Chapter 18: Run

Bella

I ran as fast as I could. My feet were barely touching the ground. It almost felt as if I were flying. I took a chance and glanced behind me and to my relief I didn't see Edward following me. If I had been more careful I would have never allowed myself to be seen in the first place. If I wouldn't have followed Jacob I wouldn't have been seen. Yet, my curiosity had gotten the best of me and I was eager to see where my best friend had been off too in such a hurry. So I had followed him not knowing that it would lead me right to the Cullen household.

Maybe if I would have left as soon as I saw where he was headed I would have avoided further detection. Though, at the same time, I was not sure that I truly regretted being seen. As soon as Edward and I locked eyes all of the feelings that I had been pushing down and trying to ignore for almost two decades now came rushing back to the surface. I was just as much in love with him now as I had been nearly twenty years ago.

My feelings didn't change the situation though. I was certain that Edward also felt the same way now as he did all those years ago. If he didn't want me then it was foolish to believe that he would want me now. It was foolish to believe that any of them would want me to be a part of their family now.

I wanted to berate myself for reacting the way that I had reacted. I had run like a scared little school girl rather than staying behind to face my past like a woman. But I was determined to remain dead. Well, technically I was dead but that was beside the point.

"Bella,"

I froze in place. For the briefest of all seconds I was sure that I was hallucinating. I hadn't even heard him coming. I had been so lost in my thoughts that I hadn't been paying attention to my surroundings. But I had also been certain that Edward wouldn't even try to follow me in the first place.

Yet, here he was, standing about five feet away from where I was standing. I felt as if the breath had been knocked out of me. If my heart could still beat I was sure that it would be beating at a rate of about a million times per minute. It was clear that my memory hadn't done him any justice. He was even more beautiful and perfect than I remembered.

"Edward,"

Neither of us moved for several seconds. Neither one of us seemed sure about what to do next. "Bella. It is you. It really is you,"

I couldn't fight back my feelings anymore. I moved toward him at the same time that he moved toward me. In one swift movement I was back in his arms once again. I didn't realize until just that moment how much I really did miss being in his arms. I missed him more than I realized. That was something that I didn't even know was possible.

"Bella I'm so sorry," I could hear the sincerity in his words. "I am so sorry. That day back in the woods I lied to you,"

"You, what?" I could barely get the words out.

"I lied to you. I lied to you and told you when I told you that I didn't love you. I lied to you when I told you that we didn't want you to be part of our family. It was all a lie. I'm so sorry,"

The words that he was saying slowly sunk in. I could hear the truth in his words. I couldn't detect a single trace of a fault note in his voice at all. It was hard to forgive though and act as if the past eighteen years hadn't happened. But I knew deep down in my heart that I could forgive him, that I would forgive him eventually. I still loved him. A huge part of me never wanted to be separate from him ever again. As crazy as that sounded.

"Why did you lie to me?"

"I thought I was doing what was best for you. That night, after what happened with Jasper, well, I didn't think it was safe for you to be in my world. So I thought that if I lied to you and told you that my family and I never loved you that it would be easier for you to move on. But. I never thought you would believe my lie so easily,"

"Edward-"

"Please Bella. I'm a good liar. I have to be a good liar. But you believed me so easily after all of the times that I told you I love you. I thought I would have to lie through my teeth for hours to begin to plant the seed of doubt in your head. But when you believed me so easily, especially after that night we had together, that was excruciating,"

"I don't understand,"

"I love you Bella. I always have and I always will. I'm so sorry for all of the pain that I have caused you,"

"That's putting it very mildly. Yet, I still love you to Edward,"

"We have a daughter," he said. "I didn't know it was possible. Procreation in the traditional sense is supposed to be impossible for our kind,"

"There has never been a relationship quite like ours either," sexual relationships are something that did not happen between vampires and humans. Not without crushing the human to death in the process anyway.

"So where does this leave us now?" I couldn't help but ask.

"Come home with me,"

"I can't do that. Nessie thinks I'm dead. Everyone thinks that I am dead. You're supposed to think that I am dead,"

"I know that," he added glumly. "But now that I know you are not dead, that changes things. I'm not going to lie to our family anymore,"

"You lied to them also? Is that why Carlisle didn't want to talk to me that day when I had Dr. Gerandy reach out to him on my behalf?"

Edward closed his eyes. "I had lied to everyone and told them that after the incident with Jasper you were terrified of them because they were monsters. That you could never love them because they were monsters,"

It felt as if my non beating heart had suddenly dropped to my stomach. I loved the Cullens so much. They were my family. Edward couldn't have chosen a crueler lie to tell them. No wonder Carlisle had told Dr. Gerandy not to give me his phone number and to stop trying to contact them. Edward's lie must have really hurt them.

"Bella, the day that Dr. Gerandy called Carlisle to ask him if it was okay for him to give you his new phone number. Did you already know that you were pregnant with our daughter?"

"That is exactly the reason why I was trying to find you. I thought you all deserved to know even if none of you wanted anything to do with me anymore. I stopped trying to find you all after that and honor Carlisle's request to stop looking for you all because you all didn't want anything to do with me,"