Nonon stared at the wall next to her bed, her eyes barely open and her mouth agape. It had been a week since she last showered. Her hair was a mess and her clothes were covered in stains as she was prone atop her bed. Stuffed animals formed walls around Nonon.

Satsuki, out of the fear that she might become an abuser like her mother, had decided that she and Nonon couldn't be together. After waiting for so long, after finally getting a taste of what it would be like to be in a relationship with Satuski, and learning it was even sweeter than she imagined, Nonon had her dream ripped away from her.

Ever since then, Nonon had felt like a zombie. She was empty, drained of all energy or emotion beyond a dull, droning sadness. Nonon couldn't bring herself to go to work, or eat, or even get up for the last day and a half. There was no spark inside Nonon to get her moving. Falling off cloud nine and crashing into a sea of hollowness left her unsure of how to move forward. No longer could she remember why she would get up every morning before she started dating Satsuki.

"Was it Satsuki? Was it always Satsuki? Ever since we were in kindergarten, we were always together. She was always what I was thinking about. She was always who I was trying to impress. Who am I without Satsuki? Do I even know that? Even after we stopped the Life Fibers, we always spent time together. Satsuki's always been my reason for being. I really am nothing without her."

A whim got Nonon's body moving, despite the stiffness of her limbs and the pain in her chest. She reached over the barricade of stuffed animals and grabbed her phone off of her nightstand. Receding into the confines of her fort, Nonon tapped her phone a few times, starting one of her favorite music playlists.

Booming throughout the tiny room was Antonín Dvořák's Symphony No. 9 in E minor. It was an intense orchestral piece that brought to mind a grand battle that spanned the whole world, and the bittersweet triumph at the end of the conflict. This was the kind of symphony that got the heart pumping to such a degree that most heavy metal music paled in comparison.

And yet Nonon's heart remained so very slow, so she raised the volume to the max. She'd get in trouble with the neighbors for blasting the music, but she needed to let the sound immerse her. Nonon wanted her heart to race, to get her blood pumping so she'd feel alive again, but it still wasn't working.

Music was one of the few things that Nonon was passionate about that was completely detached from Satsuki, but one interest does not make a whole person. Perhaps Satsuki really had trapped Nonon, though she certainly hadn't done it intentionally.

Tears dripped down Nonon's face. She was trying and failing to cling onto the one thing she had that was entirely her own. Was it even her own? Perhaps Satsuki had somehow incidentally influenced Nonon to become interested in music. Everything that defined Nonon was now something to second guess.

How did it come to this? Why was a simple rejection from a crush so soul shattering for Nonon? She wasn't a child who didn't have a broader perspective about the world. Nonon knew what true horror was, and yet she felt worse about a break up than any previous pain she had personally experienced.

It wasn't as if she could never see Satsuki again, they just couldn't be together romantically. Why was that so bad? In the end, all Nonon wanted was to be around Satsuki. At least that's what Nonon told herself.

Perhaps this was just the breaking point for something that was a long time coming. The scaffolding of Nonon and Satsuki's relationship was toxic, not that either woman was a bad person, but there was an unhealthy imbalance between them.

"Maybe we really shouldn't be together." Nonon's voice was an airy whimper.

What now? Nonon had always tailored her life to fit into Satsuki's. To move forward now, while having no clear direction to follow, was daunting.

"What do I even want?"

The future was a void. There was no path. Some would have found that freeing, but Nonon found it terrifying.

A future of uncertainty, and a past of bittersweet memories. No matter where she looked, Nonon found nothing she could take solace in.

What about the present? Could Nonon focus on the here and now? Was there anything she wanted to do at the moment?

"No."

There was nothing Nonon wanted to do. The only real hobby she had was music, but that had already proven ineffective in Nonon's current malaise. What else was there to do? What else was there to Nonon?

"Maybe that's what I should figure out. I've got nothing inside me now, but could I fill myself with…stuff? Could I find a reason to live? I could try out some hobbies, and there are probably important causes I could get behind." Nonon shifted to speaking out loud. "Is there anything out there that could make me happy like Satsuki could? Probably not, but I guess it's worth a shot anyway. What's the worst that could happen? I'm already feeling about as shitty as I possibly could without my entire life falling apart. Fuck, Satsuki was my life, so I guess it has fallen apart. Fuck."

Despite her melancholy persisting, Nonon managed to steel her resolve to look for a reason to keep living. She looked up 'common hobbies' on her phone, and began writing down all the listed options she thought were worth a try. She avoided any suggestions like fishing that were rather quiet and introspective activities, the kind that would leave Nonon with her thoughts.

Dancing, gardening, video games, cooking, yoga, martial arts, acting, photography, blogging, youtubing, blacksmithing, collecting, activism, swimming, DJing, stand-up comedy, glass blowing, going to zoos, and much more. Nonon's list was packed with possibilities.

Nonon showered, shaved, and got dressed before leaving her home.

First up was dancing. Nonon began taking dance classes and going to dance clubs. From tap dancing, to jazz dance, to pole dancing, and every other kind of dancing, Nonon tried them all to see if anything clicked with her. She spent a whole month exploring this potential hobby, her body burning from the constant strain. Trying to move her body the way she needed to in order to follow any given dance routine was a pain in the ass. Even when trying to freeform dance in clubs and the like, Nonon found that she lacked precision in how she moved her limbs. Also, Nonon wasn't having fun. Dancing was a no go.

Gardening was next. After taking a while to find an allotment she could use, Nonon bought all the materials she needed according to online guides. She got to work tilling the soil, and very quickly decided that tilling was painful and soul crushing. Nonon shifted gears to raising plants that didn't require tilled soil, but found the whole gardening process to be tedious the more she learned about it, so she gave up.

Video game time. Inumuta and Iori liked video games, so Nonon asked them about getting into the hobby. The couple introduced Nonon to the wide world of gaming, but the issue of which genres to try quickly reared its head. Nonon didn't want to spend a month trying to get into a specific genre, only to realize it wasn't for her and have to try something else. Thus, Nonon, on the recommendations of Inumuta and Iori, played all the most critically acclaimed and famous games rather than focusing on any specific genres. She was surprised that she didn't hate as many of the games as she expected. There were even times where she had fun, but she was mostly filled with only mild interest. Video games weren't for Nonon.

Next on Nonon's plate was cooking. She began taking cooking classes and watching cooking videos online, and she found them surprisingly fun. Making food was engaging for reasons similar to why video games were engaging; they were interactive and required conscious thought, but cooking had the benefit of allowing Nonon to walk around a kitchen which was more stimulating to her. Also, there was a catharsis in gradually making tastier and tastier food as her skills improved. Getting to share the food she made with others was nice, especially when she saw people enjoying what she created. Seeing them happy made Nonon happy. Cooking had earned its place as the first of Nonon's new hobbies.

Yoga? Enjoyable, but left Nonon with her thoughts too much. Martial arts? Too tiring, and Nonon was sick of fighting after participating in a war. Acting? Nonon found the process interesting, but didn't have the chops for it. Photography? Calming, fun, and it got Nonon to explore new places as she looked for good shots, so it was added to the hobby list.

Nonon kept on trying out new activities to find passions to fill herself with. It was scary how much space her obsession with Satsuki had taken up, as there was so much room inside her now.

Initially Nonon was trying to distract herself with these passions, and even when she found a new hobby she resonated with, it was only masking her sadness, but that changed over time. Instead of having to actively ignore her melancholy to engage with her pastimes, Nonon was fully engaging with the activities, and she'd only think about how she lost Satsuki when something actively reminded her of that fact.

To Nonon's surprise, she was actually beginning to move on from Satsuki, and so quickly at that. Quickly really meant a year and change, but that was briefer than an instant to Nonon.

But there was one thing that made that year feel long in retrospect.

Nonon hadn't seen Satsuki at all in that year's time. That was because Nonon was actively avoiding seeing Satsuki, and Satsuki herself hadn't been making any efforts to bridge the gap Nonon was creating.

Things were just so tense between them now. After decades of time spent together, such a harsh and intimate encounter like the one they had when they last saw each other was especially painful. It was impossible to tell what would happen if Nonon and Satsuki met up again. Nonon might break down in tears, Satsuki might avoid Nonon, or it might only be really awkward between them.

It felt like a meeting between Nonon and Satsuki was destined to end poorly, but it would be hard to achieve true closure without at least one more conversation between them.

What would Nonon say? What did she even want to say? What needed to be said?

Nonon pondered what to say for a few days. It didn't take her long to reach her answer, as it was really a question of what Nonon and Satsuki's relationship could and should be moving forward.

Figuring out what to say was the easy part, the hard part was actually meeting up with Satsuki.

It took another few days to build up the courage necessary to text Satsuki. Even as Nonon did it, her fingers trembled, causing her to misclick multiple times and thus have to delete incorrect letters. The difficulty she was having made Nonon frustrated and more anxious, causing her to misclick even more. Words were substituted with garbled messes that made Nonon want to throw her phone against a wall every time she made them.

Right as Nonon really was about to throw her phone across her bedroom, she stopped, took some deep breaths, and let her mind calm. After that brief meditation, Nonon typed out her text and sent it.

"Hi, Satsuki. Sorry for not contacting you earlier. Can we talk, just the two of us?"

Nonon stared at her phone, waiting for a response. She continued to meditate as she did.

A read receipt appeared. Satsuki had seen the message, but how would she respond?

Waiting.

Waiting.

Waiting.

It was taking a while for Satsuki to respond. Would she respond? Was it taking her a while to type out her message because it was long? Was she trying to think of what to say? Was she not going to respond?

The meditation was becoming less effective. Nonon's breathing was shaky. Had Nonon avoided Satsuki too much, to the point that it hurt Satsuki's feelings? Perhaps avoiding Satsuki for so long had caused her to think that Nonon meant to permanently break ties. Maybe Satsuki was still worried she might hurt Nonon in some way, and so she wanted to avoid Nonon for her protection. All these ideas made Nonon regret trying to contact Satsuki.

A ding. Satsuki's response appeared.

"Where do you want to meet?"

Nonon regained her composure, though she was still anxious. Her fingers steadied, and she typed.

"Somewhere private and where you'd feel comfortable."

After Nonon sent her next message, there was another pause, this one even longer than the last. Once again she worried that Satsuki wouldn't respond.

Ding.

"Do you remember that small temple near the kindergarten we went to? Could we meet there?"

Images of an old Shinto temple flashed through Nonon's mind. It was one of the places Nonon and Satsuki would play when they were lucky enough to have some free time as little kids. Well, play was a strong way of putting it, it was more that they would just spend time together there, enjoying each other's presence.

"Absolutely. Would this Sunday work for you?"

"Yes."

"10am?"

Yes."

"Good. I'll see you then."

"I'll see you then."

Air puffed out of Nonon's nose as she pushed out her chest with pride. She had done it, she had set up the meeting. All that was left was to actually go to said meeting and tell Satsuki what needed to be said.

Nonon felt a trembling in her chest, but it wasn't only due to fear and anxiety, it was also due to exhilaration. Something about the conversation to come made Nonon happy beyond her ability to fully internalize. Perhaps it was because there would be a chance for closure now. Maybe part of Nonon was excited that she'd get to meet face to face with the love of her life at least one more time. It could have even been a simple adrenaline rush due to the intensity of the moment.

Time passed, days disappearing on the path to Sunday. Despite how personally significant that Sunday would be, Nonon wasn't in a daze or anxious. She was able to go about each day as if they were normal.

Once Sunday came, Nonon woke up early, double checked the quickest route to the temple, and hopped on the subway. It was a bit of a slow ride, but it wasn't unpleasant.

When Nonon arrived at the bottom of the steps leading up to the temple, she was hit with a tidal wave of nostalgia. It had been so long since she had been there. As she ascended steps and passed through a series of torii gates, Nonon was overcome with emotion. The shadows the gates cast on her felt heavy.

At the top of the stairs was a cramped and run down Shinto temple. Everything was small and a shade of brown so dark it was nearly black. A musty smell filled the air. Puddles full of leaves were everywhere, and the ground was covered in a layer of dirt so thick that it would be easy to mistake it for having not been paved. If a place could look dead, then this temple certainly did.

"That's unfortunate."

A series of clinks brought Nonon's attention to the offering box which had just received a good number of coins and bills courtesy of Satsuki. Despite Nonon's best efforts to show up early, Satsuki had still managed to arrive first.

"Is there any point in donating? This temple seems abandoned." Nonon said.

Satsuki turned to face Nonon.

"Hello, Nonon."

"Hi, Satsuki."

Nonon forced herself to smile, even if she looked awkward doing so. Satsuki's smile appeared more genuine, but her eyes were drooping in a way that made her look more sad than happy.

"How have you been?" Satsuki closed the distance between Nonon and herself by a few steps, but then stopped, her expression tightening. She took a step backward. "I hope my…I hope the way we left things off wasn't…"

"I'm fine. I'm doing great. How have you been? I'm sorry I've been avoiding you, I just felt like…if we tried to get together again, it might not go well. I was paranoid." Nonon rubbed the back of her head.

"I understand, and I'm doing well. Honestly, I've been worried that you've become afraid of me, because of how I acted, or that the way I broke things off hurt you so much that now you hate me." Satsuki's smile gave way to a slight frown.

"I'm not scared of you, and I could never hate you!" Nonon took multiple steps forward, though there was still a noticeable distance between Nonon and Satsuki. "I was afraid you might hate me after avoiding you for so long!"

"That's silly, I'd never hate you for avoiding me. After what happened, I think that keeping away from me is an appropriate response. I objectified and used you, I ignored your consent-"

"For like two seconds, and then you realized I was being serious and you stopped."

"Right." Satsuki inched backward. "I'm still worried about that. I don't want to hurt you."

"I understand, and that's okay." Nonon took a few more steps forward. "The reason I called you here is because I wanted to tell you some things, and ask you something. Now that I think about it, there isn't actually a lot I have to say."

"Well I'm all ears." Satsuki smiled again, but it looked even more sad than before.

Nonon took a quick breath and looked Satsuki right in the eye.

"First and foremost, I want to say that I understand why you feel the way you do, and that it's okay. I don't think you'd ever hurt me, but your concerns are valid. You probably have a lot of feelings to work through, and if, after you worked through them, you change your mind and want to try restarting our relationship, then I'll happily give it another go with you. If not and we really can't ever be together romantically or sexually, then that's also perfectly okay. I can happily accept either result."

"Would you really be okay either way? I don't want to make you feel like I led you on when we were dating, or that-"

"I'll be okay, don't worry. Before now, I was a bit obsessed with you. A lot obsessed with you, actually, but this time apart has helped me introspect. It's helped me figure out who I am without you, and it's helped me find meaning in life without you. This isn't to say you were at fault or anything before, this was a me problem. My point is that we're both individual people, and we can find individual happiness." Nonon took several steps forward. There wasn't much space between Nonon and Satsuki anymore. "Do whatever you think is right and will make you happy. Okay? That's what I want the most for you. I want you to be happy."

For a moment, Satsuki's eyes went wide and she just stared at Nonon, but then she smiled the first joyful smile Nonon had seen on her face all day. There was a glassiness to Satsuki's eyes, though only briefly.

"I want you to be happy too, and thank you for being so understanding. You're too kind."

"I do have one question slash request."

"What is it?"

"I'd like it if we could stay friends and still hang out like we used to. Would that be okay?" Nonon's confidence, which had stayed strong as she spoke of her self-actualization and declared her acceptance of Satsuki's wishes, started to waver. Her arms hid behind her back, and her legs began to fidget and press into each other.

"I wanted to ask you that same question." Satsuki chuckled, and Nonon perked up.

"You mean…"

"I'd love it if we could keep being friends."

"Great!" Nonon had spoken louder than she intended, which was especially noticeable in the quiet shrine. A blush painted across Nonon's face as Satsuki laughed, the shorter woman quickly joining in. The pair laughed like there hadn't been any tension between them mere moments ago.

Eventually the laughter ended, and when it did, Nonon and Satsuki completely closed the distance between them. They hugged each other tightly, happy that they could remain friends.

Whether the pair would end up romantically involved again or not didn't matter. As long as they could spend time together, they would be okay. Even if they couldn't stay at each other's sides for some reason, they would still be okay, for they were their own people with their own lives.