A/N: Just a friendly reminder that if you haven't read the third-person version of this story, it would be wise for you to do go and read that first before you read this one. This first-person one, I have to admit has easily become a favorite. And you will be happy to know that it will include a lot of extra scenes that you didn't get to see in the first story. (Sorry!) And with that being said, this version of the story will grow in length and contain extra chapters. :) I won't make promises, due to severe weather conditions still afloat here, but I will try my best to upload another chapter later today. If I don't, stay tune for Saturday updates!
Thank you all for the love that you continue to give this story. Even if you already know what's in store. I am happy you are here on this journey with me again. Reviews are welcome!
Chapter 13: Regina
Two days have passed since I tried taking my life. Two days have passed since Ms. S- Emma- (I was still trying to get used to calling her that) and I agreed that we would be friends.
Friends. I would have a new friend that wasn't Sidney or Belle. Or Daniel.
Don't get me wrong, I liked the idea of having a new friend. But, I had never been friends with anyone Audrey dated before. And no one that knew Audrey outside this house knew about my real situation before.
It was all new territory for me. Emma was all new territory for me.
I honestly didn't know what I expected out of this new-found friendship. I just hoped that for starters, Emma would keep her word. Which, two days have passed and as far as I've known, she hasn't spoken to a soul about what happened the night before the party. And things with Leopold have remained calm. For now. Of course, for the past two days he has had a load of work at the office and has been leaving earlier than usual, and arriving home late.
I personally, couldn't care if he never came back. But I was never that lucky.
My bruises had disappeared entirely, and my soreness had vanished.
The house was quiet that morning and I had taken it upon myself- after breakfast- to squeeze in some light reading before Audrey and Emma woke up. I had my book open in my lap, only I wasn't really concentrating on it. To be honest, I was more concentrated in still thinking about the night Emma had saved my life. Trying to imagine the level of fear she must have felt. That wave of worry along her expression as she looked down at me, talking to me so that I would wake.
And the way she took care of me after. No one had ever gone to that level of magnitude just to save my life. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure Sidney would have jumped in to save me had he had the chance. God only knows, he has helped me several times, the same Victor has. But knowing that Emma- Audrey's girlfriend- who had no business saving me- did.
She didn't hesitate. And to my surprise, she wasn't even angry at me.
That's what I couldn't understand. How was she not angry?
How did her eyes remain so gentle every single time she looked my way? Like that night during the party. There was something in the way Emma looked at me that was new to me.
Everything was becoming new to me. Including my thoughts.
Truth was, Emma was beyond unlike anyone I had ever met before. She was twenty-four years old, and yet had this wisdom and kind heart about her that I couldn't help but smile every single time I thought about it. My lips were already stretching into a smile as I thought about that very thing on the spot.
That's another thing I immediately started to notice… With Emma around, my smile happened naturally. Something I would never do before.
"Mom!" My thoughts are startled by my daughter's screams. "Mom!" As I heard it again, I immediately closed my book and neglected along the tea table in the library, rushing out as fast as I could.
"What?! Audrey, what is it? What's wrong?" My eyes are wide as I meet with Audrey at the bottom of the stairs. She looks panicked to say the least, and she's breathless.
"Call Victor- it's Emma. I think she's sick." Said Audrey. I become alarmed that my eyes grow wider.
Emma's sick? And it was all my fault. If she hadn't jumped in to save me that night. If I hadn't-
Audrey and I hear some coughing and sniffling as we look up toward the top of the stairs. And sure enough, there was Emma. Bags had formed under her eyes, she was droopy, and lacked color on her skin. Except her cheeks, her cheeks took a shade of red that I instantly grew concerned about.
"I'm not sick. So, quit making such a big deal about it." Said Emma. Audrey raced mid-step to stop her from coming toward us any further.
"Em, what the hell are you doing out of bed?" Audrey held onto Emma, giving her support as she was almost having trouble standing. "Get back in bed!" Audrey demanded, pointing her long index finger up toward the second floor.
Audrey was right. She should be resting. Emma looked absolutely terrible.
"Audrey, I'm fine." Despite her hooded, droopy eyes, Emma glares at Audrey, and it doesn't take her long to hunch over where she lets out this gigantic sneeze.
Really, Ms. Swan. I shake my head as I continue to observe her.
"Yeah- 'fine' my ass, missy. You are getting back up into that bed. I am canceling my plans today-"
Emma interjects as sick as she is, and clearly stubborn. Just as she said she was. "No! Don't do that. We had plans-" Another sneeze followed, not allowing her to finish.
"What plans, Audrey?" I look at Audrey.
Audrey grunts as she's trying her best to hold onto Emma. "Yesterday, Alex and Amanda called me. They're in Boston, and they wanted to go out for a couple of drinks. They hadn't met Emma yet, so I thought I'd introduce her to them. They're friends." She says to me.
I do recall Audrey speaking on the phone with some friends the other day. It had slipped my mind.
"That's why I am dressed and ready, so let's get going-" Emma is ready to walk down, and this time, even I climb up three steps, holding out my hands toward stubborn Ms. Swan to prevent her from going anywhere.
If she thought she was going out that way to only become sicker- she was crazy.
"No! You are not going anywhere. Not like this." Thank God, Audrey agreed with me.
I hear another sniff come from Emma, and I shake my head as I move in. "Alright, I've seen enough." I would say my motherly instinct kicked in as I wrapped a free arm along her back, but I'd be lying. I don't think that was it. "You are obviously sick, and can't go anywhere." I said to Emma, feeling a strange wave of authority come over me. I turn to Audrey next, "Audrey, you go inform Sidney to bring up some tea, please. And have him call Victor."
Audrey marches straight down the steps and toward the kitchen.
I turn my attention back to Emma. "You are going back into that room and climbing right into bed." I place one of my feet along a step, only for Emma's stubbornness to kick in.
"Regina, I'm fine." She even has the decency to roll her eyes at me.
Of course, this is where my motherly instincts kicked in. "One more word of protests from you, Ms. Swan- and I will drag you upstairs by the ears." I even lift my index finger to make my point more clearer.
Despite her sickness, Emma's sense of humor is intact as she lifts an eyebrow at me and says, "So you do have an authoritative side to you after all." She even gives me a sideways playful smile.
I rolled my eyes, but what I really fought against was a smile of my own erupting from my own lips. "Oh, Emma- stop being so damn stubborn and let's get you upstairs." I begin climbing the steps, forcing Emma to move along with me. She was going to rest, whether she wanted to or not.
While heading up the stairs, Emma looked away from me to sneeze, and sneeze… And sneeze again.
"Oh, God," her voice had changed in tone due to her congestion. Her eyes had turned droopier.
Finally, we reached the top of the stairs. And soon entered the bedroom, I turned to Emma and noticed a few beads of sweat that began to coat her forehead. "Emma, are you-?" I take the back of my hand and press it along her forehead, followed by my palm. She's warm. "God, you're burning up. Okay, sit down. Come on." Emma's body willingly plops along the bed.
I leave her there for a short minute as I help myself into Audrey's closet and head straight for Emma's bag. I can hear her cough in the background as I begin digging through it and reach for one of her familiar tank tops that I know she uses to sleep in, and a pair of her pajama pants for more comfort. She was crazy if she thought she was getting into bed fully dressed in a shirt and jeans.
"What are you doing?" Emma sniffs as I step out of the closet, Emma's clothes in hand.
"Fetching for your comfortable clothes. You're sick. You need to be comfortable, not in jeans." I stand before Emma, prepared to hand her the clothes that I have seen her in many times before and leave her to change. "Alright, now I"ll just-" Unknowingly, surprisingly and hopefully subconsciously Emma is already peeling her shirt off of her body in one swift motion.
My voice catches in my throat as my eyes grow impossibly wide. Did she just remove her shirt? I feel my throat close, that I have to swallow hard as I stand there and gawk. I'm gawking! While poor Emma is sitting there, sniffing and looking more terrible by the minute. My mind goes blank, and suddenly I can't remember what I was about to do or say. And I can't even understand why.
Actually, I can. Thing is, Emma had removed her shirt. It wasn't just her action that took me by surprise, but the fact that she was now shirtless with only her bra to cover her up. Stomach exposed right before me. Audrey had mentioned Emma liked to run typically in the mornings, and from what I gathered on my own, she did take great care of herself physically. I just wasn't prepared for what sat before me now.
Her stomach was toned, but not in exaggeration. She wasn't bulked up, but her abs were certainly mapped out enough. I had never seen such a thing.
Has she always had-? My mind begins to wonder, but I quickly shake my head and blink my eyes to try and center myself. What the hell are you doing? I scowl at myself. What was I doing? It wasn't like me to get this way over a body that evidently looked quite… Perfect. Much less that of my daughter's own girlfriend. Why was I doing this? Why was I staring? Stop staring! My cheeks started feeling flushed, something started stirring inside of me.
And if that didn't make things awkward for me, what happened next did.
"What's wrong?" Emma looked up at me with a confused and exhausted expression.
If she was asking what was wrong, that only must mean she didn't notice me gawking. I had to back out of this with flying colors.
"Nothing," I didn't stutter, and Emma hadn't realized anything. Placing her clothes on the bed beside her, I reach for her tank top and quickly help her place it over her body to cover her up.
I lightly pat my cheeks as I turn around a little. What was wrong with me? Was I that embarrassed? Of course, I was. But it wasn't like Emma knew what she was doing. Did she? No, Emma was too sick to know better. It was a simple accident. She would have had the same reaction even if it were Audrey taking care of her right now.
Besides, it wasn't like I had no idea what a tone body actually looked like. Alright, so I haven't actually ever seen one in person, but my imagination ran wild just like everyone else's in this world when reading one of the many stories I did. The human body wasn't exactly strange to me.
It's no big deal. It's just her stomach, Regina! I scolded myself some more. This is ridiculous. Emma is sick. She can't help it. She knows not what she does.
I reach for Emma's pajama bottoms next, and make sure to hand them to her. "Alright, please don't remove your jeans just yet." Dear God, please don't. "I'll leave you alone so you can have some privacy first."
"Gina," I whip around abruptly, not only at the way Emma calls out my name, and the sound of it, and what it makes me feel in that moment, but at the way her hand grabs a hold of my wrist. Had anyone else ever grabbed me by the wrist, I would have pulled away. But, this was Emma. And as I looked into her eyes, as tired and as sick as they looked, I couldn't help but remain still.
And what she says next, surprises me and warms my heart. As a mother that I was, and as her friend.
"Please, don't tell my mom about this. She'll only worry and you won't hear the end of it." Emma sniffs as she's looking at me with those kind eyes again. Sick- but kind. It was endearing.
"I won't. I promise." I give her a reassuring smile.
"Tell Audrey, because she will for sure call her."
Heart of a child. The corner of my lip tilts as I fight back a chuckle. "Get comfortable. I'll be right back."
Once I close the door and find myself alone in the hallway, I take a moment to breathe, pressing my back along the wall, as my head follows. Pull yourself together. I take a deep breath and allow my hands to pat along my cheeks before I continue my journey downstairs.
"Mom, how's she doing?" Audrey asks me, meeting up with me at the bottom of the stairs, holding a cup of tea.
I immediately try not to feel so guilty for having seen what I saw. "She has a fever." I hear a light gasp from Audrey and see a wave of worry in her eyes. "I left her alone so she can change into more comfortable clothes. Did you call Victor?"
Talking about this would provide a distraction for me. Not that I needed anything to be distracted from. It was just my level of embarrassment.
"I did. He's on his way." Said Audrey.
"Good," I provide Audrey's arm with a gentle squeeze, and I instantly pick up a horrific odor. "Audrey," I take a quick sniff, following the smell which I find is coming from the tea cup. "Oh God, Audrey-" I pinch my nose. "What on earth is that?"
"Don't look at me! This is Sidney's doing!" Audrey points at Sidney who is walking into the room as if we had conjured him up.
My eyes look to Sidney as I stop pinching my nose. Embarrassment from earlier already vanished. "Sidney, you were supposed to make her some tea that will make her feel better- not kill her."
"This will make her feel a whole lot better, madam." Sidney assured me. Although, somehow, I doubted it.
"Or put her to sleep for the next hundred years." Audrey chuckles at her own joke.
"Audrey, why don't you take that up to her? I'll wait for Victor to arrive." Audrey does as I suggest, heading up the stairs and as she does. As soon as she's out of sight, I turn to Sidney with a questionable look.
"I promise, ma'am, one sip of that and she will be much better tomorrow." He smiles reassuringly. "It's my own mother's recipe. It always helped me as a boy."
And he's still alive? If he lived that must mean Emma could have a chance.
"Anything is good at this point, Sidney. Whatever helps her fight off that fever." I give into the idea of his magical tea, sighing and rubbing my temple. "Will you help me prepare some soup, please?"
"Of course," Sidney nods and walks alongside me as we head into the kitchen.
It takes us fifteen minutes to make the soup. I'm standing in front of the stove, stirring it while Sidney finishes up cutting up some carrots for me.
As he stands near the pot to add the carrots carefully, he inhales the scent and smiles. "If my mother's tea doesn't work on Ms. Emma, this soup of yours sure will."
I smile at the compliment. "This is the same soup my father used to make me when I was sick." I move over to reach for a bowl and set it down along the counter. "Of course, I can't give him all the credit for knowing my way around a kitchen. You take most of that credit, Sidney."
His smile widens and he shakes his head. "All I ever did was look after your well being, ma'am. Although, I wish I could do more sometimes."
I turn to face Sidney and see a frown thin out his lips. "You've done more than anyone can do for me, Sidney. And I can't ever thank you enough."
"You never have to thank me." His eyes look deep into mine. "I've cared for you ever since you were a girl, and even though you are a grown woman now, I will continue to care for you."
I give a sad smile, "You are the only good thing about my coming to this house, Sidney. You gave me a friend when I needed one the most."
He frowns once more. And suddenly, he is filled up with anger. "Except I haven't been a great friend to you."
I frown at this, my brow creases. "Sidney, what are you talking about? You have been more of a friend to me than anyone-"
"A true friend saves you when you need saving." He says to me. "A true friend helps you."
"Sidney-" I shake my head, and he interjects over me again.
"I should have killed him that night. Or since the first time he brought you into this house. Then it would have all been over. You could have been free a woman, you could have-" his lip quivers and his eyes water before me. "You could have had a life of your own."
I fight back tears of my own. I reach over to grab his arm and give him a gentle squeeze. "And then you would have gone to jail. I won't have you do that for me. I couldn't live with myself if anything ever happened to you because of me."
"I've lived my life, Regina. Yours is what matters." He tells me and I'm shocked.
I take a moment to digest what he's telling me, and as I lock eyes with him again, I say, "You don't think I've thought about killing him? But what good would that do in the end?" I chuckle, "I can't even have the guts to leave this house. What makes you think I'll have any to kill him?" I pause and feel a tear escape me which I quickly wipe away. "This is my life now, Sidney."
"You're wrong." Said Sidney. And what he reveals to me, surprises me all the more. "I overheard you and Ms. Emma the night of the incident."
"Then you heard how crazy she is." I say with a hint of humor that makes Sidney chuckle.
"Maybe. But if she was crazy enough to jump into the pool and save you, it makes me wonder what more she would be willing to do for those she cares for."
As I wonder the same thing, my mind goes back to two days ago. The look of anger in Emma's eyes that takes over her as we talk about my situation. And I ask myself again, what could she have done to her father that was so bad? All to save her mother from the same fate as mine. I can't imagine Emma ever being violent toward anyone. But upon meeting her, I could tell that Emma was a young woman that went for what she wanted when she wanted. And I admired her for that.
And before my mind could go back to its earlier awkward moment of having seen her shirtless, the doorbell rings.
"That's Victor. I'll get it. You stay here and keep an eye on that for me, please." I tell Sidney before exiting the kitchen.
"Yes, ma'am."
I make my way toward the front door, turning the handle and I am delighted to see Victor again. "Victor! Thank God! Thank you for coming again."
"I'm always here for you, Regina." Victor smiles at me, placing a kiss along my cheek as he steps inside. "What's this I hear about Ms. Swan being sick?"
"She is. It started this morning." I nod, shutting the door behind him.
"Well, let's have a look and see what I can do to make her feel better." Victor smiles.
"She's up in Audrey's room. Come with me, I'll take you." I hurry up the stairs, and Victor follows close behind, always ready to do his job.
He loved being a doctor. He also came into my life when I needed him the most. If it wasn't for Victor, my scars would look a whole lot worse today. Victor was someone else who knew about my situation, and he was always happy to help when I needed it.
I honestly don't know what I would do if I didn't have him in my life. He was a good man.
We stop in front of Audrey's door and I knock. My knuckles no longer hurting as they did two days ago. "Victor is here. Can we come in?" I ask behind the door.
"Yeah, come on in." As I open the door to Audrey's bedroom, I allow Victor to head inside first as I follow. Audrey is standing aside, smiling at Victor as he smiles at her. My eyes are trained on Emma as soon as I enter the bedroom. Poor dear. She looks absolutely awful, but her eyes are as gentle as ever, even as they droop while they look up at Victor.
"Hi, Audrey," Victor greets my daughter before looking down at a sick Emma, who coughs. "Ms. Swan."
"Hey, doc." Emma sniffs.
"We really have to stop meeting under these circumstances." Victor sets his medical bag by the bedside table and begins searching through it. He reaches for his stethoscope and thermometer first.
"Blame them. I keep telling them I'm not sick, but they won't listen." As Emma says this, Audrey and I roll our eyes at the same time.
Such a child. I shake my head in silence, watching closely as Victor places the ear-tips into his ears, one at a time. He chuckles. "Well, let us see how not sick you are. Shall we?" He says to Emma, placing the chest-piece along Emma's chest, in every direction. His hand is steady. "Deep breath for me, Emma." He instructs and Emma breathes in and out, slowly. I watch her chest rise and fall every time. "Good." Victor moves along to her back, sliding it in through the neckline of her tank top. "And, again, deep breath."
Emma draws in a deep breath and coughs this time. I frown at the sound of her cough. Immediately I'm blaming myself. I was the reason she was this sick. I see Victor's lips thin out into a frown of his own as he hums. He turns on his thermometer and places it along Emma's mouth. I pick up on her discomfort due to being the center of attention. I remember she hates that.
"Audrey," I gathered my daughter's attention, who quickly turned to me. "Why don't you come with me to check on the soup I have cooking on the stove, hm? Give them some privacy." I nod toward Emma and Victor as I say this.
"Right," Audrey turns to Emma, "I'll be right back, Em." She smiles and is out the door.
My eyes look to Emma, who is looking back at me. She's thankful. I can read it in the gentle gaze of her eyes. Emma's eyes were like an open book. They would tell you everything you wanted to know. Before exiting the bedroom, I feel free to give her a small smile and shut the door.
As Audrey and I head into the kitchen, I hear her sigh, and see a frown along her lips. "You're worried about Emma." I point out the obvious.
She nods, "I know it's probably just a cold, or a bug as she said she thinks she has." She rolls her eyes. "But, I can't help but worry."
A bug? My head slightly tilts. Clearly Emma hasn't said anything to her. She kept her word. "It's normal to worry, Audrey. That's how it is when you love someone. But now that Victor is up there with her, I'm sure she'll be just fine in a couple of days."
"Do you really think so? She's running a really bad fever." Audrey looks at me with concerned eyes.
"Absolutely. Victor won't let anything happen to her." I smile. "And neither will I while she is under this roof."
I made myself that promise. And let me make one thing clear about myself. If there was one thing I hated- less than my husband- was making any type of promise. Or have them made to me. In my experience, promises were always broken. No one kept them. No matter how many times they would promise you something.
But I could make this one. For my daughter's peace of mind. And because Emma wasn't gravely ill. Of course, she would fight this with flying colors.
But I owed it to Emma to make sure to be there, if and when I was needed.
If in the event that something did happen to her, and her situation worsened- what explanation would I even begin to give to her own mother?
Which reminds me… "Audrey," I lightly reach for Audrey's arm, preventing her from entering the kitchen. "While I was up there with Emma, she made it very clear that she doesn't wish for you to inform her mother about her being sick. She doesn't want to worry her, and I have to agree. There's no need to worry her mother when this isn't something to worry gravely over."
I can see the hesitation in Audrey, but after a few seconds she nods, "Okay."
"Good." I give her another reassuring smile and enter the kitchen with her. "How's it looking, Sidney?" I ask him, referring to soup.
Sidney stands upright from helping himself to a small taste of the chicken soup I had happily prepared for Emma. And all of us. "Oh, it's excellent, ma'am!" He smiles widely.
I move along toward the pot of soup, taking the spoon from Sidney, helping myself to a taste. Perfect. It was absolutely delicious. This would help Emma recuperate in no time. "It's ready." I smile, looking at Audrey over my shoulder. "Would you like some, Audrey?" I offer.
Audrey looks up from her cell phone at me. "No, thanks. I'm not really hungry right now."
Something was troubling her. "What's going on? Are you alright?" My eyes look down to her cell phone before they are back on her.
Sidney moved about the kitchen, reaching for the plate I had left along the counter and began serving a bowl and a glass of orange juice.
Audrey's shoulders slump, "Well, remember how I said Alex and Amanda were in town and wanted Emma and I to go out with them tonight?"
"Yeah?"
"They offered to pick us up so we wouldn't have to drive. I already told them Emma can't go because she's sick. But they still want me to join them for just a couple of hours. Only, I don't know what to do. I can't exactly leave Emma here like this."
"Well, did you talk to Emma about it?" I ask her.
"Yes. Emma doesn't want me to cancel. She says I should go. That she will be fine, and that Alex and Amanda traveled a long way." Said Audrey.
"Then there's your answer." I smile. "Now, answer me this. Do you want to go?"
"I do, but…" Audrey sighs with a look of confliction along her brow. "I just wouldn't feel right leaving her here."
"If she says you should go, then go. She has a point, your friends traveled a long way just to see you." I turn my attention back to the soup, and shut off the stove.
Audrey frowns. "I know they did, mom. But, I really don't feel great going out, having fun while Emma is stuck in bed practically dying."
I scoff at this, "Audrey, she's not dying," I give her a quick look over my shoulder as I stir the soup a little more. "I'm sure Emma will be fine. And she can survive a day without you."
Audrey and I turn our heads to the sight of Victor as he enters the kitchen. Neglecting the spoon, I hurry toward Victor. Audrey steps in front, wanting to be the first one to hear the status on Emma.
"How is she?" Audrey asks.
"She'll be fine," Victor smiles reassuringly at us. "She caught a cold, but should be good in a matter of days. You just have to make sure she gets plenty of rest. I already gave her instructions."
Hearing this coming from Victor, makes me feel as if my heart practically starts beating again. Yes, deep down, I had grown concerned for her well being as well. Even if I knew it was nothing serious to be concerned about. But that didn't stop it from it being my fault that she was momentarily ill.
"I'm gonna go see her." Audrey springs out of the kitchen, brushing past Victor.
"Thank you again, Victor. I honestly don't know what we would do without you." I flash a kind smile his way.
"It's my pleasure. I only wish all my patients had the sense of humor Emma does," he chuckles. He likes her, I can tell. "She's something else. I can see why your daughter likes her so much."
I was starting to see the reason myself. And it made me smile, "Yes. She certainly is something else." I reply.
"She'll be fine," Victor gives my arm a reassuring squeeze. "But, you know the drill- call me if anything changes."
I knew the drill by heart. "Of course. Thank you." I wave back to him as he waves goodbye to me, seeing himself out.
As soon as Victor is out of the kitchen, I let out a sigh of relief before I take the tray of soup up the stairs.
I'm by the bedroom door and consider knocking, but instead I decide to walk right in as the door was already left ajar. And as I walk in, my eyes grow wide. My breathing stops, and my cheeks threaten to turn red on me as Emma and Audrey's lips were locked in a kiss that looked incredibly passionate.
Luckily, Audrey and Emma part quickly. Emma's cheeks are beet red as a wave of embarrassment washes over her. Audrey's cheeks are slightly pink, but doesn't seem troubled by my presence.
Honestly, I was lucky I hadn't walked in on them kissing before now. Because that's what two people who have been together for an entire year do. They kiss. They are affectionate with one another. I personally couldn't speak from experience, but Audrey and Emma were the perfect example of that.
It wasn't that I minded. I didn't. But secretly, I had hoped I would never walk in on Audrey and Emma or anyone else she dated in a situation like this.
"Sorry, mom, we were just-"
I jumped in quickly, letting Audrey know that she didn't owe me any form of apology. "I'm well aware of what you were doing, dear." I move further into the bedroom. My attention turning on Emma, "I took the liberty of bringing you some chicken soup."
"You didn't have to do that." Emma says to me, and I have to fight back a scoff. Of course I had to.
"Don't fight her, Em. She can be quite tenacious." Said Audrey, smirking from ear to ear.
Tenacious? Me? That'll be the day.
I watch as Audrey places another kiss along Emma's lips before she sprints off the bed. "I'm gonna go get ready. But, I'll be back soon." She tells Emma.
Emma waves and throws a smile her way.
"Love you," Audrey blows a kiss in her direction as she's out the door, shutting it in place.
"Love you, too." I hear her reply as I set the tray along the bedside table. I can feel her eyes on me as again, Emma speaks, "You really didn't have to go through all that trouble." She sniffs.
"It's no trouble at all. I'm simply following Victor's orders." I flashed a smile her way as I sat along the edge of the bed. I take the liberty to feel along her forehead with the palm of my hand, looking for any signs of fever. She was still warm. "I'll have Sidney bring you a cold towel. It'll help bring down the fever."
"Well, since we will be alone…" Emma sniffs. "Would you mind keeping me company? I don't like being alone when I'm sick."
My heart constricts. "So, you are admitting you're sick?" My brow lifts and I smirk.
My smirk grows even more as Emma's annoyed response is to simply roll her eyes at me.
"If anything happens, just call me on my cell- I'll come right back." Audrey is rushing down the stairs as her friends were waiting outside for her hours later. She placed on my only denim jacket I had, an arm at a time. I never wore it anymore, I figured she would like to. "And, thanks for lending me your jacket, mom. I'll bring it back in one piece."
"You're welcome. It looks better on you." I smile as I stand by the front, open door. "And don't worry about a thing. Emma will be just fine."
She would be fine. After eating her soup, and drinking another cup of that horrific smelling tea Sidney had prepared, in a matter of minutes, Emma had knocked out completely. Possibly for the rest of the day.
Before heading out the door, Audrey turns to me and smiles. "You know she's lucky."
"Why do you say that, dear?" I ask, my brow furrowing quizzically.
"You always took great care of me when I was sick. I just know Emma is in good hands with you here to look after her for me." Lastly, Audrey leans in, places a kiss along my cheek and is out the door as soon as horn honks in the distance. "I gotta go."
"Bye, dear, have a nice time." I smile, waving at all three of them as they drive off for the evening.
I find myself reading in the living room, curled up on the couch with my bare feet elevated, re-enjoying the first book to the Outlander series as it rested along my lap. With Emma sleeping her illness off and Audrey gone for the evening, the house had grown quiet and quite peaceful. My most favorite time to read.
I was engraved in one of my most favorite moments. When Claire and Jamie wed, as two strangers, but find love during their consummation. I never knew why, but this part of the novel always made me so emotional. Perhaps because I knew I would never have the chance to experience a love like theirs. Or meet someone quite as romantic and smooth talking like Jamie.
Sure enough, I wipe a pearled tear that forms along the corner of my eye. I often wondered if there was such a person like these characters in my books.
Could someone really dare to fall in love with me? As broken as I was, and as used as I was?
Was I worth loving?
Was I worth kissing?
I often wondered…
'I wanted ye from the first time I saw ye- but I loved ye when you wept in my arms and let me comfort you, that first time in Leoch.'
I look up, surprised to find Emma standing at the entrance of the living room. She was still dressed in a pair of pajama bottoms and her black tank top, which, even dry, complimented her body well. She knew this book? That wasn't what surprised me more than seeing her up and out of bed. Especially when she didn't look a hundred percent well just yet. What was she doing out of bed?
Sidney was right. The girl was crazy.
"What are you doing out of bed, Ms. Swan?" I shoot up from the couch, neglecting my book.
Emma's head tilts in response as she says, "I thought we had an understanding that you were going to start calling me Emma, remember?"
I don't hold back a glare, "Emma. You should be resting, not standing here." I say firmly.
"And miss you reading one of my favorite books to me?" Emma sprinted over to the couch, reaching for the book and holding it out for me to take while her legs stretched out along the cushions in a casual manner.
I am obviously unamused by her childish behavior. I crossed my arms over my chest and stood my ground. She wanted me to treat her as a friend, yet she was making me act like her own mother at the moment.
"This isn't funny, Ms-" I bite my tongue as I see a raised brow from Emma. "Emma. You really should be upstairs and in bed. I won't have you get worse because of me. I feel bad enough already with the fact that you caught a cold because of me."
Emma's eyes looked gently up at me as she stopped flipping through the well used pages of the book. "Don't do that." She said.
"Do what?" My eyebrow lifts this time.
"Blame yourself." I can't help but release a scoff that Emma catches. "I'm serious, Regina. I won't have you blame yourself for something that isn't your fault."
How was this not my fault? "You jumped in there because of me, Emma. That makes it my fault." I bite back.
"As I'm sure, you would have jumped in after me, had I ever thought about drowning myself."
Good God… Did she have to have an answer for everything? I looked away for a moment, avoiding her kind gaze. It didn't matter what Emma said to try and make this situation better for me. I would still blame myself.
"Hey, you know what?" Emma rushes off the couch and stands and sniffs. "I have just the thing for you, hang on."
I follow her as she's racing out of the living room and up the stairs. "What are you doing?" I ask.
"Just hang on!" I hear her voice echo throughout the house, her footsteps thudding heavily along the second floor.
I chuckle out a scoff and I can't help but smile a little at whatever had Emma feeling excited. I shake my head as I wait, taking a seat along the couch and placing my book aside safely. At least seeing that Emma had gained back a bit of color in her cheeks, and didn't look as droopy anymore made me feel better. Not to mention her fever seemed to have vanished as well.
Minutes later, Emma was racing back into the living room with a red leather photo album clutched in her hand. The scent of leather struck my nostrils and immediately I thought of the smell of her red leather jacket that she couldn't seem to part with.
Not that I minded.
Emma joined me back on the couch, lifting her legs up and crossing them Indian style as she sat across from me as we were face to face.
"This is where I keep my most favorite photos that I've personally taken." She sniffs as she sets down the album along the space between us. As she opens it, I take in the irritated sight along her nose. It wasn't as bad as before.
I help myself to look at the photographs that Emma excitedly shares with me. Her excitement, plus my curiosity to see some actual evidence of just what a good photographer Emma was, I lean over to get a closer look.
Each page held photographs of eight by ten in size. The first picture that captures my attention is a black and white shot of a Labrador dog, lying comfortably rolled up in a ball by a window. The sun beamed through and landed along the animal's shiny black coat in a warm embrace. I smile at the sight of it.
"That's Jasper." Emma smiles along with me as she glances down at the picture.
"Is he yours?" I ask curiously.
"No. He's my friend August's. Well, technically it's his dad's, but every time he goes home for the summer, the dog is always following him around."
My smile grows as the story captivates me as much as these photographs do. I watch as Emma flips to the next page, and I lean in. The next eight by ten piece I see is that of a butterfly. It was a close up photo, so close you could see the great details of its wings as it sat still. It's black, orange and red colors blending together beautifully.
"This butterfly landed right on the bench where I sit on campus sometimes, so I took the opportunity and snapped a picture of it." Emma shares its story with me and I smile, again.
"It's very beautiful." I reply, seeing her smile along with me. Emma pushes the album slightly toward me, and I welcome myself to flip through the next page on my own. The level of comfort I began to feel as I flipped through three different photographs, hearing Emma tell me the story behind each one, brought me a sense of peace I never imagined I could feel.
One photograph in particular was of a field of bluebonnets, which Emma happily began to tell me her tale of how she took the picture on a trip she had made with her mother in a little Texas town known as Fredericksburg.
I flipped through two more photos. A mother and daughter, sitting by a water fountain, sharing an ice cream cone. But what captured my attention wasn't just the photograph, but an exact replicated drawing settled right beside it. It looked to have been drawn quickly and with pencil but it was great in detail.
She drew? My head slightly tilted as I helped myself to a closer look. "Did you draw this?" I ask Emma, meeting up with her eyes.
"Yeah." Emma smiles.
"I had no idea you could draw so well. Audrey never mentioned it." I reply, my eyes never looking away from hers.
"Well, I can't have her reveal all my secret talents, can I? Where's the fun in that?" Emma's head tilts in a playful manner.
I chuckle as I flip through the next page, eager to see more. The next eight by ten was another black and white piece. A beautiful woman, with short pixie hair as black as mine, her skin white and bright just like her smile. She was young and really beautiful. Her hand was held out as a bird seemed to have perched itself along her outstretched, long finger.
I couldn't help but wonder who she was.
"That's my mother." I hear Emma answer my mind's question as if she were able to read it off of me. "She's older now, of course. I believe that picture was taken when I was seventeen." I take in the bright smile that erupts from Emma's own lips as she studies the picture. "That was the day she gave me my first camera. I drove her crazy after a while." We both share a chuckle and equal smiles.
I could imagine a seventeen-year-old Emma, lurking around, snapping every possible photo she could of everything around her. All of her trips, and dreams lived through her camera lens, all starting at such a young age. While I, at seventeen, knew nothing but the life I know now. A sting of jealousy came over me, but it wasn't out of envy. But rather, of how wise Emma had grown up to become, growing with a loving mother who had built a beautiful life around her.
I couldn't help but crave to be there as I looked at these photographs.
"This one," Emma points to the next (colored) photograph she flips to. It was of a girl, sitting by a park bench, bird seeds in her hand as pigeons surrounded her. "I went to a photography school in New York for a semester. Part of my program. And every time I would pass by this very park, this girl was always there. Same spot, same time."
"Have you traveled a lot?" I ask, eager to know more.
"Not as much as I've wanted to, to be honest. With school and everything, I don't have the time, but I do dream of taking some time to myself, you know once I've settled into a job, hopefully owning my own spot at a studio somewhere-" A smile erupts from my lips, unable to help it. Emma had hopes, big dreams for herself that made her eyes light up with such enthusiasm. It warmed my heart. Not to mention, she was great at telling stories. "Displaying my pictures for the whole world to see and buy them if they like them enough. I would love to travel across the globe, maybe take my mom."
Emma was definitely close to her mother. I could tell she thought about her a lot.
"You're pretty sure of yourself, aren't you?" My smile broadens at the level of security and positivity in Emma's words. Hearing her tell me her biggest dream almost made me see it for myself.
And I came to learn that Emma was a young woman that wasn't afraid to grab life by the horns.
"It's always the way to go." Emma smiles, her eyes bright. "That's what my mom always says."
"You have her smile." I'm not shy to point that out to her. My eyes look down, studying every curve and detail of Emma's smile before I realize I am lingering too long and dare myself to look back into her eyes. Which I also discovered, that came easy with Emma. "She sounds like she knows a lot about life. Far more than I do." My lips thin into a well marked frown then.
"Hey," Emma's voice is gentle, as is her touch, which takes me by sudden surprise as I feel her hand land carefully on my forearm. Her thumb softly caressing along my skin. My eyes look down at the contact, and I am estranged that my reaction isn't to pull away. "You can have a chance at a real life, too, you know. You more than anyone deserves it."
A real life. If only… If only I had the same level of hope, positivity and enthusiasm Emma was showing me right now. But with Leopold around, my chances at an actual life for myself were none existent. I actually can't help but chuckle and shake my head at the crazy thought.
"What?" Emma's head tilts. "You don't believe that you do?" She asks.
I didn't. "It's like I told you before, Emma. I'm too broken." My eyes dagger straight through Emma's as my frown only deepens. Why couldn't she see how broken I was?
"You can always fix something that's broken, Regina." Emma replies, and a gasp almost escapes me as I swallow it back down my throat. So hard, it hurts.
I feel my eyes begin to water as I fight back the tears. "And what if you can't?" I ask her. "What if some things aren't meant to be fixed?"
"You can." Emma moves so abruptly, reaching for my Outlander book I had been previously reading. She holds it out to me so abruptly I almost jump. "This very story is a great example of that. Look at everything Claire and Jamie themselves went through, every injustice they had to face- and they've gotten through it."
Was she really using Claire and Jamie- two fictional characters- as an example that things could possibly and remotely become better for me?
As much as I appreciated Emma's attempt to shed some light for me regarding a possible future for myself, I had to set her straight. "There's a difference between their story and mine, Emma." My voice quivers and I quickly wipe away a tear that manages to escape. "At the end of the day. At the end of every tragic turn their fates took- even when centuries separated them as they were forced to say goodbye to one another before the battle of Culloden- Claire had Jamie. And Jamie had Claire."
Emma is looking deeply into my eyes, and it is then that I know she can see me.
"While I…" My voice threatens to trail off. "At the end of the day. At the end of every tragic turn my life takes… I'm utterly and completely alone. Without ever discovering what true love is even like."
I feel another tear make his way past my cheek, and I freeze. Before I could even consider wiping it away, begging myself to stop breaking apart before Emma, Emma was already stroking her thumb along my cheek. I gasp at the contact, and I can't find my voice. And as much as I will myself to pull away- to jerk back- I can't.
"It won't be that way forever. I can promise you that." Emma's words are in a gentle whisper. As gentle as her touch along my cheek.
A promise? That's enough to make me scoff at her words. Because my reality was nothing but a cruel sick joke with no means to an end. Emma's promise might as well be an empty one. And that is enough to make me pull away, reaching for her hand and removing it from where it shouldn't even be placed in the first place.
"Emma." My eyes darted in anger. My voice was sharp, "If you want to continue being my friend, do me a favor. Don't make promises you can't keep." I stand so abruptly and turn to walk away that I don't see Emma mirroring my actions as she too stands.
"Regina, hang on-"
Thud! As I turn to the loud thud heard loud and clear, Emma is already looking down at her photo album. It had fallen from the couch as it was resting between us. Its leather exterior was face up from both ends.
"I'm sorry." I enter panic mode, quickly bending down to retrieve the album and gather whatever had fallen out of place.
Emma bends down immediately before me to help. "No, it's okay." She says, picking up the album only for me to see a couple of pictures along with a loose piece of paper falling to the floor.
"No, it's not okay, Emma- look at this- I messed up your pictures!" I say in frustration, I almost shout. My eyes threaten to tear up on me again as I am hurrying to pick up everything that had fallen out of her perfectly set up book.
"Regina," Emma's voice calls my name in such a soft manner, it surprises me and it calms me. So much, I find myself looking up into her eyes which prove to be every bit as gentle as her voice. "It's okay. It was an accident." She smiles at me, and continues to pick up one picture at a time.
Whatever panic I felt in the moment of the loud thud had inexplicably vanished. How did she do that?
Our hands are everywhere as we continue to clean up the scattered mess. It isn't until Emma gathers the last few photos off the ground that my eye catches sight of a drawing I had not seen as Emma walked me through her photos. Is that-? I reach out to pick up the drawing, holding it closer for a better inspection, and my eyes are wide. My breath caught in my throat. My heart completely stopped. Suddenly I realized- I was staring at myself.
As I slowly stand to my feet, I am so overtaken by surprise and amazement, both in one, to even realize that Emma had done the same. That was me! Emma drew me? A wave of something unexplained and new washed over me as I continued to stare at myself. Into my eyes which looked sad. She had captured my sadness through this drawing, just like she had captured every tone of my skin, and every curve of my face. Including that scar above my lip, which I had grown to hate.
My heart is pounding loud in my ears as I finally look up into Emma's eyes. "Did you draw this one, too?" I ask, holding out the drawing.
Emma's eyes look so frightened and filled with panic, as if she were keeping this drawing as her own personal secret. I wondered if maybe she was, but didn't dare to ask that. And if she was… Why would she choose me to draw? Why didn't she feel she could tell me? At first I think my question came out so low, she probably had difficulty hearing it. Until finally, I get a hesitant nod from her.
"Yes." Emma breathed out, her cheeks growing redder.
I glance down at the drawing, taking in every detail about myself once more before I am looking back into Emma's nervous gaze. "You…" My throat dries, forcing me to swallow. "You drew me?"
Emma doesn't respond. I look back down at the drawing, at my likeness, and questions begin to rise inside my head. Why- why- would Emma draw me? She could have drawn anyone. Audrey, for one, who I always thought was beautiful. Far more than myself.
And yet… Emma chose me.