[Edited 5/28/2021]

Chapter 1

~Lovers forever... Face to face...

My city or mountains

Stay with me stay

I need you to love me

I need you to stay

Give to me your leather

Take from me my lace~

[Leather & Lace; Stevie Nicks]

Eric

I can't help cringing when another round of deafening applause fills the auditorium. The headache I woke up with this morning hasn't gone away, if anything it's gotten worse. I know I only have myself to blame for my current condition. I shouldn't have spent the night before drinking with my best friend when I knew what was happening the next day.

When he suggested we go celebrate leaving Erudite, finally, and going to Dauntless...I agreed. However, I only agreed because I wanted to get drunk and forget about the confrontation and proposition I had just hours earlier with my parents.

The Master of Ceremony's voice booms as they call another name to come forward and choose their faction. This time it's the name of my best friend sitting beside me.

"Bryant, Gabriel,"

"Here we go. I'll see you soon on the darkside." He jokes while he stands up not even bothering to keep quiet, then winks at me wearing a cocky grin.

I try to smile back at him while nodding but it comes off as a wincing grimace which makes him smile a bit more. No doubt he's thinking that I'm wincing from my hangover, and he's not entirely incorrect about that. I'm hungover as hell.

It's just that the thing currently causing me the most discomfort is the lingering troubled feeling inside of me well after the unexpected encounter with my parents.

It happened just after my aptitude test and early dismissal from school. They were waiting for me at the apartment and I knew something was up the second I saw them. My parents were only that in name and they had very little presence in my life. There were occasional visits from them, but I think that was mostly to keep up appearances.

They wanted to talk about my aptitude result and the choice I would be making. It's not like it should have been a surprise to them that this latest test came back Dauntless when all the others before then had come back with the same result.

Unlike the other factions, Erudite regularly tests their dependents for their aptitudes, among other things, beginning when they are of school age. It's supposed to help guide the children in their learning, and it actually does. It also lets the powers that be know who will be someone to watch out for and could be of use to them in the future.

Until yesterday they hadn't cared one bit what any of my tests came back as, much less one that would rid them of their burden.

I've never been close to my parents and that's the fucking understatement of my family life.

Most Erudites look on marriages and children as tools to get them to whatever goal they've set for themselves. Or they see it as them just doing their duty and ensuring the continuation of the faction.

My parents weren't any different. Their marriage boiled down to a business deal.

My mother was a transfer from Candor and while she wasn't considered extremely intelligent by the elite standards of the faction, she is extremely cunning and charismatic. She knew marriage would be the only way she could ever get into the upper echelon and set her sights on my father. For his end of the deal, my father got a charming, good looking woman on his arm during parties as he tried to work his way up the social ladder. The marriage also provided him a vessel that would give him a way to ensure the continuation of the Coulter name.

They had zero love for each other and even less for me when I was born. It took a long time for me to accept this fact. As a child I tried everything I could to make them proud of me, if not love me, and it never happened. In reality, they all but abandoned me almost as soon as I was born.

Oh, they still did their duty by me. They made sure I was clothed, fed and housed. While I was still too young to care for myself I had various caregivers. None of them could be said to be nurturing in the least, but they did prepare me as best as they could to be able to care for myself when I was eventually considered old enough to do so. That turned out to be when I was seven years old.

By that time I had given up ever having a relationship with them and kept busy with school and after school programs. Anything that would keep me out of the barren place I had to call home. My parents seemed to be relieved they would have to make even fewer visits than they already did.

Now they are suddenly interested in me and only because they want something. I can be of use to them now. More importantly, I can be of use to the people they long to be included among; the ruling Elite of Erudite. They made it clear that will only happen if I go along with their plans and I should do so as any dutiful son would.

Even now my stomach still churns violently when I think about all the plans they informed me of. Especially what those plans could mean for the people that have become like the family I never had but always wanted.

I'm speaking, of course, about my best friend and his family, the Bryant's.

There are many things that have made the Bryant family a complete anomaly in Erudite and a primary target for people like my parents.

First, is the fact that both Gideon and Selene Bryant weren't born into Erudite. Gideon transferred into the faction from Dauntless and Selene came from Amity. Generally non-Erudite born never manage to advance very far in the faction unless they marry into an established Erudite family.

Still, the Bryant's have managed to become well respected and liked without ever having to really try. A fact that my mother has mentioned over the years during those rare visits with no small amount of bitterness in her tone.

Another big anomaly is how large the family is with a total of six kids. Here in Erudite, having more than two kids is usually frowned upon heavily. So for them to completely ignore that standard and have well beyond the preferred amount of offspring should have guaranteed them being looked down on. It hasn't.

The last thing that makes them stand out is the fact that they could care less what everyone else thinks about them, the size of their family, or the fact they have a complete disregard for most of the traits Erudite prizes so highly.

One might think all that would make them the outcasts of the faction, but it hasn't at all.

I think by and large the reason they haven't been ostracized is because every single one of them are extremely talented and intelligent. There are rumors that pop up every once in a while that the family is actually more intelligent than they let on. I happen to know for a fact that rumor is true.

So, since Erudite regards intelligence with the reverence a religious person might regard their chosen deity, the family's oddities are generally overlooked or regarded positively instead of with the expected scorn. Their reputation hasn't even been tarnished after all the children who have had choosings so far have all left the faction.

"Dauntless!" The crowd cheers as one more Bryant leaves the ranks of Erudite.

The group wearing black is cheering the loudest of them all. I look over and watch as Gabe Bryant is welcomed to his new faction, then laugh quietly when I see that his older brothers are the first one's he encounters.

The first brother to him is, of course, the oldest of them all. Nathaniel 'Nate' Bryant was the first of the bunch to go to Dauntless where the Bryant name is already the stuff of legend. Even though his father transferred out of there into Erudite, the legacy the family has in the faction of the brave held strong. So strong, in fact, that it hadn't been a surprise to anyone when he placed so well in initiation that he was offered a spot in a bid for a leadership position. It also wasn't any surprise that he just a few years later became a full-fledged leader, one of the youngest to date.

His position as leader allows him to be the first to welcome another brother to the ranks, but he's quickly joined by the others. They all meet Gabe with boisterous hugs, slaps on the back and grins. I know from experience there's also most likely some hardcore ribbing from them about his dishevled and clearly hungover state.

I knew that would be his reception so I quickly turned my attention to see how the other members of the family are taking things. The two remaining kids, the twins, are on their feet as they clap and cheer for their brother. As the cheering dies down, Gideon Bryant gently guides his two youngest back to their seats while smiling at them softly. However, instead of going right back to her seat, Sylvan, the only girl among the six children, goes into the waiting and open arms of her mother, Selene Bryant.

It's only then I notice that despite her smile, tears are streaming down her face.

Sylvan has always been closest to Gabe. Sometimes it felt like she's even closer to him than her twin brother, Elijah. That's a feeling I know that he fully returns too. Despite his eagerness to go to Dauntless, leaving her was the hardest part of my friend's decision.

There will be no tears shed over me today.

I look away, frowning at my stray thought and swallow the emotions welling from deep within me. These are emotions I've become familiar with from my years of being around the family, but by no means are they things I've gotten used to. It's impossible to get used to such a tangled up, confusing mess of emotions.

The only one that I can and have dealt with is the jealousy I used to feel anytime I saw how much love and support the family had for each other. I'm thankful that was something I managed to get a handle of. Especially when it still feels like dealing with those kinds of things is foreign to me.

Until I met Gabriel, I was alone and honestly preferred it that way. The only time I interacted with others was during school events. Outside of that I had no use for friends.

Then when I was about ten years old I was put with Gabriel in an advanced class. We often had to work on projects we were required to complete, and the two of us always found ourselves partnering up together instead of with the other kids. But even when there wasn't a project I found myself spending more and more time with him during school. Back then, at least at the start, I wouldn't have considered us friends. I couldn't allow myself to become attached to anyone who could reject or hurt me like my so-called family had.

There's just something about Gabe...actually about his entire family...that drew me to them.

The occasional study session at their house turned into staying for dinner, and that finally led to just crashing there instead of going home to an empty apartment. All of the family made me feel welcome and wanted whenever I encountered them. The only ones I haven't spent much time with are the older brothers, Nathaniel and Lucas, but that's mainly because of the vast age difference. Because of similar reasons I haven't spent much time with the youngest children, Elijah and Sylvan, either.

I think back to the last and most recent dinner I had with the Bryant family.

It was the night before the aptitude testing and all the kids were present for a dinner that has become a tradition for them. Even the ones who are already in Dauntless were there. I tried to refuse the invitation, seeing as how it was a family thing, but they wouldn't hear of it.

At that dinner Gideon and Selene made clear to me and Gabe their thoughts about the entire 'faction before blood' policy that was once so strictly adhered to by the city.

It wasn't exactly necessary for them to reinforce what I and the entire faction of Erudite was well aware of, and that's their complete disdain for the policy. They were leading the charge to have it removed, stating that it was destructive for the city as well as for families.

That night they made it clear that no faction divides could break the bonds of family. They also made it clear that I was included in this, and that their home would always be open to me like it has always been in the past.

I can't help comparing that dinner with the farce my parents subjected me to just yesterday. That dinner hadn't been a personal affair just between my parents and I. No, it had been a spectacle with other prominent Erudite members invited as well. It was all under the guise of a coming of age thing where the adults were demonstrating to me that I was now considered an adult. And as such it was only logical to speak to me regarding my potential future, the choices I have made or will make, just like an adult would.

The catch was that the future talked about during that dinner was one of my parent's choosing. Their vision of the future saw me not transferring to Dauntless and becoming a soldier beholden to the whims of those unsuited to be in charge.

It wasn't said but was heavily implied that it was actually Abnegation that is in charge of Dauntless.

They suggested that it would be better if I stayed in Erudite and helped them create a better alternative that would be free from the shackles imposed by those who don't know what it takes to truly lead a city to greatness.

I'll be honest...for a second...one brief second...I was tempted.

In my mind, I ran over all the times I've heard Nathaniel Bryant complain about the bad policies and restrictions imposed on Dauntless through the years. Those were added to by other various complaints and gripes about the government by most everyone I know inside the faction and out of it.

Yeah, I entertained a few fantasies in that brief moment until those fantasies started playing out what the reality would look like with Erudite in charge with an army of their own. I knew what that scenario would mean for any people who would try to oppose that power. People like the Bryant's.

With that crashing me back into reality I knew that I could never be part of something that could harm the only people that have genuinely given a shit about me.

But now….now I'm tempted to stay in Erudite to protect them. It might be the best, or even only way, I can make sure they aren't touched by plans I know the others will put in place with or without my help.

If I'm the one in charge of things…

I'm still deep in thought as the ceremony continues on around me. Names are being called and I know that mine is quickly coming up. I'm going to need to decide soon. I don't realize I'm doing it, but during my internal musings and search for the right answer, my eyes sought out the family sitting in the Erudite Section.

The first thing I see is Sylvan, the girl who's barely into her teens and has a way of getting people's attention without even trying. Even when I know that it's the absolute last thing she wants and actively tries to avoid.

From what I've been able to gather over the years, it isn't just her introverted nature that makes her avoid others, but her looks as well. Which is something of a sore point for her. I can't claim I really understand why she would be upset about her looks because even at the young age I first met her she was already a very pretty kid. Now that she's getting older it's becoming more and more obvious she will be just as beautiful as her mother is.

Sylvan inherited many of her mother's features, including her unique jewel-like eye color and silver hair. While Selene has a genetic mutation that left her with a shock of silver running through her jet black hair, Sylvan was born with the same condition only, it left her hair entirely silver in color. Then there is the fact that the daughter looks like she will be just as lithe and statuesque as her mother is.

There's something about both the mother and daughter that draws people to them naturally. I guess because people can't define what that factor might be, they comment on the most obvious one, their looks. Either way the attention she draws isn't wanted and Sylvan tries to keep anyone but her family at arms length or otherwise hides away. I don't think she's aware that this only makes people want to be near her even more.

If I tried to say I'm not one of those people I would be a fucking liar. I am. I just also have more respect for her and her family to ever try and push boundaries that shouldn't be crossed just in an effort to get to know the girl more. She is and always has been such an enigma to me. Even now I find myself entranced with the simple act of looking at her.

I can't stay even though it's tempting...so damn tempting to stay here with her.

My breath catches in my throat when her eyes suddenly meet mine. I've been staring at her so intently for so long and completely lost in thought, that I didn't realize she was watching me too.

She's frowning.

It takes me a second to work out if that frown is because she caught me acting like a total creep by staring at her or if it's because she's concerned about me. Maybe it's the lack of disgust I know she would have if it was the first scenario, but I eventually realize she really is worried about me for some reason. We stay locked like that, just looking at each other, for a few long seconds until her frown starts to morph into a smile, taking me by surprise.

Sylvan smiling in public is a rarity. Anytime I've seen her out and about she's shown nothing outwardly that she might be feeling. For being almost fourteen, she is already way too damn good at maintaining the perfect Erudite bearing. Emotionless mask and all.

When the smile suddenly changes to her making a funny face, where her eyes are crossed and she sticks out her tongue at me, I can't help the surprised bark of laughter that escapes me. My outburst earns me a few strange looks that cause me to try and cover it up like I was coughing and clearing my throat. By the time I look back at her, she's mostly looking straight ahead again but I see her glancing at me from the sides of her eyes and smiling.

The conflict I was feeling earlier seems to have evaporated into thin air. Now I know that while a part of me wants to stay, my best option and where the best resources are to put a stop to Erudite's plans, will be in Dauntless.

During the dinner there was an alternative plan mentioned, one that saw me transferring and becoming an operative within the Dauntless ranks. It was dismissed pretty quickly because there are too many variables that could go wrong but I'm thinking it just might be the way to monitor things, if not stop them.

When my name is finally called I stand and walk confidently to the circular stage. The Master of the Ceremony this year is Johanna Reyes from Amity. She motions me forward with a smile and sweeps her hands towards where the long table stands in the center of that stage.

On the table are five bowls that hold what each faction has chosen to symbolize their core beliefs.

For Abnegation there is a mound of smooth grey agate stones.

For Amity the bowl is full of a soil so dark and rich that I can smell it's earthiness just by walking past it.

For Candor there are stacks of pieces of glass, shaped into a perfect pyramid but with the edges left jagged.

For Dauntless there are coals that put off just enough heat to let the person approaching it know they are burning inside.

For Erudite there is clear rippling water.

The bowl I stop before is the one just before I get to Erudite's and I can hear a slight ripple of murmuring in the Erudite section at this development. It's silenced before it really begins but it makes me smile internally a little, imagining my parents reaction right now.

I lift my hands up and twist the blade of the knife I was given for this task until I can make the necessary cut to my hand. Just deep enough to draw a bit of blood. I do this carefully and precisely, making sure I don't cut too deep and allow just enough blood to flow freely. I clench the hand I've cut into a fist and hold it over the coals.

There's a satisfying hiss as the red substance hits the burning mass in the bowl.

"Dauntless!" Johanna declares as I turn and walk away from the bowls.

The noisy applause is just as loud for me as the others before me, but as I walk towards my new faction I can't help that my eyes seek out my old one.

I only take a brief look at my parents, where I note that besides my mom's lips being almost non-existent they are so pinched together, the two of them look otherwise unmoved by my leaving.

Yeah, it stings a little, but not as much as it would years ago.

It probably helps that I don't feel as bad because a little higher up I can clearly make out the twins and their reaction. They're both standing up smiling and cheering me as much as they had their brother. The only difference is that I don't see tears being shed for me leaving...but I'm okay with that.

Actually, I'm more than okay with it since the thought of Sylvan crying because of me makes me extremely uncomfortable.

For the second time this morning I'm smiling as I turn over the knife I used and accept the bandage from that same attendant before finally being allowed to join the Dauntless section.

Gabe is right there, closely followed by his oldest brother. Nate greets me officially as the leader that he is first before he follows that up with a wicked grin as he promises torture in my very near future. As expected he's giving me just as much hell as he gave his brother for drinking the night before. Sam and Luke are next, and they share sympathetic looks with us.

"Today's going to suck for you," Sam winces out.

"Better hope Amar doesn't get wind of it," Luke agrees.

Apparently they did something similar the night before their choosing as well and it had been hell for them the next day. Their warnings and teasing are mostly good natured though, so it's not enough to spoil the mood I'm in right now.

It also helps that there's an energy in the group of Dauntless I'm standing with. It's a restless energy that's extremely infectious instead of ennerving. It's so bad that none of the Dauntless present for the ceremony are even sitting in the seats provided for the faction. They've been standing from the start of this ridiculously long process and will continue to stand until the end.

While Dauntless disregards much of the pomp and ceremony as well as seeming to be completely disorganized in the way they are spread out in here, there's a method to the madness which Nate explains to us. The new initiates are all grouped together and purposely stationed right next to one of the exits from the auditorium.

Whoever designed this place made a very smart decision by giving Dauntless our own exit.

Nate provides us an overview of what we can expect for the next several hours. He covers everything from leaving here and outlines up until lights out tonight. I can tell there are several things he leaves out though, small details that he's not telling us for the sake of tradition and the surprise factor.

So I know that the reason the initiates are all by an exit is because all the factions' new blood will be dismissed first. Each faction has their own method of arrival and traditions to follow. Dauntless will be the first ones out of the building, that's just a given. It's also a given that the train will be our method of travel.

What I didn't know is that the first of our physical tests will start the moment we leave the building. We will be expected to go on foot for a good portion of the way, then according to Nate we will have to overcome some kind of physical obstacles before we even jump on the train to go to Dauntless. Nate wouldn't say what those obstacles are, just that it will be the easiest of the tasks will have during initiation. If any of us fail to make it onto the train then it's an automatic banishment to the factionless.

Gabe and I aren't the only initiates that are listening to Nate explain this, several others are listening in and I can tell this is news to them. A few of them take it pretty hard. I don't blame them, being banished to the factionless is a harsh fate and unfortunately Dauntless has a far higher percentage of people that end up with the factionless for various reasons.

At least the faction no longer banishes those that are old or sick to leave to the factionless. Dauntless once considered it to be such a horrible fate that many of them would have rather jumped into the Chasm to their deaths than be banished from their faction. Many of them actually did just that.

That change only occurred a few years ago and only after several prominent members of different factions banded together to get the change in place. It was the first show of cross-faction unity in at least a decade. They did it by petitioning the council to change the policies regarding the sick, disabled and elderly citizens for all the factions. It resulted in the creation of a few neutral zones where those that needed it could be housed and cared for properly.

Even though it is for members of all factions to reside when their time comes, so far it's primarily run and occupied by Abnegation, Amity and Dauntless.

It was the first step to making conditions in the city better, or at the very least to stop the flow of people being forced to leave their factions and bolster the ranks of the factionless where the unrest was the worst. That should have been widely appreciated by all factions, and for the most part it was.

The ones that seem to have the most trouble with it are mostly from a select group of Erudite's. The same group my parents belong to. They saw it as the beginning of a real threat to the power they already hold in the city as well as a threat to the power they hoped to gain by wresting control from Abnegation. Erudite in general has always believed that it was the only faction with the intelligence and wisdom to be in charge of the government regardless of the fact that since the founding of the city that responsibility belonged to Abnegation.

While there have been some mistakes and general stupidity with some of their decisions, overall Abnegation has done a good job. At least the city hasn't imploded on itself so far. That might change if those who think like my parents get their way. The attitudes were bad enough that it took a bit for the motion to pass for the Care centers, and it created a lot of controversy in Erudite until families like the Bryant's flexed their influence to help get it passed.

I realize now that is why they've decided to form this army of theirs where they can start by policing and silencing people like my friends while also eliminating threats to their hierarchy with rising stars like Sylvan.

I also understand now why the Bryants have tried to limit how much is known about them and what they are capable of. It makes sense that the two who are showing the most promise, the twins, have been sheltered as much as they can get away with. While they were younger this was much easier to do. School isn't mandated by city law as long as it can be shown they are being taught to a certain standard. But since faction policy can trump city law in some instances, Erudite has managed to make it a requirement for all children of school age to attend for a certain amount of hours dedicated to projects for the faction.

So Selene and Gideon opted to homeschool the twins, with the only time they attended being the times they were required to. Since they turned thirteen several months ago, they have had to attend more frequently as that is the age Erudite heralds being the appropriate age for dependents to become productive assets to the faction. Then there are also the various tests Erudite children have to undergo yearly. This is mostly to ascertain where they are knowledge wise and to help guide what they need to focus on for the coming year. There is also the aptitude test that only Erudite has permission to give to dependents before their actual choosing year.

Officially, Erudite claims it helps them to refine the test to be more accurate before being disrupted city wide to the other factions' dependents. Unofficially, it's pretty well known in Erudite that it's really a way for those in charge to see which faction a child is leaning towards while they are still developing. The hope is that it can help them find the best way to influence the dependent enough that they won't leave Erudite.

A sudden thought hits me and I don't know why I didn't see it coming before now.

I realize that part of the plans Erudite might have is to finally make a move on those they either suspect or have confirmed are divergent. This new epiphany chills me to the bone and a new sense of dread fills me.

Gideon and Selene have had several conversations with all of their children over the years about the testing done in Erudite. At first, I only ever heard comments about it from Gabe when he would mention advice they had given him from time to time. It was always advice on how to test a certain way to prevent him from being forced to take courses he didn't want, or to avoid being assigned projects he would hate. They even gave me similar advice over the years to help me along to meet goals I set for myself. I realize now how fucking smart they went about it. For years they've helped all of us hide divergence and not even know it.

I suspected mine, of course, but was smart enough to err on the side of caution so it wouldn't show up during my tests. Now I know they were doing the same thing for their kids.

My dread is that their measures won't be enough anymore. Moves are being made to take over the city and I see clearly now how they plan to do it.

Once, the factionless were the biggest threat to the city. Their numbers seemed to be growing each year and the unrest grew along with it. Resources always seemed to be strained to meet the needs of all parties involved. Which made some citizens unhappy that their portions were being given to the denizens in the factionless sector who they considered to be without rights.

This made the factionless a common enemy, one that Abnegation were willing to protect. In some people's mind they did this to the detriment of the city. It always seemed to be forgotten that a good many of the factionless were made that way because of the insufficient systems set up to handle petty infractions within the factions (or crimes as some call them) as well as everyone else the factions might deem not fit for them. Factions were given free reign to toss anyone out with impunity but wanted to bitch about it when they still had to treat them decently.

Abnegation was hard pressed to handle the total responsibility of dealing with the factionless as well as the running of the government. Something Erudite had been using to slowly erode the belief they should have those responsibilities anymore.

The descent they were sowing in the city mostly stopped two years ago with the approval for the first of many proposed changes. The care centers. With its tentative success even more are being looked at now, costing Erudite their threat to society they were using to gain power.

Enter divergents into the playing field.

There have always been whispers about divergents, the people who supposedly don't fit completely into only one of the factions. There's always been debates about them as well where people question if they really are the threat some would have them believe they are.

One side claims that they are simply not capable of conforming at all and that their divergence makes them an aberration as well as deviants. The opposition reasoning against them being a threat is that it doesn't matter if they do have aptitudes aligned with other factions. What matters is that when a person chooses a faction that they hold to the laws and ideals of it.

There's no data to confirm that rumor about divergents being a true threat is real...but it wouldn't be hard for Erudite to either fake the data or prove just enough of it as true to start a witch hunt.

And won't it be even better for them to have the army to carry it all out.

"Time to go initiates," A gruff voice commanded us loudly as the ceremony finally started to wind down.

I don't hesitate to go out the door with the others. Even though I'm doing so silently whereas everyone else is hooting and hollering...or just being loud in general despite the master of ceremony trying to talk to the assembly. Gabe looks at me with a smirk when they have to turn up the volume on the sound system just to be heard over the noise as the entire section of the Dauntless faction follows on our heels.

I'm swept into a sea of black that surrounds us on the way to the train. Most of the older members break off to run in different directions but we hear shouted orders for the initiates to stick together and follow the leader of the group. I don't know how long we're running for but it seems like forever and with no particular destination in mind. That is, until he steers us so that we are clearly headed to a bridge structure that has tracks on top of it.

"Get to climbing," Another gruff order, one that he demonstrates by starting his own climb.

Having reached the same post he's climbing just as he started up it, I begin my own climb when he's cleared enough for me to take my turn. I concentrate on the climb while the man is barking out orders to all the others who have decided to wait for this one particular post.

"You're gonna miss the train if you bunch up like a thong does up an ass crack. Spread out and get your own pole to climb."

I spare a second to make sure Gabe started to climb just after me. I wouldn't put it past him to step aside and let someone else go first but this is no time to let that maddening overly polite side he has to come out. When I see he's just below me I grin then snicker when he tries to flip me off (and almost falls doing it) after he realizes I'm checking up on him.

The climb isn't really all that difficult. The metal pillar has pieces of metal welded in place that almost made it like a ladder. The most difficult thing about it is that there is a good amount of space between each rung and there are no sides to grip like a ladder has. Instead I have to tightly grip the vertical lip. It's tricky but manageable. Once I'm at the top I have to swing a leg up and over until I'm on the solid surface. Then I quickly get up and move a little further down the bridge to allow room for the others.

The man who's been our guide to this point has his arms crossed over his chest and is facing the direction the climbers will come up. He glances my way once and grunts something that might be approval for finishing my climb so quickly after him. Other than that he's stone cold, like a statue standing guard, only occasionally does anything crack that facade when he either grunts approval at others or frowns at the ones taking way too damn long.

By the time the last one clears the climb I can hear the train coming up on us.

"That's our ride. If you miss it, you don't get another chance. So I suggest you keep up." He barks loudly to be heard over the increasing noise just before he breaks out into a run.

I take off without hesitation and without a doubt that I'm going to be able to make it onto the train and that isn't because I'm being cocky about it.

Well…it's not entirely because I'm being cocky. I've just done this before, which lends me a certain amount of confidence.

It's times like these that it pays to have a best friend with older brothers who are already in Dauntless. They made it a point to make sure all of their younger siblings, me included when I joined the bunch, knew how to get on and off the train years before it was our turn to join them.

The downside to that is having people that will be expecting a lot more from me and Gabe than they are anyone else, Dauntless-born included. I remind myself of this fact to keep that in mind and double my effort to make sure I'm first to get on the train and I manage that accomplishment. Gabe does follow me soon after that, but not before he helps to boost a few people on before he finally boards himself. I decide not to give him grief for it when I see that both of the people are girls and he's clearly got his sights on one of them.

He immediately starts flirting with her.

I shake my head and leave him to it. There are only a handful of people who managed to join us in this car but even so it feels too crowded for my liking. I find myself wandering over to the open door and brace myself securely on one side of it. I take a deep, freeing breath and watch the city rolling by as my mind picks up where it left off in going over everything I discovered or realized today.

The weight of it all is starting to settle on my shoulders and it's only made worse when I realize I don't know where I should begin in putting a stop to things before someone I care about gets hurt. Leaving Dauntless was the right decision….I think...but not having a plan for anything after that step is beyond frustrating.

I don't know how long I stood there scowling into the wind before Gabe joined me at the opening.

"You already strike out?" I ask, loudly enough to be heard over the roar of the train slicing through the air around us.

He smirks and shakes his head. "Not a chance. I just didn't want to miss it."

"Miss what?" I shout.

"Miss them," He shouts back with a smile and points out of the door.

I follow with my eyes the direction of his indication and realize I recognize the building he's pointing to. It's one that's on the outskirts of the Erudite sector that we've frequented before during nights we wanted to hang out somewhere besides his place. From its roof we would sit together and watch the train hurtling through the city on its last legs to the Dauntless sector and talk about what it will be like when we finally get there.

Now we're finally on that train heading out while the building will quickly become nothing but a spec to us. The sun is high on the horizon and it's illuminating the two figures standing there watching us just like we've done in the past. I can't make out their faces, but I don't need to to know who they are. I would probably even if Gabe never pointed them out to me.

One of the figures lifts her hand high in the air, her silver hair is flying loose around her making it clear she took it down from the neat and orderly bun she had it in earlier at the ceremony. It glints in the sun as the wind whips it around her small frame. I find myself mimicking her and raising my hand as well, with Gabe joining me and raising his own. Neither of us says a word during this time, and neither of us looks away until there's nothing there to see anymore. We let our arms drop back to our sides and move away from the door only when the two figures become nothing but memories. A heavy feeling is wrapped around both of us. Gabe doesn't go right back to his newest conquest, instead he stands with me looking as troubled as I feel.

"You worried me earlier man," He confesses and looks at me with concern in his eyes. "I thought there for a minute you were going to stay in Erudite."

I contemplate my answer and decide to give it to him honestly. "For a minute I thought I would."

Gabe nods slowly, looking down at his feet and shoves his hands in his pockets. "Yeah, I almost did too."

His confession isn't a surprise. I know my friend well enough to know how much it's killing him to leave his brother and sister behind. I also know the twins well enough to know what their reaction would have been if they knew he had even thought for a second of staying for them.

"They would have been right pissed if you had."

He looks up, grinning and nods. "Yeah, they would have. Sylvan would have kicked my ass every day for a month if not the rest of my life."

I can't help smiling and laughing. I've never witnessed the things her brothers say she's capable of, but to hear them tell it she's already got some serious ass kicking skills and isn't afraid to use them on her brothers.

"Probably," I agree, still smiling.

He sighs and claps a hand on my shoulder, his expression back to a serious nature.

"Whatever your reasons for almost staying...which I suspect might have had something to do with your parents...I'm glad you didn't, Eric."

"So am I," I reply simply and with a sigh.

Gabe nods and releases my shoulder then smirks. "Okay, enough with all that. I see two lovely ladies looking awfully lonely over there."

He waggled his eyebrows suggestively and walked in the direction of the girls. I shake my head and turn to follow him but something makes me hesitate. Something that draws my attention back to the door where the last vestiges of Erudite completely fade away on the horizon. There's a pain deep inside me that has been growing ever since I made my decision and let my blood drop onto the coals. It got more intense when Gabe and I watched his brother and sister on that roof fade away into nothing.

It felt too much like a goodbye and I know that is hurting him even more than it is me right now.

There's something else there too, though, something I can't define other than it feels like I just lost something important to me. I couldn't even begin to tell someone what that could be. It's certainly not my family, if anything it's a relief to be rid of them, or the pretense of them. If I know one thing for certain it's that they definitely will not miss me, not one bit.

I don't think anyone really will.

Maybe that's what this pain is from then? The knowledge that when it comes down to it, no one will even know I'm gone because I didn't matter that much to them.

I allow myself a moment to feel that pain fully before I lock it away and forget what I didn't have in Erudite. I have the future ahead of me now. A future that I've looked forward to and one that will be completely of my own making. I also have a very important motivator that makes it even more critical for me to achieve those goals I've made for myself.

That's more important to me than figuring out why I feel like I've just left a big piece of me behind in Erudite.