Vernon had to admit, the boys' renewed obsession with James Bond wasn't the worst thing in the world. There were certainly some inappropriate moments in the films which had not aged well, but it was thankfully very easy to distract the boys by suggesting new spy tools and gadgets whenever an awkward scene came on. Until fairly recently, the boys had mainly focused on small gizmos, but as Harry would be off to school soon, Vernon had suggested they make some improvements to the car.
This led to a few days in which Harry and Dudley sequestered themselves in the garage, tinkering with Vernon's Vauxhall Vectra. Unfortunately, while Vernon had suggested sensible improvements, such as greater fuel efficiency and a nicer radio, Harry had instead given him front- and back-mounted machine guns which popped out of the bumpers when a small red button was pressed. This button was right next to the CD ejector button, which seemed very dangerous, so Dudley drew a small skull and crossbones symbol on it to make it clearer. He refused to label the other four new buttons, and said they were anti-bad guy surprises… Hopefully nothing too bad.
After a bit of pestering, Harry also improved the fuel consumption. Jolly good.
On the morning of Harry's birthday, there was a very loud bang on the front door, coupled with an even louder, "HELLO, IS HARRY POTTER AT HOME?"
Startled, Aunt Petunia ran to the door. She opened it to find a massive man with an untamed beard standing on her doorstep. "What on earth were you shouting for? Just – goodness – come inside at once!"
"And wipe your feet –", she started, then cut herself off as the man stepped in, tracking mud into her entryway.
"Ah, sorry 'bout that." He pointed his pink umbrella at the mess and cleared it away.
Dudley and Harry, who had been enjoying Harry's birthday breakfast of crepes and Nutella, wandered over from the kitchen.
Looking up from his shoes, Hagrid exclaimed, "Cor, yeh must be Harry, then! The name's Rubeus Hagrid – call me Hagrid – I'm the Keeper of Keys and Grounds of Hogwarts, here to take yeh shopping in Diagon Alley."
"Can I come too?", Dudley immediately asked, wide-eyed.
Rubbing the back of his neck, Hagrid explained, "Ah, I'm afraid yeh gotta ask ahead of time fer that. Muggles can't see magical spaces because of the protections and such, so they give out these wee tokens for Muggleborn families to use for visiting. Them tokens make Muggles see magical things and the like. Didn't realise yeh'd want to come, or else I'd 'ave brought one!"
Dudley pouted.
"Tell yeh what though – I'm sure Harry here will share this with yeh!", he exclaimed, pulling out a rather squashed box.
Intrigued, Harry opened the box to find a very sat-on cake which read 'HAPPEE BIRTHDAE HARRY'. Bob, who had blended into Harry's striped shirt until now, piped up with, "Even I can spell better than that…", sending Dudley into a fit of giggles.
"Ah, what a beaut'!", Hagrid said, stooping closer to look at Bob. "Yeh like animals, then?"
"Erm, snakes mostly. You?", Harry answered, handing the cake to Dudley, who took his emergency spoon out of his back pocket and immediately started eating.
"Haven't met a critter I didn't like!", Hagrid replied, cheerily.
Harry raised his hand, showing off Charybdis, who had eventually agreed on a disguise and was now the size and approximate colouration of a large earthworm, only rather vibrantly pink. "Well then, this is Charybdis – she's usually bigger."
"Blimey, I haven't seen somethin' like that before."
Aunt Petunia briefly popped into the living room then shoved an envelope of money into Harry's hands. "Happy birthday", she said, somewhat stiffly, then briskly walked into the kitchen.
"Erm… Right, well – best be off if we mean to do everythin' today!"
Though the Leaky Cauldron was grimy, Harry was still astounded at the casual magic everywhere, and said as much to Hagrid.
"If yeh think this is neat, wait 'til yeh see the Alley…"
Unfortunately, they didn't get to go straight to Diagon Alley, as one of the pub patrons realised who Harry was, leading to a rush of people trying to shake his hand.
Bob kept up a quiet commentary on all the "fucking obnoxious, strange humans". When a fellow with a purple turban introduced himself as Professor Quirrell, Bob insisted that Harry "tell him that he smells tasty".
Pushing Bob's head back into his shirt, Harry replied, "No, that's weird! Anyway, it's unnatural that you like the smell of garlic. You're supposed to be repelled by the scent."
"Well yes, I was, but then I tried garlic bread."
Meanwhile, everyone surrounding Harry had gone quiet and wide-eyed.
"Blimey, Harry… Yeh didn't tell me yeh could speak to snakes."
"What? Oh – yeah, so can Dudley."
"Wha – but isn't he a Muggle?"
"He's a spy." Harry shrugged, looking at all the odd expressions on peoples' faces.
"Erm – right. Well… Righ', we still need to get yer school things. Best be off now."
At that, Hagrid and Harry gently pushed through the crowd, leaving behind a thoroughly confused Professor.
"…A spy?"
Diagon Alley was so much cooler than the pub, even though the street was bustling with people and Harry felt a little overwhelmed with everything going on.
Charybdis, who didn't tend to pay too much attention to things when out and about, was so enchanted by the wizarding fashions that she rather huffily insisted that Harry stop swinging his arms so much, so she could better admire everyone's clothes and accessories. There was an awful lot of lace, velvet, and frills. The fashion was very eclectic and seemed a bit like Victorian clothing mixed with random dress-up accessories. Harry quietly mentioned to Bob that he thought the girl at Number Eleven who was fond of goth fashion would fit right in here. Bob agreed.
"Gringotts Bank – that's the first stop." Hagrid pointed to the large, towering building at the end of the street. The buildings on either side of the street leaned over in a rather precarious way, and Harry was reminded of York, where he had visited with the Dursleys once. On the way to the bank, Charybdis pointed out some merchants selling glowing flowers, and whispered to Harry that she would try glowing sometime. Harry thought that would be difficult but agreed it would be cool.
Once inside the bank, Harry had to keep pushing Bob's head back in his shirt, as he was fascinated by the goblins, "They have very nice fangs, Harry." Harry was somewhat interested in the mysterious package Hagrid picked up but was more intrigued by the cavernous underground portion of the bank. Griphook the goblin didn't seem to know what a balrog was, so Harry supposed they mustn't have dug excessively deep. That was a good sign. Responsible digging is important. Dudley and Harry had learnt that the hard way, when they tried making an extension to the Friends of Bob bunker and accidentally dug through a water pipe. It took a lot of focusing for Harry to fix that, and he didn't have the energy to make any more gadgets for the rest of that day.
After the bank, Harry and Hagrid got a few bits and bobs without much fanfare. In Flourish and Blotts, Harry found a few books for Dudley and Aunt Petunia in addition to his schoolbooks. While waiting to pay, he rifled through Hogwarts: A History, and gasped. "They have an entire quarter of the school dedicated to snakes!" Bob approved, "Then, that's where you will be." During the rest of the shopping, Harry had to fight the urge to read more about Slytherin house.
When they reached Madam Malkin's for Harry's school uniform, Hagrid said he had a few things to attend to, and that he would meet back up with him after he got his wand. Upon entering the store, Harry was met with the sight of two very rich-looking platinum blonds staring at him in a posh, somewhat judgmental sort of way. Looking at who he assumed was the boy's father, Harry gasped, then exclaimed, "I love your snake cane!"
The man looked surprised at first, then smoothed his face and replied, "Well, you have good taste then, Mr Potter." Harry still wasn't used to everyone recognising him. The man held out his hand and continued, "Lucius Malfoy, and my son, Draco Malfoy."
Harry shook Mr Malfoy's hand, then Draco's hand. Draco seemed to be trying not to appear excited, but it wasn't working very well. It was a bit like when Dudley used to try to be cool in front of Andrew from Number Ten who had a really neat motorcycle and lots of piercings. Harry bit his cheek so as not to laugh.
"What house do you think you'll be in?", Draco asked.
"Slytherin, of course! I love snakes. How about you?"
"Slytherin for me as well. It really is the best choice. I think I'd drop out if I was in Hufflepuff."
"Hmm, I don't think I'd drop out, but I'd sneak into Slytherin for sure." Bob poked his head out of Harry's shirt, nodding in agreement.
Mr Malfoy raised an eyebrow but said nothing.
Once Madam Malkin started measuring Harry, she asked that he place the snakes down for the moment. She was obviously very used to people bringing their pets in, as she had a cage, terrarium, and comfy looking pillow set up by the wall.
"Can they get uniforms as well?", he asked her.
"Well, I'm not sure how that would work…"
"Just a long tube with some school designs would be good."
"Hmm…I'll see what I can do."
Harry and Draco chatted for a while as Harry was fitted for his uniform, until Mr Malfoy said he regrettably had to bring Draco to their next stop in order to make it to their later appointment.
"Right, well, I expect I'll see you in Slytherin then!", Draco said, before following his father out the door.
Once his uniform was fitted, Harry wandered over to Ollivander's. He was a bit annoyed by how many tries it took to get his wand and was rather unsettled by Ollivander going on about the wizard who killed his parents and tried to murder him. He asked Ollivander if he knew the bad wizard's name, but he explained they called him 'He Who Must Not Be Named' or 'You Know Who'. For a moment, Harry was baffled, thinking of his classmate Yoo Dae-Hyun, and imagining the evil wizard's name to be Yoo No-Hu or something similar. Then he realised it was just another title. Wizards sure did like their titles.
After Harry paid for his wand, he looked outside and saw Hagrid holding a snowy owl in a cage. Bob was not impressed, "Harry, don't accept this fucking bird." Over the years, Harry had been taught the importance of accepting gifts that were not snake related. "I have to! He bought it for me!" Though apprehensive at first, the owl, which he named Hedwig, didn't seem to be interested in either Bob or Charybdis. Maybe magical owls were nicer. Bob and Charybdis agreed not to bother Hedwig, and Harry explained as much to her, hoping she would understand. She seemed to – her eyes were very expressive and intelligent. Harry thought to himself that this one bird would probably be okay, but he still didn't like other birds.
The last stop was collecting a trunk to hold all his things. Harry thought that it would have made more sense for that to have been the first stop, but oh well. There were all sorts of interesting things in Wiseacre's Wizarding Equipment, and it was the sort of place that Dudley would have enjoyed. Harry was disappointed that Dudley couldn't be there with him, but his momentary sulk was interrupted when the salesman came over.
"Hello, I'm looking for a trunk with cool gadgets."
The salesman explained, "Well, most trunks came with charms to prevent damage and make them easier to carry, but custom charms could be fitted for a fee."
"Okay, that's good. I'd like a pouch where my snakes can go to be warm." Harry pulled down his collar to show Bob.
The salesman jumped back a bit. "Right, yes, we can do that!" He hastily got to work charming the trunk and seemed to be in a bit of a hurry to finish. Harry knew that some people were afraid of snakes, but Bob didn't even look very scary at that moment…
After only a few minutes, Harry left with a trunk that had one forever-warm pouch. It would also be good for storing snacks, he thought…
Hagrid and Harry had a late lunch in the Leaky Cauldron, giving Harry a bit of a break from the bustling environment. Little Whinging wasn't a very busy area, and he wasn't used to so much noise. The dull, muted colours of the pub were a nice change.
With as poor timing as ever, Harry asked Hagrid about the death of his parents as soon as he had brought a spoonful of stew to his mouth. Hagrid inhaled, choked a bit, and slammed his hand on the table, tipping the bowl over and spraying stew all over his beard. Tom the barman had obviously seen his fair share of rowdy patrons, and simply waved his wand to clear the mess and give Hagrid a fresh bowl. It took a bit of nagging, but Hagrid told Harry about Voldemort and the night he got his scar.
"So, my parents were spies, yeah?"
"Blimey! Order business is supposed to be hush hush!"
"Right, okay." Whispering, Harry continued. "So, is this spy Order still going on then?"
"Ah, but there's no need now. After the night you got that scar… Well, You Know Who hasn't been seen since!"
"Okay, but there's got to be other bad guys – criminal organisations. Who are the people who go after them?"
Stumped, Hagrid thought on it for a minute. "Well, I guess Aurors and Unspeakables do that kinda thing."
"And how do you become one of them?"
"Well, yeh've got to get good grades in school, that's fer sure."
Harry decided that he would do well in school and become an Auror or Unspeakable – he'd have to figure out which was better. He planned to ask around when he got to Hogwarts. There had to be some sort of career guidance…
After a long day of shopping, Harry was taken back to Number Four. Hagrid handed Harry his train ticket and explained how to get to the platform for September 1st, then took what looked like an old shoe out of his pocket, whispered something, and disappeared with a pop.
Harry was really rather tired but remembered to give the wrapped books to Aunt Petunia and Dudley before going to have a nap. "Don't open them until I'm gone, otherwise you'll have nothing to look forward to."
The next few weeks, Dudley and Harry flipped through all the Year 1 Hogwarts textbooks to get ideas not only for gadgets and gizmos to sell at Friends of Bob, but also for ideas of what to bring and sell at Hogwarts. Aunt Petunia had already said they didn't have phones, and it sounded like the magical world was missing a whole lot of other things.
Harry and Dudley made a list of things witches and wizards might need, which included:
-Fountain pens instead of quills
-Normal chocolate and sweets because Harry had noticed an awful lot of bug themed things in Diagon Alley
-Books about Muggle science and achievements
-Toy cars and aeroplanes because magical folks didn't seem to have those
-Etch-a-Sketch because they could probably be charmed to be really cool
-A metal unicorn statue with an exceptionally sharp horn that Harry had accidentally made when daydreaming and couldn't get anyone to buy
Dudley had agreed to work on things at Friends of Bob while Harry was at school but would focus more on selling things that Brownie gathered.
The drive to King's Cross was a bit odd, as Aunt Petunia had elected to stay at Privet Drive. Bob thought she didn't want to say goodbye properly in case she cried, but Harry said she probably just wanted to keep Brownie company. Harry wasn't fussed about Aunt Petunia staying home.
What made the journey awkward was Uncle Vernon's inability to just be quiet when in the car. He would stay quiet for a few minutes, then feel the need to fill the silence. In the hour-long journey to the station, he had suggested that Harry keep up the gadgets business when at school, join a sports team, and network with important people. While these were only three suggestions, he had the habit of making a comment, waiting a few minutes, then following it up with justifications on why it was important – even if Harry had agreed with the thing in the first place.
Harry was trying to play an imaginary game where he looked out the window pretending that a snake was eating all the cars that drove by, but he kept getting distracted by things like:
"…and it's very important to network, you see. I would never have gotten so far up in the drill business without knowing people. Your lot might not have drills, but you can get to know important people and see what they do have, and what they need!"
"– they might not have rugby, but they must have something similar. Yoga and stretches are good for a growing boy, I can see that now, but you should try to do a sport that builds character and toughness."
"– maybe they do need drills. You could ask if they have anything like that and give them my business card if they don't…"
It was exhausting.
When they reached the station, they made their way to the wall between platforms 9 and 10, as Hagrid had instructed. Harry was pushing the trolley, which was a little difficult with all the suitcases and Hedwig's cage, but Uncle Vernon said he had to do it himself and be independent.
For all his talk in the car, Uncle Vernon was suddenly much more quiet, and kept looking around rather shiftily. "Right. This is you, then." He clapped Harry on the shoulder and stepped back. Harry thought it was probably that Uncle Vernon was a bit afraid of magic other than Harry's. It kind of made him feel nice that he wasn't afraid of Harry's magic anymore. He supposed that his magic had made him thousands of pounds, after all…
Harry nodded to Uncle Vernon, then turned to Dudley. "I'll send letters every week… I'll ask if there's a magic thing that's like a phone, as well."
Dudley was looking pinker than normal, and his lip was wobbling. "And you've got to come back for the holidays."
"Of course! …I might spend part of the holidays at the school, but I'm not going to stay there forever."
"Right, yeah. And you have to – um – find out more about your parents being spies." Dudley was sniffling a bit as he spoke.
Harry stepped away from the trolley and opened his arms in invitation. Dudley ran at him, giving him a great big hug that lifted him off the ground. "I'm going to miss you", Dudley mumbled, sounding a bit congested. "I'll miss you too, Duds", Harry choked out. Bob, who was wrapped around Harry neck, stretched out his tail to be part of the hug.
When the goodbyes were done, Harry took one last look at Uncle Vernon and Dudley, then walked decisively at the wall.
At Number Four, Petunia had opened her package from Harry and was sitting in the living room silently crying. On her lap were two books; Spells and Potions for People with Low or No Magic and So, You're a Squib: That's Okay. Harry had enclosed a card which read, "Aunt Petunia, thank you for telling me about my parents. I saw these books and thought you might like them. Maybe there is some magic that you can do (if you want to). Love from Harry". On the front of the card was what looked to be an illustration of Petunia and Brownie watching telly.
Though not usually tactile, Brownie slithered over from her perch on the windowsill and wrapped herself around Petunia's wrist, squeezing tight. "I have no arms, but this is a hug."