"I hate my life."

The sunlight beat down on Ryūko, the inside of her jumpsuit functioning as an oven to cook her body, but her resistant flesh made it so she wasn't even sweating. A temporary reprieve from the light arrived when she lifted two dozen I-beams above her head with one hand which blocked the Sun's rays. There weren't many who stared at Ryūko as she carried around such a large weight with ease, only some people passing by the construction site. All the actual workers had long since grown used to Ryūko's herculean strength.

Ryūko carefully placed the I-beams on the ground next to the skyscraper that was currently under construction. She picked up a beam and jumped, rising several stories before landing on the current highest level of the building which was only a metal skeleton of a structure. Ryūko put the beam in place and two other workers got to work shooting bolts into it. After jumping back down to ground level, Ryūko picked up another beam and repeated the process until there were no more beams left and she had to go get more.

"You're doing great, Matoi! Seriously, you're a godsend!" The foreman yelled from across the site.

As Ryūko received a couple pats on the shoulder as she headed to get more beams, she forced a smile to form on her face. It actually looked believable thanks to all the practicing she had done.

Every day as she worked, Ryūko was constantly met with kindness and acceptance. There were also bonuses and raises aplenty given Ryūko's strength made her an invaluable asset to the construction company she worked for. Finally, Ryūko had found a place where she could make good use of her specific skill set and earn decent money. Thanks to how quick and easy the work was, given Ryūko's might, it wasn't even stressful.

It was perfect.

"I hate my life."

It should have been perfect.

What was the problem?

This was the job Ryūko was looking for, wasn't it? Ryūko was being respected and didn't feel overworked. She could even keep the red streak in her hair. There were no downsides, but Ryūko still dreaded waking up every morning and going to work. She still broke into sobs when alone, and sat around disassociating occasionally. It wasn't as bad as when she was working security, but it was still bad.

"Why? I finally got a good fucking job so why? Why am I still miserable? What do I want? Do I wanna be rich? Do I want to not have to work? Do I really just wanna go back to fighting stupid alien clothing?"

As she continued to work, Ryūko was shivering. Her teeth chattered, her hands trembled, and her breathing was ragged. Despite all these signs that Ryūko thought were obvious indications that she wasn't okay, nobody asked if she was alright. Nobody commented on Ryūko's strange behavior. It was as if everything was normal.

Did they not notice? Did they not care? Ryūko felt like she was screaming at the top of her lungs, yet nobody could hear her. Never did she feel more alone and helpless than when she was having a panic attack while nobody reacted.

If Ryūko was so desperate for someone to talk to, then why didn't she speak up? The answer was that she was terrified people would think she was crazy, or that she'd inconvenience them, or that there would be some other dire consequence. Even when it came to her psychiatrist, Ryūko struggled to open up to them.

The one person Ryūko used to be able to consistently talk to and be honest with was Mako, and even then she would hide her feelings from her a lot.

And Ryūko couldn't be open with Mako at all anymore.

After work ended, Ryūko went drinking with her coworkers on the foreman's tab. She chugged down so many mugs of beer that even her inhuman biology couldn't prevent her from becoming drunk.

Ryūko was barely able to walk straight as she returned home. In the year since becoming a construction worker, Ryūko and Mako had managed to move out of the Mankanshoku household and into their own apartment again.

It took an inordinate amount of time for Ryūko to find her keys and get them into the keyhole to open her front door. When she stumbled into the apartment, she reflexively anticipated Mako tackling her, but that didn't happen. That hadn't happened in a long time.

Upon bumbling her way into the dining room, tripping over the same pair of shoes three times along the way, Ryūko saw that there was a covered plate of curry on the table, as well as a note from Mako.

"You can reheat the curry if you want. It should only take two minutes in the microwave. Love you."

The message had been rather verbose for the standard Ryūko and Mako had set in recent months. It was rare for them to speak more than ten words to each other a day.

It wasn't that they were mad at each other, there was simply a tension keeping them cautious and timid.

Ryūko had apologized to Mako for yelling at her and using her as an outlet for her frustration back when they were still staying in the Mankanshoku household. Despite the apology, Mako still avoided doing anything that she thought might potentially bother Ryūko, and Ryūko felt too ashamed to have a proper conversation with Mako.

"Thank you for the meal." Ryūko sat down and started eating. The spiciness of the curry was balanced with a touch of sweetness. Each vegetable was minced finely and there was a complexity to the flavors thanks to an assortment of spices. It was exactly how Ryūko liked her curry. Even after this last year of awkwardness, Mako never failed to be considerate of Ryūko's wants and needs.

By the time Ryūko finished her meal, she was squeezing her spoon so tightly that the metal began to bend. She sniffled.

"I'm a piece of shit."

Ryūko's inebriation made her unable to restrain her emotions. Not only did she begin to cry, she wept like a child. Her guilt was even more vast than her depression, and both emotions were overflowing. All her bittersweet sorrow at her inability to return to an idealized image of her past, all her melancholy at the mundane life she was living, all her regret over her cruelty towards Mako a year ago, all of her sense of impotence at her inability to fix her problems, all of it came out at once. It happened in this moment, a moment without any particular significance, because it just so happened to be a perfect storm. Drunken inhibition mixed with the simple trigger that was Mako's casual kindness.

Moans echoed throughout the apartment as Ryūko fell apart. Her head dropped into her crossed arms that slammed into the table in front of her, the cleaned off plate getting pushed away loudly. For minutes upon minutes, Ryūko just cried. She wallowed in her misery and did nothing else. Not once did she try to think of a solution to her problems, all she did was bemoan her existence. It wasn't cathartic, and it didn't make Ryūko feel better. It wasn't an ejection of sorrow, it was immersion in it. Nothing about Ryūko's feelings changed from how she was before she broke down, the only change was that her emotions were now at the forefront of her mind. Ryūko could no longer ignore her problems, much like how she couldn't after Nui's reappearance.

"Ryūko, what's wrong?" Mako stood at the edge of the dining room. She was in a nightgown, and she had wide eyes.

Despite the distance between them, Mako had arrived upon hearing Ryūko crying. Her concern for Ryūko's well-being superseded all else, and that made Ryūko feel even more guilty for having pushed her away. Ryūko's crying intensified as she tried to speak to Mako, the words that came out being completely unintelligible.

"Ryūko!" Mako ran over to Ryūko. "Do you need something? You're not hurt, are yo-ah!"

Ryūko pulled Mako into a hug, her face burying itself in Mako's chest which muffled her continued crying. To touch Mako so intimately made Ryūko feel better, especially because it had been so long since they had last made skin contact.

What made Ryūko feel worse was her recognition that Mako wasn't hugging her back. Ryūko didn't know if Mako was afraid, or confused, or possibly even angry, but no matter the reason, the lack of reciprocation made Ryūko feel like shit.

Then Mako wrapped her arms around Ryūko. The latter woman's moans stopped. Warmth and comfort filled Ryūko to the brim. Mako wasn't rejecting her. Ryūko hugged Mako tighter.

Love, that was what Ryūko felt. She loved Mako, and Mako loved her. Despite Ryūko yelling at Mako, and the year of tension that followed, they were still in love.

That was it. Ryūko couldn't take it anymore.

"I-I-I-" Ryūko spoke through her sobs. "I'm s-s-s-sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for what I said to you a year ago. You don't bother me, I was j-just a-a-angry. I was angry at myself and the world, and I too-I took it out on you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I miss you. I want to spend time with you. Please don't avoid me. Please."

Mako's hand began to pet Ryūko's head.

"I forgave you a long time ago."

"Wuh?" Ryūko pulled her face back from Mako's chest and looked at her face. Mako was smiling wide, waterfalls streaming down from her eyes.

She hiccuped before beginning to bawl like Ryūko was just a few moments ago.

"Ryūkooooooooooo! I missed you too! I missed spending time with you! I was so worried that I would upset you if we did stuff together!"

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Ryūko and Mako hugged, both of them continuing to cry their eyes out.

It had been so long since the couple had been open and honest with each other, so Ryūko was relieved that it was still possible for them to share their feelings this way. All it really consisted of was the two stating why they were sad and then crying together, but sometimes that was all they needed.

This moment of them crying together allowed the lovers to exchange more of their feelings than words ever could. They both knew what it meant to see each other crying like this. For Mako to cry like this showed she was no longer keeping her distance from Ryūko, that she was accepting Ryūko's apology and desire to be close to each other again. Ryūko crying meant she was ignoring her fear of telling people how she really felt, and was putting all her love and trust in Mako's hands.

The two cried for half an hour, and even after they had no more tears or sobs to share, they kept on holding each other. Neither of them said anything, they just sat together on a chair as they embraced. All they wanted was to enjoy each other's touch and presence. It was a reunion between two lovers who never left each other.

Mako's breathing gradually slowed, her hug becoming gentle. She had fallen asleep.

Ryūko smiled and lifted Mako into her arms, carrying her into their bedroom. First Ryūko tucked Mako into bed, and then she got in herself. She continued to hold Mako. For the first time in years, Ryūko felt truly and entirely at peace. All her problems felt miniscule in the face of how happy she was to have reconciled with Mako.

It felt so good to just not worry for a while. Ryūko could just lie there with the woman she loved in her arms and be happy. She was so relaxed that it didn't take long for Ryūko to fall asleep.

Instead of nightmares or nothing at all, Ryūko dreamed of going on a date with Mako to a clothing store where they tried on a bunch of different outfits. It was a simple, happy dream; it was an example of what Ryūko wanted to do with Mako. That was what Ryūko's subconscious was focused on rather than paying bills, or how much she missed fighting with Senketsu.

The sleep was refreshing for Ryūko. It was restful in a way that was rare for her. Normally she felt like her sleeping did nothing to help her recuperate from the previous days' struggles. She wasn't better rested, if anything she felt worse the next morning, but this time she could feel herself being filled with energy as she dreamed.

When Ryūko woke up, she didn't open her eyes. Instead she moved her arms a bit to check if Mako was still there. She was. It was Sunday, so they both had off from work. They had no responsibilities they had to deal with, which meant they could spend the day together without distractions.

Ryūko didn't try to get up, she just continued lying in bed, holding Mako close. There was no way she'd end this moment before Mako had woken up. She wanted to savor it. Due to being so at ease, Ryūko oscillated between being awake and sleeping for brief moments.

Ryūko left her liminal state when Mako began to move a bit in her arms, a few groans coming from her. Mako opened her eyes which met with Ryūko's. Both women smiled at each other.

"Morning, Ryūko!" Mako kissed Ryūko repeatedly all over her face. Despite the peaceful calm Ryūko had been indulging in now going away, she was far from unhappy about it. Seeing Mako return to her old manic self nearly brought a tear to Ryūko's eye.

"Morning, Mako." Ryūko grabbed her beloved's face and kissed her on the lips. "What do you want to do today? I want us to have some fun together."

"That sounds great! How about we go to the zoo?"

"Let's do it. Also, let's stop by some clothing stores. I want to look for some cute outfits for me, and we might as well eat out while we're at it."

"Awesome! I'm gonna get ready!" Mako shot out of bed and into the closet to get dressed.

Chuckling to herself, Ryūko got up and began getting ready to. She showered, shaved, brushed her teeth, took her medication, and got dressed in the cutest outfit she could put together. It was a pair of jeans shorts with a thick jacket and a tank top.

Mako was still getting ready by the time Ryūko was set to go, so she scrolled through her phone a bit, checking her social media and planning out the route she and Mako would follow for their date.

As she began to mindlessly scroll through her phone while she sat on a chair in the living room, Ryūko felt a scratching at the back of her mind.

Ryūko was coming down a bit from the high she had been on since reconciling with Mako, and her meds had yet to kick in at all, so Ryūko's anxiety and depression were hitting her.

"Even if you have fun today, you're gonna have to go back to work tomorrow. You'll have to do a job you hate, and you'll have to do it for the rest of your life. You can't go back to Honnōji Academy. You can't go back to Senketsu. You can't go back to when you were truly alive. You have to keep working a job you hate, and all it'll take is one wrong move for you to get fired. What if an accident happens and you're stuck with a bill you can't afford to pay? What'll you do then? No matter what, there are always problems you have to face. You can never be free. You can never be happy."

Ryūko had begun bouncing her leg as her upper body rocked back and forth. Right when she had felt at peace, her baggage peaked its ugly head out to ruin things. It was like a ghost that was haunting Ryūko, a spirit that couldn't be exorcized.

"Am I really gonna have to live the rest of my life like this?" Ryūko said.

"Like what?" Mako appeared, sitting in Ryūko's lap.

"Like with my depression and anxiety and shit." Ryūko didn't hesitate to state how she felt. "It's all hitting me pretty bad right now."

"I'm sorry."

"There's nothing for you to apologize for."

"Is there some way I can help?"

"I don't think so." Ryūko pursed her lips. "Hey, Mako, why aren't you depressed, or anxious, or, like, why don't you constantly think about when we were in high school like I do?"

"I dunno." Mako put her finger to her chin as she stared up at the ceiling. "I just don't feel depressed because I don't. Same with the anxiety. Those are, like, brain chemical things. Plus, I just think there's tons of stuff about life to love."

"So your repetitive office job doesn't crush your soul?"

"Nope. I get to talk to people, and the work can be kind of fun if you think of it like a game."

"Do you think it was better when we were at Honnōji Academy together?"

"I dunno. It was exciting, but we were also in danger a lot. You were really cool and sexy when you'd save me, but I also think you're cooler now, and you're definitely sexier now."

"What makes me cool?"

"You have so many problems you have to deal with, but you don't give up!" Mako pumped her fists. "It's like you're fighting a battle like the ones we'd have back in school, but you have to fight it forever, and it's against your own brain, and also society and stuff! Those are the hardest battles, and you haven't lost! You fight not just for you, but for the people around you! What's cooler than that!"

"But it's a fight that never ends, I can never be free of it."

"Yeah." Mako didn't say anything more for a few seconds, but then she clenched her fists. "But it's the same for everyone! Everyone has to struggle with stuff their whole lives! Not that your problems aren't important, but everyone has problems, and so many people find happiness despite those problems! In fact it's because there are problems that we feel happy!"

"How does that work?" Ryūko sat back.

"Because there are bad times, we appreciate the good times more! If we never had any problems and we were always happy, then we'd never be happy at all, because there's no sad times to make the happy times happier by comparison!" Mako was waving her arms around.

"But why do I need to have such big problems? Why couldn't they be ones that were easy to deal with. Right now it's a struggle for me to be happy at all."

"I-uh-I-um-" Mako looked in every possible direction as she struggled to come up with something to say. Eventually she stopped and just looked Ryūko in the eye. "I don't know what to say. It's unfair you have to struggle with so much. Life's unfair. I'm used to life being unfair because I grew up super poor and stuff, so it doesn't bother me, but most people who grew up like me are probably bothered by stuff a lot more than I am. I dunno."

"Mako." Ryūko mumbled.

"I don't think there's an easy solution to your problems, or an easy way to cope with them, or anything. You got unlucky, and now you have to struggle for a long time. I'd be lying if I tried to tell you that your problems will go away any time soon, or even ever, but it feels cruel to tell you that you have to suffer." Mako had begun crying at some point, Ryūko wasn't sure when. "I'm sorry. I wish there was something we could do. But don't give up! Never give up! Please! Even when things seem horrible, don't give up! The bad times won't last! Good times always come, and even if they're followed by more bad times, we'll get through them! We will! We saved the world, so we can get through this too!"

Ryūko was crying too now.

It was not out of sadness that Ryūko cried, but out of happiness and love.

There was no avoiding the obvious truth that Ryūko, while she may gradually lessen the intensity of her problems, might never free herself from them. But that didn't mean she had to give up. She couldn't give up, for Mako, and for herself. It was as simple as that. As long as she persevered, things could always get better for Ryūko, but if she gave up, then she'd never be happy again.

It wouldn't be easy, but that didn't mean it wasn't a fight worth fighting, and Ryūko would have Mako at her side. Mako was so kind. Having someone who'd cry for you is a blessing.

"Thanks, Mako." The sides of Ryūko's mouth rose upward.

"Huh? For what?"

"For being you." Ryūko kissed Mako. "I'm feeling a little better now. I think my meds are kicking in."

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"I am for now. I might not be later, but we'll deal with it when the time comes." Ryūko kissed Mako again. "Are you ready to go?"

There was a pause before Mako smiled and hugged Ryūko tight.

"I'm ready when you are!"

"Then let's go!" Ryūko stood up with Mako in her arms. The couple left their home, ready to have a fun day out.

The future might be painful, but the pain doesn't last forever. Neither does the joy, to be fair, but such is life. It can be unpleasant, but it's all we have. We might as well make do, for the alternative is far worse. And in the end, there will always be someone out there who cares about you, even if you have to search for them.