Newreader2022: Hi! Thanks so much for your review and PM. I really appreciate the kinds words . All of these chapters are being revised. I'm afraid I have tipped some characters a little too out of character, but the new rewrite has been fun! Rhett really does miss so much.
Jaded orbs: Thank you! Here's New Three.
Guest 1: Thank you for reading! Here's chapter three for you.
TruckeeGal: Yeah agreed! I'm an Ashley hater! If Ashley had hundreds of haters, I'd be one. If he had no haters I'd be dead. Rhett's very capable of kind things I just feel like where he's at there are no more cares to give. The irony being that he's weak for a lost cause that's really lost…
Celticsketches: What a compliment, thank you! That really touched me! I appreciate you saying you like the new edits. I'm always trying to be better.
ScarlettGator: She's getting close to the max she can take, that's for sure. Thank you so much for the kind words! I'll do my best not to agonize over it. That's tough since I'm a perfectionist! Enjoy new three!
War-gerbil777: Hurt people do hurt people. It's only a matter of time before the break.
Beakfastattiffanygs: I got you! New Scarlett angst fix right here!
Thanks again for all the love!
Chapter Three
Word traveled fast in Atlanta about Scarlett's maternal gesture with Beau during Melanie's funeral. Many thought her to be brave and uncharacteristically kind towards the Wilkes boy. Others believed it might be a clever ruse to ingratiate herself back into high society. What everyone could not deny, however, was how much Beau cared for Scarlett- selfless act or not. The way he leaned on her for support during the funeral and the days following spoke volumes about the relationship Melanie and Scarlett had.
During and after the war, Melanie Wilkes proudly spoke to everyone about how Scarlett helped deliver Beau by when Atlanta was falling and everyone else had abandoned the city. Eventually, the account of that day solidified itself into the patchwork of confederate Atlanta lore so much so that people forgot that the event indeed took place. It should not have been a surprise that Beau related to Scarlett in a rather unique way. Scarlett had lived with the Wilkes' until she remarried Frank Kennedy. She watched him grow up. Even if she was not an affectionate woman, she was there and that presence alone spoke volumes for a child who had lost his mother. The consolation of a familiar face, while his father was otherwise occupied, was natural.
Scarlett heard snippets of this same conversation around town for days following the funeral: leaving the dry goods store, taking Wade and Ella for a walk, and sitting on her own porch. It was exhausting to live that moment of grief over and over again. The only solace was at least Atlanta was not talking about Rhett and how he took his leave after the ceremony. Had Scarlett not comforted Beau she was sure that she would have been the subject of a very different conversation.
It should have pleased Scarlett that Atlanta was finally impressed with her, but instead every time she heard someone mention Melanie's funeral all she could remember were Rhett's cold, black eyes. She could not be sure, but for a fleeting moment before he jerked his head downward in a stiff bow Rhett almost looked as if he regretted leaving. It allowed her a modicum of hope.
Irrationally, Scarlett anticipated Rhett might come home the week following the funeral. The transitory look she thought she saw in his eyes gave her fool's hope. Maybe she really did see something in his stare, but after two weeks passed she knew she had been foolish.
Scarlett was angry and not just with him. She was cross that she allowed herself the ability to hope. He had been clear when he left- he was not coming back. What irked her most was that she had done everything right this time. She had given Rhett time and space like she always had when he was distressed. She chose to comfort Beau over Ashley. She was trying to be a better person. All of the changes she was making were for him- for them. Scarlett knew he hadn't seen any of her actions like she had intended him to though. For days she waited and hoped and made herself sick with grief to be met with the same eerie silence. She wasn't even sure he was in Atlanta anymore. If she knew anything about anything Rhett would have gone to Charleston.
Scarlett was resolved not to follow him to Charleston. If he wanted to be alone, she would allow him that courtesy- for now. In the meantime, she had to otherwise occupy her time. Atlanta was doing nothing for her mental health. Callers were few and far between, she no longer had the mill to occupy her mind, and everything reminded her of her failures as a friend, wife, and mother.
She took to laudanum to quiet her nerves in the evening hours. She had bottles left over from her miscarriage. The velvet liquid dampened the pain temporarily and allowed her to sleep, but when morning came she was forced to face her demons. And there were so many…the mansion felt more like a graveyard than a home. Even the children were abnormally quiet. All three of them were feeling the weighty loss of everything that had happened that year. They all needed a reprieve.
Scarlett sent a brief letter to Suellen and Will alerting them that she and she children would be arriving in a few days for a visit. Getting away to Tara would be good for her. A change of scenery would offer a fresh perspective and if Rhett did come after her she would not give him the satisfaction of being home waiting for him.
Scarlett smiled for the first time in weeks seeing Will Benteen propped against his wagon waiting for them at the Jonesboro depot. He unfolded his arms that were crossed over his chest when he caught a glimpse of the trio and a twitch of a smile flitted across his lips.
"Well if it isn't Will Benteen, my favorite brother-in-law" Scarlett exclaimed, quickening her pace to embrace him.
"That's a loaded compliment, Scarlett. I'm your only brother-in-law." Will drawled, steadying himself on his leg and giving Scarlett a peck on the cheek in a warm greeting.
"Oh, you… you couldn't take a compliment if it hit you in the face!" Will chuckled softly and shrugged in agreement. "Thank you so much for retrieving us today. We couldn't be happier to come for a visit and see you and Suellen."
The last sentence dripped off her tongue like snake venom dipped in honey. Will and Scarlett knew that the sisters never cared for one another. Suellen never forgave Scarlett for marrying Frank Kennedy and Scarlett still held his wife responsible for Gerald's death and her manipulation in trying to force him into signing the Iron Clad oath. The feud didn't much bother Will either way. He cared for his wife and he respected Scarlett for what she did for Tara during the war. The women could settle their own score- it was never his fight.
"It's good to see you too. It's been a while. So sorry to hear about Mrs. Wilkes; she was a real kind lady," Will continued. "She'll be in God's hands now."
Scarlett nodded solemnly but did not reply. Scarlett and the children settled themselves in Will's wagon while Prissy arranged their trunks. "How are the girls, Will?" Scarlett inquired.
"They're right terrors and growing like weeds." Will grunted, "But they love Tara just as much as I do. Susie's new pastime is running through the fields and getting right dirty. She won't listen to no one about how unladylike it is. It don't bother me none but Suellen is almost always cross with her."
"Good for Susie. She's just a girl- let her enjoy Tara."
Will nodded, grunting in support. A comfortable silence fell over them. The gentle rocking of the coach lulled Scarlett into a contented trance. She was so acquainted with the ride from Jonesboro that she allowed her mind to silence for a few precious moments. Scarlett wasn't worried about insulting Will by not engaging him in conversation- he was never much of a talker. The silence suited them both just fine.
Unfortunately, yet predictably, Suellen's welcome was nowhere near as warm as Will's. Scarlett could nearly feel the disdain emanating from her sister the moment the coach pulled up to Tara. Suellen stood on the front porch, a baby on her hip and her own hand on the other. Suellen had been none too pleased when Scarlett had written to tell her that she was coming to Tara to stay for a while. It was only after Will calmed Suellen did she acquiesce.
"Scarlett," Suellen said curtly.
"Hello, Suellen," Scarlett responded trying her best to be agreeable. "Thank you for allowing me to stay a while. I've missed Tara and the family so." Only half of that statement was a lie. She had missed Tara and even Will. Frankly, she could do without Suellen.
"Come- supper will be ready. Prissy can take your things to your room and bring Wade and Ella's trunks to the nursery." Suellen turned on her heel without another word and walked back into the house to prepare the meal.
Scarlett followed and situated herself in the sitting room for a brief reprieve before supper. Ella ran in after Suellen in hopes to find Susie so they could play and within moments she heard peals of tinkling laughter. Wade shadowed Will like a puppy. He always had a soft spot for Will. Will was always exceptionally kind to Wade whenever they were in town. Wade was like the son he never had.
Scarlett slouched into the settee and sighed. Tara. She was finally home at Tara. She could help Will in the field or go visit the Fontaine's over at Mimosa. It had been years since she'd seen Alex or Sally. It would be nice to see some kind, of familiar faces. She decided that tomorrow she would send her calling card.
She sat idly, twirling her engagement ring around her finger absentmindedly. Scarlett prayed for a brief respite. Any distraction to keep her occupied and not thinking of her husband would be welcome. Maybe she would even take up writing letters to her family again. While she was weighing the pros and cons of writing to Aunt Eulalie and Aunt Pauline, Scarlett was summed to dinner.
Supper was no spectacular affair like it once was here at Tara, but there was enough boiled chicken, corn pone, and vegetables for everyone. Scarlett's mouth watered- she hadn't realized how hungry she had been. To be truthful she wasn't quite sure of the last time she had a proper meal. Some nights Scarlett and the children had dinner together in the dining room; other nights Scarlett couldn't find the will to get herself out of bed. Often Scarlett went hungry or picked distractedly at her tray. Once or twice Mammy brought a tray up to Scarlett and forced her to eat the entirety of her meal after the children had gone to sleep.
Scarlett started forward, reaching to serve herself a piece of boiled chicken when Suellen asked, "Where's Rhett, Scarlett? I was surprised he wasn't with you after Melanie's funeral."
Scarlett willed herself to finish plating her chicken and compose her face in affable indifference. She could not quite decipher if there was malice in Suellen's tone. She did not think she heard any, but Suellen always had a way of finding Scarlett's sore spots and digging in.
"He had to travel for business." Scarlett lied. "It's been terrible timing. It's been very difficult without him."
"What kind of business would take a man away from his wife in such a trying time?" Suellen clucked, shaking her head slightly. "It's a shame he should be here with you."
A silent rage began to burn in Scarlett's chest. Damn, Suellen. Of course, she had no way to know that Rhett had left her, but damn her for insinuating there was trouble in their marriage. She was hoping to come here and have peace. It had been years since Frank and Pa. She should be good and over it by now what with a husband and two children. It was just like Suellen to make any interaction more difficult than it needed to be.
"Uncle Rhett was with us at Aunt Melly's funeral," Ella said, cutting into her chicken and wiggling in her seat. "He helped dig and held my hand."
Scarlett had never felt more affection for her daughter than she did in that moment.
"That was mighty kind of him, Ella. I bet that was very comforting." Will said. Ella nodded in response. "I'm sure Rhett's a very busy man and busy men have demanding schedules." Will continued his drawl slow and level. Imperceptively, he glanced sideways at Suellen and the conversation was over.
"How are the Wilkes'?" Suellen asked more subdued this time. There was a hint of shame and sadness in her voice. For what purpose, Scarlett couldn't be sure.
"They're distraught as you could imagine. Little Beau is having the hardest time I think." At the opposite end of the table, Ella, Wade, and Suellen's children were engaged in quiet conversation.
Suellen set her silverware down and absentmindedly place a hand on her stomach. "The poor boy. She was an angel, that Melanie. How she ever managed the likes of you still baffles me."
Scarlett was sure Suellen meant to insult her a second time, but to her own surprise instead, she smiled softly. "I'm quite perplexed myself, honestly. She was one of the few truly decent people I've ever met. I'm no devil, but I surely did not deserve her devotion."
"I'm not sure, Scarlett. You've always been rather devilish to me." Scarlett glanced up and met Suellen's eyes. One corner of her mouth was turned down in a half-hidden smirk and there was a knowing glint behind her eyes. They stared at each other for a long moment before Scarlett began to laugh and broke the awkwardness at the table.
Later that evening Suellen and Scarlett sat by a small fire in the sitting room sharing a cup of tea. Wade had gone off with Will and the girls were playing upstairs. Despite the warm fire in the hearth and the polite dinner they shared, there was still a chill between the sisters.
Suellen had confessed to Scarlett that she was pregnant with her third child. She was hoping for a boy this time so that Will wouldn't feel like he was running a hen house. "I'm not so sure he has feelings on it one way or another. He loves the girls, but I think he secretly wants someone to teach. Susie loves Tara now, but I'm sure when she gets older she'll tire of the dirt. And she won't be able to run it. She's a woman."
"Well, why can't she?" Scarlett asked, taken aback. "I did during the war. I saved this plantation. I could have kept running it if I decided to stay."
Suellen snorted and rolled her eyes taking a sip of tea. "Of course, you'd think so, Scarlett. You could never see it any other way than yours. Your vanity would never allow you to see how much the rest of us did for Tara. Careen and I were sick with typhoid and we were out in the fields picking cotton. There was no choice in whether you ran Tara or didn't. We either starved or we survived and your stubbornness allowed us to survive, thank heavens, but your sense of self-preservation and selfishness outweighed any compassion you might have shown any of us."
"Compassion?" Scarlett retorted quietly, "Wasn't it compassion enough that I kept everyone fed and Tara out of the hands of the Yankees?"
"Was it compassion or was it desperation?" Suellen asked. She sighed and took another sip of her tea. "I won't lie and say we all didn't depend on you, but Lord, Scarlett you were so cruel. Careen nearly died in those fields and you still whipped her like a tired mule. You married my Frank for his money and his business. You knew how much I cared for him." Suellen paused, "Of course, I have come to care so much for Will, I hope you know that. He's the father of my children and he saved me from being ostracized by the community. He's a good man, a really good man. He keeps his promises and he's kind. But it's the idea of what could have been."
"Did you love him? Frank?" Scarlett asked.
"I think so" Suellen nodded, then paused. "Maybe. He had been courting me for years. I definitely cared for him but knowing what I know now about life with Will I'm not sure it was ever really love. My ego was definitely bruised though. You are so stunning, Scarlett. You could have had anyone and you chose him. I know you didn't love him. Hell, I'd be surprised if you even cared for Frank."
Scarlett stared down into her cup. After everything she had ever done for her family, she was still seen as a monster. Suellen was no saint either, though. She was as slithery as a snake when she needed to be. She was just better at concealing it. "There are things you did that I can never forgive you for," Suellen continued, "and I have tried."
"The feeling is mutual," Scarlett responded. There was a pause. Normally Scarlett would have bit back at Suellen in a rage for questioning her intentions, but there was so little fight left in Scarlett. She was too tired of having the same conversation. She did what needed to be done. "I knew this farm needed to be kept afloat. There was no way the payments would have been made with the crop we were yielding. I did take Frank from you and lied that you were engaged to another man; it's true. I regret how I did it but I don't regret doing it. Without his business, there would be no Tara left. He was no businessman he barely pulled in a thousand dollars when he first opened the store. If it weren't for me the store never would have been as successful. I know you believe me heartless, but I did it to save Tara. I did it to save you and Carreen and Pa and the rest of my family. I sent profits back here to make sure you and Will were well taken care of."
"Yes, but I could have done it for Tara, Scarlett," Suellen said quietly. "Don't you realize the indignity of accepting my former beaus' money? It made us all feel cheap."
"I don't remember hearing you complain about receiving money every month when it came." Scarlett ruffled. She was exhausted of his fight, but her temper started to flare. "You said to me that you hated Tara in those days. I don't believe you would have saved her. Or the rest of us for that matter. You would have had a decent life in Atlanta, sure, but the rest of us would have started for it."
Suellen, ran the fingertips of her left hand across her forehead quickly, "You know that's not fair, Scarlett. We did not have any other choice."
Scarlett began trembling slightly trying desperately to keep her composure. She scoffed, "And you could have done what, exactly? Suellen, you're no shrewd businesswoman either. What help could you have been to Frank and the business? The closest you came to being astute was trying to manipulate Pa into signing the Iron Clad."
"It was multiple thousands of dollars, Scarlett." Suellen's voice rose slightly and finally set down her drink. "We could have been compensated for everything the Yankees did to Tara. That money could have kept Tara in our hands for a few years at least. There was no better option at the time. You're right though. I probably would have left it all behind if I had the opportunity."
They were both silent for a long moment, staring at each other. Neither Suellen nor Scarlett ever understood each other. In their own way, they both attempted to protect their families, but there was never any cohesion between the two of them. There was always either too much jealousy or too much rage. Never once could they see eye to eye. Even now, despite their conversation being the most rational it had ever been, they could not see past their own selfishness and pain. A beat passed before Scarlett responded, "It wouldn't have been worth it to Pa. It wouldn't have been worth it to anyone else. We would have been Union sympathizers. Could you have lived with that after everything they did?"
"I don't know, Scarlett. Can you live with everything you've done?" Suellen locked eyes with Scarlett and they were as cold as steel.
The two sisters glared at one another and when Scarlett did not respond, Suellen narrowed her hazel eyes. Suellen's words made Scarlett pause and she was forced to look away. Could she live with everything she had done? Every decision Scarlett had ever made she did so she would survive, but perhaps after she had endured and made a comfortable life for herself she began overcompensating. She had made so many choices in her life- many were necessary, many were cruel- and yet here she was, running away to her childhood home with no friends, no husband, no family, and weighed down by immeasurable loss.
Could she live with what she had put Rhett through? Throughout all these years she thought him a permanent fixture in her life. He had watched her make decision after decision and encouraged her when she was unsure. She was so fixated on survival for so long that she hadn't been sure how to let go of that trauma that came after the war. She clung to anything that reminded her of the safety of pre-war Georgia. Maybe Suellen had been right- maybe she has been wrong for a while. Perhaps none of her decisions were based on financial stability but rather her own trauma. She always thought money meant stability, but Scarlett was the richest she had ever been and she was also the most alone.
"I used to think I could," Scarlett responded meeting her sister's eyes again, "but I'm not so sure anymore."