Chapter 62: The Shut-In
[As macabre music plays, slow tracking shot across what looks like the Plantars' living room, but dusty and full of cobwebs and bones. A coffin rests on the coffee table. As we slowly zoom in on it, it suddenly bursts open, revealing a skeleton with Anne's hair and clothes)
ANNE: Good evening, BOILS and GHOULS, and all you non-DIEnary inDEADviduals! Anne BONEchuy here, and I'll be your GHOST this even- wait, ghost? I'm clearly a skeleton! Who writes this crap? Just because you can do a spooky pun, doesn't mean it always makes sense! Ugh, one minute in and this is already a disaster. Oh well… pull it together…
Anyway, we'll be doing something a bit different this chapter. Tonight, I bring you four gruesome tales of terror, in what we like to call
TALES FROM THE BLUE MOON SHUT-IN!
Our first tale revolves around the modern world's most horrifying phenomenon. They're insidious! They'll burrow their way into your very consciousness. They're… memes.
Better pay attention, gentle viewers… you don't want to get a bad case of
PHONE-MO
Picture if you will, a typical middle-to-high school I southern California. At this school, we join one of its average students. Let's call her… Anna.
Anna spends her days doing what everyone else is doing, following the same trends, not deviating from the pack. Her friends Molly, Haddie, and Broadie were very much the same. Only her closest friend, Twig, ever questioned the crowd.
One day, a new viral video was making the rounds. As is often the case, this video feature a cute creature of some sort doing cute things. But curiously, anyone who viewed the video would mysteriously disappear, never to be seen again. Or so the rumor went. Molly, Broadie and Haddie paid no heed to the rumors and watched the video, but Twig, tired of mindlessly following trends, convinced Anna to leave it alone. Or so he believed… the second she was alone, Anna immediately clicked on it. When she did, she noticed something truly odd… the video had no dislikes and no trolls in the comment section. Something truly unheard of on the internet.
At the time, Anna dismissed it, but the next day, as she entertained herself in her room, Twig called to tell her that Broadie, Haddie and Molly had vanished. Anna admitted that she had viewed the video too… in fact, she was watching it again that very moment.
That's when she noticed, in the background of the video, Molly, Broadie and Haddie. The three were laughing, but when Anna looked into their eyes, she could tell that they weren't in control. They were being compelled, forced to laugh forever by the tiny creature… the creature even now crawing out of her phone screen. The creature that was beginning to grow and distort, into something unnatural. Anna creamed as she realized she would be the next to fall victim to the creature's curse and be dragged into its hellish realm.
"You know," she said, "now that I've gotten a closer look, you are not cute at all!"
The creature screamed, and suddenly Anna realized the creature had a weakness; it could not take criticism! Furiously, she repeatedly mashed the "dislike" button, the creature writhing in pain with every tap. As a final stab, she left a nasty comment. The moment she hit "post", the creature convulsed in agony and exploded into hundreds of small orbs that resembled boba. The creatures victims were released into Anna's room, freed from their eternal torment. As they all left to resume their average lives, none of them noticed that, one by one, the tiny orbs were beginning to hatch…
Well, kiddies, you know what they say… memes can really suck your life away. Myself, I prefer lolBATS.
Up next, we'll take a look at a simple, honest carriage driver. Until now, things have been unremarkable for him, but his career is about to hit a
DEAD END
Picture if you will one Hopediah Plantar, a snail-carriage driver known far and wide across Frog Valley for his honesty and integrity. Until one day, when he met a tall, grim stranger at the side of the road.
The frog was tall, dark-orange-skinned and impeccably dressed, with a long cane in hand and a bowler hat topping his head. He introduced himself as Mr. Littlepot, a fellow traveller, and offered Hopediah a large sack of gold farthings to ferry him around town, on the condition that he asked o questions.
While Hopediah found his new passenger unnerving, to say the least, he put it out of his mind; after all, there was no law against being creepy. They soon arrived at their first stop, an old man whom Hopediah had heard was suffering from a severe case of red leg. As Littlepot entered the old man's house, Hopediah wondered what business he could possibly have there, but the strangers business was one of his own, he reasoned… up until Littlepot was suddenly back in the passenger seat, urging him on to the next stop. As they pulled away, Hopediah could hear alarmed voiced coming from the old man's house.
When they pulled up to the second house, Hopediah spotted a slaughter snake slithering toward a hole in the wall. The serpent's venom was known to kill nearly instantly. He started getting up to warn the resident, but by then Littlepot was already on the way to her door. Assuming that his mysterious passenger had had the same idea, Hopediah relaxed for a moment…until the resident, who had been singing, suddenly gave a strangled cry and was silent. At the very moment, Littlepot suddenly appeared behind him once again and urged him to continue on the path. Hopediah knew then that something was very wrong.
As the two arrived at the final destination, Hopediah was horrified to discover that they were at his own house. As his passenger raised his cane, a blade emerging from the tip, he realized that his passenger was no mere traveling businessman, but the Frog Reaper himself! As Littlepot swung his blade, Hopediah braced for the end.
He opened his eyes to find that he was still breathing. He sighed in relief… until he noticed what lay on the ground… his thick, red pompadour hairdo, his most prized possession, taken from him in its prime! Littlepot laughed maniacally as he removed his bowler, revealing his own hairless dome. As he took Hopediah's hair and placed it on his own head, tossing him the sack of gold as payment, Hopediah cursed the day he ever met the stranger at the side of the road.
What a twist ending that was, my fiends! Well, you know what they say… hair today, gone tomorrow!
…seriously? That's what we're going with? What kind of hacks are the writers room hiring? Hair today, gone… really. You all should be embarrassed.
Anyway, our next story focuses on a young frog couple in the early bloom of mud-puppy love. (Mud puppies are a type of newt. So the reference works, okay?) They're about to find out that terror is more than…
SKIN DEEP
We join Sprig Plantar and Ivy Sundew, a young frog couple in the midst of a spirited game of bugball. When their ball gets lost in the woods, they follow it to a dilapidated hut on the very edge of the swamp. A hut said to home to a creature spoken of only in hushed whispers, a creature called… The Seamstress. A creature said to flay frogs alive, devour their flesh, and sew their skins together to wear as a coat. Dismissing it as a simple old fly's tale, the two entered the hut to search for the ball, teasing each other all the while about the monster lurking within. That is, until they noticed that what they though were simply loose clothes lying around were in fact the skins of frogs.
Then, out of the darkness, she appeared. A misshapen figure, clad in a shroud stitched from the mismatched skins of her victims. The seamstress loomed, two fresh young frog skins in her sights to add to her wardrobe.
With no avenue for escape, the two young frogs were forced to fight their way out. In the scuffle, the Seamstress's shroud was torn off, revealing the truth… the creature was merely another frog, just like them. Specifically, a glass frog, her translucent skin exposing her innards to the world.
It was then Ivy realized that she had a lot in common with her… like the Seamstress, she too felt uncomfortable with her appearance, and felt the need to hide her wild red hair from the wo- wait, did I not mention that? Oh, damn. It was a whole big thing that set up this whole climax. Did I really not bring it up before? Well, anyway. Ivy always wears a hat because she's embarrassed about her messy hair. Just like the Seamstress murders frogs and steals their skins because she's embarrassed about her transparent skin. See? Parallels.
Anyway, sensing Ivy's sympathy, the Seamstress paused for a moment… allowing Ivy the chance to pull her hat over the seamstress's eyes. Sprig and Ivy used the opportunity to make their escape, burning down the Seamstress's hut and leaving her to perish in the flames. I mean, she did murder a whole bunch of frogs…
Barbecued frog! A dish fit for Bobby Flay… oh, come on! Nobody in Amphibia's going to get that reference! What am I paying you people for? Ugh, lord, send me competent writers…
Anyway, we have one final tale for you all, a tale I like to call…
THE FINAL TALE
…ah, whatever. I give up.
Once a year, in the humble town of Wartwood, there come a night when the moon turns blue. Legend tells that any creature, be they frog, toad, newt, or, I don't know, some kind of bizarre gangly-limbed biped, who gazes upon the blue moon will be transformed into a hideous beast!
On that night, the people of Wartwood would lock themselves in their homes until the moon departs, passing the tie by sharing bone-chilling tales of terror, as was tradition.
One year, one little tadpole found that she had no tale to tell. As her brother, sister, and grandfather told their stories, she tried to think of one of her own, but try as she might, she came up empty. Desperate, she snuck out to gaze upon the blue moon, reasoning that if she couldn't terrify them with her story, she could terrify them in person.
When her family noticed she was gone, they feared the worst.. They rushed out of the house to find her gazing upon the moon, laughing maniacally… before turning to tell them that it wasn't working at all and that the legend of the blue moon was nothing but a hoax.
As she spoke of her regret that she had no tale of terror to share, her family told her that she had given them the most terrifying tale of them all… for their fear for her safety was greater than any fear they could have felt for any mere scary story.
And as the family prepared to return to their home to bed down for the night, the little polliwog smiled… as her teeth began to grow into great horrible tusks…
Well, gentle viewers, that just goes to show you… there's a little monster in all of us! And so, as the blue moon wanes in the night sky, this is Anne Bonechuy bidding you all a fond farewell…
Until we meet again… and we will… good night out there… whatever you are! MWAH-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
A.N.: Well, there was no way I could do this episode as a regular diary entry, so I decided to have some fun with it! Hope you enjoyed the ride!
MarMarFaAnne: Well, I do have plans to cover True Colors… not in this story, but that's something for another time. MG&DD has been an interesting ride so far and has the best take on the Beyonder I've ever seen. H&G… well, I can't say I love it. It feels kinda flat. For the Future feels… I dunno, a little lightweight in between the emotional rollercoaster that was Thanks to Them and what is definitely going to be pure nonstop pain in Watching and Dreaming, though I did like the focus on Willow for a change.
Gloyd: Thanks for all the reviews! Let's try to get to as many points as I can address: I think the official line on "Shut-In" is that it's non-canon like "Little Gift Shop of Horrors"; Yeah, Marcy is my favorite too, though I really grew to appreciate the others the more I watched; I think what Matt meant was that Sprig was Anne's first healthy friendship, since there was clearly a lot of disfunction and codependence in Anne, Sasha and Marcy's relationship; I came to much the same conclusion about how Marcy viewed the people in her life upon reading her journal, though I do plan to address her crew in later chapters of "Find a Way"; They literally introduced Andrias with an "ominous figure at a chessboard" scene, so I knew something was up; and yeah, it becomes clear that Marcy just wants to keep everyone happy, especially with her intervening whenever Anne and Sasha come into conflict ("The Dinner", "True Colors"); I liked this one, it may have just been Anne and Polly getting up to dumb shenanigans but we need that once in a while; Anne seemed to be pretty much a "go with the flow" person before Amphibia.
Jose: Must have been super boring without them.
Ashley: Well, it is a cartoon, what would a cartoon be without lessons about honesty?
Next: Ivy on the Run