A/N: As always, thank you all for being here all over again for this story. I am definitely having the same amount of joy re-creating it through the eyes of Emma and Regina as I did when I wrote it in third-person for you all. Be sure to drop and a review and stay tuned for tomorrow for more updates to come! :) Happy reading!
Chapter 18: Regina
"I got your note."
I breathe out a loud enough chuckle. Relieved to feel the familiar leather of Emma's jacket within my hands as they are splayed along her back. Holding her in a tight embrace. I don't even care that I myself am a little drenched from the rain. She's back! Emma was back and that's all that mattered.
I had been so horrible to her, and I felt absolutely horrible for slapping her earlier. I still hated myself for it. I became scared when Emma confessed that she was leaving. I thought I would never see her again. I almost didn't want to let go but I knew I should. For a second, I even thought she would have missed my note that I sneaked past her suitcase.
"I'm sorry, Gina," I hear Emma say, and I drink in the sound of my own nickname I had been given by her. It took a while, but… I was beginning to grow fond of it. I searched for Emma's green eyes as she pulled away from our embrace, finding them as they stared back at me with that kind and gentle glare in them. "I'm sorry I just left like that- I- I needed some time-"
I allow my hand to hover over Emma's lips, noticing them quiver. "Don't say anything. You don't have to explain. I understand, Emma." I breathed, smiling after. A smile that hopefully let Emma know how sorry I was, how I really did understand everything now.
"You do?" A smile hovers over Emma's trembling lips, her eyes- that I found myself missing so much within the hour or two that she had been away- sparkled. And they were beautiful.
Thunder clapped just outside, reminding me that not only one of the front doors was still opened, but that Emma was soaking wet. As much as I didn't want to let her go, it was best to get her inside or she would catch her death by tomorrow morning.
"I'm sorry," I moved away from the door, allowing her entry. "You should come in. Dry off. I'll get you a bathrobe or a towel." As we enter the house together, I hear her shut the door behind us. "The last thing I need is for you to catch another cold."
"Is he here?"
"No." I turn to glance at Emma and I know by the tone in her voice and scowling look in her eye that she was asking about Leopold's whereabouts. We head up the stairs and head down the dark hallway of the second floor. "Usually when the weather turns this horrid, he prefers to spend the night in his office."
Apart from the rain tapping along the windows and the clap of thunder that follows, I hear Emma chuckle as she says, "Let's hope it rains tomorrow then."
I face her again as we reach my bedroom door and I place my index finger over my lips. I reach for the doorknob and quickly beckon Emma to step inside, inviting her in. As we enter, I head into the bathroom and retrieve one of my many bathrobes to give her. As I step out, I freeze momentarily to the stone-cold look overtaking Emma's features. Her eyes glaring down at the bed. I knew what she was thinking. It was written all over her face.
"Don't let it get to you, dear. It'll eat away at you if you do." I tell her this and Emma's eyes fall upon me.
My easy-going tone surprises Emma. I know it does. It was hard for me, too- in the beginning. Why, I could remember hating the sight of any bed. Especially after the first time Leopold forced himself upon me without so much as an inch of concern. Sometimes I could even remember crawling out of bed and curling in one of the chairs of the library. That occurred many nights, resulting in Sidney finding me and helping me back into the bedroom before Leopold could even realize I was gone.
But after twenty-four years of enduring the life I've lived by Leopold's side, I learned to make peace with every bed. Including this one.
A light breathy chuckle escapes Emma, "How can you possibly be so calm after what he does to you?" She asks, and I hear the anger in her words.
I take a step toward Emma, handing her the bathrobe. "Years and years of practice." I give her a kind smile to try and lighten the mood. Angry Emma is all well and good but, I liked her better when she smiled.
It brought me a sense of peace that I didn't know I needed.
I find Emma's- once again- gentle green eyes staring back, locked into mine. We remain at close proximity and she shakes her head. "You are an amazing woman, Regina Mills." She whispers gently.
Regina Mills. That was my name. And it sounded beautiful being worded by Emma's lips. It had been thirty-four years since I had been named by my father's last name. And to hear Emma breath it out loud before me… I saw that she didn't just see me as Audrey's mother. She saw me as me. It was different. Unnerving, and heavenly.
"W- why don't you go into the bathroom and change out of your wet clothes? I'll go downstairs to make you a cup of tea." I give a nod.
"You got anything stronger?" A shade of pink sits upon Emma's cheeks as she asks this.
I suppose a strong drink was in order after today.
Still, I chuckle because sometimes I find myself forgetting that Emma is a grown woman. With twenty-four years sitting upon her shoulders and back, but a woman none-the-less. "Of course." I nod. "Meet me downstairs. There's a blow dryer in the bathroom, help yourself."
As soon as Emma nods in gratitude, I feel free to exit the bedroom to give her some privacy, while I head back down the stairs and enter the kitchen.
After searching along the kitchen cabinets, I decide on reaching for a bottle of whiskey that Sidney kept hidden. Well, not exactly hidden. It was his. But knowing him, he wouldn't mind if I poured Emma and myself a glass. As I poured it I realized that the rain and thunder outside had stopped. Not to its fullest, but they lingered as a distant sound now.
Once I turn to face the breakfast table, I am greeted by the sight of a much drier Emma, snuggled cozily in the bathrobe, her hair dry and a little puffy at the ends. It was hard to believe that underneath all that there was an adult. I must admit, it was the most adorable sight I had set my eyes on in a long while. It made me smile.
"I know, I look hot." Emma says teasingly. I shake my head as my smile grows. I hand her a glass as she walks closer toward the breakfast table and myself.
"Has anyone ever told you what a child you can come off as sometimes?" I joined her along the breakfast table with our source of conversation picking up as if we had never stopped talking or fought at all. I watch Emma take a sip and she doesn't even flinch as the whiskey enters her mouth.
"According to Audrey, I can be quite the adult." Emma takes another sip and on a more serious note, she says, "I guess I really fucked up with her, huh?"
"No," I shake my head. "You were angry, Emma. That's more than understandable."
"Not to her. She doesn't understand anything, Regina." I freeze at the sound of Emma's voice. It's low and almost disapproving.
It's my turn to take a much needed drink. I feel it burn down my throat and I almost hope it numbs my vocal cords. I knew where this conversation was heading. I just knew. Emma not only disapproved at how I had been handling things for years, keeping it like a card close to my chest for only I to know the outcome of it, but she worried. And for that I was thankful but also scared as to how this would end.
"Can I ask you a question?" Emma finally asks, numbing whatever feeling is left inside my throat.
I take a moment but not long before I nod. My eyes locking deeply into hers from across the table. I wait for whatever she will ask next.
"Do you really think you'll be able to hide all of your bruises for long?"
I wondered that many times myself. Would I? I couldn't be certain of it. But lately, ever since Emma started figuring things out on her own, I questioned it every day. I questioned a lot of things since Emma.
For starters, "How did your own mother handle it? When it was happening to her." I whisper, almost afraid to ask.
"She…" A crease forms along Emma's brow as her eyes remain on her empty glass that her hands cradle along the table. I fear I might have pressed for a rather sore subject, but then, Emma, ever so willing, she says, "When I was little," her eyes lock into mine and I can't look away. "My mother would always tell me to close my eyes as she would place headphones over my ears- you know, to prevent me from hearing anything that went on. She would play music as loud as possible, and that would take me to a safer place."
A tear escapes me that I am quick to wipe away. I can't even imagine someone as good and bright as Emma, or her mother for that matter, would have endured the same treatment I've been dealing with for twenty-four long years.
"Then when I got older, she would, uh," Emma chuckles at whatever memory played in the back of her mind. "She would work- a lot. But not long enough to leave me alone with my father inside the house." Listening to Emma's voice in that moment proves to be therapeutic for me. As the way her long fingers began rotating the empty glass along the table in slow motion. "She likes to sing a lot. She found that to be very therapeutic, when she wasn't seeing Dr. Hopper three times a week for a session."
"She saw a therapist?" My brows lift in surprise. I couldn't imagine myself ever talking to a stranger about my problems when they were practically paid to sit there and listen.
Emma nods, "Yeah."
"Did you?" I ask.
"No." She shakes her head.
And I have to wonder, "Why not?"
"I always found that humor makes everything better. You know?" I dare to smile a little. Because of course humor would be the Emma thing to do. "I was able to leave my home after high school, but my father… He was gone before then."
"And now? How is your mother doing now?" I ask in a whisper. A smile forms at the corner of Emma's lips.
"She couldn't be happier." Her smile outstretches, so far it reaches her eyes. I can tell by that smile that Emma loves her mother dearly. "She remarried, eventually. Found her soulmate, as she likes to say."
She dared to remarry after everything? I frown because I can't help but wonder, "Is he…?" A good man- I can't bring myself to say the words, but to my surprise I don't have to.
"Oh, he's a great guy." Emma is quick to reply with truth to her voice. "Good man. He loves my mother very much and she's absolutely crazy about him."
I smile at this. Brave woman, I think to myself. I question how she managed to escape such a horrific life, and I wonder if I would ever remotely dare to do the same. Could I even trust in another human being again? Enough to fall in love. For the first time in my forty-years of life. Another tear escapes me and I am surprised to feel Emma's thumb gently stroke it away.
But what's even more surprising to me is the fact that I don't even flinch to her touch. How did she do that? I found myself wondering that as well, a lot lately.
"You can find happiness, too, Regina." Emma whispers to me the possibility of finding happiness and I can't look away from how gentle her eyes are looking back at me. As I look at them, I almost believe that I could be happy. Someday. Very, very distant.
But, who was I kidding? Happiness wasn't made for everyone. Just like love wasn't made for everyone. Who's to say I wasn't one of those people that would never find any of those things?
"Not with him still alive." I whisper, instantly filling up with shame. I feel shame because I wasn't as strong as Emma's mother was. I moved my face away from Emma's thumb, that I don't think either of us realized was still stroking against my cheek. "I feel horrible for thinking such things sometimes, but sometimes I think that's the only thing that would stop him."
"That doesn't make you a horrible person." Emma shakes her head.
How does that not make me a horrible person? I already was a horrible person. "Don't patronize me, Emma." I chuckle and stand from the table. I reach for my glass and place it inside the sink.
"I'm not." I hear Emma's chair scrape along the tile floor and I know she's stood up. I feel her standing behind me. "Regina, if I could tell you the number of times I wished that my own father was dead, just so my mom could have her life back, it would shock you."
My eyes close and I feel a few tears escape them as I turn to face Emma. "That doesn't make it right." I said.
"Maybe not," Emma breathes. Her hand comes up again, surprisingly slow and I feel her thumb against my skin- her soft touch- brushing away at my tears again. "But, what he does to you isn't right, either. And if you knew the million things that crossed my mind of doing to him here tonight- you would ask me to leave."
Ask her to leave? Never again. I felt horrible enough that she had left when we had a heated exchange for words earlier. I didn't want Emma to leave. If anything, I wanted to lean into her gentle caress, her soft touch that was making me feel alienated occurrences inside of my stomach. But, I don't. It frightens me that I don't understand whatever it was I was feeling in the moment, and I had a pretty good feeling it would frighten me even more if I did understand them.
All I knew was… I felt like I could unravel in this moment.
And I had never felt that way before. Until now.
Thunder clapped and rumbled loudly so loud it startled us both, forcing us to part. It also made the power in the kitchen turn into complete darkness. But even in the darkness of it, our eyes met again for the briefest of moments.
"I guess that means it's time for bed." I said, smiling just a little. Although, from behind my smile, I began to feel a strange sense of emptiness as I knew my talk with Emma had reached its end. For now, at least.
"Yeah," Emma breathes out a chuckle. "Are you sure Chief Irons will be out for the night?" She asks.
It's my turn to chuckle, finding the nickname still very amusing, "Yes. Why?"
"Maybe I should sleep outside your door, just in case." Emma shrugs. Despite the playful glare in her eye, I somehow could tell she was being serious. Which was a crazy idea. Also kind, yes. But, crazy beyond anything else.
Yet, as crazy as I think the idea sounds, my smile doesn't hold back to stretch out along the corners of my lips. "Don't be absurd. Audrey could wake up and see you. What will you say to her?"
As if I didn't feel horrible enough already, I had found my conversation with Emma so distracting after everything that I had momentarily forgotten Audrey was upstairs, passed out after crying for the rest of the night due to Emma's absence.
"You got a point." Emma nods. "Well, then… Could I at least walk you back to your room? I mean we're still friends, right?"
Of course we were. I didn't want that to stop, and judging from the worried look in Emma's eyes, I felt safe to assume that she didn't want our newly formed friendship to end either. Which was enough to make me just a little happy.
I chuckle as I nod, "I believe we are." Emma is smiling as I walk out of the kitchen.
I can hear her feet walk right behind me, following my every step through the living room, through the small hallway, along the foyer, along the entire staircase.
No one had ever done such a thing as walk me to… Well, anywhere. I could recall Daniel walking me to my car on a couple of visits, but Emma walking me all the way to my bedroom door was… Different.
I liked it.
Once we reached my bedroom door, I turned to look at Emma for the last time tonight. "Satisfied?" I ask with another smile threatening to stretch farther along the corners of my lips. I couldn't stop smiling, and I didn't know why.
"For now." Emma whispered, and that was enough to make my smile grow.
"Good night, Emma."
"Good night, Regina."
I slowly close my bedroom door, and my smile grows positively larger. Stop smiling! I will myself, but I don't comply. What was wrong with me? My hand rests along my stomach, which tickles uncontrollably. I didn't feel nauseous, nor did I longer feel upset, which was surprising. It was as if Emma's sudden arrival back to the house had turned my world upside down in an instant, but in a good way. And as we talked, no matter how personal the subject had been, I found myself enjoying her company once again, but a little more than other times.
What was that called?
Maybe I had just been relieved. Tomorrow Audrey would see Emma, she would be happy and all would go back to normal. At least for them. But as long as Audrey was happy- I was happy. As her mother, I wanted my daughter to be happy.
Releasing a sigh of the relief I surely feel, I climb into bed, bathrobe and all. I hear a loud buzzing sound that startles me a little, but as I realize it's my phone, resting along my bedside table, I reach for it. My eyebrows furrow quizzically at a text message from an unknown number I don't recognize nor have saved in my phone. And I can't help but wonder who would be texting me at this hour?
Unknown Number: Look outside your door.
My brows furrow deeper as I sit up abruptly along my bed. What on earth-? My head turns to my bedroom door and my eyes look to the bottom crack. I see no shadow of anyone standing outside of it. Then again, the power had gone out, so how could I possibly- my phone vibrates in my hand and I read another incoming message from the unknown number.
Unknown Number: It's Emma. [Smile emoji]
Emma! How did she even get a hold of my phone number, and in a matter of minutes? My eyes grow wide. I clutch my phone so tightly along my hand and against my chest, I feel my heart is about to combust.
I look down at the text message again before I shuffle out of bed, curiosity getting the best of me- now that I had confirmed I wasn't being stalked or ready to get murdered by someone else, because that was the last thing I needed. I still move toward my door with caution because why did Emma go through all that trouble to retrieve my phone number, just to text me that she wanted me to look out my door? What would I possibly find outside my door?
I reach for my doorknob and slowly turn it, as slowly as I pull open the door. The hinges cry out just a little upon doing so. I poke my head out- with caution still- and see no one. No sign of Emma standing out here. I turn left, turn right, nothing. I look down and my brows crease to the sight of a folded sheet of paper, lying by my feet.
What in the world? I reach down for it, bending at the waist. I look around and again, there's no one. Paper in hand, I go back into my bedroom and shut my door. Upon doing so, I move over to my side of the bed, turn on my nightstand lamp and sit along the mattress. The paper is folded in four parts. My fingers slowly begin to unfold it, curious as to what Emma could have left me, and I am surprised to see a small yellow flower fall from within the page.
I, of course, recognize the flower immediately as I pick it up from my bed sheets where it had landed. It was the same flower Emma had picked off the front lawn when we went on a walk together. She kept it. A smile was quick to stretch along my lips, so far out it hurt my cheeks.
I reach down to the piece of paper next as I notice something else within it. I see a handwritten note in cursive writing. She wrote a note? I read it.
Another thing that used to help my mother was the sight of flowers. A little birdie told me that you loved them. I hope this sign of appreciation will help our friendship only grow stronger. I'm sorry for betraying your trust earlier. It will never happen again.
I chuckle and shake my head as my smile only grows. My stomach feels a little ticklish as I set the note down and reach for my phone. I text back, now that I was aware it was Emma.
Regina: How do you always manage to surprise me with little things like this? And what are you still doing up?
I wonder if Emma had been staring at her phone, waiting for my reply as I was now waiting for hers because seconds after sending that text message, I see the three dots at the bottom of the screen dance along it before Emma's reply for me to read.
Unknown Number: I'm a magician! Another one of my many wonderful traits. And I couldn't sleep without knowing you forgive me…
I shake my head as I let out another chuckle. Such a child, Ms. Swan… My fingers type away along the screen and I press send.
Regina: Thank you for the flower, Ms. Swan. Now do get some rest.
Seconds later…
Unknown Number: If you liked the flower, does that mean I'm forgiven?
My smile grows. With a sweet gesture as this one? How could I not forgive and forget? And that wasn't something I did easily.
Regina: Water under the bridge, dear.
I watch the three dots dance along the screen.
Unknown Number: Good. I advise you to keep this number stored in your phone from now on. You know, for emergency purposes.
Emergency purposes? I scoff out a breath, but to my surprise I continue to smile.
Regina: Does stalking fall into your trait category? Do I have to worry about you regarding my daughter's safety?
Unknown Number: I'm the safest person to be around. I can promise you that.
My brow lifts. Oh, really? Safest person, huh? My fingers dance along the screen…
Regina: And how can I trust in that, when you just got a hold of my number without my own consent?
It had to be said, but I grin either way. Honestly, I didn't mind if Emma had my number saved in her phone. I liked the idea of it very much. However it was she obtained it, which I began to think it might have been from Audrey's phone. However she got it, Emma had proven to me tonight that she could be quite sneaky.
Unknown Number: I'm sorry. I'll tell you what, I won't save it and the next time we are alone, you can put in the number yourself. [Smile emoji]
The next time we are alone? As I look at the smiley face following Emma's text, I don't know why, but I smile. Emma sure was full of unexpected surprises. Even through such a thing like a phone she could make me smile.
Regina: Good night, Emma.
I leave it at that. Not wanting to give too much away. Or the fact that I would love to have her number. I would finally have someone to talk to once it was time for them to leave back to school. Suddenly the thought of Emma leaving made me feel a void that I shouldn't yet be feeling.
Unknown Number: Good night, Regina.
I shake my head as I place my phone back in its usual spot before I climb back into bed. I make sure to place the folded piece of paper along the drawer of my nightstand, making myself a mental note as a reminder to place it inside of my jewelry box tomorrow where Leopold wouldn't find it. Along with this flower that I held within my forefinger and thumb. I smile at it as I bring it up to my nose and take a small whiff. It didn't smell like anything, not really, but wasn't that what someone did when given a flower?
'I'm the safest person to be around. I can promise you that.'
Emma's written words come to my mind as well as our conversation from earlier inside the kitchen. I can see the gentle look in Emma's eyes as she looked at me and told me about herself and her mother. How they would deal with their troubles, the way I dealt with mine. Her smile as she would smile at me. And how it brought me peace. Emma's smile brought me peace? It did. It really did. The same way her delicate touch calmed me instead of alarming me like everyone else's. I take the back of my hand and follow the still fresh trail where Emma's thumb had brushed along my cheek.
Never in all my forty years of life, did I ever imagine anyone would have such a delicate and soft touch before. Ever. Especially toward me. Then again, I never once in my life ever imagined I would meet someone like Emma. The butterflies in my stomach began to tickle harder, flapping harder- as was my heart. I felt my heart drum so close to my chest that I balled my hand into a fist and placed it there, trying my best to calm it.
What on earth was happening with me? Why did I feel like this to the point of feeling nauseous whenever I thought about Emma? Why did I feel like the happiest woman in the world upon seeing her standing outside my front door tonight? Why had I missed her so badly, it almost ached my very beating heart once she had left? But my biggest question to myself was… Why did Emma's arms feel so safe to be wrapped within when we hugged? To the point where I never wanted to let go.
It just didn't make any sense. Nothing made sense for me lately.
Releasing a sigh, I shuffle in bed, finding a comfortable position as I lay on my side, facing the window. My eyes landed on the flower that I kept clutched along my fingers, careful not to damage it. Emma… A smile slowly appears along my lips before my eyes begin to close.
I opened my jewelry box the following morning, relieved to find the new additions to what I decided to start calling my Emma's gestures collection. The note and flower were still there, untouched. For whatever reason, I woke up worried that Leopold might have found them and gotten rid of them before I could do anything about it.
But, then I remembered he was at work this morning, and I needed to go down for some breakfast. And that being said, as I head downstairs, of course I find Audrey all over Emma. Her arms wrapped around her, determined to hold on to her. Her lips kissing her lips, her face. And poor Emma looking as if she would rather be anywhere but-
I breathe in and smile, "Someone's happy this morning." I announce my presence entering the dining room.
"Mom!" Audrey surprises me by pulling me into a tight hug that I am happy to return. "Emma's back."
"I see that, dear." I chuckle, feeling a little overjoyed myself this morning. I still couldn't stop smiling. Not even as my eyes land on Emma as we sit across from each other along the dining table. "It's certainly good having you back again, Emma."
"Thank you." Emma smiles back at me and our eyes lock for a moment.
I can't look away, even when Emma does to share a smile with Audrey.
"I wish it hadn't been raining so much. I would have been awake to greet you last night." Says Audrey, digging right into her breakfast this morning. Her mood in better spirits. As was mine. As was all of our moods. "Rain always knocks me out." She chuckles.
"No harm done." Emma smiles at Audrey, but her eyes look over to me, and I smile back.
"I was up." I felt the need to inform Audrey of this, yet my eyes looked into Emma's, down at her smile. "I kept her company for a while."
Suddenly, there was an unexpected knock at the door that caught all of us by surprise.
"Now who could that be at this hour?" My brow furrowed as I wondered who on earth could be visiting so early.
"Are you expecting someone?" Audrey asks me.
"No."
Next thing we all see is Sidney walking into the dining room with Belle close behind him. A gleeful smiling look and a book in her hand. She typically always had a book in her hand. She was as reserved as I was, although under different circumstances. Better ones. She could be shy at times, but she was kind hearted and would never dream of hurting anything or anyone. Belle was always a delight.
"Knock, knock!" Belle grinned happily, but paused as she realized we were in the middle of an early meal. "Oh! I'm sorry- I didn't mean to interrupt breakfast. I can come back some other time."
"Don't be silly, Belle." I smile, reassuring her that she was always welcomed to stay. For as long as she wanted. Belle was certainly a joy to be around for me. "Won't you join us?" I motioned to the seat beside me, which was empty.
"Oh, no, I wouldn't want to impose-" She waved her hands, book and all, in the air.
"You wouldn't be. Please, join us, there's plenty of room." Audrey smiles.
"Well," Belle turns to Sidney, who as I'd expect welcomed her with a warm smile of his own and a nod. "Alright, sure. Breakfast would be lovely."
"Sidney, would you please-?"
"With pleasure, madam." Sidney happily bowed and left the room to fetch another plate setting and set of utensils for Belle to use. It didn't take him long at all to settle her in, making her feel more than welcomed.
"Thank you." Belle smiled kindly at him.
"Help yourself, Belle." I invite, taking a sip of my coffee.
After Belle serves herself, her eyes fall on Emma. "So, Emma… What do you do again?"
"I'm studying photography." Emma proudly answers.
I smile as I see that proud glint in her eye.
"Oh, how nice!"
With Emma and Audrey going on a late morning run, I was left to attend to Belle. I welcomed her out into the pool yard, where we sat along the lounge chairs, across from one another. It was a nice day out after it had rained. Birds were singing again and the sun was out and bright. The day felt as if everything made sense again, except for this smile which I could not seem to stop from happening.
"New book?" My eyes fell on the book Belle was holding.
"Oh- yes!" Belle grinned that grin she always brought with her when she had finished a book she wanted desperately to share with me. "It's fairly new, but I brought it over so you could read it." She stretches enough to hand it to me. "I read it in one sitting. It's not very big, as you can see for yourself."
The Mister. I had heard E. L. James had a new book out, but I hadn't been able to purchase it. The cover of a lake, trees and a mansion certainly captures my attention. "Isn't this-?" I point to the book.
"From the same author of Fifty Shades of Grey? Yes, it is." Belle grins at me, eyes beaming. I read Fifty Shades of Grey. Surprisingly I enjoyed it as it potentially does turn into a romance. "But, this is very different from her series. As good as they were, I really loved this one a little better- so it's about this guy Maxim, who is the black sheep of the family of royalty in England, he was living in the United States for years, after his fiancee broke his heart after she fell in love with his brother. Only, when his brother dies due to a tragic accident, he returns home and finds out his brother left him all of his fortune- something along those lines-" she's waving her hands as she continues to explain. "Anyway, while staying in his apartment, he catches up with friends, has a few one night stands, you know," she grins. "And his daily- that's what you call a housekeeper in England, apparently- Alessia, she has been coming in to clean his apartment, and she always welcomes herself to play the piano he keeps in the apartment. She's an immigrant girl from Albania, who is startled to see anyone in the apartment one morning. And that's how the two meet- I won't spoil the rest, but I will say he helps her escape these bad men, and they end up falling in love."
My eyes blink as I glance down at the book I now hold in my lap. I would definitely give it a read. It sounded interesting, and romance was my favorite topic.
"Read it, I know you'll enjoy it. You'll love both protagonists. Maxim is a photographer slash, DJ, slash composer. That's how he and Alessia connect, actually, through music."
I look down at the book again and my mind manifests Emma, simply for the photographer part. "Thank you, Belle." I smile kindly, cradling the book along my arms. "I'll definitely give it a read." And most likely dream. That happened when I read a new book, I would find myself dreaming I was apart of that world, filling one of the characters shoes.
"You're welcome." Belle smiles.
Our eyes look over to Emma and Audrey who are entering through the pool area, hand in hand, smiling happily. "We're back! Audrey is happy to announce, waving in our direction.
My eyes linger on Emma as I smile. "Belle…?" My voice is almost a whisper, and I never look away from Emma as I say, "May I ask you-" Suddenly my cheeks turn hot, and I mean like never before. I chuckle and shake my head, "Never mind."
It was too embarrassing.
"What?" Belle gives a warm smile as she reaches for my forearm. "What is it? Tell me." She pushes on. "We're friends, right?"
I smile, "I'd like to think we are, yes."
Belle's smile reaches her eyes, which never leave me. "There you go. Then, as friends you can tell me anything. I promise you- whatever you tell me- will not leave these lips." She marks an X over her closed lips, does a locking motion and pretends to toss away a key.
Good enough. I smile, trying to work up the courage to ask something that had been in the back of my mind since last night. I would have asked Emma, but we just started out our friendship, and it was too embarrassing for me to reveal that I didn't know anything about- well much of anything about everything. And who better to tell me than Isabelle Gold? Besides, if I didn't work up the courage to ask now, I never would.
I draw in a slow, deep breath. "When you and Robert met. How did you meet again?" My brow furrows, trying to recall the story I already knew.
Belle chuckles, "Through a mutual friend. Well-" she rolls her eyes and smirks. "His friend, my uncle. He wasn't too keen on me seeing Bobby when he asked me for dinner upon the third time running into each other, but so what? It was my choice." She shrugged innocently and I'm envious.
Choices. That's what I envied most from people. Choices. I had no such thing.
"And when did you…?" I could feel a faint smile wanting to tug at the corners of my lips. "When did you know? You know-" I'm quick to repeat my question upon seeing Belle's confused expression. "When did you realize that you and Robert were meant for each other? How- how did you know you liked him?"
There! Easy enough.
Of course, judging from Belle's expression, I assume she would have thought that what I really wanted to know was when did she know she loved him. But, I wanted to know about attraction. Not love. Not yet.
"Liked him?" Belle's brows touch her hairline. "Well… It's not a matter of knowing, really." Her head tilts.
Now, I'm confused. "It's not?"
"No. I guess when it comes down to it, the way you know that you really like someone is…" Her eyes squint as she collects her thoughts, and as a smile stretches out along her lips, Belle's eyes sparkle. "Your eyes sparkle."
"They sparkle?" I ask.
Belle nods, "Very much. Especially when you're thinking about that certain person that turns your entire world upside down."
Turns my world upside down? My eyes go a little wide, because that's exactly how I felt last night. "But, h- how do you know when it's upside down?" I want to know more.
"Well it's a lot of things, really," Belle brushes back a free stand of hair, away from her face. "You can wake up thinking about that person." Like I've been thinking about Emma and woke up thinking about Emma. "You worry about their well being," like I worried about Emma once she left. "When they're sick, even when they're well. You smile a lot!" She smiles along.
"What's a lot?" I ask as fear bottles up inside me this time.
Belle chuckles, "Like all the time, a lot. You smile so much more when they enter the same room you're in. And you start noticing little things about them, like for me… With Bobby, it was the way he carried himself. You know, he had so much confidence- he does. It was the look in his eyes every time he would surprise me with a flower or a dozen." Belle chuckles and my heart was beating faster and faster as I heard these words ooze out of her mouth. "Even the way he caresses my cheek at times." My hand discretely slides off the same cheek Emma had caressed last night. "I find that to be the most romantic thing in the world. And when he holds me- I know he doesn't look like the affectionate type, but believe me- he loves holding me. And whenever he does… It's like… Nothing in the entire world can hurt me. I feel safe."
Dear God in heaven- I blink too fast, I feel my eyes wanting to tear up. While Belle has a lost, swoony look to her.
"Is that too corny of me?" She finally asks me, distracting me- almost- from what's about to explode out of me.
"Not at all, dear." I give my best smile that I know how to give, masquerading the fear boiling up inside me- lid ready to blow. While Belle's cheeks grow a little pink as she bruises back another strand of hair. Her eyes- and mine- turn to Emma who is coming back outside with Audrey.
I can't look away as Emma is wearing her usual red underwear and blank tank top. Her blonde hair bright and free. But I force myself to look away as I feel a warm sensation creep up my neck. This wasn't happening. No! It couldn't be happening.
"Well, I think I've overstayed my welcome." Thank God for Belle standing, I focused my eyes on her instead. "Thank you for breakfast, that was very kind of you." She gives my arm a light squeeze. ""Be sure to call me to tell me how you've enjoyed the book. Read it. It explains more about your questions, too." She chuckles, and waves as she shows herself out through the same way Emma and Audrey entered.
I am thankful Belle didn't find it strange me asking her these questions, which made me feel I could trust her a little more.
Audrey and Emma's laughs are what capture my attention next and I march straight inside the back, kitchen doors. This couldn't be happening… I turn around and watch them from the kitchen window as I recall Belle's words on how someone would know when they were attracted to someone else. And my eyes land on Emma.
Suddenly… Everything started to make sense as I looked back at the events that unfolded before me last night. How I couldn't stop smiling- until now- that is. How when I hugged Emma I felt a sense of tranquility and security I had never felt before in my entire life. How I wished the night wouldn't have to end so we could continue talking. And then there was the joy I felt upon finding her note outside my door with a single flower that made me helplessly smile. Along with her text messages. Even now, as I realized what had possibly been happening for a while now, my heart threatened to jump out of my chest. I wish it did. I wish I could die at this very moment, because there was absolutely no way I could be having the effects of a crush. My first crush!
Could I? Is that what has been happening with me lately? Did I… Did I like Emma?
No… Don't be ridiculous. I shake my head, because the thought of me liking Emma was absurd! This isn't the same as what Belle experienced. Absolutely not! You couldn't possibly be-
Emma's smile that made my heart beat faster, Emma's sea green eyes that had turned my hatred for the color green all around and turned into possibly my most favorite color in the world. Emma's humor that never failed to make me laugh, even when I tried so hard not to. Emma's arms that made me feel safe, exactly as Belle had said, play on rewind in my mind. Mockingly, hauntingly and with a sick twisted sense of humor.
Dear God in heaven… I was experiencing my first crush… I… I did like Emma!
No… No! I couldn't like Emma. I couldn't! She... She was Audrey's girlfriend for God's sake! This could not be happening to me. No! I refused to believe it. I scoff as I pace along the kitchen and run my free hand along my hair. No! I did not like Emma! No. My breathing hitches and I feel like my throat is about to close on me. The entire damn kitchen was becoming smaller and the room was starting to become hotter and hotter.
I was on the verge of a damn panic attack! Did I even have those? I didn't know anymore. I knew nothing anymore! Thunk! A loud echo sounds along the kitchen as Belle's book falls out of my hand and directly onto the floor. And to make matters worse-
"Is everything alright, madam?" I whip around to find Sidney staring at me in a state of confusion and alarm. But he couldn't be feeling the same state of alarm and panic that I was right now. No one could.
No. No everything was not alright! I try my best to nod but I think I fail. So before embarrassing myself any further- if I could possibly embarrass myself anymore than I already have- I pluck the book off the floor and march past Sidney. My feet racing up each step until I reach my bedroom and decide to remain there until the end of summer.