Miss Honey smiled to herself as she sipped on a mug of tea. Matilda was out in the yard with her friends enjoying the freedom of mobility, giving Jenny time alone in the classroom before school started for the day. She sat and reflected on their earlier conversation that morning. Matilda had such a unique way of looking at the world around them, she thought. She enjoyed their walks to and from school together immensely. Without even realizing, it had become one of her favorite times of the day. They never seemed to run out of things to talk about, but even when it was quiet between them, it was a comfortable silence.
Why does it have to be one-sided? Why can't we both just look out for each other?
Miss Honey thought back to that night and grimaced. She couldn't even remember what she had been dreaming about, but the all consuming terror that had filled her senses when she had awoken in the dark had been all too real. As she thought about it, she could feel the shame inching its way back in. Their roles had been reversed so quickly. It was Jenny that was cowering and trembling like a child with Matilda gently guiding her back to reality. It wasn't until Matilda had taken Jenny's head and guided it down onto her chest with instructions to find her heartbeat did she finally calm down.
It wasn't until that night did Jenny finally understand Matilda's fascination with lying on her bare chest. While she didn't outright object, she often wished she could keep her night gown on. Now she understood. Matilda was right, it really wasn't the same. There was something so intimate and calming about feeling another person's body heat and listening to their heart beat. Matilda must feel it tenfold being as small as she was and able to stretch out on top of her. For someone who had never known physical affection from her parents, Jenny imagined it felt like a safe haven to her.
Miss Honey felt a little bad about her reaction towards it before, lying underneath stiff as a board and frightened. Matilda had only asked twice, both when at her lowest and most vulnerable. Once when she had been sick, and another after her first day back to school when they had somewhat been at odds. Jennifer didn't need to have supernatural powers to know how difficult it was for Matilda to ask. It was obvious the girl wanted something with the way she kept staring up at her and opening and closing her mouth like she was going to say something. It had taken a bit of prodding to get her to open up.
At least now Jennifer could slightly understand the appeal. Now if she could just get herself to relax quicker and quit flinching every time she moved. What if she herself offered? Would that make Matilda happy? Maybe on Christmas they could… Ugh what was she thinking? Sorry, I can't afford presents, but you can lay on me instead?
Miss Honey let her face fall into her hands and let out a frustrated moan. What was she going to do?
"Everything okay in here?" A voice asked.
Miss Honey jolted upright and forced a smile, but relaxed when she saw it was Mrs. Rodgers.
"Yes, it's fine, I'm just racking my brain trying to come up with something to do for Matilda for Christmas."
"You haven't started shopping yet?" Miss Honey gritted her teeth. She wasn't about to explain their financial woes.
"N-not really, no. Things have been a bit difficult with everything going on, she's only just recently gotten enough strength back, so I don't feel like I have to keep a constant eye on her. "
"Then let's go shopping after we drop her off at the library today. Today's payday."
"I-I don't know, she's a bit tricky. Not very materialistic. A bit hard to shop for a child genius." Miss Honey said, letting out a bit of nervous laughter. "I think we're looking more into things to do rather than just things."
"Tell me about it. When I asked my granddaughter what she wanted, she said she wanted a broomstick. I asked her if she wanted a mop to go with that, but she rolled her eyes and called me a 'muggle' whatever that is." Mrs. Rodgers said. "What are you two doing, anyway?"
"I'm not really sure. I know she wants to see the lights on Christmas Eve, and then after that, maybe stay in, play chess, work on some puzzles." Mrs. Rodger's frowned for a moment.
"You're welcome to come over to our place for Christmas dinner. It's just the two of us as well." Miss Honey's eyes lit up.
"Really? Are you sure?"
"Yes, of course. Someone needs to come put that girl in her place at chess."
"Thank you very much, I'll ask her about it today and get back to you."
"So, shopping? Yes? No?" Mrs. Rodgers asked. Miss Honey bit her lip. She was about to decline the invitation when there was a knock on the open door and a new face emerged. Someone from the office entered and handed her an envelope, before nodding politely and leaving. Miss Honey stared at it curiously for a moment. "You don't get direct deposit?" Mrs. Rodgers asked.
"Huh?" Miss Honey said. She looked down at the envelope again. It couldn't be. With trembling fingers she began to slide it open before slowly examining the contents. She could feel the moisture beginning to build behind her eyelids as a drop slowly streaked down her face. No wonder she didn't recognize it. She had never received one before. "How?" Miss Honey choked out, looking at the figure on the check.
"It's payday. Did you forget you changed banks or something?" Mrs. Rodgers asked before frowning. "Are you alright?"
"Y-yes! I'm more than alright! I'm.. I'm..." Miss Honey couldn't find the words. She wiped at her face with her free hand. It was as if four hundred pounds had just fallen from the sky. Her aunt must have withdrawn all her money and closed her bank account when she went on the run. She still couldn't believe it. She was almost afraid to look away in case it might disappear. With this, now she could give Matilda a real Christmas. "I think I'd like to go shopping after all."
...
Matilda was feeling very confused as she sat in her desk in class studying Miss Honey's expression. Her eyes said sad, but her emotions felt...well, she was nearly ecstatic. Adults, Matilda eventually thought, shaking her head. So complicated. If she was happy why was she crying? Whatever it was, it seemed to be contagious.
Matilda was filled with a sort of restless energy. She could hardly sit still. She was...oh no. Her hand shot up as she crossed her legs.
How had she not realized sooner? She looked up at the clock. Was it already that late? Had she really been reading her science textbook for three hours straight? Matilda stretched her hand as high as it would go, but Miss Honey wasn't looking up. She was across the room helping Nigel with something. She tapped her foot and drummed her fingers against her desk. C'mon, mom!
Matilda was tempted to call out, but Miss Honey was strict about interrupting and waiting turns. Even more so with Matilda, so she didn't show favoritism. She began to squirm in her chair and bite her lip. She really needed to stop getting so lost in her school work. Finally, she couldn't take it anymore. Matilda had to make a choice. She could wait for Miss Honey to notice her and probably have an accident, or she could make a run for it and hope she didn't get stopped by a school prefect without a hall pass.
She ran. Well, more of a hurried shuffle really. If Miss Honey saw her get up and leave she hadn't said anything. When she got to the bathroom she cursed herself for how close she had cut it. While she was washing her hands, Lavender came in.
"Miss Honey wanted to know if you needed me to bring you anything from the nurse's office." Lavender asked looking puzzled. "Are you sick?"
Matilda shook her head, trying to hide the embarrassed look on her face. So Jenny had noticed her make a break for it. Lavender shrugged and the two of them walked back to class. Matilda held her breath as she crept back to her seat. She nearly jumped when she heard Miss Honey come up behind her and whisper in her ear.
"Everything all right?"
"Y-yes." Matilda said. "I tried to ask, but I couldn't get your attention in time without..." She let her sentence fall incomplete. No need to finish that thought.
"It's alright, I'm glad everything's okay. There's no need to wait for me. If you need to, you can just get up and go." Matilda frowned as Miss Honey preemptively wrote her a hall pass and signed it.
"What happened to not showing favoritism?"
"This is different. There's a difference between needing something and wanting something. The other children might want my attention, but I need you not to blow up my classroom." Matilda sat stunned when Jenny leaned over and kissed the top of her head, something she never did at school. "Try and pay a bit more attention next time, sweetie."
Matilda watched dumbstruck as Miss Honey seemed to glide back to the front of the class. What in the world was up with her? Startled as she was with the change that had come over her, Matilda couldn't help the grin from spreading across her face. Seeing her happy really was contagious.
Their good mood seemed to last all throughout the day, until Matilda was dropped off in front of the library. She found herself feeling anxious as she pulled open the big wooden door. This had always been her happy place, she shouldn't feel nervous about being here, she thought to herself. She peered around the lobby to see if the coast was clear. With Mrs. Phelps no where in sight, she crossed the distance to her favorite armchair tucked away in the corner, as she tried to look like she belonged.
Once she arrived, she looked down at it, relieved it held no sign of damage from the previous day. Luckily the hard faux leather surface had been easy to clean with its water-resistant surface, otherwise she might have been in more trouble. Satisfied it was no worse for wear, she took a seat and pulled out the book she was reading. No more than thirty minutes passed then she heard the sound of someone clearing their throat. She gulped as she saw the figure of Mrs. Phelps standing over her.
Out of paranoia, her hands shot to her lap. She breathed a sigh of relief. Dry.
"Good afternoon, Matilda." said Mrs. Phelps.
"Good afternoon, Mrs. Phelps," Matilda mumbled, trying to resist the urge to drop her eyes.
"Are you all ready for Christmas?"
"Umm, n-no, not really." Matilda said. "I don't really know what to do for Miss Honey." She answered honestly, grateful that she wasn't jumping straight into the events of yesterday. "It's not like I can really buy her anything."
"Well of course she doesn't expect you to buy her anything." Mrs. Phelps said. "If you want to do something for her, why don't you make her something? I'm sure she'd appreciate some kind of arts and crafts piece from you. Aren't you working on anything like that in school?" Matilda bit her lip. Arts and crafts was the one thing she wasn't good at. In fact, she was so bad at it, she stuck to her studies while the other children made things for their parents. The most successful "art project" she had ever put together was the time she had glued her father's hat to his head.
"Well, I'm not very good at things like that to be honest." Matilda admitted. "I tend to avoid anything involving scissors, folding, and glue. I made my biological mother something once, but she told me not to bring garbage home and threw it away."
"Oh my," Mrs. Phelps said, wide eyes full of concern. "That wasn't very nice." Matilda shrugged. She tried not to think about them much anymore.
"I like living with Miss Honey better anyway."
"You live with Miss Honey?" Mrs. Phelps asked sounding surprised. "Outside of school?"
Matilda nodded. She supposed it had been a while since the days she used to walk here nearly every day, so it was only natural the old librarian would be out of the loop.
"Yes, for a few months now. It's wonderful, she's wonderful." Matilda gushed. She spent the next few minutes filling her in on bits and pieces of her new life.
"Well that certainly explains why your teacher asked me to keep an eye on you." Mrs. Phelps said. "I figured she was just worried about her favorite student being down here by herself."
"Please don't let her hear you call me her favorite, she's hard enough on me already to prove to the other students I'm not!" Mrs. Phelps chuckled.
"I always hoped Jenny would have a family of her own someday. She was such a quiet, reserved and sullen child. I'm glad you've found each other. Now I'm absolutely convinced she would love anything you made her."
Matilda wasn't convinced, but Mrs. Phelps kept insisting, so she reluctantly agreed to page through a book of crafts. Together they managed to settle on decorating a picture frame. Matilda wasn't sure there was a picture of them together to go in it, so she wondered what else she could fill it with.
"Do you still write poems?" Mrs. Phelps asked.
"Sometimes." Matilda said. The more she thought about it, the more she liked the idea. Jenny seemed to like the one she made up about her on her first day of school, although she may have just been being nice at the time. Maybe she could do a poem and a picture.
Mrs. Phelps led her to one of the large circular tables with instructions to start writing while she searched around the back for crafting supplies. Matilda looked up hopefully when she returned but instead of decorations, she began winding the dial of a white plastic timer and set it next to her. Matilda stared at it then back up at Mrs. Phelps curiously.
"You're a smart girl, I think you know what that's for."
Matilda hid her blushing face in her notebook and tried to focus on the poem. After about an hour of writing and scribbling out lines, she had a very rough draft of what she wanted to say. She had forgotten all about the picture frame and even the timer until it began to shrill and buzz next to her. She nearly jumped on it in a panic to turn it off. Why would Mrs. Phelps start something so loud in the middle of her library? She sat there for a second trying to let her heart beat calm down. She could feel people staring at her in annoyance for disrupting them.
Matilda picked up her pen and tried to get back to work when she heard the sound once again of someone clearing their throat. She turned to find Mrs. Phelps staring at her with her arms crossed.
"I set that timer for a reason. I believe there's something you still need to take care of."
Matilda gulped and quickly rose to her feet before scurrying away in embarrassment. Had Miss Honey said something to her or was this punishment for yesterday?
When she had gotten back from the restroom, she was a bit perturbed to find Mrs. Phelps reading what she had been writing in her notebook. It wasn't ready for anyone to see, and that was between her and Jenny!
"It's not done." Matilda said weakly. Mrs. Phelps looked up and stared at her.
"Matilda, this is beautiful." Matilda shrugged uncomfortably and shifted from foot to foot. It was a very, very rough draft. "She's going to love it. I promise."
…
It had only taken Jennifer one lap around the store to realize just how true her earlier comment had been. Shopping for a child genius was damn near impossible. Mrs. Rodgers had listed off many ideas, but none of them seemed to fit Matilda well, and just because she had gotten one paycheck didn't mean she didn't still have to be extremely careful. She thought of clothes, but Matilda had plenty in perfect condition. Most of the toys were out too, Jennifer doubted anything could hold Matilda's attention for long and their living space was too small for clutter.
Miss Honey was able to pick out a few small things, like a mug, extra packets of hot chocolate, and a few small things of candies. She smiled when she saw a little pouch of small, black chunks of gum labeled "coal" and added it to the cart. She looked down at her cart and frowned. There was still nothing really special that stuck out to her. She sighed in frustration as she pushed her cart down the baby aisle. Might as well pick her up more pull-ups while she was here.
"Has that gotten any better?" Mrs. Rodger's asked while Jennifer tried to decide on plain white, or splurge and get something with designs.
"It depends. Sometimes she can go nearly a week without issue, and then the next she wakes up wet almost every morning. She gets so discouraged by it. She holds herself up to such impossibly high standards it doesn't matter how many times I tell her lots of children her age deal with similar issues. I'm starting to think I'm the problem."
"Jen, why on earth would you think this is your fault?" Mrs. Rodger's said, hands on hips. Jenny sighed.
"Matilda, she's, well, she has certain…abilities."
"I noticed." Mrs. Rodger's said.
"Yes, but she's also incredibly sensitive to what others are feeling around her, and I have this sinking suspicion the problem is me. I think she's picking up on my stress, especially at night, and her body just can't process it. I've been noticing a pattern. She almost always wets the bed on the nights I have nightmares. I didn't notice at first because she was always trying to hide it by getting up before me, but at least now in the last few weeks she isn't trying as hard."
"At least she's getting more comfortable with you."
"Yes, I think she is, I just wish I could think of something special to do for her to really show her how much she means to…" Jennifer trailed off as her hand brushed up against the check stub in her pocket. Her eyes lit up. "What time is it?" She nearly shouted as she spun around on the spot.
"Uh, almost three." Mrs. Rodger's said started.
"Would you take me somewhere? I have an idea, but I need to hurry!"
….
Christmas came sooner than either of them was prepared for. Matilda was giddy from the excitement from their walk on Christmas Eve to see the lights. She hadn't even complained when Miss Honey had asked her to wear a pull-up in case there wasn't an easily accessible bathroom. It ended up being a wise choice because there hadn't been. During the entire walk through the beautifully decorated park they had only passed two porta- john's with the longest lines Matilda had ever seen.
"How come you never have to pee when we're out?" Matilda asked, waddling in a now very cold, used pull up. Miss Honey laughed.
"Because I don't drink half my body weight in hot chocolate before leaving the apartment, unlike some people I know." She teased. "I think it comes with being a teacher. I'm used to holding it, and I'm not about to use one of those porta potties." She waved a hand in front of her nose and scowled as Matilda giggled.
"Hey, how come you get to hold it, but you always tell me not to!" Matilda asked. Just the other day Jenny had had her squat in an ally while Jennifer stood guard after all the stores in the area refused to let her use the bathroom without buying anything first. She could have made it home…probably…
"Because I don't dance around and stick my hands where they don't belong." Miss Honey said as they made their way towards home. "Did you have fun?"
"Yes! It was so pretty! I loved the big display of Frosty, and that huge tree! How do you think they get all those lights on it? It's got to be nearly 30 feet tall! This has been the best Christmas ever! Thank you! Thank you!" Matilda gushed clinging onto Miss Honey's hand. Jennifer laughed.
"It's not even Christmas yet."
"It doesn't matter! This is the most fun I think i've ever had at Christmas."
"To be honest, I think this is my favorite Christmas so far too." Miss Honey said with a smile. "Thank you."
Neither one of them had slept well that night, not because of nightmares or fears, but because both of them were too giddy. They spent most of the night talking about what they were looking forward to the most the following day.
"Mrs. Rodgers cooking." Miss Honey said. "She's making all kinds of things! And I can't wait to see her granddaughter's face when you beat her at chess." They both laughed. "She said she hasn't been able to beat her yet, but I have a pretty good feeling her reign of terror is about to come to an end." Although, for the life of her, she couldn't understand what Mrs. Rodger's had meant when she said, "The pieces kept telling her where to move." She wondered if that was part of her illness, but she didn't recall hearing voices as a symptom of tourette's.
It wasn't until nearly one in the morning when they both finally nodded off, each just secretly excited to give the other their present.
When Matilda awoke, she was shocked to discover several wrapped packages sitting on the kitchen table, and Jenny, already up making pancakes.
"Merry Christmas!" Jenny sang to a stunned looking Matilda. "Those are for you." Matilda stared in awe, but then frowned.
"How?" She asked confused. They had already gone through the 12 pounds on groceries.
"Santa must have brought them." Jenny laughed as Matilda rolled her eyes. "Well, go on, open them!"
Matilda was delighted to open the little candy trinkets Miss Honey had picked out, and the new mug was absolutely her favorite. She threw her arms around Jenny's waist when she had finished opening everything.
"Thank you! I love them! And all these flavors of hot chocolate! I can't wait to try them!" Matilda exclaimed. "But first…" she dove underneath the bed and pulled out the little gift bag. "This is for you."
"Matilda! You didn't have to do anything for me." Jenny said, before flipping pancakes onto a plate and setting it aside. She made her way towards the kitchen table before taking a seat and eyeing Matilda, who bouncing giddily in her chair. She slowly and carefully unwrapped the decorated frame and let out a gasp. "Did you decorate this?" She smiled wide at the picture of the two of them together at the library Mrs. Phelps had had them pose for "for the wall".
"Mrs. Phelps helped me, but turn it over. I wrote the poem for you." Miss Honey turned it over and began to read. Matilda watched with concern as the woman's eyes began to fill with tears. Matilda bit her lip anxiously. She had written about how she wished Miss Honey would let her help her through her troubles as she had helped Matilda. "Do you not like it?"
"Matilda, I love it." Jenny said, finally looking up and wiping her face. "Oh, I was going to give you one other thing at dinner, but after this, now I can't wait." She stood up and placed the picture carefully on her nightstand before digging through a drawer. She came back with what looked like a wrapped book and handed it to her.
Matilda carefully unwrapped it and revealed a lovely black and gold colored diary.
"Open it." Miss Honey urged. Matilda opened the hard cover and was surprised to find several folded pieces of paper inside. She took them and spread them on the table and began to read. She blinked several times. Matilda looked up in surprise. Did this mean what she thought it meant? "I think it's pastime we made this official." Miss Honey reached across the table and squeezed her hand. "What do you say to legally becoming my daughter?"
"Mom, how?" Matilda asked. Now she had tears in her eyes as she looked over the adoption papers. It was nearly 300 pounds just to file them, not to mention they needed proof of income.
"Will you?" Miss Honey asked.
Matilda stood up and ran into Miss Honey's outstretched arms. "Yes!" she cried.
"Well that's a relief, because that's just a copy, I've already filed the paperwork." Miss Honey said, squeezing Matilda and rocking her back and forth."
"How? They said no last time we tried." Matilda asked, finally looking up.
"Yes, but I got a hold of something I didn't have before." Jenny said with a grin. "I got a paycheck. A real one. The whole thing! I was floored! I called the bank my aunt has my paychecks sent to, and they confirmed she closed the account before she took off!"
"Mom! That's wonderful!" Matilda cried.
"Yes, I was able to submit my pay stub. We might have to go before a judge in a few weeks for the final ruling, but the hard parts done! Once It's approved, I can finally make parental choices for you, and move you up into a grade you belong in." Miss Honey said. "And best of all, even if my aunt does come back, she can't do anything to separate us. We'll finally be a real family."
"I love you, mommy." Matilda said, sniffling into the collar of Jenny's shirt.
"And I love you," Miss Honey said, before kissing the top of her head. "My daughter."