I am sorry for delaying this update.
Things are finally slowing down, but just in time I have caught the stomach bug that my children were passing around amongst themselves all week. I wanted to post yesterday, but I simply was unable to move.
I hope you will enjoy this M-rated chapter that takes place in Medford.
When you're weary
Feeling small
When tears are in your eyes
I'll dry them all
I'm on your side
Oh, when times get rough
And friends just can't be found
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down
Balancing Heaven And Earth
Chapter 8 – "Bridge Over Troubled Water"
"Uncle Shelly, what's your favorite train?"
Sheldon was sitting cross-legged on the floor in the garage of meemaw's – or more his – house. For the past two hours he had been immersed in a world of miniature marvels.
Joshua had helped him arrange the intricate tracks and place the model trains and not for the first time, Sheldon found himself feeling peacefully content in the presence of his young nephew.
"That's hard to say.", he said thoughtfully as he pushed the button on the remote control to lead the train into the next station. "All trains are great. They represent the epitome of engineering precision, adhering to schedules and following specific routes."
"Yeah, but which one is the best one?", the little boy asked impatiently.
Sheldon smiled at Joshua. He loved this opportunity to share his passion. Pass on his knowledge.
Instead of answering the question directly, Sheldon went on to give the little boy a lecture about the most iconic trains in history.
The Orient Express. The Flying Scotsman. The California Zephyr. Even the Shinkansen in Japan. And – because he couldn't resist – he even included the Hogwarts Express.
"But that's not a real train.", Joshua complained. "I know that. Aunt Amy read the first Harry Potter book to me last year."
"She did, huh?", Sheldon asked softly.
He did not know why, but he adored the fact that Amy had her own relationship to his nephew. She was just the best.
"Yeah. But now she won't read me the second one. She said that one is too brutal for a kid my age."
"Well, Aunt Amy is right.", Sheldon nodded.
"I wish I could just read it by myself.", the little boy pouted.
"Have you tried?", Sheldon asked, studying his nephew as he asked.
Joshua lowered his voice as if he was afraid someone could hear.
"I did. Last week at the school library. But it's so big and there are so many words I cannot read yet."
Sheldon nodded.
"Well, you're only six years old. You have plenty of time to read those books."
"I guess. Hey, can I have the remote now?"
Sheldon hesitated for a second. Giving away the remote?
But Joshua kept looking at him excitedly. "Please?", he said and looked at him with the same blue eyes he saw every day in the mirror.
"Fine.", Sheldon grumbled.
With a sense of dread, he thought back to when he had let Joshua handle the remote for the first time and he had broken the model train his meemaw had kept for him.
But Joshua surprised him and soon, Sheldon found himself captivated as he watched proudly how the boy, who had grown on him so much, handled the delicate model trains.
He barely heard the door being opened and he startled when he heard Amy's voice.
"Hey, you're still playing? Hurry up, we're expected at family dinner across the street soon."
"No, please, just five more minutes.", Joshua begged as he let the train stop at a crossing.
"Yes, five more minutes.", Sheldon agreed and looked at his fiancée pleadingly.
"No way. Your mother is waiting for us. How do you think she'll feel if her food gets cold because you two cannot drag yourselves away from a model train that will still be here tomorrow?"
"But Amy…", he tried again and flashed her his best koala face in an attempt to sway her.
However, when he looked at her, he saw that Amy had crossed her arms in front of her chest and was looking at him sternly, tapping her foot.
"Now.", she said and raised her eyebrows as if to challenge him.
Sheldon and Joshua shared a glance and sighed.
"Aww man.", they said simultaneously before Sheldon turned off the remote.
Dinner was a very pleasant event, as usual. His mother had outdone herself with her cooking and Sheldon listened as Amy and Missy talked about the choir's upcoming gigs. Georgie was there too, telling everyone about the newest branch of his tire empire.
"So, when are you two planning on flying back to Pasadena the next time?", his mother asked while serving dessert. "I am just asking so I can plan ahead for our next family dinners."
Sheldon looked at Amy who seemed to stiffen at this question.
He did not know how to answer that.
Because as much as he had been eager to bring Amy to Pasadena as often as possible... now that he was back in Medford, it wasn't even in the top five priorities in his mind. Which was strange, now that he thought about it.
"We haven't made any plans yet.", he answered dismissively.
Amy turned to him. "We can though, if you want to.", she said.
He just shook his head.
They had already been back for almost four weeks and right now he did not feel the urge to fly away again at all.
He knew, he would have to look into this. Time was running fast after all.
But while he did miss his friends, and enjoyed his online gaming nights with them, he also loved every minute of living in meemaw's house with Amy.
"Well, not next weekend. We will be performing at Daniel's granddaughter's wedding, remember?", he said simply.
It went without saying that he could have just let Jared handle this event again, but this whole choir thing, as much as he had fought against it in the beginning, had come to be part of his schedule and he did not want to let it go just yet.
After dinner, he and Amy stayed behind as Georgie left and Missy and Mary put the children to bed.
They cleaned up the dishes – something Amy insisted on – and after that, Sheldon sat back down while Amy prepared tea for everyone.
"Aw, thank you, my dear, you know it's not necessary for you to help out so much.", his mother said to Amy, as she saw the meticulously clean kitchen.
"It wasn't all me.", Amy replied, blushing slightly.
"I know. But I also know that my son would not have done this without your influence."
Sheldon watched the exchange between the two women carefully.
In the past, things had sometimes been awkward between Amy and his mother. And who could be surprised at that? After all, his mother had once implied that Amy was a loose girl who liked to sleep around. Something that could not have been further from the truth.
But over the past few months, the two of them had formed a new relationship and it was clear that Amy was his mother's favorite of all her children's past and present partners.
His mother accepted her tea gratefully and then she and Amy resumed their conversation that had started during dinner until Missy reappeared in the dining area.
"Well, that took a long time.", she muttered before she too filled a cup with tea and sat down. "I started thinking he'd stay awake forever."
"You're staying with him until he's asleep?", Sheldon wondered.
He couldn't remember a time when his mother did that with him and he remembered everything.
"He's been having a hard time falling asleep lately.", Missy admitted. "If I don't do it, he'll just get up every five minutes, until both he and I are exhausted. It's easier this way."
"He's still not better, huh?", Amy asked softly. "Poor boy."
Sheldon frowned.
He just did not understand. Before, in the garage, Joshua had seemed like the happiest little kid in the world.
What was going on with him?
He knew, his sister was hoping to find out that same thing from him. She had asked him and Amy for their help on the day they had come back from Pasadena.
Sheldon hadn't minded at all. He loved the little boy so much and enjoyed spending time with him. Particularly after hearing about his struggles at school, he had committed himself to making the boy's free time as pleasant as possible.
But he dreaded answering the question that his sister was silently asking him right now.
"So?", she already asked him curiously. She did not have to tell him what she was asking. He knew she wanted to know if the reason for Joshua's problems was familiar to him.
"So…", he started. He really did not want to disappoint his sister. But he had to tell her the truth. "I am obviously not a childhood development expert. But still, I think it is safe to say that you have a very smart child. But I don't think he's…"
He looked at Amy for help. They had talked about this before and he knew she shared his opinion.
She nodded and stepped in.
"Missy, we both think, your son is smart and knows a lot of things for his age. But we don't think his problems stem from being bored at school. He's probably not…"
"He's not Sheldon-smart.", Missy said what both of them did not want to say directly.
"I'm sorry.", he said. "You know, people like me or Amy are very rare. And I know, like every parent, you wanted more for your son, but like I said, he is very smart, and very interested in so many things. So, if you further his talents and make sure he focuses on school, there's no reason why he shouldn't be going places. Even in my field, only very few people are what you call 'Sheldon-smart'. Please don't be too disappointed."
"Disappointed?", Missy exclaimed.
Only now did he see she was grinning.
"Sheldon, I am beyond relieved."
"You are?", he asked, a little taken aback.
"Please don't take this the wrong way.", Missy said, touching his arm. "You know I love and admire you. But you had to go through so much to get to where you are now. You went without friends for the most part of your life and you had to leave home when you were only fourteen years old. When Joshua started saying that everyone in his school was stupid and that he was bored… you have no idea how scared I was."
Sheldon huffed. If he was honest, he wouldn't have minded having a younger version of himself in the family.
But now that he thought about it… it was true. His life had not been easy for a long time. Maybe it really was better for Joshua this way. Because while raising a gifted child might have been a little easier now than it had been thirty years ago, the opportunities in Medford were still very limited.
And in his heart, it did not change how much he loved the little boy. He was still a smart and polite kid who looked up to him. He was still a fellow train enthusiast and tomorrow they would still be watching the Lego Batman movie together.
"So now that this is settled… what else could be the problem?", Missy wondered. "Why does he not want to go to school?"
"Well, you said you suspect the other kids are making fun of him.", Amy said.
"Yeah, but isn't that normal?", Missy shrugged. "Everyone makes fun of everyone else. That's just how school is."
"Maybe it's more than that.", Amy disagreed. "If the other kids gang up on Joshua, I can understand him not wanting to go anymore."
"You think they are… bullying him?", Missy said quietly.
Sheldon squeezed Amy's hand under the table. He hadn't been fully aware of the extent of the bullying she had to go through up until a week ago when they had talked about Joshua. And now that he knew, he absolutely did not want her having to relive it.
"It's hard to say.", he told his sister. "Maybe you should go talk to his teacher and ask what's going on."
"I talked to her on the phone yesterday.", Missy shook her head. "She said she hasn't noticed anything."
Amy took a sip of her tea and tipped her fingers against her lips, a sure sign that she was deep in thought.
"I mean…", she started thoughtfully. "There could be other explanations for his behavior. Joshua has been through a lot during the past years. But as long as he does not talk to us… it's just hard to say."
Sheldon nodded. He hadn't even thought about the things Joshua had been through. And he did not like thinking about it.
"Sometimes I think…", he heard his sister say quietly. "I think… maybe I should use the money meemaw gave me to leave Medford. Go somewhere nothing reminds us of the things… we went through."
"Missy…", Amy said softly and grasped her hand.
To his shock, Sheldon saw tears on his sister's face.
"After the thing with… my car and… Joshi's troubles at school… I wonder if it were better for all of us, if we just went away. Found a new place to… start over as a family."
Sheldon shook his head.
"Do you really think it would be good for Joshua to uproot his whole life?"
"I don't know.", Missy sighed. "It's just a thought that I had. When I saw the message on my car… I was so scared that it could be connected to Robbie. That someone has it out for me or my kids. But it has been weeks and there hasn't been another message, so I'm probably just paranoid. And you're right, of course, Joshua does not need more change right now. He needs stability. So… forget what I said, please."
Sheldon caught a movement in his peripheral vision. He looked up to see the door to his old room being closed.
Had Joshua stood there and heard part of their conversation? He hadn't seen him earlier, so he could not have heard much.
He looked at Amy and Missy who were still talking about the situation. It did not seem they had noticed anything.
"Anyway, I'm going to bed now.", Missy finally said. "Thanks for your help."
Sheldon checked his watch. It wasn't that late.
But nonetheless, Missy looked exhausted.
"Do you think, she's alright?", he asked Amy on their way back across the street.
"I think… she's just got a lot on her plate.", Amy replied sadly.
He shot her a pained look.
This had become a habit too. Worrying about Missy and her family. And – if he was honest – it was another reason why he did not want to plan the next trip to Pasadena right now.
"Hey, it's still early.", Amy mentioned. "You can see if the guys are still playing that new expansion pack if you want to."
Sheldon felt a wave of affection for Amy course through his body.
It had only been four days since the new 'World of Warcraft'-expansion pack had been released. He had spent Wednesday evening, his usual game night, sitting in front of the computer, waiting for the countdown with his friends.
He maybe should not have expected to actually start playing that night. After all, none of the prior releases had run smoothly and so all he had heard over his headset was his friends' cursing while he watched his character been thrown off the server again and again.
After that, there had not been any time to really play.
To her credit, Amy had not said anything about him being distracted during date night on Thursday. And he had tried to ignore all the text messages he had received during choir practice the night before, about how awesome the new expansion was.
And then today, when he had heard that his friends had been holed up at the apartment since Friday after work, playing the game, he had told Amy, it was okay. He would not be going back on his promise to spend time with his family.
"Of course.", Amy said and nudged him gently. "I can see how hard it was for you, not getting to play the last few days. And I appreciate how you did not abandon our usual schedule for it. Go play a few hours. I'll read a bit."
He grasped Amy's hands and pulled her close.
"You are the most wonderful fiancée on the planet, you know that?", he asked before he brushed his lips against hers.
"You told me once or twice before.", she replied softly before kissing him back.
Only minutes later, he was sitting in front of his gaming computer, his friends' voices audible on his headset and once they had logged in, all his worries about Joshua and Missy were pushed to the back of his mind.
It was glorious. Finally reviving his rogue night elf, leveling up his character while slaying ogres, dragons and all kinds of monsters. Skinning them for leather and crafting new armor. All of that accompanied by his friends.
They might have been hundreds of miles apart, but here, in Azeroth, they were walking side by side, teaming up to fight elite monsters and then dividing up whatever armor pieces those dropped.
It was three hours later, when Leonard excused himself because he had promised Penny, he would be taking over the children in the morning in exchange for getting this gaming weekend.
"Yeah, I promised Bernadette the same thing.", Howard grumbled. "I'll better stick to it this time."
Both of them logged off shortly after.
"Well, Raj, I guess it's only you and me now.", he said into his headset and was met with a few moments of silence.
"Yeah, no, I think I'm going to pass. I'm… tired."
Tired?
Sheldon checked his watch. It was 11 pm. 9 pm in Pasadena.
Raj never went to bed this early. Curious.
Just then, he heard a sound coming from behind him.
He turned his head to see that Amy was sitting at her desk, reading something on her laptop.
When did she come in?
"Alright then.", he told Raj. "I should go to bed too. Talk to you on Monday at lunch."
He logged off and turned his desk chair around to sit next to Amy.
"Hey. I did not hear you come in.", he told her.
"That's okay.", she said, her eyes still glued to her laptop. "I did not want to distract you from your game."
Sheldon looked at her screen to see what was so interesting that she did not even look at him.
He smiled fondly, when he saw the title of the paper she was reading.
RNA Modification as a Novel Target for Neuropathic Pain.
He slid his chair closer to hers and put one hand on her shoulder before brushing her cheek with his lips.
"Reading up on Neurobiology?", he whispered into her ear. "You know, that's kind of… sexy."
"Just trying to keep up with current research.", she answered quietly, while still concentrating on her paper.
He had expected to see a smile on her face. Maybe her looking back at him, the way she always looked when he complimented her.
But he guessed, she was too caught up in her article for that. Which he understood. When he read a good physics paper, the rest of the world disappeared too.
So, he just sat there quietly next to her, watching her read.
He had meant what he said. It really was alluring, seeing her so focused on science.
Finally, she seemed to be done, as she closed down her laptop and sighed.
He moved closer to her and kissed her lip.
"Thanks for tonight.", he murmured. "It really was exactly what I needed."
"Good.", she nodded.
She did not kiss him back, which was strange enough as it was. But she also seemed so… distracted. Uninterested in his advances. Which was completely new.
Was he missing something?
"Amy, are you sure you were okay with me playing with the guys tonight?", he asked.
Amy just shrugged and he felt taken aback by the way she dismissed him.
It did not make sense. She had been so affectionate before. And she had told him to go play, so why would she be mad at him?
Sheldon started feeling frustrated.
Didn't she realize, how confusing this was to him? He racked his brain, but he had no idea what was going on.
"Everything's fine, Sheldon. Go back to Pandora. I still have some more research to catch up on."
With that she opened her laptop again, and he couldn't help but feel dismissed.
"Pandora?", he exclaimed.
"Well, or whatever stupid world this stupid game is set in.", she brushed him off, already typing something on her computer.
Sheldon felt anger rise up inside of him.
He loved this woman with all his heart, but he hated this. He could not figure out what was going on with her. Was she mad at him? Or was she just hungry? No that was probably not it. Had anything happened while he was playing? Why did this have to be so confusing? Why was she like that right now?
"Amy, please, I really don't know what's going on right now."
She rolled her eyes at him.
"Nothing's going on, Sheldon. I'm just trying to read a science paper."
"Why would you even read that?", he huffed before he could stop himself. "It's not like you could use it for your job."
He had no idea why he had said that. But at least he got her attention now.
She turned to him again, closing her laptop with a loud thud, her eyes shooting daggers at him.
"What are you saying, Sheldon? That this paper is too complicated for a stupid High School teacher?"
Was she really throwing this back into his face right now? He had called her that before he had gotten to know her and her beautiful brain.
"I am not saying that at all and you know it.", he protested. "Quite the opposite. I was just surprised that my brilliant fiancée chooses this kind of literature when she will go back to school on Monday to try and teach science to a bunch of idiots."
Amy's jaw dropped and her face turned red.
"You said you were okay with me being a science teacher.", she all but yelled.
She was right. He should stop this now. Apologize and ask her what was really going on.
But he found himself unable to.
"And you said you would talk to me if something bothered you, yet here we are.", he rebutted and got up, unable to keep his feet still any longer. This was infuriating.
"Nothing's bothering me, Sheldon.", she yelled. "Now please leave me alone and go back to your stupid game."
"World of Warcraft is not stupid. It's a well-designed massive multiplayer online game with an elaborate story that is written down in dozens of books."
"Still stupid.", she snorted.
Something snapped inside him. She had never talked to him like that.
And he, well… he really did not know how to stop himself.
"Why do I even bother arguing with a… biologist."
She got up as well and crossed her arms in front of her chest.
"Are you saying physicists are superior to biologists?"
"I am.", he challenged her. "Do you have a problem with it?"
"Do I have a…", she gasped. "Sheldon, you are spending your days standing in front of a white board, scribbling down calculations for theories that might not ever get tested. All the while, my research has helped understand so many things about the human brain. Like addiction and fear and… pleasure."
Something in his brain snapped again at her last word and he found it harder and harder to keep up with this argument.
"Child's play.", he huffed, nonetheless. "I would argue you spend your time goofing around in your lab, poking on brains, but you're not even doing that right now, do you?"
"You said, it did not matter to you.", she told him and this time he could see the hurt in her eyes. "You said you'd love me, no matter if I am a teacher or a scientist or even a singer."
"I do.", he shouted. "I love you so much, Amy."
"Then why are you such a jerk right now?"
"Because…", he exclaimed. "You infuriate me. Earlier, you acted like everything was fine, and then you ignored me. You keep telling me my hobbies are important, and I am entitled to playing with my friends and now you call it stupid. And worst of all, I know something's bothering you. I just don't know what I did to upset you. I just wish… you would talk to me for once. Your behavior is confusing, Amy, and I don't know what to do right now."
"It's confusing for me too.", she said, her voice starting to tremble. "Everything was fine a few hours ago. And then I started to read up on the studies that Dr. Gunderson sent me. And I realized… I've been out of the loop for too long. There have been so many developments in Neurobiology that I have missed. I'm trying to catch up, but it's hard. And maybe you were right in the first place… maybe… I am nothing but a stupid High School science teacher anymore."
Oh. Now he understood. Why did he have to talk to her like this?
"Amy…", he croaked and stepped towards her. "That's not true and you know it. You are the most brilliant woman I have ever met. You will catch up in no time. If that is what you want."
She chewed on her bottom lip and sighed.
"That's the thing. I cannot figure out what it is that I want. Despite the challenge of getting back into it, those studies are fascinating and…", she sobbed, and it almost broke his heart, how lost she looked. "I thought… I had it all figured out. I was happy with my life here and I barely thought about what I left behind. But now that I got a glimpse of it again… I never felt so torn in my life, Sheldon. It's been eating me up inside. And I am sorry for calling your game stupid. That's why I did not want to talk to you before. I don't want to take my frustrations out on you."
"See?", he asked softly and took her hands into his. His anger had already dissipated into thin air. "Had you just told me that, I would have been there for you.", he told her, much calmer now. "Amy, you should always tell me when you're struggling."
She huffed.
"I don't want you having to deal with my issues."
He shook his head amused.
"You dealt with my issues for the whole past year.", he told her softly. "Amy, you've been my rock through everything, and you barely even knew me. We are engaged now. You should be telling me these things. I want to be there when you're struggling."
It almost surprised him, how much he meant that.
He did want to share her struggles. Not just because of his duty as her future husband, but because seeing her in distress made his stomach cramp and his heart ache.
"What can I do?", he whispered sincerely.
She blinked rapidly, apparently trying not to cry in front of him, but she soon lost this battle, and he watched helplessly as a tear rolled down her cheek.
"Just tell me, Sheldon.", she sighed. "Tell me what to do. Tell me what the right decision is. Should I hand in my resignation? Commit myself to catching up on Neurobiology? Take the job with Dr. Gunderson? Would I… would we be happier this way? I mean… I cannot do both, that much is clear. Something's gotta go. What is it, Sheldon? What is it I should be doing with my life?"
A thrill went through Sheldon.
This was it.
The last time she had asked him that, it had all been about him. But now, she was asking for herself. She wanted to know his opinion on what would make her the happiest. And if he told her his thoughts, it would not be out of selfishness this time.
This was not about him wanting to go back. It was about her feeling torn and unsure. And maybe, with just one sentence, he could solve all their problems. Because, who was he kidding, of course she belonged in a lab at a university. Deep inside, she knew it as much as he did. All he had to do was tell her.
But just as he wanted to tell her exactly that, he felt his tongue tied and his voice unable to form the words.
She was looking at him with so much trust in her eyes. She was depending on him to help her through this. Whatever he told her right now, she would probably do it.
But what if – and of course that was highly improbable, but still – what if he was wrong? What if his vision for how their life was supposed to look like was not the right one.
In a blink of a second, the past four weeks replayed on his mind.
Amy and Missy giggling together after drinking one too many glasses of wine on girls' night. Amy in the choir's practice room, joking around with Jared and Daniel. Amy holding a sleeping Ellis at the zoo. Amy coming back from work, smiling brightly and telling him about the new accomplishments of her favorite student.
And… the way he felt seeing her like this. So happy and confident. So different than how she looked right now.
Sheldon could not take it anymore.
He pulled her into his arms.
"I cannot tell you what to do, Amy", he whispered into her ear as he stroked her back soothingly. "All I can do is tell you I believe in you. No matter what you decide for your career, you will excel in anything you do. But I cannot relieve you of this decision. Although I wish I could."
"I know.", she whispered back and snuggled into his chest. "I know you do. You are so wonderful and… I am sorry for blowing up at you like that. You did not deserve it."
He cupped her face with both hands.
"I am sorry for calling biologists stupid."
"You better be.", she muttered.
He brushed his lips against hers and this time, she did not resist.
He could feel her melt into the kiss while his head was spinning.
What just happened? How come he wasn't sure anymore either what the right decision was? For her and… a little bit for himself too. He had no idea how to process that.
She kissed him heatedly, pressing her body against his and he could barely keep up anymore.
"Please.", she said as she tugged at his shirts.
He stopped for a second. Now that was unexpected.
First he was playing video games, then she got mad at him, they had a fight, she broke down and now… she was feeling amorous?
He did not understand. What kind of social situation was this again?
She kissed him again. Hard. And he was slowly losing the ability to think clearly.
"Please, Sheldon.", she repeated. "We cannot solve this tonight, but… I just want to… chase away the mess in my brain and feel something good. Please."
Now he understood. He felt the same way. His mind was a mess too. All these thoughts that were contradicting themselves. Pasadena. Medford. His family. His friends. It was too much.
The only certainty right now was that he would always love this woman. And that they would get through all of it. Together.
It was easy to make a decision on how to proceed right in that moment.
With one swift move, he removed his shirts and put them on his desk.
Amy licked her lips as she let her eyes roam over his body, her eyes already full of desire.
"Your turn.", he said and grasped the hem of the dress she had put on for dinner.
He pulled it over her head and before he could even kiss her again, he felt her hands on his belt buckle.
She was going fast. And he had absolutely no problem with it.
Usually, he liked to take his time undressing her. Like unwrapping a present, he loved it when she revealed her body to him little by little.
But not tonight. He needed her. Right away. And most of all, he needed both of them to feel better. To chase away all the confusing thoughts in his mind.
"You are marvelous.", he whispered into her ear, before unclasping her bra.
His pants fell on the floor and he stepped out of them.
He tugged his fingers into her underwear and pulled it down while she did the same with his.
They stared at each other, as they were standing there, completely naked, the air around them feeling tense like never before.
Something in the back of his mind told him to take this to the bedroom. There was a cozy bed, waiting for them. But it was too far away.
So, instead, he put away her laptop, lifted her up and sat her down on the newly freed up space on her table.
A surprised yelp escaped her throat.
"Okay?", he clarified.
"Hoo…", she breathed out. "I mean… yes, of course."
Sheldon grinned. He knew exactly what that little sound meant, and he stepped between her legs wrapping them around his body.
She shifted, apparently trying to get to the main event already, but he had other plans. She wanted to feel something good. So that was exactly what he would make her feel. Very, very good.
He kissed her lips again. Gently.
"I love you so much.", he whispered before moving to her neck, kissing her there until she was squirming underneath him.
"Oh, Sheldon… I love you too.", she gasped.
She let her hands wander over his body. It was distracting, so he grabbed them and pinned them behind her back.
She tried to protest, but he kissed her lips, silencing her.
"Let me take care of you, Amy.", he almost begged. "Please."
He craved it. He could not help her with her doubts about her future, but at least he could do this for her.
"Oh… okay.", she whispered and used her arms to steady herself on the table as he pulled away from her for a second.
Oh, dear Lord, why had no one ever told him before how this would feel like?
The woman he loved, spread wide open in front of him? Trusting him. Craving him. Looking at him a little insecure, but with love and affection that warmed his heart.
He leaned in again to kiss her lips while he let his hands glide over her warm, soft body.
She seemed to buck up her hips against him and he grinned cheekily. Nothing could have ever prepared him for the feeling of being wanted so desperately.
He moved lower, covering her breasts with wet kisses while caressing her sides. The sounds she was making, the throaty moans and pleasured whispers were making him heady.
"Pleeeease, Sheldon.", he heard her sigh as she rubbed her core against him.
His brain almost short-circuited.
He moved his hands to her thighs, spreading her open wide for him. He wanted to bury himself in the heat she was exuding, but he also knew, the reward would be so much greater if he just held back a little bit.
So instead, he kissed a trail down from her breasts to her belly button.
Her sharp intake of breath distracted him for a second and he looked up to her, enjoying the view of her widened eyes.
"Is there a problem, Dr. Fowler?", he asked, raising his eyebrows.
"N… no…", she stammered. "P... please proceed."
He chuckled. He knew, she would say that. How he loved the effect he had on her.
He lowered himself on his knees in front of her. How could he never have realized that Amy's desk had the exact right height to be doing this to her? He would have to take advantage of this fact more often.
Carefully, he moved his right hand to her core, and he was almost shocked by how aroused she seemed to be.
"Dear Lord…", he grumbled, as he pleasured her with his thumb. Just a little bit, to prepare her for what was to come, before using his other fingers to spread her open even more.
"Brace yourself.", he mumbled, his face inching closer to her core, almost brushing it already. "We don't want you to fall off and hurt yourself."
She did not reply, instead, a strangled, high-pitched yelp escaped her throat at the first stroke of his tongue.
He dove in then. Not slowly and carefully as he usually did.
Instead, he went right for the spot that would make her crazy. He licked it in firm circles and when he heard her gasp for air, he sucked it between his lip while lapping at her vigorously.
It was almost too much. The taste of her. The heat. The way her most intimate part felt, so soft and smooth under his fingers.
She cried out almost instantly, her legs closing around his head as her pleasured sobs filled the air.
He kept up his ministrations, until she started flailing about, apparently not able to take anymore, then he let up and grinned at her smugly as she looked back at him through half-lidded eyes.
Whatever else their future held, he knew, he wanted to see and hear her like this as often as possible.
"Feeling better now?", he asked, grinning at her.
"Hmmm…", she breathed out. "That was… you were… God, Sheldon..."
Sheldon's heart swelled with pride as he looked at the brilliant woman who he had rendered almost speechless just now.
He got up and stepped between her legs again, his eyes roaming over her body.
She seemed to be glowing and her eyes were sparkling with lust and love.
"Do you think, you can continue already?", he asked, raising his eyebrows at her. "Or do you need a minute to recover."
She giggled softly and pulled his face close to hers, before kissing him sweetly.
This was all the answer he needed and this time, he did not stop her, when she touched him.
Her skilled fingers ran over his whole upper body before she pulled herself upright to be able to kiss his neck.
"Sometimes…", she whispered, her voice full of emotion. "Sometimes I have no idea, where you came from, Sheldon. How we got to this place. I have no words. I love you. So much."
His eyes filled with tears. He felt the exact same way about her.
He sighed in pleasure as she explored his body. No matter how often they did this, he would never get used to it.
And when she reached between his legs and touched his length, just softly, he could feel himself twitch in anticipation.
He needed to merge with her. Now.
He gently removed Amy's hand before he aligned himself with her body and looked into her eyes. The love he found there was only matched by the love he felt for her, and he could feel his heart and soul almost flow over with happiness.
Until he carefully pushed forward, just a little bit, and saw her eyes widen.
"Am I hurting you?", he asked concerned, moving away instantly.
"No.", she shook her head. "But… Sheldon… we forgot…"
His blood ran cold. How could he not have noticed it?
"Protection.", he exclaimed. "Darn it."
It took all he had to pull away from her completely. He hated the loss of contact with every fiber of his being, but it was necessary.
"Do not move an inch.", he told her firmly, not wanting to lose the beauty of this moment. "I'll be back in less than a minute."
With that he practically flew to the bathroom, chastising himself.
How could he be so reckless? They had an agreement on this. And he had promised her to always take care of this part of their lovemaking.
He applied the prophylactic while he was running back to Amy and to his relief, she really was still sitting on the desk, just as before.
Her eyes still full of love. No trace of disappointment or reproach for his slip up.
"Amy…", he whispered, as he resumed his position.
She held his shoulders as she kissed his lips sweetly.
"Sheldon.", she moaned back. "Please. I need you."
He did not have to be told twice.
The little incident already forgotten, he pushed into her again, amazed by the way he was surrounded by her tight heat.
She clung to him, her legs wrapped tightly around his body as he pushed into her repeatedly, picking up the pace.
Again, he was a little mad at himself for not thinking about doing it this way before. He had so much more leverage in this position and the way her whole body was wrapped around his made everything feel so incredibly intense.
"Do you feel this too?", he managed to mutter into her ear.
She seemed to have trouble responding to him, with the way she kept moaning.
"Yes…", she breathed out. "Yes, Sheldon. This is… God… insane."
She seemed to be climbing towards another release and Sheldon shifted a little to adjust his position, knowing exactly what kind of stimulation she needed to finish with him.
And then, he felt her squeeze around himself as she cried out again. He kept thrusting into her hard and his legs almost gave out, when he felt the familiar feeling of pleasure wash over him and together, they fell back on her desk, holding each other tight.
Amy grasped his head with both her hands and he kissed her sweetly again as they both tried to catch their breath.
"Wow…", he whispered then.
She beamed at him. "Wow, indeed.", she murmured before pulling his face close for another kiss.
No more words were needed. He knew they both were feeling the exact same way.
They showered separately then. Not because they wanted to, but because he knew he would not be able to resist her wet body, and it was already getting so late. They had plans with his family in the morning after all.
She was already lying in bed, when he entered their bedroom.
"Wait.", he heard her say, just as he was about to put on his nightclothes. He looked at her questioningly. "If you're okay with it, I would prefer for us to sleep naked tonight."
He raised his eyebrows. They had slept naked sometimes during the first month of their relationship, before they spent the summer in Pasadena. But never since then.
Why had they stopped doing this? If he thought about it, he had always loved waking up next to her without a barrier of clothes between them.
"Sure.", he nodded and put his clothes back into the drawer he joined her in their bed.
She snuggled up to him.
"This was a brilliant idea.", he sighed as he wrapped his arms around her naked body. There was something about feeling her skin on his, safely tucked in together under the covers. It made him feel even closer to her.
"Hmmm.", she hummed into his chest.
He replayed the events of the evening and realized, something was still bothering him.
"We had a fight tonight.", he stated.
"I know.", she nodded.
He studied her face. She did not seem bothered.
Not like he was.
"Amy… does our relationship feel different to you?", he asked carefully. "To how it was last year?"
She shrugged.
"A little, yeah. But that's okay."
"But I don't want things between us to feel different.", he protested. "I don't want to fight with you. Last year… we never fought."
"Sheldon…", she turned to him fully. "Think about all the things that happened last year. We never had a normal relationship. How could we? You came here after a heart attack. You were depressed and miserable and isolated from the world. Connie had just died. Your sister was in a horrible situation. Your mother wouldn't listen to you… and then just as we were about to get together, you were almost killed by your former bully."
"Yes.", he agreed, even though he did not enjoy thinking about these things. "And you were the only good thing in my life. Everything felt dull. Even science. But I fell for you and your kindness. You were there for me and helped me through it all. Without you… I have no idea where I would be right now. And I don't even want to imagine it. I don't want us to fight. I never want you to feel like I love you any less, Amy."
"I don't feel like you love me any less.", she reassured him and caressed his face. "But Sheldon, I am glad that I am no longer the only good thing in your life. You have your friends back. You have your excitement for science back. All the drama that made up the last year is gone now, so you don't need to lean on me as much anymore. You are happier now and able to focus on other things. This is good."
"It is?" He couldn't fully believe her, even thought she had made a few good points. "But, we had a horrible fight tonight."
"It was just a fight, Sheldon. People in relationships fight. And it was not a horrible fight either. It was a normal fight. A small one at that. We made up in like five minutes. Isn't it kind of nice to fight about mundane things like video games or our respective fields for a change? Those are the big problems in our lives right now, Sheldon. No bullies, no violence, no dark secrets, no life-threatening events. Just a little bit of uncertainty about our future. And we will figure that one out."
He had never looked at it this way.
She was right. Well, not completely.
There was a secret. Not a dark one. But one that he regretted more and more.
He was still doing the right thing, right?
He was presenting her with a choice. Without pressuring her.
But if it was right, then why was he stalling on their next trip to Pasadena?
Why did he start feeling so guilty for being the reason why she felt so torn?
"I'm glad you had a nice time with your friends tonight.", he heard her say, pulling him out of his thoughts.
He smiled. Yes, that was nice. And he had to admit, no matter how much he enjoyed his time in Medford with Amy, he did miss them.
"How about we invite them over for a weekend?", Amy suggested, as if she could read his thoughts. "They can bring the kids. We can have a barbecue here. We gals can take all the kids during the day so you guys can do your thing and at night we switch so we can have girl's night. Maybe this would cheer up Missy a little as well."
Inviting his friends to Texas? He had never thought about it.
"I would love that.", he told her. "Thank you, Amy. For always knowing what I need."
She snuggled into his arms again.
"Sheldon…", she whispered after a while. "We… almost forgot to use… protection today."
Oh no. He had hoped she would not be bringing this up again. Was she mad about it?
"I am sorry.", he whispered back. "It's just… in the heat of the moment, I did not think about it. Sometimes it's as if I am losing my mind because of you."
"It's okay.", she reassured him. "It's not just your responsibility to think about it. Just… I have a question about that."
"Go on?"
She was quiet for a while. She seemed nervous.
"I mean… would it be so bad?"
"What? Me losing my mind?", he asked back. "Amy, I don't need to tell you how rare a mind like mine is. I am not supposed to lose it."
She grinned. Sheldon guessed, that was not what she meant.
"No, I mean… would it be so bad if we forgot about protection? Have you ever considered… not using condoms anymore?"
He turned his head and looked at her imploringly.
"But… you said you did not want to go on birth control. You did not want to mess with your cycle, remember? You were afraid it could reduce our chances to have children at some point later in the future."
"I am not talking about the pill, Sheldon.", she explained. "I was… I mean…"
"Oh.", he realized. "You are talking about… not using protection at all."
She looked at him apprehensively.
"It's just… I am not getting any younger and… we do want children. I mean, I know I do. But… do you still?"
"Of course I do.", he said. Had he not been clear about that before? Hell, he wanted fifteen children with her if she was game. "But…", he continued.
"But?", she asked, sounding a little wary.
"I just…", he said and sighed. He could hardly believe the words that were coming out of his mouth. "This may sound stupid but somehow… I think I want to wait with trying until we are married."
She did not answer for a while.
"Are you okay with that?", he asked her. "I know it might sound strange. We haven't waited with anything else. Not with making love or living together… But somehow, I don't know if it is because of how I was raised, but I just feel more comfortable with having a child once we are married."
"We haven't set a date yet.", she said and again he could not really figure out why her voice sounded so strange. "And I don't mean to rush you. But you told me, you wanted to be my husband as soon as possible. And…"
"We might not have enough time not to rush these things.", he realized. "Because we both are not getting younger."
She nodded.
He sighed. It was not fair. If only he had agreed to meet her ten years ago. He wanted those years back. Every day of them.
But then again, would he have let himself fall for her this quickly? If his life hadn't fallen apart, if she had not been his only friend, if they had not been thrust together in this situation they had to work through?
If he had not secretly craved what all his friends had in their lives back then?
Deep inside, he knew the answer to that. He would have definitely made things a lot harder for both of them.
And she was right. He wanted to be her husband. Today if possible. If he was truthful to himself, he felt as if he was married to her already anyway with the way they were sharing their lives.
How could he have lost focus on that?
"Let's set a date.", he told her. "Let's start planning. Tomorrow."
"Really?", she asked and squeezed him tightly.
"Really.", he nodded. "I love you, Amy. And I cannot wait to finally be married to you."
She gifted him a smile that she reserved for moments when she was particularly happy.
Yes, this was perfect.
They would start planning right away.
And maybe, if his friends came to visit soon, they could help as well.
Especially the one friend who had a knack for all these things and owed him a favor for letting him stay in his apartment.
Raj's POV
Oh, Amy, how I doth adore
Your pretty smile leaves me wanting more
Your eyes are shining like the stars above
Raj racked his brain. Was there any fitting word that rhymed with above?
Dove, glove, shove, stove…
Love? Oh, God, no.
He sighed.
It was a good thing that Sheldon and Amy had not been here for the past weeks.
He needed to get her out of his system. And the best way to do that was to let all these unwanted feelings out right now.
He would get over her. Just like he had gotten over Penny and then Bernadette.
His phone rang and he was happy to see that Howard was calling him. That did not happen as often nowadays.
"Hey Howard."
"Hey, Raj. I was wondering what you are doing next weekend."
"No plans yet.", he answered shortly. He never had plans on the weekend. And he did not dare to hope for his friends wanting to have another gaming weekend so soon.
"Good. Cause you do have plans now. And do you think you could take a few days off after the weekend? Leonard and I will be doing that as well and the girls are already talking to their bosses too. And maybe, just this once, could someone else do your presentation at the planetarium so we can leave on Friday?"
Raj's heart jumped in his chest.
Was it possible? Did the guys actually want to spend a few whole days with him?
"That could be arranged.", he answered, nodding enthusiastically.
"Great!", Howard exclaimed. "I'll be booking our flights then."
"Flights?", he all but yelled in excitement.
What was this about? A weekend in Vegas? Or maybe some lesser-known comic con he hadn't heard about?
"Yes, flights. Sheldon and Amy have invited all of us to Texas. Sheldon wants to show us where he lives. Also, he and Amy need help getting their wedding planning started. And bring your laptop because we'll be having some time to play as well. It's going to be great."
Raj's breath hitched in his throat.
He wished, he had not agreed to this weekend before hearing what it was about.
A whole weekend at her place. Planning her wedding.
How would he ever get through that?