Thank you all again for your lovely reviews. You have no idea how much it means to me, reading that you are enjoying this story!
I know I was a little late with my answers this week. I hope I did not forget anyone.
My family will be moving houses over the next few weeks. I already spent the past few months trying to sort through all our stuff and decluttering as much as possible. But still, there is so much to do right now with categorizing and packing everyone's belongings. I find myself wishing, I could just unleash someone like Sheldon to organize all my boxes. He would have a blast with my kids' chaos. But well, I am looking forward to a few weeks from now, when I will be posting my chapters from my new office room (I did not have my own space ever since my first child was born, so I am really excited about this).
That's a very long way to say that, while I do have the next few chapters almost ready to post, I might have to delay a few updates in the coming weeks.
Now I hope you'll enjoy this new chapter. As promised, it has an M-rated part.
When I wake up in the morning, love
And the sunlight hurts my eyes
And something without warning, love
Bears heavy on my mind
Then I look at you
And the world's alright with me
Just one look at you
And I know it's gonna be
A lovely day
Balancing Heaven and Earth
Chapter 10 – "Lovely Day"
Sheldon's POV:
Saturday morning came and Sheldon instantly felt giddy and excited as he opened his eyes.
He thought about the day before, and a huge smile spread on his face.
It had been amazing, having all his friends and their children here in the house he currently called his home.
He enjoyed letting them be a part of his life here, with Amy and his family, even if it was just for a weekend.
Images from a year before entered Sheldon's mind. Images from a time when his friends had not been part of his life and he and Amy had only just started getting to know each other.
It was unbelievable, how much everything had changed since then. And although he had always hated change, he had to admit that his life had become better in every way.
He really had it all right now.
An exceptional brain. Great friends. A cozy home. A strong bond with his whole family. And – the best of it all – the love of the most wonderful woman in the world.
Granted, not everything in their life was perfect. There was still a decision to make. The deadline for that was approaching slowly but steadily.
It did not matter all that much to him right now though.
Because he knew, regardless of where he would be living, he already had everything he needed to be happy.
He turned on his side and gazed at Amy, who was curled into a ball under the covers, still soundly asleep and inadvertently, another image, this time from the day before, came to his mind.
Amy sitting at the breakfast table with a one-year-old baby in her arms. Her arms wrapped protectively around the little girl who was asleep, cuddled safely into her chest.
Before that, the concept of having a family with Amy, had only been theoretical. The next logical step on their journey together.
But it was not just that anymore. No. Seeing Amy like this had ignited something in his soul. A longing he had hardly ever felt before.
He wanted this. With every fiber of his being. He wanted to be a father. A father to a child – or preferably more than just one – who would be part him and part Amy.
And then, she had talked about wedding dresses, and he had almost started crying right there and then.
It was so close. The life he never expected to want but was craving now. A life so rich. So filled with love and science and family and happiness.
So different to how he had imagined the rest of his life to be, just a little while ago.
He looked at the alarm clock on his nightstand and realized, it was almost time to get up.
So, he scooted closer to Amy and spooned her from behind. He rested his hand on her hip and breathed in the smell of her hair before he whispered into her ear.
"Morning, sleepyhead. It's time to start the day."
Amy turned around in his arm and groaned. She nestled into his chest. Her eyes were still closed and a second later she was snoring again lightly.
He sighed contently and surrendered to the desire to just hold her for a few more moments, basking in the tranquil embrace of their early morning cocoon.
How he cherished these peaceful moments. It was his favorite part of the weekend. Cozied up under the sheets, feeling the body warmth of the woman he loved, their souls intertwined in an intimate symphony.
It was a blissful space there, between sleep and wakefulness. His mind was pleasantly silent, and his senses were only filled with her.
"Amy…", he whispered, forcing himself to open his eyes. They had plans after all. Plans that included other people who would be here soon.
"Hmmm.", she grumbled, sounding a bit like a bear, waking up from hibernation.
He chuckled and nudged her gently.
"Amy.", he said again, his fingers tickling her side lightly. She slapped away his hand and buried her face even deeper into his chest.
This was unfair. She was just too cute. And her hot breath on his chest was just too… pleasant.
In the blink of a second, he felt his plans change. Oh, he would wake her up alright. But he would do it in a way that would make her really, really want to wake up.
With one hand on her chin, he gently lifted Amy's head from his chest and kissed her cheek, eliciting another low grumble from her.
"Wake up, Amy", he repeated. Then he pressed another kiss on her cheek. And then another one. One more on her jaw. And then a trail of kisses down her neck.
"Hmmm.", he heard her again, this time not a grumble but a soft moan.
Sheldon chuckled before he kissed the spot right under her ear that always made her crazy.
It seemed to work. Amy was waking up, evidenced by the way her hands wandered to his head, grasping his short hair.
She still hadn't said a word, but as he started suckling on her delicate skin while slipping his hand underneath her nightgown, he could feel her starting to squirm.
Sheldon smiled smugly. He had learned a lot during these past months. Both of them really.
Together they had discovered so much about how to bring each other pleasure. About how to use their bodies to express these overwhelming feelings they had for each other.
It brought Sheldon much joy, knowing there was a lot more that was yet to discover.
He was looking forward to uncovering every single secret that was still to learn. But not today. There was an itinerary to keep and therefore, he had to make this quick.
Without hesitation, he moved his hand lower, tickling her belly in the process before he slipped it into her panties.
"Sheldon…", she whimpered, her first word of the day, a fact that pleased him immensely.
"God, Amy.", he muttered, as he felt her arousal. "We barely started, and you seem to be good to go already."
She giggled lightly. "This should not be surprising now, should it?"
He groaned into her neck.
No, it was not. In all the months they had been together, she had always been so responsive to his touch. Not once had she denied him, and she always seemed so eager to be joining her body with his.
It felt unbelievable, being wanted like this. By this woman who had only ever wanted him. No one else.
He gasped as she reached to his front, outlining his manhood over his pajama pants.
"It seems, you are just as ready as I am, though.", she said teasingly, as she touched him in a way that made him feel lightheaded.
He let his fingers glide through her slick folds in response, marveling in the feel of her.
"How could I not?", he whispered as he continued touching her expertly. "You are phenomenal, Amy."
"Ohhh.", she breathed out deeply before she reached into his underwear and grasped his length firmly.
How he enjoyed the feeling of her small hand stroking him and for a few minutes, the room was filled with their labored breaths and pleasured moans as they were racing each other towards release.
Sheldon could not take it any longer. He needed to have her. Now.
She gasped as he pulled down her panties from beneath her nightgown in one swift move.
Her hands reached for his pants, and he shimmied out of them just in time for her pulling him on top of her.
He took in her appearance. Her eyes were nearly black. Her cheeks were a beautiful shade of pink and her lips were slightly parted, as she was breathing erratically.
This had escalated quickly.
"Amy…", he groaned.
She nodded and it only took a few seconds for her to reach into her nightstand and help him cover his bases.
He was about to settle in between her legs, but apparently, she had other plans and so, suddenly, he found himself on his back with her straddling him.
"Good morning.", she said huskily and winked at him, before lifting herself up just enough so she could align her body.
Then, she sank down on him fast, taking him in completely.
He heard a pleasured cry, and he was not sure if it was hers or his, the feeling of her tight heat around him combined with the vision of her on top of him making it hard to think clearly.
"I love you so much.", he groaned as she started moving on top of him.
She was still wearing her short nightgown, obstructing his view of her, so he moved his hands inside to lift it, which prompted her to pull it over her head and throw it away.
He did not know where to look then. At her body or at her pleasured face as he enveloped her breasts and let his thumbs run over her hardened nipples.
"Oh… Sheldon… I love you too.", she moaned.
He inhaled deeply. It was almost too much.
Not for the first time, he asked himself, how it was possible that he, Sheldon Cooper, found himself in this situation.
He who, only a bit more than a year ago, did not have the slightest clue about love or relationships or carnal pleasures.
In hindsight, it all had happened so fast. Falling for Amy. Letting her in. Giving himself to her.
Already, despite his eidetic memory, he found it difficult to remember a time when he was not in love with her.
Or maybe he just did not want to remember. Because by now, everything that came before her had lost its charm.
The love he felt for her seemed to be multiplying. Growing rapidly with every new factoid he learned about her.
He grasped shapely behind with both hands as he pushed up into her slowly but forcefully, letting her feel just how much he loved her. Cherished her. Needed her.
All too soon, Sheldon could feel the familiar tingling in his lower abdomen.
"God, Amy…", he groaned. "Slow down, please. It's… I'm…"
He desperately needed her to come with him, and he was about to move his right hand to her core, but she was one step ahead of him again.
He watched in awe as she started touching herself between her legs, moaning deeply, while she kept moving fast on top of him, taking him in and releasing him in a steady rhythm.
Her skilled fingers manipulating her most sensitive spot just like he had planned on touching her.
He loved seeing her like this. In charge. Taking what she needed.
She looked… powerful and confident and… god, so incredibly sexy.
He could only stare when she threw her head back and cried out loudly. It was his name on her lips that finally pushed him over the edge too.
He pushed up into her shallowly as her movements slowed down before she finally fell into his arms, still gasping for breath.
He held her to his chest and then took a good look at her, while taking a few deep breaths.
Her skin seemed to be glowing and her green eyes, though still sleepy, were sparkling at him.
"You look radiant.", he murmured. "I love you so much."
"I love you too.", she whispered.
"Sorry for waking you up.", he said and winked at her.
"No, you're not.", she rebutted.
"You're right.", he agreed. "I cannot imagine a better way of starting out our morning."
"Mhmm…", she hummed. "There's only one problem. You completely wore me out. I want nothing more than just go back to sleep now."
He realized she was right.
"Well…", he mumbled and brushed away one of the loose strands of her hair. "We should be getting up soon. But if you want… we can still cuddle for a few minutes."
She beamed in response to his offer.
"Sounds great."
He sighed contently and tightened his grip around her body.
"So, what are you ladies up to today?", he asked then. Not because he was particularly interested, but to keep himself from falling asleep again.
"We're going to an indoor waterpark in Flint."
He scrunched up his nose in disdain.
"A waterpark? Why would you go there when there's the train museum? Or the zoo? Wait. Let me guess. It was Penny's idea."
She shook her head amused.
"No. I mean yes, it was her idea. But we let the children decide yesterday after dinner. The vote was unanimous."
"Really?", he asked surprised. "Joshua voted for a waterpark? I never would have guessed."
"Truth be told…", she said and smiled at him. "I think, he just went along with it because of the other children. Missy said, he had much fun with them yesterday while you guys were watching them."
"Well, they are all great kids.", he nodded.
It had surprised him, how much he had enjoyed his time, watching those six little children with Leonard and Howard while everyone else had gone to the bridal shop.
And now that he thought about it, Joshua really had seemed quite happy. Much happier than he did most of the time lately.
"Now let's get up and take a shower.", Amy told him then and wiggled herself out of his embrace.
"So soon?", he pouted.
"Sheldon.", she said and cupped his face. "You know how much I want to stay just like this. But you also realize, your friends will be here in less than thirty minutes. Do you really want to open the door dressed in nothing but your robe, when you so obviously look like a man who just got his world rocked?"
She was right again. And now that she had mentioned a shower, he realized how much he wanted to clean himself up.
Twenty minutes later, they stood next to each other at the bathroom sink.
He looked at her reflection in the mirror as she was brushing her teeth, dressed in her bathrobe.
It was remarkable, how much happiness he found in these little moments.
Only a few more months and she will be my wife., he thought to himself.
But like so often, he realized that, in his heart, she was already his wife. And that was maybe the best part. That – while he was looking forward to signing a piece of paper that would officially bind them together for the rest of their lives – he already knew what married life with her would be like. Because he was already living it.
Just seconds after they had gotten dressed, Sheldon heard the doorbell ring.
Leonard, Raj and Howard entered the house, carrying their gaming laptops and about a ton of snacks and soft drinks.
Sheldon couldn't help but feel grateful for Amy's suggestion on how to spend this Saturday. A whole day of gaming with his friends while she and the other women went on a trip with the kids. And then, in the early evening, they would switch so the ladies could go out for a night of fun.
He directed his friends to the living room, where they set up their laptops.
"I'll be going across the street to meet the others.", Amy said as she came into the living room, a bag slung over her shoulders, ready to go swimming.
She had put on a thin, blue cotton dress and comfortable shoes and her hair was up in a ponytail. Her cheeks still had a hue of pink, probably because of their early morning activities, and Sheldon's heart stopped for a second as he took in her appearance.
"H… have fun today.", he mumbled and stepped towards her.
"You too.", Amy nodded and smiled at him softly. "We will make sure the kids are all tired out once it's your turn to watch them."
With that, she stood on her tiptoes and pecked his lips softly. Without thinking about it for a second, he slung his arms around her hips and captured her lips in a searing kiss.
It was only when he released her again and noticed her surprised face that he realized, they were not alone in the room. His cheeks reddened.
"Bye.", she breathed out, biting her lips.
"S… see you later.", he stammered before she turned around and walked out the door.
He turned to his friends then.
Raj seemed to be busy setting up his laptop, but Leonard and Howard were grinning at him widely.
"Well, it seems, someone had a very good start into the day.", Leonard said teasingly.
Sheldon blushed even deeper.
"I have no idea what you are talking about.", he rebutted and went to the kitchen to prepare some of the healthy snacks that Amy had insisted on buying for the occasion, worried, he could be harming his health by only eating junk food all day.
"Of course you don't.", Howard said and winked at him. "So, I guess, Amy looked so relaxed and happy because she already had a spa treatment in the early morning."
Sheldon rolled his eyes. Of course he knew what the others were getting at.
"Could you guys please stop speculating on my sex life? It's really none of your business how Amy and I spent our early morning."
He sat down on the couch with his laptop and attached his gaming mouse.
"I agree.", Raj nodded. It was the first thing he had said this morning. "Please let's start playing now. This is supposed to be a guys' day. No more talk about anyone's love life."
With this settled, they spent the morning and a good portion of the afternoon playing the Star Wars MMO. It was even better than the few nights they had played World of Warcraft together online.
Mainly of course, because they were playing together in the same room instead of everyone in their own home.
He had missed this. Not just the gaming, but the sharing of snacks, the laughter, the teasing.
"We should really have these kinds of weekends more often.", he heard Leonard say after they had won their first big battle against the galactic empire.
"I agree.", Howard answered. "It's so refreshing, getting to play without any interruptions. Just like the old times at your apartment, Sheldon."
Raj cleared his throat.
"You do realize, Sheldon's apartment is still there, and I am living in it, right? I have invited you guys to come play video games numerous times."
"Yeah, yeah.", Leonard brushed him off. "But… you know what I mean."
"I guess I do.", Raj scoffed and even Sheldon thought, there was something off with his voice.
The guys exchanged curious glances, but Raj was already glued to his laptop again, shooting off lasers at enemies.
"So, Sheldon, tell us, how is project 'getting Amy to Pasadena' going?", Leonard finally asked.
Sheldon looked up from his computer screen.
He had no idea how to answer this question.
"I thought we weren't supposed to talk about our love lives."
"We are not talking about your love life.", Howard rebutted. "Although from the look on Amy's face this morning, you are doing a very good job in that area."
"Howard, please.", Sheldon rolled his eyes. "What do you want me to tell you? Yes, Amy's and my love life is excellent. It is frequent, intense and whimsically inventive. But it's none of your business, so please refrain from bringing it up all the time."
Howard's mouth had dropped open. It seemed that, for once, the short man had no idea what to say in return.
"Well, back to the topic.", Leonard said. "You do still want to return to Pasadena with Amy. Your plans haven't changed. Right?"
"I…", Sheldon started. It was his turn to grasp for words. "I mean… sure. We are… getting there. I think."
Leonard closed his laptop and looked at Sheldon curiously.
"That does not sound as sure as it did a few weeks ago.", he stated.
"I mean…", Sheldon said and closed his laptop as well. "I don't know. I guess… I haven't really thought about it for a while."
"Sheldon, you only have a few months left, you realize that, right?", Howard said. "If your plans have changed, you need to come up with another solution. Siebert won't magically forget about your agreement."
Sheldon took a deep breath. He knew, his friends were right. It was so easy, here in Medford, to forget about all of it.
"Have your plans… changed?", Leonard asked carefully.
Sheldon looked at his best friend. He was not sure how to read the expression on his face. And he had no idea how to answer this question.
He swallowed deeply.
"A few weeks ago, when I was in Pasadena, I was absolutely sure that I wanted to move back.", he said quietly. "I do miss my old life. Working at CalTech. Going to the comic book store. Meeting up with you guys. But…", he sighed.
"But… what?", Howard said. "Sheldon, you've told us how miserable you were growing up here in this town. And now you live here in your grandmother's house, conducting a church choir, doing all this family stuff… are you saying you have embraced this life that has barely anything to do with the person you were for all the years we've known you? Do you see yourself staying like this forever?"
Sheldon closed his eyes, trying to make sense of his thoughts. His friends had just voiced a lot of the things that had been running through his mind lately.
"I'm sorry, Sheldon.", Leonard added. "We are not trying to get you to come back. I just want to make sure you know what you are doing. At the end of the day, you need to live with your choices."
"I don't know.", he finally whispered. "I do enjoy my life here. There are so many things that I would miss dearly. But on the other hand, I am not sure… I feel torn. And so does Amy. She told me that much."
Amy had been reading lots of scientific research lately. He knew she was making progress catching up with everything. He also knew through their conversations during their evening walks, how passionate she was starting to feel about it all again.
But did this also mean she was leaning towards taking the job with Dr. Gunderson?
He had avoided asking her about it, so she would not feel pressured by him.
"I guess…", he continued. "I just want… a way to have both."
"Well, buddy, that's not really possible.", Leonard said, shaking his head at him. "You need to make a decision. Both of you. Soon. Because if you wait until the last minute, Siebert won't be happy with you going back on your word."
Sheldon sighed. As if he did not know that.
He was about to open his laptop again to resume playing, when he Raj decided to enter the discussion.
"I'd stay here if I were you.", he said quietly. "Honestly, I don't even know what's there to consider otherwise. Why would you even want to move back?"
Everyone turned to Raj.
"What do you mean, why?", Sheldon asked.
"I am wondering…", Raj sighed. "Sheldon, you've got everything. This great house. Your family just across the street. Your nephew adores you. The people at the choir basically see you as their God. And… you and Amy seem so happy. And you are about to give all of this up… for an office?"
"It's not just about the office, Raj.", Howard protested. "It's about Sheldon's career. His home. His hobbies. His friends. His… life."
"Oh, please, are you hearing yourself?", Raj scoffed. "His career. His home. His friends. He can have his career from here, all he has to do is talk to Siebert. His home here is way more beautiful. He will still have us. He can visit. Or we can."
"Still won't be the same.", Howard disagreed. "Besides, what are you doing? We have a plan, remember?"
"Oh, screw this stupid plan.", Raj exclaimed. "You think it won't be the same? Leonard, Howard, the two of you have such busy lives with your families. Apart from work, I hardly see you anymore. Don't act as if this will be any different for Sheldon once he moves back permanently. The time when it was just us guys hanging out all the time at the apartment… is over. And it won't ever come back. Can't you see how selfish it is, wanting Sheldon to give up all that he has here?"
"S… selfish?", Leonard stammered, taken aback by Raj's outburst.
"Yes. Selfish. Besides, what about Amy? What about her home? Her friends? What about their life together? Have you guys ever considered that she might not want the life you all are picturing for her? Believe me, Sheldon, if I had what you have…", he stopped, a weird expression was showing on his face. "If I had what you have…", he said, a bit softer. "I would do everything to keep things exactly the way they are. I would never risk losing it."
"Raj…", Leonard said, his voice sounding concerned.
"Sheldon, maybe you don't recall what it is like to feel lonely.", their friend continued. "It is not a good feeling."
Sheldon was about to protest. He was not risking anything. He would never be lonely again, regardless of where he and Amy would choose to live.
But then, he recognized the look on his friend's face. It was a look that Sheldon used to see quite often in his own mirror, a little more than a year ago.
"I had no idea you felt this lonely, Raj.", he admitted.
"Yeah. Why did you not tell us about what's going on with you?", Howard agreed.
Raj gulped and shook his head. "It's not like you guys have a lot of time on your hand to talk about these things. But yes. I have been feeling lonely. It's not easy, seeing all of you moving on and being the one who is left behind."
"Is it because of Julie?", Leonard asked. "Raj, you will find a new girlfriend. Aren't women flirting with you all the time at the planetarium? At least that's what you told us a few months ago."
"It's true.", Raj nodded. "But that's not the point. I am over… Julie. And I am not interested in more women that want me because they see me on stage. I want something real… someone like…"
"Someone… like…", Howard urged him on to continue.
Raj pressed his lips together in a firm line and shook his head before he continued.
"Just… someone who is serious about me. Someone who wants me. The real me. Not just the confident man with a vast knowledge about the universe. Someone I can talk to and laugh with. Someone who… gets me and wants the same things in life."
Sheldon smiled softly.
"I get it. You want to find your Amy."
"I… I…", Raj stuttered. Again, there was something strange in his demeanor. "Maybe we should talk about something else. I don't mean to ruin everyone's day. Besides, it's about more than just finding someone. I just need to come to terms with the fact that you all have moved on. It's been lonely in the apartment lately."
Under different circumstances, Sheldon would have agreed that he was ruining their day, however.
"Look Raj.", Sheldon continued. "I know exactly how you feel. I felt the same way, back then. Before…"
"Before you pulled away from us, had a heart attack and moved here?", Leonard asked.
Sheldon nodded and looked down at the floor. He really did not like being reminded of that.
"Please don't leave us to move back to India, Raj.", Howard said only half-joking. "We get it. We really did not make an effort to be around you lately. I am sorry."
"I am sorry too, buddy.", Leonard said seriously. "We almost lost Sheldon. We don't want to lose you too."
"It's okay.", Raj said. "You guys have families. I get it. It's just hard."
"I understand.", Sheldon admitted.
It was true. He had been in the same position. Back then, he just had not known, what he had been missing. Unlike Raj, he had never consciously wanted the life he had right now. But now that he did, he understood the pain that Raj was feeling.
"I understand.", he repeated. "I was so lonely before. I was miserable and I had almost given up on life. Amy… she saved me."
The others looked at him surprised. He knew what they were thinking. Since when did Sheldon Cooper talk about his feelings like this. But he did not care.
He turned to Raj again.
"It's going to get better.", he assured his friend. "You just have to keep going. And at some point, I sincerely hope, you will get exactly what you are wishing for."
Raj looked at him strangely for a few seconds.
Then, he sighed.
"Thanks, man. Now let's get back to our game. We came here to shoot some lasers after all."
Raj's POV:
After the women came back to hand over all the children, Raj excused himself to take a walk, trying not to look at Amy, who looked particularly adorable and happy today.
He really needed some fresh air to clear his mind.
This weekend was probably the most emotionally taxing he had ever had.
He honestly did not know what was worse.
Dress shopping with Amy as one of the girls. Seeing her there in those pretty dresses, gushing over the man she was going to marry soon.
Or spending time with his friend Sheldon.
His friend who was letting him stay in his apartment charging him just as much rent as he used to pay for the place over Bert's garage.
His friend who had invited him here to his home and had tried to comfort him just now.
His friend who was about to marry the love of his life.
Sheldon deserved this. He deserved to be happy now after all the things he had been through.
'I sincerely hope, you will get exactly what you are wishing for.'
Be careful, Sheldon, he had almost answered.
Because Sheldon obviously did not want him to get the things he had been dreaming of lately.
"Hey!", he heard a woman's voice, just as he passed the house across the street from Sheldon.
Raj turned around, startled, and was met with the sight of Sheldon's sister who was looking at him imploringly. Not smiling at him like she did the day before, but with a deep frown on her face, her arms crossed in front of her chest.
"Missy?", he asked. "What are you doing here?"
"I live here.", the tall woman answered, not really friendly. "The better question is, what are you doing here."
"I meant, why are you not with the other women?", Raj clarified. "Besides, what do you mean, what am I doing here. I am taking a walk."
"I can see that. What I am asking is, why are you here? What are you doing in Medford."
Very rarely had Raj felt as confused as he did now.
"What am I doing in Medford? Missy, your brother invited me. You know that."
Missy rolled her eyes.
"Sure. And you took the first opportunity to come here and stir up trouble in paradise, am I right? Really, Raj, I know I've only met you once, but I genuinely thought you were a good guy. I never thought you would sink that low."
"T… trouble in paradise?", Raj gasped. "I never stir up trouble. For anyone. I am just here to play video games with my friends. I have no idea what you are talking about."
"Oh, cut the crap.", Missy shouted and came a step closer. "You thought no one would notice, huh? But I see the way you are looking at Amy."
"A… Amy?", Raj croaked. Suddenly he was wishing for a hole to open up in the ground and swallow him. "I don't know what you mean. I hardly even know her."
"You cannot fool me.", Missy exclaimed. "It is obvious. You have feelings for her. And now you came here to swoop in and steal her from Sheldon. Not on my watch, buddy."
Raj's heart pounded in his chest.
"Is it really that obvious?", he whispered.
"Aha!", Missy shouted. "So, I am right."
Raj looked around frantically. It was bad enough that Missy knew. This information could destroy his life.
"Please, be quiet, Missy.", he begged. "Yes. Yes, it's true. I've been having… unwanted feelings for my friend's fiancée. But I was never going to do anything about it. I've been trying to fight it. I have. I swear."
"You…", her expression softened a little. "You are not trying to steal her away?"
"Are you kidding?", he shouted. "I would never do this. Sheldon's been… through so much. And he's been such a good friend. I feel horrible for having these feelings. I hate myself for the dreams I've been having, and I would do anything for them to go away."
"Oh…", she said. "Well… alright. That's good… I guess…"
She gave him a look then that he had seen before often times.
Pity.
And in that moment, it was probably well-deserved. And suddenly he could not hold it in any longer.
"I just…", he sighed. "Why is this all so hard, Missy? I did not picture my life like this. I'm a decent guy. I have a successful career. My skin's as smooth as a newborn's tushie. Sheldon was able to find love. Why not me? What's wrong with me?"
"Uhm…", Missy stuttered.
He was probably making her uncomfortable, but he couldn't stop.
"All I ever wanted is… to fall in love. To get married. Have a wife to come home to. I would… I would do anything for her. I would pamper her. Worship her like a queen. Take her out dancing. Cook dinner for her. I have all this love and romance in my heart and no one to share it with and Sheldon…"
He huffed.
"Sheldon never wanted any of this. He used to make fun of me for wanting these things. He moves here and… bang… just like that stumbles into this amazing woman who is willing to love him for everything he is. It's not fair."
Missy gave him a sad smile.
"I know.", she said softly. "And I know what it feels like, when… your life does not turn out how you wanted it to be."
He tried to make sense of what she was saying, but then, his blood ran cold.
"Oh my god, Missy, I am so sorry. You've been through so much and here I am whining about my sad love life."
"It's alright.", Missy shrugged. "It's over now. I should be happy. I went through a horrible thing, but I survived. I got out."
"You did.", he said quickly. "You are so strong, Missy."
"See, that's it.", she sighed. "I do not feel strong. I feel like there must be something wrong with me. My first husband was an idiot who hasn't been in our children's life since before our daughter was born. My second husband is in prison on a life sentence. And now… I don't think I can ever trust anyone again. I will be alone for the rest of my life. Which is alright, because I can't even imagine ever being with a man again. But… part of me… I don't know."
"You want more.", he understood. "You don't want to stay alone."
"I always thought I'd be growing old with someone.", she admitted. "You know. Have an awesome life with someone. Someone to raise my kids with. Someone who's home when I come back from work. Someone to kiss my cheek and rub my feet and tell me I'm doing great. Instead, I'm living in my old room in my mother's house raising my traumatized children alone while my twin brother who never wanted any of this gets married to my best friend. And sooner or later he will leave and take her away from me to Pasadena."
She was full on crying by now and Raj had no idea how to handle the situation. In less than two minutes, Missy had gone from screaming at him to breaking down in front of him. It was confusing.
"I'm sorry.", she sobbed. "I am happy for Sheldon. No one deserves this more than he does. He's been through so much and this past year… he helped me so much, Raj. He's my biggest hero right now and I want him to be happy. I just… I feel so alone when they are not here and I am dreading the day when they will be leaving for good."
"Missy, I'm…", he stepped closer to her, trying to put an arm around her shoulder, but she backed away from him. "I'm sorry.", he said, a little taken aback.
"No, I am…", she sniffled. "See, I am so broken, I cannot even let anyone...", her voice broke.
He winced as he realized why she had backed away from him.
"You are not broken, Missy.", he said softly. "You are a survivor. And despite everything you had to go through, you are still standing here, defending your brother's relationship. Sheldon and Amy can consider themselves lucky to have you."
"Thank you.", Missy said and smiled at him. "I… uhm… better get back to the other women now. We will be going out soon and I should be back before they wonder why I am taking so long to get some fresh air."
"Alright.", he nodded.
"Raj?", she asked just as he had wanted to turn around.
"Yeah?"
"I'm sorry. For dumping this on you. I've never even told this to anyone. It's… embarrassing."
He nodded. Yes, this whole conversation had been embarrassing. But not for her. For him. She was probably thinking how pathetic he was right now.
"Missy, do you think, we could just pretend this conversation never happened?", he asked her.
"Alright.", she nodded. "Your secret's safe with me. As long as you don't try anything funny."
"Thank you.", he breathed out.
She smiled at him weakly before she left.
Raj reprimanded himself. This could have ended very badly.
He had to be more careful.
If only he could get Amy out of his head.