Nozomi stood in front of the Bulletin board beside Layla, their eyes searching for their names anywhere. She remembered 500 examinees were rumored to have passed and were able to continue to the final exam the next week on Friday.
Even on a cool afternoon, her palms started to sweat. Names had to be read from left to right.
"Wait… is that my name at the top?!" Layla exclaimed.
Nozomi glanced back and sure enough, Layla's name had been inscribed in gold right at the top. She noticed many Scholars gave looks of jealousy or relief of congratulations. Nozomi pulled Layla into a tight embrace and slapped her on the back.
"Congratulations! You were so nervous you weren't going to make it!" Nozomi grinned widely. "You need to give yourself more credit you know."
Layla returned the embrace and then stepped back, rubbing her head embarrassed.
"I still can't believe it… maybe all my hard work really did pay off after all." Layla's hands curled into a fist, determined. "All I need to do is get through this third round of exams, and maybe I can finally have a thesis approved after!"
Nozomi continued scanning through the board, having to sidestep other scholars further down the list. Nervous murmurs and fidgeting didn't escape her attention as she gripped the hem of her uniform.
"Come on, I know I didn't cram extra hours for nothing… where's my name?"
Nozomi felt the sides of her lips twitch the further down she scanned. She had reached the final column and swore she could hear her own heart hammer through her chest.
There in the final place, her name was inscribed.
500th Nozomi Ogawa
"Oh hey you passed; we can do the final exam together!" Layla smiled encouragingly. "Your name is there, that's all that matters."
Nozomi bent over already exhausted.
"Well, thankfully we have a week before we need to sit the next lot of exams. Then I can figure out my future…" She brushed her uniform off. "Well, I guess it's time to face the music. I've kept Alhaitham and Kaveh waiting long enough."
Both stepped aside and started walking towards the back to let other Scholars pass. Before Nozomi could think of going down the pathway through the Akademiya, Layla grabbed her hand firmly.
"Nozomi… I know they've been on your mind but, I know either way that you'll be okay. I want you to know I'll always be here no matter what happens. Even if Alhaitham and Kaveh end up hating you or kicking you out, you'll always have me as a friend." Layla squeezed her hand. "I mean it… please come over anytime. It was nice studying with you. Also… let's promise to graduate together this year."
Layla held up her pinky finger.
Nozomi felt a heavy pang in her chest as their pinky fingers wrapped around each other.
"I'll be sure that your reassurance isn't wasted or is for nothing. Let's do our best." Nozomi felt a tear slide down her face. "Regardless of whatever happens, we should do it without regrets. Thank you for supporting me, Layla. I'll have your back whenever you need me to."
Both shared a long embrace before going their separate ways through the Akademiya. As Nozomi walked through the hallways of the Akademiya, she started to yearn for a sense of belonging among the Scholars the longer she admired the building's structures. The City of Knowledge had always reciprocated those with an open mind.
She hoped to still stay among those with an open mind.
*
Nozomi stood in front of the door, unsure of whether to knock regardless of having her keys. She waited almost five minutes, trying to hear even a faint sound of their voices through the door. Only the sound of wind outside hummed through her ears.
She breathed in deeply and then gripped the door handle.
I hope I can get through this… please let me reach them. Even if I don't, at least I've tried.
Nozomi straightened and turned the door handle then pushed. The door creaked open as she slowly made her way back inside.
The familiar smell of dust and slight spices in the air brought a temporary sense of relief before she saw that both Alhaitham and Kaveh were seated in the lounge. Nozomi couldn't read their expressions as they gazed at each other, nervous to make the next move.
Nozomi closed her eyes, not feeling her feet move. It was almost as if she were in a trance as she took a seat on the middle couch, now in between both of them. They didn't say anything. She knew their eyes followed her wherever she moved. Even though she wanted to lower her head, she swallowed and kept her eyes between the both of them.
"Hey there Alhaitham, Kaveh. I won't waste any of your time with excuses or more delays than what I already have." Nozomi kneaded her hands together. "I'm not here to ask for forgiveness and I'm not asking for another chance. I guess… I'm here to give you answers more than a resolution because, to be honest, I don't really see one right now."
Nozomi watched as neither of them said anything, she couldn't read anything from their blank expressions as she continued.
"To start off with, yes I dated Kaveh first. I… didn't realize it at first but I started to develop feelings for you when you'd always check in on how I was doing." She turned to Kaveh. "Alhaitham did ask me out the next week and to be honest, I froze. Because it dawned on me that I was also interested in him too. Before I realized what I was doing, we went out on a date too. You both know the rest of what's happened since then."
Expectant eyes from both sides met hers and nodded.
"How everything started… I've re-run these thoughts over in my mind the last couple of days. I-I really don't know. Over the years I felt closer to the two of you, almost without even knowing it until the book signing." Nozomi blinked briefly before looking at Alhaitham. "The reason I didn't… the reason I froze in trying to tell any of you how I felt that night, was because…"
Nozomi gripped her knee tightly.
Keep yourself together damn it, you owe it to them to tell them the truth!
"I got so caught up in spending moments with the two of you. I'm aware that isn't a proper explanation or even…" She stammered. "A good reason entirely. I was scared, and I shouldn't have let my fear get in the way of me telling the two of you the truth. I-"
Tears started to fall down her face as she looked down at the ground. Nozomi cursed to herself, she wanted to tell them without crying. She knew either of them could interpret that as a call for sympathy when deep down, Nozomi just wanted to talk properly. She used her sleeve to wipe away the tears and looked up again.
"I wanted the good times to keep going. I am sorry that I've hurt you both." She bowed her head. "Whatever you two decide happens going forward, I'm okay with accepting the consequences of my actions."
Alhaitham and Kaveh share a look between them which made Nozomi unsure of whether to continue explaining her actions or to let them speak up. Kaveh started first, giving a heavy sigh with a hint of irritation in his eyes.
"So let me get this straight, you didn't tell us you had feelings for either of us because you just wanted to keep the good times going? Nozomi… I don't know what to think right now." Kaveh twisted his body to face hers. "The way you left us twice without explaining anything was…"
Kaveh didn't finish as Nozomi saw that tears had started to fall onto his knees. Her heart twisted as all she wanted to do was hold him close. She pushed the thought to the back of her mind, he didn't need comfort, he needed answers.
"That is definitely my responsibility. I know that I've left this conversation more late than I should have. You have every right to be angry with me for how you've been treated Kaveh, I won't fault you on that." Nozomi breathed in. "It's a crap explanation and I should have explained to Alhaitham that I was seeing you."
"It's not just that! Angry is the least I am right now with you… after everything we've gone through together, I thought you'd at least be comfortable enough around me to tell me anything." Kaveh's hands squeezed together, his eyes looked up at Nozomi. "All I want to know now is, was there something about me that… you found better in Alhaitham?"
Nozomi's eyes widened in shock at the question and was stunned into silence. Her shoulders sagged as she leaned forward. Alhaitham had remained quiet their entire conversation so far, she wondered why he hadn't reacted yet. Then she felt a stab of regret in her chest, almost as if she was feeling whatever Kaveh was feeling. She pushed herself off the chair then sat next to Kaveh and waited for him to either snap or tell her to get away from him.
He did neither and continued to stare.
"Kaveh, I don't find either you or Alhaitham better than the other. I meant this to be friendly back then, but you both have qualities that belong to you both." Nozomi slapped her forehead. "What I'm trying to say, and I know how this is going to sound but honestly I like you for being yourself."
Nozomi cursed to herself in her mind, she couldn't get the right words across no matter how much she tried. Kaveh had probably thought she was lying through her teeth to give him a false sense of hope.
"Usually I would find the words to explain myself properly but right now they're just stuck in my throat. You probably think I'm sucking up to you right no-"
"Nozomi, I don't care. Right now I just wish you'd tell me how you felt about me and Alhaitham." Kaveh interrupted. "Just, say what you want from us."
"What do I want?" Nozomi put her head in her hands. "You want to know how I feel about the both of you? That's one hell of a loaded question."
Neither Alhaitham nor Kaveh reacted as she tried to think carefully about what to say. Nozomi peered over at the bookshelves, dust had been settling on them for months. Kaveh had asked either of them to at least dust the shelves but work hours or study hadn't allowed them to continue much of the cleaning. She shook her head trying to focus.
"It's hard to say… I want to be around both of you but I don't want to choose one over the other. I feel like it wouldn't be fair to either of you and I'd only feel like I'd be in the way of your friendship."
Kaveh almost reacted but a look from Alhaitham stopped him.
"Friendship?" He folded his arms. "Are you saying you'd rather walk out than choose between us?"
Nozomi bowed her head. "If that's what I need to do as part of my own repercussions, then yes. I don't want to get in the way any further than what I already have."
"Can you elaborate on what you mean when you say you'd only be in the way?" Alhaitham waved his hand.
"I… it would feel wrong because I'd regret hurting one over the other. I liked how things were before we even got to this point." Nozomi's voice started to shake. "If I made a choice of who I would date, it would be neither. You're both important to me, I'd rather regret choosing neither of you than make anyone feel left out. That's all I can say."
Alhaitham merely nodded as Nozomi stood and looked at the door.
"I'll need a few days, but I'll have my stuff moved out." Nozomi bowed again. "I'll see myself out."
Nozomi picked up her bag and shrugged it on her shoulder. She started to walk towards the door and her hand reached for the door handle.
"Wait a minute," Kaveh called from behind her. "You think just moving out will solve the problem? What dream are you living in?"
She turned around, her hand still on the doorknob. "Huh?"
"I don't want you to leave, not again." Kaveh shook his head.
Nozomi lost her patience and grit her teeth.
"What the hell do you mean Kaveh!? I thought you both wanted me gone after I explained myself! What else would you have me do? I don't know what to do besides not being a nuisance so why…"
Kaveh stood and walked over to her. His amber eyes glowed, but instead of anger, they were pleading.
"Did you even stop to consider the both of us care about you too!? What do we look like to you? Even a pair of fools could tell we don't want you to go." Kaveh grabbed her hand. "Nozomi, I'm hurt but if you left again then-"
"What do you mean!?" Nozomi let go of the doorhandle. "I don't understand you right now… what else am I meant to do?"
"Damn it all… Nozomi I want you to stay. It doesn't matter to me that you didn't tell us about having feelings for either of us. I just wanted to hear the truth."
Kaveh pulled Nozomi into a tight embrace. She could feel his body shake and hear him crying.
"But doesn't this just mean you're settling for less? How the hell are you two going to be able to look at me if I continue to live here?" Nozomi wrapped her arms around him. "
Nozomi sobbed into his arms, feeling his hand pull her in tightly. Before she could think of speaking again, she looked over Kavehs' shoulder. Nozomi thought she could hear snoring. Both slowly pulled away from each other while Alhaitham was on the couch.
He had fallen asleep, arms still folded and head leaned forward.
Kaveh quickly switched from crying to scowling
"Really Alhaitham!? You're sleeping in the middle of a serious conversation?! How could you… wake up!"
Alhaitham didn't wake but stirred to the side as if to deliberately ignore him.
"Unless there's a problem that hinders me now, I don't see the point in continuing our conversation. I'll have a nap now thanks."
Kavehs fists curled and looked over at Nozomi apologetically.
"I'm sorry, you just got back… we spent all morning talking about what to do with you and now apparently it's no longer an issue. This man has serious issues with priorities I swear!"
Nozomi couldn't believe it as she watched Kaveh walk over and forcibly remove the cushion behind Alhaithams head. Alhaitham grabbed Kaveh and tried swatting him away.
"You say that like you haven't even thought about forgiving Nozomi the first thing she walked in. This is coming from the man who spent hours crying on my shoulder over you."
"Oh, my god." Kaveh facepalmed. "You were up all night like me Alhaitham. You kept saying how you found her nice because she didn't nag or bother you."
Alhaitham sighed as he now sat upright and looked at Nozomi.
"I specifically said that I still find Nozomi kind, considerate and she doesn't nag me like you do. It also helped that she didn't mind me taking her on a quieter date without many people interrupting our thoughts."
"That's what you're supposed to do! Urgh I give up, go back to sleep. I'll explain everything from here." Kaveh waved him off. "Nozomi, please take a seat. You don't have to go or move anywhere if you don't want to. Neither of us really wants you out of here. We just wanted to see if you felt any remorse for what happened."
Nozomi blinked in surprise. She wasn't sure whether it was a setup anymore or whether to be angry with either of one them of how quickly they had forgiven her. Kaveh seemed to notice as he wiped his tears away and guided her over to the couch.
"Look I promise not all of this was planned… we were honestly wanting a true conversation about how you really felt about us." Kaveh sat beside her. "So, I'll start by saying that although I still have hurt feelings from what you did, I want to forgive you. You've been on my mind for days and I was scared you wouldn't come back more than anything. Until Alhaitham showed me the letter you wrote about paying my debt, I was ready to give up on the fact you ever cared at all."
Nozomi felt Kavehs hands rub along hers. She should have pulled back but kept looking into his eyes, feeling nothing but relief at him being near her again. Evidently, he felt the same as his face softened.
"Anyway… Alhaitham and I talked for hours, we kind of knew you wouldn't want to be in between us because of how we all live together. You're right when it would be too awkward." He looked down. "I appreciated you saying that about our friendship with one another. To be honest we only made amends yesterday, it still feels strange having Alhaitham all of a sudden help me with chores."
Alhaitham coughed and took a loud sip of his coffee. His eyes kept darting to Nozomi and to his cup.
"Yes, you wanted to speak now? After taking a two-minute nap?" Kaveh chortled. "You want to explain to Nozomi what you proposed?"
Alhaitham rolled his eyes at Kaveh, the same eye roll Nozomi knew they had shared. She couldn't contain a chuckle and a sense of relief filled her when the room slowly echoed with her laughter.
"I'm sorry, I know this is meant to be serious but… I can't believe how much I've missed seeing you two bicker like a married couple. I'm happy you two are back to being friends. So does that mean any arguments about when you two were at the Akademiya are resolved now?"
"Well not quite." Alhaitham answered "To put it simply, we will always have differing opinions and different goals from one another. However, for once, Kavehs seniority complex has been dampened by my advice on not taking everything I say so personally. In turn, I've promised to be more… empathetic when it's needed."
Alhaitham skulled the rest of his coffee and a hard clink could be heard when he put it down on the table.
"Wow… the hell happened that you two quickly came to that conclusion? I'm impressed." Nozomi's mouth gaped. "This is seriously better than me coming to my own self-realization on my feelings for the both of you "
"Quite honestly I was surprised as you are. He actually apologized to me first… then handed me your letter." Kaveh held his chin. "Anyhow, we can discuss how I and Alhaitham made up later. Alhaitham, please explain the rest because I'm still confused about the terms you pointed out."
Nozomi turned to Alhaitham
"Terms?"
"I was thinking maybe we should consider a Polyamorous route. The reason is because of how we're living together and your feelings for the both of us." Alhaitham stood up and took a seat next to Nozomi. "It's a more beneficial route, we can still date you without the need of feeling guilty and you'd be able to live a relatively normal life."
Nozomi was too flustered and confused to notice that Alhaithams leg was brushing against hers.
"Wait… what's Polyamory again? I've briefly read about it through some notes when we did Sex Ed for Writers but haven't actually seen it in action. Also, nothing about us is 'relatively normal' Alhaitham…"
His fingers drummed along his arm as he closed his eyes. Nozomi felt herself relax when she felt the warmth of both of their bodies through her legs. A wave of exhaustion almost made her doze off. She felt her shoulders being shaken awake by Kaveh.
"Sorry guys… the past few days have been a rollercoaster."
"Hmm." Alhaitham straightened and then poured another round of coffee, this time offering a cup to Nozomi. "Drink this while I explain what Polyamory is. To cut to the chase Polyamory is where instead of dating one person you'd date two or more people."
Alhaitham grabbed three pieces of fruit, an orange, an apple, and a pear. He placed the apple in front of Nozomi and pointed to it.
"Kaveh is the orange, I'm the pear and you're the apple." He removed the orange and looked up. "This is what most of society sees what we call 'regular' relationships. If me and you were dating, this would be a monogamous relationship. Now add Kaveh into the relationship, it would now be considered Polyamorous. There are other dynamics but to keep things simple, we'll just stick with polyamory."
"Why am I the orange?" Kaveh interrupted. "If you're going by hair color, at least make me a lemon."
"Because you didn't do shopping this week and buy any lemons Kaveh." Alhaitham sighed. "You're missing the point of what I'm trying to explain here."
"Maybe because you're thick and juicy?" Nozomi laughed nervously. "Was that too soon?"
Kaveh turned away and hid his face. "You… might want to rephrase that quote, unless you meant it that way."
"Huh? I meant oranges are healthy and can be used for a nutritious drink… what did you mean by rephrasing?"
"If you two are done flirting, I was trying to finish explaining something." Alhaitham put all three fruits in a triangle, his finger tracing overtops of them. "Like you've been saying Nozomi, each of us has our own qualities and individual ways of living. Hence why I chose three different fruits. Essentially from what you've described, you find us both attractive for different reasons."
"So… you're suggesting that all of us date?" Nozomi tilted her head. "It sounds nice in theory but, wouldn't you guys be jealous of each other?"
"To be clear, we're both suggesting we date you Nozomi. Me and Alhaitham spent most of this morning already discussing the pros and cons of a polyamorous relationship." Kaveh chimed in. "Now I'd be lying if I said I would never be jealous, but I know how Alhaitham is. I feel comfortable enough around him that I know he'd communicate with me if something happened or you two went on a date… believe me I'm wrapping my head around this idea too."
"So wait, are you sure you're comfortable with this idea? I've barely gotten back and you two have-"
Kaveh wrapped his arm around Nozomis' shoulders and pulled her into his chest.
"I wouldn't have agreed if anyone else had proposed this idea. Alhaitham may be a stubborn, ignorant, and annoying Scribe… but I trust him enough to be happy for him with you. Compersion is what he said? To be happy for someone even if you're not the cause of them being happy."
Nozomi frowned and craned her neck to look at Alhaitham who shrugged. She picked up her coffee and took a sip while Kaveh went on to explain.
"That sounded depressing how I put it. Actually, it's just feeling happy for someone else's joy. So, as long as you tell me when you and Alhaitham have days to yourselves whether that's having quality time with one another, I'm okay with the concept of being polyamorous. I've had enough time to think about whether I'd be okay with sharing you with Alhaitham and myself."
"That being said if anything comes up that we disagree on or think could use some work, we'd need to communicate about it. The key word is to Communicate." Alhaitham pointedly stared at Nozomi. "I'm sure you'll have plenty of opportunities to practice this part."
"Ehe…" Nozomi moved over to the middle and rubbed her head. "Yeah communicate… wait I haven't even agreed to anything yet! Again this all sounds nice in theory but, Kaveh hasn't even dated anyone ever. What if this doesn't work out the way people want it to? Wouldn't this just be more complicated?"
"Hey, I did try to date someone you know…" Kaveh scoffed. "Back in the day."
"Hmph, you lasted no more than a few days because apparently, you looked too pretty to date." Alhaitham grinned. "She was jealous because most girls that studied with us would wander over to ogle him."
"What's that supposed to mean? Are you saying I was dumped because I was blond? Anyway as Alhaitham pointed out… if we reach that point I guess at least we tried."
Alhaitham glared at Kaveh.
"What he was meant to say, was we'd still need to talk about it. I'm not really someone who is lovey-dovey per se but I've watched and read enough about various people whether they were Monogamous or Polyamorous. There is never a 100% guarantee that relationships will work out regardless. Every relationship will always have its setbacks and challenges. I think since we're living together, it'll easier to discuss and be around each other since we're used to one another's company."
Nozomi stared ahead raising her coffee cup to her lips. She still couldn't wrap her mind around the concept but felt comfortable enough that Alhaitham and Kaveh had discussed this at length while she wasn't around.
"So… would it be okay to think about this some more? It's a lot to take in and I still need time to believe you're both okay with me still being here. It's more just to make sure I've been held accountable and that you both feel safe around me." Nozomi nodded at Alhaitham and Kaveh. "Don't get me wrong, I'm happy that you're both near me right now. I… know that things won't go back to what they once were but just give me time."
"Of course." Kaveh smiled. "We can wait."
"This just feels like I've gotten off the hook, don't I deserve something more severe?"
"Punishing yourself for something we don't have any resentment towards you over doesn't resolve any leftover feelings. We understand this might take a while to recover from, plus this is a huge decision for all of us as well." Alhaitham gestured towards the other couches. "I can't speak for Kaveh so right now, all I can say is that you've come to talk to us about your mistake. That takes guts and it's more appreciated than what people give accountability credit for."
Kaveh reached around and pulled her back into his chest. Nozomi closed her eyes, taking in the warmth from his chest.
"You've already apologized and taken accountability for what you did… don't beat yourself up about it." Kaveh's fingers ran along her temples. "Feeling guilty all the time rather than looking at the picture long term is a sad lens to look through."
"Speak for yourself." Alhaitham side-eyed him. "Take your own advice for once."
"Can you just shut up for one minute?" Kaveh rolled his eyes. "Nozomi, all I ask is that if anything comes up where you did have feelings for someone else just talk to me or Alhaitham. I'll probably feel hurt about it but at least then I have more of a chance to talk things out with you. I really want us to work out."
Nozomi and Kaveh locked eyes for what seemed like a long time.
"I can't promise I'll always make the most sense whenever I talk to either of you but I promise to do better in my communication with you." Nozomi felt her cheeks reddening. "I've missed you guys a lot… so what did you guys want to do now?"
"Given that it's been mentally tedious the past two days, I'd say it's a good time for a nap." Alhaitham reached for a blanket. "Kaveh needs to pay off his debt to Dori in a few hours, so it's probably best to bide our time until then. Up to you."
"Oh yeah! The debt…" Nozomi patted Kaveh's chest. "You don't have to worry about owing any-"
"Ow!" Kaveh winced loudly.
"Oh my god sorry!" Nozomi pulled back. "I forgot you might have injuries from Alhaitham the other night… did you want me to grab you anything from the pantry?"
"Don't worry about it." Kaveh held his hand up. "Alhaitham just twisted my nipples yesterday…."
Nozomi froze as she blinked at Kaveh. A slow grin began to creep along her face as she whistled for her quill and pulled out her book. Kaveh gripped the pages trying to pull the book away from her, she was faster in retracting the book towards her chest.
"This is absolutely perfect for the next chapter of my novel! I've been stuck on a scene for weeks! You two are literal inspirations right now… Lady Guuji won't turn me into fried batter after all!"
"Now hold on a minute! Alhaitham can you at least pretend to care and help defend me here!?"
"If Nozomi wants any context to what happened yesterday, that's your problem to discuss. I don't care what she writes about us, it's fiction and it pays rent. Before either of you ask, yes the rent is being decreased… to about 500k per month."
"Huh? That's still so expensive… what are you going to spend that amount of Mora on? A cruise ship around Teyvat!? Seriously you two are fine but I'm paid on a contractual basis!" Kaveh wined. "Nozomi please don't move out or write this in your book about Alhaitham being a sugar daddy."
Nozomi's eyes glowed and she kept grinning. "Too late, can't disappoint the fans can't I?"
Alhaitham grunted beside her while Kaveh groaned into his hands.
"I can hardly wait till the final volume of 'They Were Roommates' is done so we can have a normal conversation without it being assumed that we're gay…yeah that's never going to happen now that the books are out. Thank you so much, Nozomi."
Nozomi couldn't help but chuckle to herself. Kaveh and Alhaitham pulled the blanket on both ends and wrapped all three of them. Once Nozomi finalized her notes, she leaned back with them and looked up at the ceiling.
Alhaitham and Kaveh sat quietly and rearranged the cushions behind their backs. A comfortable silence finally fell between them and Nozomi felt herself nearly drift off again. Neither spoke as she leaned against Kaveh's chest and her breathing slowed. Kaveh sighed, he rolled over and looked at Alhaitham.
"Man, I hope we don't go through this again in the future, that was exhausting. I am really sorry about how I reacted. I'm… really glad she's home." Kaveh yawned, he nodded as he dozed off. "Thanks for…"
He didn't finish his sentence as gentle snores came from his mouth. A peaceful look Alhaitham hadn't seen in years finally crossed his face. The light from the windows fell on both of their sleeping faces and he let himself smile. Alhaitham traced his hand along Nozomi's face as she slept and he pulled the blanket down as he nestled his head into her neck, his hands resting on top of Kavehs near her waist.
All three lay together in a peaceful slumber, the only sounds emanating from the room were light snores or breathing.