Author's Note- This is a hugely important chapter, and is one of several climaxes coming. If you like this story, I would love feedback. I encourage you to check out or play the music in these chapters. Please enjoy
Riley sat, on her bed, with the small box in her hand. She decided to open it, and it was an old-fashioned mp3 player. Maya and put something on the outside of the box, songs for you.
Riley thought it better to have called it songs for us.
She still had some time, and decided to play the first track on it. To her surprise, Maya's voice came out, which only broke Riley into a soft sob.
"Riley, I made a small playlist for you to listen to. It has some songs you might like, and songs I know I like. This first one is a song my Gammy May wrote, and I want to sing it for you. Please be safe, and I miss you. I love you, enjoy."
Then Maya's beautiful voice reached from beyond this world and touched Riley somewhere inside that only someone you love deeply can touch.
"Car drove off,
Airplane flew.
I stay here, missing you.
I grow old,
Never see,
That you were there, missing me.
Are we now?
What were we then?
Will we look back,
And wonder when?
What could've been, isn't yet
Will you remember or forget?"
All Riley could do was try to digest the gift she was given, gripping onto the envelope she had yet to open.
Giving no pause, the next song starts, which is With or Without You by U2. She stops it for a moment, taking in the lovely song and hearing Maya sing it to her, that was all too much to take in.
Lying back and letting the music sink into her, she presses play and allows the music to take her away from herself. She especially hears a certain set of line,
"Through the storm we reach the shore
You give it all but I want more
And I'm waiting for you"
The song gets past the climax, and suddenly there's yelling coming into her room. It's Morgan yelling,
"RILEY?"
Riley, to her dismay, removes her headphones.
"What?" Asking, already knowing the answer. Morgan pauses, sighing, understanding that is moment cannot be avoided,
"You know, come on, I'll help." She reaches her hand out, which Riley takes. Grabbing her bag, they come to go through the doorway, and Riley tugs back stopping. Taking one last look, she turns away, leaving it behind. Flashes of kissing Maya race through her mind, and she stops dead in her tracks in the hallway.
"Aunt Morgan, is it possible that this just isn't right?"
"Riley, I can't promise you everything will be fine, or like how it used to be. But it will be a journey you all take together. Come on, your parents are outside waiting. Let's go."
She walks out, and leaves the apartment. Holding the doorknob, she remembers Maya's echoing words coming from the voice box.
"Sup losers?"
All the times she opened the door for Maya. For all the scraps she and the gang got into. That everything beautiful and difficult in their lives found their way into this place. She realized her heart was here, with this place. Could she even possibly ever rebuild this? Riley knew it could happen, but was it really what she wanted? Morgan continued to encourage her to come out to the car, and Auggie came out and hugged her. Riley in that moment tried letting go of her reservations for Auggie's sake, as she knew how difficult this was for him too. Ava was also on the sidewalk, giving her goodbyes to Auggie, Topanga and Corey. Riley refused to put her bag away, and insisted it stay on her lap. Every movement of getting in the car silently broke her spirit. It no longer seemed real, like this was something happening outside of her, and not to her.
The doors were shut, and Riley barely spoke a word to her parents. It was all too much. Riley never knew someone could drown so far from the ocean, feeling her emotions fill every cavity and molecule of her. Topanga in the car began to comfort Auggie, who like Riley, was a bit heartbroken. A few weeks ago, everyone had made peace with the decision. Though now, push had come to shove, and the illusion had shattered.
Riley put her headphones back on, and replayed Maya's intro and song. She repeated it over and over and over.
"Car drove off,
Airplane flew.
I stay here, missing you.
I grow old,
Never see,
That you were there, missing me.
Are we now?
What were we then?
Will we look back,
And wonder when?
What could've been, isn't yet
Will you remember or forget?"
The distance was slowly getting further, though New York Traffic never moves fast. She skipped over the U2 song, to see what followed it. It was a song called Fade Into You by Mazzy Star. The song starts with a beautiful lyric,
"I wanna hold the hand inside you
I wanna take the breath that's true
I look to you and I see nothing
I look to you to see the truth
You live your life, you go in shadows
You'll come apart and you'll go blind
Some kind of night into your darkness
Colors your eyes with what's not there
Fade into you
Strange, you never knew
Fade into you
I think it's strange you never knew."
Riley's heart sadly waxes and wanes with the tangy guitar strings. She lets the song play out, and then remembers something that had come up during the days of deciding whether they would go to London or not.
"Mom, didn't you say once your parents made you leave Philly?"
Topanga sighed.
"Yes, but I didn't end up moving. It was my Senior year, and things somehow worked out."
Riley stammered,
"So you didn't have to go?"
"Riley, this is so different and I think you know that. You all came to me and gave your blessing that I would make the right decision for all of us. I still feel this is the right one for all of us. Don't you?"
"This is my home. How can I possibly not see my friends anymore, and Maya…." Riley trails off.
"Did you say goodbye?" Corey asks, which Riley does not answer, feeling a hot tear drop from her eye.
"Riley." Corey again requests.
Topanga chimes in, concerned.
"Riley, did something happen between you guys?"
More sour streams well in those chestnut eyes.
"Hun, we stopped by her place-" Topanga turned around from the passenger seat to look Riley in the eyes.
"Look at me." She demanded. Filled with emotion, Riley looks.
"She asked me tell you;
She loves you."
Riley stared back at Topanga for a while. Then unable to bear it, she turned her eyes away from her mother, to the window.
Auggie reached over, placing his hand on Riley's leg that was under her bag in her lap.
"Riley you will be okay, we will all be okay." Topanga tried to comfort. Riley snapped back,
"No, I don't believe that."
Silence fell in the car. Riley looked through her bag for a moment, and put the mp3 back on, setting her headphones on to block out reality. Topanga called for Riley's attention, but Corey interrupted, and it was understood to simply give Riley space. Riley resumed the playlist, and a new song began as she grabbed the envelope from Maya out of the bag. The soft and powerful ballad To build a home by The Cinematic Orchestra filled her space. Each word hitting her like an unrelenting wave crashing to shore.
There is a house built out of stone
Wooden floors, walls and window sills
Tables and chairs
Worn by all of the dust
This is a place where I don't feel alone
This is a place where I feel at home
And I built a home for you
For me
Until it disappeared
From me
From you
And now it's time to leave and turn to dust
Out in the garden where we planted the seeds
There is a tree as old as me
Branches were sewn by the color of green
Ground had arose and passed its knees
By the cracks of the skin I climbed to the top
I climbed the tree to see the world
When the gusts came around to blow me down
I held on as tightly as you held on to me
I held on as tightly as you held on to me.
Through the song, her heart started pounding out of her chest. She had to do something, her parents had survived an attempt to be separated, was it possible for her to set out on a similar path? Riley decided to open the envelope, which on the side with the tab to open, said in small print,
"With all my heart,
I still have hope for us. -Peaches."
She opened it fully to see what Maya had drawn. It was a recreation of the drawing Riley had left in her art book, the one that said "Maya's art goes here, change the world! Love, Riley" in all caps. Instead, it was Riley walking towards London, looking back at all her friends and family drawn in the upper left corner. With of course, Maya front and center in that crowd, Maya had even drawn a smiling but crying Maya on the page. Riley couldn't hold in her sad smile, reading the new words,
"Riley's journey starts here,
CHANGE THE WORLD!"
At the bottom of the page, was the salutation,
"Love, Maya."
Riley was enamored, not unable to do anything. The song swelled in her, heart hitting her ribs, like a rush as you're about to jump off a cliff. She stared at all her family and friends drawn on one side of the page, and Riley on the page walking off towards the UK, which Maya had drawn with some landmarks on it. But in Maya's vision, Riley still had her eyes towards New York, and specifically at Maya. The longer Riley bore her gaze into the drawing, she found she could not remove her eyes from the left side of the drawing, where she knew her home was. Where she knew she needed to be, it had clicked into place like a seatbelt; it was not questionable. As the lyrics landed into her heart, 'I held on as tightly as you held onto me', She buckled and burst with the swift choice a collapsing heart and determined mind makes. Riley removes her headphones and folds the drawing back up, Topanga looks back asking
"Is that something Maya gave you?"
By the end of that sentence, Riley had grabbed her bag in her hands, pushed open her door and rushed out into traffic.
"RILEY!"
Topanga shrieked, Corey yelling as well taking a second and realizing what had happened. Auggie called out for her, to no avail. The sidewalk had to be reached, the pavement struck with her determined feet.
She could not go.
She had to stay.