies. "I was just drifting off. Glad I caught you. I cleared the left side of the draw and closet for you."
"You didn't have to do that," I reply walking over to Akaashi as he sits up.
"You will be staying here," he replies grabbing my hand. "I want you to feel at home." I become nervous because he is so giving. Does he want a relationship with me? I know he said he didn't want one but his actions are saying otherwise. I shift my eyes feeling ashamed I can't give him that. "Don't be sad Tobio. I know you don't want a relationship and that is okay. I want to be there for you." My eyes connect with his.
"I like you Keiji" I whisper. "I just….." I drop my head becoming emotional. I love Hinata so much. Everything hurts knowing he doesn't feel the same way.
"It's okay," he says soothingly. "I know you like me just as much as I like you. We don't have to rush to be in a relationship. I like that we are taking our time." I smile at him. I lean down kissing him. Akaashi softly moans into the kiss.
"You're amazing," I whisper.
"Um hm," he whimpers. "I want to have sex with you…..right now…." I open my eyes to see the lust in Akaashi eyes.
"Okay," I reply smirking.
TWO WEEKS LATER
I'm sitting in my room working on a schedule for this last spring semester of my senior year. This is important. Not only will I be taking these last few classes I will also be trying out for the league in April. Two weeks before try outs is our Spring Break. May is our graduation. This is going to be a tight schedule. I sigh staring at the computer screen because this is the first time Hinata will not be apart of my schedule since freshmen year.
Hinata has reached out to me but I never responded to any of his messages. I know I am being petty but I can't help it. It's hard for me to talk to him as if I don't love him. Hinata is in a relationship. The last thing I need is to cross any lines. I know I could do that easily without even trying. Our chemistry is natural, strong. It's best I keep my distance until I get everything under control. I know Tsukishima is going through the same thing. Yamaguchi is furious at him. Tsukishima tried talking to him recently and Yamaguchi slapped him. Yamaguchi is mad at Asahi but not as much as he is at Tsukishima. I feel bad for both of them. It's a nasty situation to be in.
I yawn feeling the tiredness of this morning catching up to me. I came home, unpacked, worked out, train and now I am creating my schedule. Seriously I am tired. I try to keep my eyes open but they end up closing. I am sleeping on my back not sure how long I have been out. I feel warm slightly causing my mouth to open slightly. My eyes flutter as I don't want it to stop. My hair is moved from my forehead causing me to force my eyes open. I'm greeted with Hinata's caramel eyes glaring into my own. He pulls back quickly as I scoot back towards my headboard.
"W-what are you doing here?" I stammer. Hinata appears to be breathing hard. He shifts his eyes away from me. My cheeks turn hot realizing he felt something in the way he was touching me. We are not an item. He doesn't care about me in that way. I need to stop reaching.
"I was just checking on you," whispers Hinata.
"That doesn't involve you touching me," I reply firmly. Hinata blushes clearly embarrassed.
"I do that all the time," defends Hinata. "It's harmless."
"That was before," I reply biting my tongue. I almost wanted to say before we fucked. Clearly that is all I was to him. "I said I needed time Hinata."
"It's been two weeks," he replies standing up.
"You think that has been long enough?" I question. "I said I am in love with you. You don't get over that in 2 weeks."
"Are you saying I can't even say hi to you!" he exclaims. It hurts me to see him like this but I know it will hurt me more if I don't.
"Yes," I reply after a moment of quietness. Hinata looks like he is going to cry for a minute before appearing angry.
"You want some space," he retorts. "Fine!" Hinata storms out of my room.
"God damnit!" hisses Tsukishima.
"Sorry," I hear Hinata mutter before jogging down the stairs. Tsukishima looks off down the stairs before glancing me. I hear the front door slam.
"It finally happened didn't it?" he replies. I fold my arms leaning in the door frame.
"Did what happen?" I ask playing stupid. Tsukishima clicks his tongue walking over to me.
"You and him," he replies. I step out of my doorway with Tsukishima walking to my room. I don't want to chance anyone hearing our discussion. I close my door.
"Yeah, it did," I admit.
"Had to be bad," he replies. "You were gone for 2 whole weeks." I nod my head sitting on my bed.
"He doesn't love me," I reply. "It's hard to explain how it really makes me feel."
"I can only imagine," says Tsukishima. "As much as I love Tadishi. I can't imagine being told such a thing after giving him a piece of my soul." I glance at Tsukishima because he understands just like Asahi does. It's nice to not feel so alone. Although I wouldn't wish this on anyone.
"I didn't know….." I mutter looking down.
"I know," replies Tsukishima. "I can see the chemistry between you guys. I don't understand why Hinata is ignoring it. Why he is dating Miya. It's a joke. But he did always have a thing for him."
"What?" I inquire. "What do you mean…." Tsukishima stares at me.
"You seriously had no idea," he replies. "He use to always be extra excited when he was staying the night with Miya."
"So?" I question trying not become jealous. "He was happy to stay the night with me too."
"It was different," replies Tsukishima. "He wouldn't stay late to practice, quick to clean up, leave early." As I stare down at the floor. My mind goes back in time recalling in the times I knew Hinata was going to see Miya. He certainly tried to downplay it but that sparkle was in his eye. "I can tell you see it now." I glance up at him.
"I feel so fucking stupid!" I exclaim. I bury my face in my hands.
"Don't be so hard on yourself,"says Tsukishima softly. "Hinata did a good job at hiding it. I mostly noticed because of how he acted around him. It was annoying to watch actually. I refused to act like that." Why Miya? He's not so great. Even now they don't look like a couple. I shake my head.
"How are things with you and Yamaguchi?" I inquire. Tsujkishima stares up at my ceiling.
"Completely fucked," he huffs. "I don't even know if he will ever talk to me again."
"He will talk to you when he is ready," I reply. "I think he just needs a moment." This is me being hopeful but he could be right. I only ran across Yamaguchi once and he was scowling. Tsukishima looks at me.
"Yeah, sure," he drones. "A moment. God I can't believe how different things are now." No kidding. Even though things are the way this way I don't regret anything I did with Hinata. I love him.