Notes: Hey everyone! We still have a few chapter to go, but I guess you can tell we're getting closer to the end, the thing is, I'm writing the second to last chapter and I'm so so stuck, do you have any tips for writer's block? I have a very general idea of what I wanted to happen, but suddenly I'm not happy with any idea! .;; Would doing X thing would be too much or is Five that crazy and badass; or am I just getting ambitious, and realistically, the poor guy just needs a break? Ah, the struggle!

Don't Look Back

Lila had gone over Five's words a thousand times by now and as much as she didn't want to acknowledge them and as much as she knew it was crazy to even entertain the idea of him telling the truth, he had presented a rather solid case, not to mention that, being honest, it was very unlikely that he'd be capable of formulating such a detailed lie in the state he'd been in; so as much as she still hated his guts, she really needed to know the full story now, which had brought her to this moment.

It had taken her a while to find a speech decoder and to plan the perfect time to get into her mother's office without anyone noticing, but after spending a couple of days sneaking around the Commission, she was ready to act.

She stopped around the corner and looked down the hall, there was no one, just the lonely door concealing her mother's fortress from prying eyes. She made sure no one was walking around behind her one more time and tipped nimbly until she reached the door and went inside. She took a mouthful of air in relief and headed to the desk where a little fishbowl sat housing a familiar Shubunkin goldfish.

"How's it going A.J.? Been a while," said Lila with a toothy smile as she tapped the glass.

A.J. swam around desperately trying to find a way to communicate with her.

"You don't get too many visitors, do you?" Lila spoke rummaging through a waist bag before revealing what looked like an elaborated mini speaker.

As soon as the fish saw it, he almost jumped out of the bowl with excitement.

"Careful not to jump out of the bowl, you stupid fish, I don't want to have to touch your slimy scales to rescue you, just give me a minute to set it up."

A.J. tried to calm down as Lila put the decoder in front of the bowl and pressed a button activating a mechanism that released what looked like a malleable suction cup around it that attached itself to the glass. Then she pressed a few more buttons setting the right languages.

"-nally! You've got to get me out of here!" A.J.'s cries burst out as soon as the machine was set, "Your mother will starve me to death!"

"Shhh! Someone's gonna hear you!" cautioned Lila looking at the door.

"Oh sorry, right! It's just been too long since I've been able to speak to anyone!" whispered A.J. oozing excitement.

"Yes well, you better make good use of this chance then."

A.J. nodded floating in the middle of the bowl waiting for Lila to continue.

"Why did Five kill my parents, did you send him?" asked Lila without preamble, "You better think very carefully before answering that," she added glaring at him.

A.J. froze for a minute before replying, "So you finally found out, huh?"

"Just answer my question, I don't have time for chit chat!"

"Right… no, it wasn't me, I had no idea he had killed them until he trashed the Commission. We were looking over the archive to rescue as many files as possible and I found your parents' file."

"So someone from the Commission did send the order…" Lila frowned getting closer to the fishbowl, "Who sent it if it wasn't you?"

"Well…" Carmichael hesitated.

"Come on, I don't have all day, where's the order?" Urged Lila.

"There's no point in looking for it, it had my signature forged."

"What?" Lila scowled incredulous.

"I'm sorry to say but… considering things, I'm afraid you and I know the evidence just points to one person with a motif to kill them."

"Oh yeah? That sounds pretty convenient for you, don't you think?"

"If you don't believe me, why not look directly at what happened in the Infinite Switchboard?" Proposed A.J. with a hint of desperation. "The Handler had never shown any interest in raising a kid until you, a kid with an amazing power, appeared in the picture, don't you at least find that odd?"

The fish had to be pretty confident if he was suggesting to look in the Infinite Switchboard, but it wasn't like Lila hadn't thought of that first.

"Yeah well, I can't use it right now, apparently, it's been broken for a few days now."

"Broken, really? That seems highly unlikely and awfully convenient if you ask me. In all the years I've been on the Commission, it hasn't had so much as a hiccup."

Lila's eyes opened like saucers, when her mother had sent a memo saying it was broken a couple of hours after she had talked with Five, she had accepted it like absolute truth, like everything her mother had ever told her for that matter, but as the evidence against her kept stacking up, she was beginning to fear her blind trust might have been pretty naïve. She pressed a button to detach the decoder and ran out yelling, "I owe you one!" without giving A.J. time to say anything else.

When she got to the Infinite Switchboard, she found the door guarded by three huge agents she had seen now and then, they weren't known for their skills or smarts, but they always got the job done with brute force. She took a moment to catch her breath and then approached as casually as someone that just found out her mother might have always been a lying psychopath could.

"Hey, my mother sent me to check somethin' in here."

"I'm sorry, but the Handler strictly ordered that no one should trespass this door for the time being," answered one of them as he blocked the door.

"What? She was the one who sent me, you moron. Besides, I thought it was only out of commission, why would it need to be guarded?"

The agent seemed to hesitate exchanging glances with the other two.

"You heard him, we can't let you in unless we hear a direct order from the Handler herself," answered another one of them.

Lila scoffed, that made no sense unless the Handler was really trying to hide something, she zoned out as she walked away feeling a knot forming in her stomach. She began to speed up until she started running to the torture room, this couldn't be true. She just needed to talk with her mom directly, this had to have another explanation, her brain kept desperately repeating, but when she arrived to the door and was about to knock and enter, she heard Five screaming in pain.

She stopped cold as something deep inside her ached, his voice sounded raw and nearly broken, what if he had really been telling the truth all along? What if he had been honestly trying to advise her to leave for her own good? …What if her mother killed him?

Five's ragged voice had thankfully stopped her in time to think things through before storming in, so as another shriek of pain echoed inside, she took the chance to carefully open the door and slip to the second floor. She kept crouched down and turned on the intercom to listen to the conversation.

"Come on Five, I'm not asking for something irrational here, just show me your power again," said the Handler with a terse voice.

"I I told you, even if I wanted to, I can't," wheezed Five coughing weakly before the Handler turned on the collar again making him reel in pain.

"Ohh, but we both know that's not true, if you try hard enough you can do it, don't you?"

Lila carefully raised her head to watch over the glass, Five had several electrodes placed on his head and a guy in a lab coat seemed to be checking his readings in a computer.

After the electrostatic discharge was over, Five coughed up phlegm with traces of blood to his side and took a moment to catch his breath before panting, "I'm out of fuel… and you're not helping with the stupid collar," he sounded like he was having a hard time breathing.

Lila felt a pang of concern, he seemed sick since the last time they had talked; of course it'd only get worse, he should have stayed in the hospital wing, not in a cold room, stuffed with depressants and barely surviving with an IV.

"Oh, but it's so much fun to use it," chirped the Handler taking a peek in the computer screen as the seemingly troubled doctor mumbled something about his heart actually being too strained after received the collar's full charge and with the pneumonia he had developed.

"…look at this ma'am, there's already some very interesting brain activity in his readings without even activating his powers," whispered the man a little louder pointing at the screen.

Five lifted his head trying to shake the lingering pain of the collar spotting Lila by sheer fate. For a second both were caught off guard, Lila's big eyes reflecting uncertainty and a hint of compassion and Five's feverish eyes a mixture of relief from seeing her again and apprehension.

But as soon as their eyes met, Five returned his attention to the Handler, and right before her mother could turn towards the glass, he caught her attention again, "listen, you can already stop time with the Commission's tools, what use could you have for my power?"

"Are you kidding? You know how the Commission's tool works, you're a portable time-stopper, that comes with some pretty useful perks," she sniggered.

"Well, that's a shame because I'm done helping you," wheezed Five sounding exhausted, "you broke your side of the deal by hiding the apocalypse."

"Oh no, you're not, you'll either cooperate willingly or we will just make you," assured the Handler pointing at him with a scalpel threateningly.

Lila winced at that, the Handler seemed to be serious this time, she wondered how long had they been at it.

Then the Handler sighed and turned to the man in the lab coat, "Do you think you can do it?"

"I'm not sure ma'am… as I said before, he's pretty weak right now, he might not survive the operation," whispered the man looking a little uncomfortable.

"Well, if that happens you can still look at his brain, right?" said the Handler dispassionately.

"Eh… yes, I I think we could."

Lila felt her heart start hammering in her chest, she still hadn't gotten to the bottom of this, but looking at the scene unfolding before her had left two things very clear, her mother was undeniably merciless and she wasn't ready to see Five die at her hands. She looked around trying to think of a plan, but right before she could do anything, Five took the chance to lock eyes with her again, he really looked weaker and paler than she had seen him before, his lips slightly bluish, but he didn't really look frazzled by what her mother had just said, he just seemed to be begging her to listen without moving, so she frowned reluctantly and stayed put.

Five slightly nodded at her before speaking, "So this is how you treat your former allies? I feel sorry for Lila when she finds out the truth about you."

"Oh, but she won't, I don't know what you tried to pull last time she was here, but it seems like I worried for nothing, I think she has lost all faith in you. What a shame, huh, I don't think you'll be seeing her anytime soon. Well, it's not like you have too much time left either way," she laughed at her own quip.

Lila's expression distorted in turmoil, but Five's eyes kept firm on hers, he knew this would break her, but revealing the truth was the only chance to help everyone. She was strong. She'd be able to overcome it.

"I bet my ass you even installed a tracking device on her right arm as well, didn't you?"

"Naturally, it was the most practical way to keep track of her at any time."

Lila instinctively examined her arm with horror and understanding before looking back at Five with wide lost eyes.

"Of course you did," snorted Five with disgust. "Do you ever feel any guilt at all, lying to her face since she was a kid?" he snarled looking back at the Handler with actual contempt.

"Oh please, guilt is for the weak and the losing side like you, Five. So I got rid of her birthparents, who cares? I gave her a decent and thrilling life and got what I wanted in return," replied the Handler coolly walking to him. "And you know, technically I didn't lie, it was you who pulled the trigger, not me," she smirked poking at his nose.

Lila was aghast, her eyes filling with tears, but before she could move an inch, Five hurried to deliver his next words, "Yes… I am beyond salvation…," he covertly stole a glance at Lila, please don't do anything stupid, he willed his eyes to convey as much, "but if guilt and regret are the only things I have left of my humanity, so be it, I prefer to embrace them and accept this as my end than becoming something like you." Then he chose his next words carefully, "I only wish I had been able to help my kin," he remarked hoping Lila would understand she was included in that statement, "but at this rate, there's no longer anything I can do to help anyone. Who knows, maybe that's how it was meant to be from the start; they are deplorable, but I know they'll be capable of figuring this one out," he smiled softly.

Five knew Lila was almost as pragmatic as he was, and this was the most reasonable course of action, it was too late for him, but if she acted fast and helped his siblings, the Handler would never see it coming.

"Oh isn't that… revolting? But I'm afraid you are too naïve Five, my only regret is you won't be there to see how the Swedes get rid of your dear little sister," sang the Handler to Five's horror.

Five felt his fingers go numb and his breath halt in his throat, "What?"

"She's the trigger for the apocalypse, again, so I'll just get rid of her, if you're lucky I might even spare the other idiots. Well, the lousy imitation of Batman has to go too, Lila clearly needs to stay away from your kin," corrected the Handler with contempt.

"Wh-when do you plan to do this?" urged Five.

"Oh who knows… soon, maybe they are doing it as we speak," smirked the Handler.

Five paled as his breathing became quick and ragged, arms and legs trembling in distress as a dense cloud engulfed his mind in the absolute sense of powerlessness.

"You've become so pathetic Five, you have everything, incredible powers, a brilliant mind, skill, but your pragmatism is flawed, at the bottom of it all, you're too emotional."

Despite it all, Five couldn't help to snort at the irony of that, "Tell that to my siblings, they'd never use my name and emotional in the same sentence."

"Well, then they have clearly never seen how broken you are inside," she smiled walking away.

The Boy looked up praying Lila had heard the Handler heading upstairs, but she was nowhere to be found. Had she stayed enough to listen to the Handler's plans? He'd never know, but he hoped for her and his family's sake, that she'd be able to reach them in time.

He closed his eyes exhausted; the Handler was right; his family had no idea how shattered he was inside. They'd have never understood…

"Or perhaps you never allowed them to try," came Dolores' voice, gentler than it had sounded in ages, somehow feeling real, caring, a tiny warm light struggling to survive in the turmoil inside his head, which was in fact a strange notion to have. Had the other times been false then? Had she actually returned to him now somehow sensing the end was near? Alas, he was too tired to analyze Dolores' presence or to sort his feelings out anymore, he could feel his time running out, now it all depended on Lila.

Perhaps, he thought with grief. Would he had allowed them in if he had had more time? Had there been something still worth saving in there? He couldn't help to doubt it.

Notes: As always, thank you so much for reading and I'd really appreciate if you want to leave a comment, it always makes me happy to hear from Five and Umbrella Academy fans :)