Matilda could hardly contain her excitement. She skipped and walked quick circles around Jenny, overjoyed to be back on her feet now. It had been what felt like the longest two weeks of her life being stuck in the little wagon. She was free! Free to walk, and free of those wretched diapers. She had a sinking suspicion it was only because she had run out, but free was free. Now was her chance to show Miss Honey she didn't need them.
"Calm down." Jenny said, but she was beaming too. They had both been in particularly good moods the last few days, it was hard not to be happy without Miss Trunchbull terrorizing the school. It had done wonders for Jenny's anxiety and Matilda herself had even woken up the last three mornings in a row dry. "You don't want to wear yourself out before you even get to school." Jenny reminded her.
"I won't." Matilda said, but slowed her pace just the same until she had matched Jenny's slower walk.
"Matilda," Jenny said a little more quietly. The young girl looked up, feeling a bit of dread now. She knew that tone. "I've packed a few extra changes of clothes just in case." Matilda could feel the heat beginning to burn her face. It never got easier talking about this.
"I won't need them." Matilda insisted, looking away. Not because she was 100% confident it wouldn't happen, but because she had also snuck a change of clothes into her own backpack while Jenny had been in the shower.
"Just in case you do, they'll be in the nurse's office."
"I can walk to the bathroom now." Matilda insisted, but her argument felt half-hearted after yesterday.
Matilda had been at the library while Jenny was taking driving lessons with Mrs. Rodgers. She had been so engrossed in a book about the solar system she had blocked the rest of the world out completely. It wasn't until the librarian, Mrs. Phelps, who had promised Jenny she'd keep an eye on her came by and let out a startled gasp did Matilda even look up from her book and realize much too late what she had done.
She had never been in trouble with Mrs. Phelps before. She knew she could be strict when it came to disrespecting the library rules and property, but being on the receiving end had been a shock. When Mrs. Phelps had finally finished scolding her for wetting herself in one of the armchairs, she made Matilda clean up the mess, check out her books, and wait outside for Jenny to pick her up.
Matilda was nervous about returning to the library today after school, but there was one thing that scared her more than an angry Mrs. Phelps, and that was Jenny's driving. She was proud of her mom for trying new things, but there was nothing wrong with being proud of her from the safety of an armchair. Miss Honey was trying to drive stick, and the near constant lurching back and forth from the back seat had been too much for Matilda's stomach to take. She had only just managed to scurry out in time before losing her lunch in the street.
"I'm sure you'll be fine if you put your mind to it." Jenny said, patting her shoulder. "But don't beat yourself up too badly if anything happens. Do try to be more careful at the library though."
Matilda gritted her teeth. She still couldn't believe she had done that. It wasn't like she had had a legit accident, she had just completely forgotten that she wasn't wearing a diaper anymore. She couldn't believe she had done something so dumb. In as little as two weeks she had almost managed to untrain herself.
"I could stop by the store and get you more pull-ups before I take you to the library." Jenny offered. Matilda quickly shook her head.
"Please don't." she begged. "I just wasn't thinking."
"Are you sure? You were awfully upset yesterday when I found you." Jenny said. "You were throwing snowballs at the side of the building." She said before adding, "without touching them."
"I've never been kicked out of the library before." Matilda mumbled. She was so embarrassed she was even tempted to cave to Jenny's offer, but she decided against it for a couple of reasons. The first being she just had to get this under control, and the second was why Jenny hadn't just gone out and gotten more when she had run out. She couldn't afford them. As much as Jenny tried to hide things like finances, it was nearly impossible to hide things from her. Matilda didn't need to see her checkbook. She could do the math in her head. There was rent, food, utilities, etc. etc. It was also nearing Christmas and the end of the month.
She had told Jenny a million times she didn't want anything for Christmas. She had even lied and said her family had never celebrated it anyway, but Jenny had spotted the Wormwood's car going by with a large red bow and antlers.
"It's just for show." Matilda had insisted. "He always said it was good for business." Miss Honey hadn't believed her though. "It really wasn't anything special there anyway." Matilda admitted. "I only ever wanted books, but got hair accessories and nail polish instead. I already have everything I want." Matilda insisted squeezing Miss Honey's hand.
"You're sweet, but a terrible liar." She knew Jenny had only been joking, but the comment had made Matilda a little angry.
"Do you really think I'd be upset if you didn't buy me stuff?" Matilda asked, emphasizing the last word. "We have a little over seven pounds to last two weeks after making the minimum payment to the hospital. Don't waste it on that."
"You're not supposed to know that." Jenny said with a sigh. "It's our first Christmas together. I want it to be special."
"It will be!" Matilda insisted. "I've always wanted someone to walk down Santa Claus Lane with and look at the lights on Christmas Eve, and we can drink hot chocolate, and play chess, and read. I've never had anyone to do any of those things with on Christmas." Miss Honey seemed to genuinely smile at the suggestion.
"I would love to do those things with you on Christmas." Jenny said. "I should consider myself fortunate you know Santa isn't real." She frowned in confusion when the girl beside her stopped walking. She looked behind her. "Matilda, why did yo-" She froze at the look of horror on her face. No! No! No! She did not just do what she thought she did! She remained silent, a feeling of panic over taking her senses...until the girl began to burst into giggles. "Oh, you little..."
"The look on your face." Matilda said, bending over to catch her breath. "I'm sorry, I couldn't help it. You did just tell a five-year-old Santa wasn't real." Miss Honey gave her a playful shove.
"Keep it up, and you're getting a mug of coal for Christmas instead of hot chocolate."
"If Santa was real I'd ask to stop wetting the bed." Matilda mumbled.
"If Santa was real, I'd ask that it didn't bother you so much, even if you did."
Matilda scrunched up her face in disgust. "Can't you just ask I not do it either?"
"Hmm, nope." Miss Honey said. "Can't have you thinking I'd trade you in for a dryer model."
"A dryer model?" Matilda asked with a slight giggle.
"It's just an inconvenience, sweetie, you understand that, right? I'm not mad or disappointed in you in any way. None of this is your fault."
"It's my body. I should be able to control it." Matilda grumbled.
"If only it worked that way." Miss Honey said, wrapping an arm around Matilda's shoulder. "You remember last week when you had to wake me up from that nightmare?"
"Yeah, you were screaming in your sleep."
"Do you also remember that I couldn't stop shaking, and you sat up with me half the night?"
"Yeah, but-"
"Do you think less of me? Even though I'm an adult who has nightmares, something mostly associated with small children."
Matilda frowned. "Of course not."
"Just because it's your body, it doesn't mean you always have control over it, even if you want to. I'm supposed to be the adult, but you were the one having to talk me down and tell me it was just a dream. Of course, you helped me, but I still felt ashamed."
"So you, sort of, understand what it feels like?" Matilda asked.
"I do, more than you know."
"I liked being able to help you though." Matilda said. "You weren't a bother." Although she could do without getting smacked in the nose by flailing limbs. Sometimes sleeping next to Jenny was dangerous. Matilda felt the arm tighten around her.
"I don't want you to have to see me like that though. There are certain expectations with being an adult, even more so being a parent, and I'm afraid I don't meet many of them." Matilda stopped walking and looked up at Miss Honey.
"Who says it has to be one sided?" Matilda asked. Jennifer furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. "If you want to be what I need, why can't I want the same? Why can't we both just look out for each other? We made up our own family, why can't we make up our own rules too? If neither of us fit into a box, then let's be a circle."
"A circle, huh?" Jenny said with a smile. She knelt down and wrapped her arms around the small girl and held her close.
"We're in front of the school, you know." Matilda said, but made no move to break apart.
"I don't care." Miss Honey whispered. "You're already everything I need."