Rick wanted to ignore the call because his conscience was killing him. It felt like he had betrayed his morals by allowing his mind to wonder. He felt out of control with her. In two days he had completely abandoned his inner voice that kept him in check. That voice had saved him many times from bad situations, but this time he felt like he didn't want to listen.
"I gotta take this." He told her as they stepped back inside, hoping they could part ways very casually and that would be it.
"Sure," She nodded as she turned towards the narrow stairs they had climbed earlier, "Have fun for the rest of your trip."
She probably sensed that he was distancing himself from all of this. Whatever it was. He didn't even know how to answer because saying goodbye felt unnatural. Maybe in a way he knew they would still run into each other. Or maybe he actually hoped she wouldn't just disappear from his life.
He shook the thoughts away and nodded at her. She waved, and just like that she was gone.
Rick finally answered his phone as he kept looking towards the stairway she disappeared into, "Hey."
"Hey," Loris voice was quieter than usual, "How's everything?"
He wanted to tell exactly what went through his head, but knew that this was something he couldn't talk about without causing a huge problem in their marriage. Michonne was basically nothing to him, but at the same time he felt himself lose touch with everything he knew when she was around. So all of a sudden she was more than nothing.
"Fine," He put it simply and ran a hand through his hair, "I'm sorry I forgot to call earlier."
She chuckled on the other end, "Seems like you are having fun."
He knew exactly what she was referring to. The photo.
"Yeah that was... " Rick ran out of words again because he didn't even know what that was, he didn't know anything at this point, "Just a joke. I'm not wasted out of my mind as you can tell." he finished.
"I actually thought it was funny, " He could tell she was smiling as she spoke, "But the girls made a good point that maybe you should turn your account private since everybody can see it, including our son who just gave me a hard time about it."
"What?" He asked hesitantly, shocked because the last time he checked his account was only for his friends to see.
"Yeah, you probably did something accidentally when you posted." She suggested.
He wasn't really listening and muttered to himself, "She did not."
"Huh?"
"I need to get going. The guys are waiting for me," Rick mumbled quickly, "I'll call you tomorrow morning."
Lori sighed, "If you remember."
"I will. I promise," He immediately answered, "I'm just waiting for you guys to get here."
"Enjoy your time, okay? We'll be there in a couple of days." She yawned tiredly, "I need to get some sleep. Just don't post anything else tonight, Carl is flipping out and I can't deal with his whining right now."
He chuckled back, "Yeah I'll fix that. I promise."
"Oh, and tell Negan to stop spending his money at the Casino," Lori added for her friend, "Lucille is not happy. Apparently he lied earlier about that."
"Of course he did." Rick was not surprised, "I'll make sure he doesn't spend another dime."
"Love you, Goodnight."
"You too, tell the kids I'm sorry and I'll make it right."
"Judith thought you looked cool, so don't worry about it," Lori laughed softly, "Try to get some rest."
"Yeah, you too. Night." He finished his phone call, and leaned against the wall. The first thing he did was change his account back to private and wondered why she was playing with him like this. This was like a bad cat and mouse game.
And he was losing.
Lori stared at her phone and smiled. Getting to this point in her life had been a long road. The conversation they had solified her feelings. She had done the right thing. They would make it.
Her childhood hadn't been the easiest, meeting Rick was like the worlds greatest gift. He made her feel loved in ways that nobody else could have. He was kind in ways she had not experienced before. He was devoted to his family. Even when he shouldn't have been. She knew what happened with Shane had broken something inside of him. It also broke something inside of her. She had hoped that he would walk away, but he didn't. It would have been easier
She had to face the facts that she had fallen for him. It went deep. It wasn't physical, it didn't even go further than a kiss, but it was worse and more difficult to live with. She denied it when Rick asked if she had fallen in love. She told him it was a crush or something stronger, but not love.
In a way it wasn't just love. So maybe it wasn't a direct lie. Shane was her best friend. They talked every single day, he would make sure Rick remembered their anniversary, he was the one who took Carl to the ER when he had the chickenpox. He was the one who answered his phone when her husband wouldn't. He was always there and she knew deep down it was more than friendship and it was mutual, but they lived with it. They loved from afar.
It was like she had to mourn him when he left. She was angry at her own husband for causing him to leave and hurting him badly. Then again, she knew it was her own fault. So there was nobody else to blame, but herself. That feeling of self hatred was very familiar to her and it seemed to follow her daily.
Now years later she had found a good middle ground. She was happy with the life they had. She loved her job. She loved her children. The stability of it all, everything she didn't have as a child herself.
Shane had a life changing impact on her in a way that she wasn't ready to deal with. Maybe when she was old and grey she would wonder about the what ifs. Right now her heart had healed, she was at peace with this life and Rick. She would not give up and she would try her best to make this the best it could be.
"Are the kids asleep?" Lucille walked into their small, but cozy kitchen interrupting her thoughts.
"They should be, but I'm pretty sure they are both still stuck on their phones, " She leaned against the kitchen counter and smiled to her, "I talked to Rick."
Lucille raised her brows in surprise, the feeling written all over her face, "Well that's good because Negan being the asshole he is lost track of him and I was worried."
Earlier when she had walked into the conversation that Lucille and Maggie were having she had been told about his gambling and all of the stress that man put her through. Lori realized at that moment, she was very lucky. Rick would never betray her trust in such way.
"He didn't sound that drunk," Lori explained as she put away the last dishes the kids had thrown into the sink, "He sounded happy and he said he was eager for us to get there."
"That's good," Lucille was happy for them, but she still seemed like there was something bothering her, "See I told you. You were overthinking it earlier."
Lori stopped what she was doing and turned around to look at her friend, eyes more serious and posture rigid, "Do you think I should tell him about Shane?"
Her friend immidately shook her head, "No, Lori, we talked about this. You know it's not something you can just tell after everything."
"But I feel like he deserves to go into this without secrets." She sniffled as the emotions took over her, "I've been lying for a long time and I can't just keep lying."
Lucille took her hands and squeezed them, comforting her the best way she could, "It's not a big deal. You haven't seen him, you haven't felt anything for him in a long time, right?"
She wiped a tear from her eye that was threatening to drop, "Right."
"You send each other texts how are you once or twice a month, it's not that serious. It would do so much damage. You know that. Rick won't forgive you."
"I could show him the messages," Lori explained her thought process, "I only reached out because Rick was shot and I thought he was dying. He wants to know how the kids are and how he is. This is not only about me."
Lucille took a deep breath, "I know what it feels like. If Negan told me he was still in contact with that one cunt I would never forgive him."
Lori knew Lucille was right, but it still felt wrong.
"Listen. If Rick finds out you two have been talking for years without him knowing he won't forgive you. He will hold it against you for the rest of your life and the kids will be in the middle of all that pain." She looked at her friend with determination, "Stop talking to Shane. You should have stopped the last time we talked about this."
Lori was drained. The hurt, and the heartache consumed her again as she hugged herself, "If only it was that easy."
Lucille pulled her into a hug, "I promise you it will be alright."
She nodded and hugged her back. They weren't aware that behind the kitchen wall Carl had frozen in his place. He was shocked and confused over what he overheard.
Michonne made her way into one of the restaraunts inside the hotel. She had gotten a text from Sasha that she was there. The last few hours were chaotic. The stupid cowboy invaded her mind. This man had a very strong presence and something about the way he held his own in her company intrigued her to the point that it frustrated her.
Now she had a problem with the way he shut her out after having very deep and personal talks together. It shouldn't even be an issue, but she felt like she had been fooled. She cringed at herself and her thoughts because he owed her nothing.
Sasha waved at her from her table and she finally got to exhale a sigh of relief as she sat down.
"Girl, where the heck were you?" She dipped her fried prawn in hot sauce and looked at her curiously, "We were supposed to stick together tonight."
"I know," Michonne reached for her plate and took one of her prawns, "I got held up."
"You know this whole situation is messy right? The picture? His friends are freaking out," Sasha wanted to understand her reasoning for hanging out with this man, but her friend seemed off, "Michonne. He is married. Take your hand out of the cookie jar when you still can."
Michonne swallowed her food and shook her head, unbending, "No. It is not like that."
"Then what is it? Why do you need to run off with him like that?" Her friend countered.
"I didn't run off with him," She stood her ground, "I had a conversation with him because he needed to talk and he returned the favor by listening. So that's all it was. We talked."
"Michonne," Sasha gave her a doubting look, "look, just don't give him the wrong impression. His friends seemed to be very concerned about this and that tells me they know he is after something more than talking."
"Oh please, he is not like that. He doesn't have that in him." She argued.
"I'm just saying, this could be another married white dude who is a sleazeball underneath all of that innocent chatter. He could want some exotic ass that he can't get at home. Men can be dogs, you know this."
Michonne turned silent, and wondered had she been wrong. She didn't want to think that was even an option. He seemed genuine and the only reason she wasted her time with him was simply that he was a challenge of sorts and she enjoyed a good challenge.
"I know Sasha," She answered calmly and looked at her friend, "But I also know a sleazeball when I meet one. Trust me. It was innocent. His wife called him and he made it very clear that I was not wanted company any longer."
Sasha drank her drink and stared back, "Oh shit, this is even worse," She leaned closer to her and whispered, "You like him."
"What?" Michonne burst out laughing.
"No, you dig this dude." Her friend insisted.
"Stop it," She warned her, her voice turning more serious, "That's insulting."
She leaned in her chair and looked at Michonne, studying her face and knowing very well that she was not completely honest, "Fine, but you need to really stop this before it gets out of hand."
"Whatever you think it is, it's already finished." Michonne was mostly trying to convince herself.
Rick wasn't sure where to go, he didn't want to aimlessly walk around so he decided to go their room and call it a night. He needed to sleep this off and figure out why his thoughts were a jumbled mess.
He walked quickly to the suite and went inside, sighing in relief as the door closed behind him.
"Look what the cat dragged in." Negan sat on the sofa with an open whiskey bottle and two glasses in front of him, one empty.
"Where is Glenn and Daryl?" He asked as he approached him. Suddenly feeling a little nauseous from the drinking. Rick sat on the lounge chair across from him.
"They stayed at the Casino." Negan told him while pouring whiskey into the empty glass.
"I think I'm gonna go to sleep." Rick looked at him, hoping he didn't need to talk to anybody else tonight. He was done with the talks and conversations for now. He just needed to clear his head and figure out what the hell was going on.
Negan moved the glass towards him, motioning him to pick it up, "You and I need to talk before you do that."
Rick grimaced. He pushed the drink away and got up. Of course he knew what was coming, "Listen, I don't need a lecture-"
"When I cheated on Lucille years ago, you know I didn't really plan on it," He interrupted him as he traced the rim of his glass with his index finger, "It happened because I was naive to think that I could stop it from going there."
"Negan," Rick grunted frustrated, hating the turn this conversation was taking, "I'm not cheating or planning to cheat. Don't you dare compare this to your situation."
"Then why the fuck are you following her like a lost puppy dog for the second night in a row?" He cut to the chase, "Let's stop the bullshit and be men. You tell me what the hell is going on!"
"Nothing!" Rick finally exploded, "I'm tired of this! Everybody's assuming the worst without even talking to us! this is insane!"
"No, what is insane is that you can't admit to yourself that you are into her and torture yourself by hanging around her!"
"You told me to loosen up. I had a little bit of fun with a new person, who just happens to be a woman, now it's an issue?" Rick spat loudly, "She is not interested and neither am I. So you and Daryl need to stop being old gossiping ladies and move on!"
"Fine!" the grey bearded friend downed his drink and got up, "You keep lying to yourself and blurring the lines, but don't come to us when you're knee deep in shit!"
"Oh fuck you!" He stared back at him, the anger crashing out of him like waves, "It's good to know what my friends really think about me."
Negan flipped him off and walked into one of the bedrooms, slamming the door behind him.
Rick stood there cursing under his breath. The last thing he wanted was to have issues with his friends. He took the glass of whiskey Negan had poured and drank it quickly. He turned around and headed towards the bedroom he had been sleeping in the night before.
He took his boots and clothes off so he could climb under the covers in his boxers. He felt drunk.
"Shit." He muttered to himself as he leaned against the bed frame. This had been one exhausting day, one insane day. He shut his eyes in disbelief. Why on earth did he want to talk to her of all people. Her name kept going circles in his mind.
It must have been the alcohol.
But he knew that he was lying to himself. It started soon as he saw her. He was fascinated by her and curious about the way her mind worked. Rick reached for his jeans that were on the floor and searched for his phone.
There was a quiet voice inside his head telling him to just forget about it and go to sleep, but he couldn't. So against his better judgment, once again he betrayed himself. This time he typed her name in the search bar and immidately it brought up a lot of articles. He didn't realize she was this known and successful, but it made sense. She was so quick and smart. He dove deep and tried to follow the crumbs and get a better understanding.
He felt desperate because he needed to understand what was it about her. Why was he so attached to this stranger. They had a undeniable connection which he hadn't experienced before.
He ended up opening her social media. She had everything private, of course and he definitely didn't want to add her. As he kept googling her and looking at the photos he could get his hands on- it finally dawned on him.
He was aroused. It him like ton of bricks. This whole time while he was trying overanalyze this situation, his own body made it very clear what he thought about her. Like a scared little kid he threw his phone away on the floor.
He had to admit that to himself.
She was hot, but that was clear to him even back at the strip club. Her quick wit and confidence just elevated her attractiveness. She was sharp and unapologetic. There was something about the way she interacted with him that got his head spinning.
It was not like during his marriage he didn't look at other women or fantasize about other women, that was given, everybody did it no matter how good your relationship was. This was different. This went further. She was like a drug, he knew he shouldn't do it, but he couldn't stop. Michonne was intoxicating in the worst kind of way. It seemed asinine that couple days ago he didn't even know her, and now all of a sudden she was the only thing that he felt like he needed. He wanted to talk to her, not his friends or his wife. Just her, and that scared him. Was he going to think about her and wonder about her for the rest of his life? Was this one of those chance encounters that would make him question everything about his life and in the end drive him crazy.
Rick tilted his head back and groaned at the revelation. He owed his friends a huge apology and he needed to figure out how to handle this without losing his damn mind. He was not going to give into this crush and hurt his family.
.