Making her way through the streets of New York's brownstones, heading toward her Mom's place, Maya felt a calm type of numbness. A numb she knew was there, and yet felt like the stillness of a lake in the early morning. Maya could not think, all she could her was Riley calling her name, and calling out
"Forever"
All she could feel was her lips on Riley's, that they had managed to fall asleep that way. There was resolve in Maya, after all this time, she was able to express her love to Riley. Not long following that thought, all her hurt creeped towards her mood. She opted for the walk to wipe away her quiet tears, and just breathe and attempt to enjoy her walk back.
When she got back to the house, no one was home but Gammy Hart. Upon Katy and Shawn getting engaged, her health had started declining, and she was on hospice care. Knowing that meant 6 months or less, Shawn and Katy had opted not to move in together right away, and with news of the Matthews deciding to move to London, it was decided not to add any more stress to their new family. Once she came in, she closed the door behind her and stood against the back of the door, taking a deep breath. It was quiet, minus Gammy's oxygen machine grasping and pushing air through all its valves and inner workings. Additionally, the hospice Tasha was sitting in the room with Gammy, and upon hearing someone come in, Tasha entered the kitchen to see who had come home. Maya being honest with herself, could hardly keep her mind strung together. Her thoughts were all over the place, bouncing between the finality feeling of Skeeter Davis's "End of the World", which she had played on her walk home from seeing Riley.
Why does the sun go on shining?
Why does the sea rush to shore?
Don't they know it's the end of the world
Cause you don't love me any more?
Why do the birds go on singing?
Why do the stars glow above?
Don't they know it's the end of the world?
It ended when I lost your love
I wake up in the morning and I wonder
Why everything's the same as it was
I can't understand, no, I can't understand
How life goes on the way it does
Why does my heart go on beating?
Why do these eyes of mine cry?
Don't they know it's the end of the world?
It ended when you said "Goodbye"
Tasha was a fairly bold yet gentle person. She had a certain touch with Gammy, and was so capable of helping the whole family understand what was happening to their loved one. She spoke softly entering the kitchen to greet Maya.
"Hey girl. Gammy is resting and her vitals are looking okay. She was active and awake quite a lot yesterday and last night, so she will probably be sleeping for quite awhile. Do you have any questions for me hun?"
Several moments past. This had been a new normal for Maya, talking and seeing Tasha at the house, slowly letting go of Gammy, but her heart was ensnared with so many other feelings and concerns, Tasha's word went straight through her head without her picking up a single actual word.
"...Maya? Are you alright?"
Again, a moments longer than the average person's stomachs in normal conversation goes by, Maya finally jolts herself to get back to acting normal to save face.
"Oh, yeah I'm sorry, I had to, uh, handle something last night, and I barely slept."
In one way that was true, Maya didn't get much sleep. On the other hand, she slept wrapped up tightly with Riley after they kissed, and Maya felt so rested and at peace in a way.
"You look like you had a rough night, and somehow you are still managing to smile at me. I appreciate that. Go see Gammy, maybe she'll dream about what you tell her. I have to head out. Thanks Maya."
Tasha grabs her nurse bag, and heads out, gingerly closing the door behind her. Alone, once again with the back and forth of the oxygen machine, Maya gathers herself and goes into Gammy's room. In her pink nightgown, there she is, seemingly asleep. She couldn't hold it any longer.
"Morning Gammy. First of all, I love you-"
She says, reaching to hold Gammy's hand.
"We never really said it to each other, but I think you know me. You know things before any of us do. Remember when Riley schemed her master plan for the first time about Shawn,"
She stops to chuckle a bit,
"...and you and Riley talked? After that you know something would happen between them. You believed in it before anyone else did. I have always believed in my love for Riley. However it looked. She is going, I am losing her, life is taking my extraordinary relationship Gammy. I am heartbroken."
Overcome by her anguish, she pushes out
"I don't want her to go. I don't want anyone to go anywhere. Not you, not Riley, not any of them."
Maya felt a tightening on her hand, and without opening her eyes, a weak and feeble voice gathered strength to start to sing in the way only a person closing the chapters of their lives can muster.
"You're so far away…"
Maya takes a moment, first surprised Gammy is at all aware and awake, second that she heard Maya's confession and understood somehow though she was seemingly asleep. Thinking for a second, Maya immediately recognized Gammy's message. They were lyrics.
"Doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore?"
She doesn't sign again for many moments, and Maya takes the turn to start the next line, welling up with tears.
"It would be so fine to see your face at my door."
Then Gammy slowly and slightly off beat, joins in and they sing the line together.
"But it doesn't help to know that you're just time away."
Maya decides to continue the next 2 lines, coming to sit and snuggle up carefully on Gammy's bed. Her words were more spoken than sung, as each line bore more heaviness.
"Long ago I reached for you and there you stood, holding you again could only do me good."
Again another long pause, Maya gathering herself to finish, and Gammy focusing in some seemingly outer place to speak and hold Maya's hand. They manage to, with much weight, finish the lyrics.
"How I wish I could, but you're so far away."
They stayed together, grandma and granddaughter, sharing in the same pool of heartache and grief. Maya knew those words by heart, as several times she heard this song of Carole King, sung by either her mother, or Gammy. One particular memory was when they all sang it together on her grandpa's birthday the first year after he passed, when Maya was still small, but old enough to know what her mom and Gammy were saying as they sang and smiled, while also crying. It became a song to hum while doing chores, or to tease when Gammy would ask Katy into the kitchen to help with a meal. "I can't mom, I'm too far away…."
Lingering in that moment, Gammy pressed and sort of pats Maya's hand twice, assuring her she hears her. Gammy has spent all her energy, and she tries to add what Maya thought is an "i love you", but it doesn't completely make it out before Gammy is falling back to sleep. Maya knows this is a memory, much like with Riley, that she memorizes every detail of, and will never forget. Once Gammy is asleep fully, Maya holds their hands together, settling herself back down, and heads for her room. She goes straight to her paint brushes, and sits with it, staring at her piece she has been working on, the one called "Change the World" with her and Riley in it. She now has a more full vision for this artwork, and decides to dive into changing it.