Chapter 61: Return to Wartwood

Well, we're back! Boy, are we ever back. I can tell because my hair is frizzing like crazy. I don't know what it is, but there's something about the air in Wartwood, specifically, that makes my hair go absolutely nuts. Over the months in town it kinda adapted, but being away for so long is making it react again.

Anyway, here we are, back in Wartwood! It's been great to see everyone again… and I can't believe I'm writing this, but yes, even Mayor Toadstool. Is this what Stockholm syndrome feels like? Anyway, there's something weird going on… people keep mentioning things we were supposed to pick up for them, and Hop Pop gets all evasive. Were we supposed to be getting stuff for everyone? The only time we went shopping was a couple of days before we left, and that was just to pick up souvenirs for ourselves. Remember, journal? There was a shopping cart derby, it was a whole big thing… anyway, I'm sure if we were actually supposed to pick this stuff up, HP would have mentioned it… unless he somehow forgot.

He somehow forgot.

So, here's what happened: the day we left, about half of Wartwood came to Hop Pop to pick them up stuff from Newtopia. HP made a list of everything, and then to make sure he didn't forget it, he… id it under the fwagon's floorboards where nobody would see or remember it. Yeah, you can already see the flaw in the plan, can't you. Without any reminder of what we were supposed to do, HP completely forgot the list, and so here we were, holding the bag. The empty bag. See? The metaphor works, you just have to make it work.

Now, several months of screwing up repeatedly and learning valuable life lessons from it has taught me that lying never ever works. Also, and I really don't have any experience to back this up, but I'm pretty sure summoning an actual demon to cover up your lie never ever works. That's just common sense. You would wonder why I'm making that particular point, but bear with me, there is a reason for it. See… the others have decided that they need to lie about forgetting the gift list, and that the need to summon a demon to cover it up.

Is… is there a gas leak in the fwagon somehow, is that it? Is that why I'm suddenly the reasonable one, and everyone else is talking crazy talk?

And the really galling thing is that I have to go along with it, because one of the things forgotten was Sprig's promise to bring Ivy a red sun shell. They're super rare, only available on the shored of the paddy that Newtopia's located in the middle of, and the perfect math to Sprig's blue moon shell. But most important, it was a promise Sprig made to Ivy, and he's convinced that if he fails to make good on it, it could destroy their relationship. I could tell him that honesty is the real foundation of a relationship… that if he's honest with Ivy, forgetting to get her some trinket won't make a difference in the long run… that being honest with her might even make their relationship stronger. But I get the feeling he doesn't want to hear it, and since I'm obligated to have his back, here I am going all in on this insanity.

Eh, it's for Sprivy. I will ride this ship straight into an iceberg if that's what it takes.

So, we checked the copy of the NecroOlmicon that Sprig borrowed from Maddie (This is normal. All of this is normal. We are doing normal things.) and we found what looks like the best prospect. It's called the Chickalisk and it's, well, a giant demonic chicken that likes to eat gifts, but not amphibians, and only attacks when provoked. I mean, if you're going to summon an unholy creature, this seemed like the one to go with.

[drawing of Chickalisk]

TALK ABOUT HOT WINGS, AM I RIGHT?

To summon the Chickalisk, you need three things. The first is the horn of a sky goat, which can only be found in the Ice Mountains, and is worshipped by a tribe of Frost Toads, and was not happy about parting with its horn. The second thing was a hunk of obsidian from the Caves of the Forsaken, where centuries ago dark rites were performed by an ancient order of druids, and even now is infested with things out of your worst nightmares. (Everything is perfectly normal!) And third, we needed candles, which thankfully were half-off at the Grub n' Go this week. Gotta have your candles when summoning arcane creatures! It's part of the whole ambience.

We had to get all of this done before the official Welcome Back party at Stumpy's that night, by the way. Luckily all of these locations were surprisingly easy to get to. The ritual was pretty easy too, just toot the horn, then jam the obsidian in there to distort the noise. The Chickalisk is supposed to show up exactly an hour afterward, which should be just enough time for it to interrupt the party and devour all the fake gift boxes we've made up. (NORMAL!)

…yeah, this is gonna be a froggin' disaster.

It was a froggin' disaster. Gosh, who could have predicted that? Who, I ask you? WHO?

So, the Chickalisk showed up, on time, and went right for the fake gifts, as expected. Seems like everything's going right, right? Well, remember how I mentioned that the Chickalisk only attacks if provoked? Well, when the townspeople saw it going for the gifts, they took it personally, and attacked. So, now, we've got an angry chicken demon on our hands. And here's a fun fact that the NecroOlmicon left out: It shoots eyebeams that turn things to stone.

We threw everything we had at the thing, but that just made it madder, and if Maddie didn't keep ant-petrification antidote on her at all times (seriously, is that something I should be worried about?), we would have all been statues…. And she would run out of the stuff eventually so it was only a matter of time.

We had one move left, and talk about a callback! Remember my very first entry, where the frogs all stacked themselves on top of each other to try to scare off a mantis? Well, they've got one of those for pretty much every giant monster you can think of, including chickalisks! And would you believe it actually worked? Well, kind of. The Chickalisk did peace out, but if you ask me, he looked more offended than scared.

So, anyway, during that whole fight, all those fake presents were destroyed, and the townspeople all blamed themselves for no fighting hard enough. Finally, the guilt got to my fam and they broke down and admitted everything. And wouldn't you know it… telling the truth fixed everything! The townspeople admitted that they were a bit disappointed, but mostly that they just missed all the excitement our brand of mayhem brings.

So, yeah, we just should have told the truth the whole time. Huh. Imagine that.

Well, at least now everything's out in the open, and I don't have to worry about another big lie getting exposed any time soon…

A.N.: Getting pretty close to the end here. Next chapter we're gonna try something a little different, hope you like it!

Jose: Pretty much.

Next: We present to you… Tales from the Blue Moon Shut-In! *evil laughter*