Dread.
That's the only word that comes to mind as she processed what had happened.
"You can't be here. Fuck, you can't be here."
The burning sensation from the whiskey still evaded her mouth. She didn't even notice how her skirt was all lopsided as she pushed herself off the workbench. She picked up her heels and put them back on. Michonne could still feel her heart hammering in her chest as the adrenaline was wearing off.
It seemed to be quiet outside the dim lit garage. Her whole body shivered at the thought of facing people. She hoped the silence indicated that everyone had gone to sleep. She picked up the tools they had knocked over earlier and made sure nothing looked touched.
This was starting to become something that was life changing and had huge impact on her. It scared her. It terrified her. She took a deep breath as she closed her eyes. Bracing herself and gathering the courage to walk out.
Michonne exhaled and finally went outside. She was afraid of running into him or his wife.
"Where'd you go?" Sasha asked soon as she returned the table.
She bit her lip unconsciously.
"Michonne," Sasha said her name like she meant business and whispered, "You did not."
She drank the rest of her wine in one swing, "I can't talk about it right now."
Her dear friend nodded, she was worried about her state of mind.
Michonne breathed in the crisp night and allowed her mind to wander enough so that she could process what had happened.
It went on for hours.The looks from him never stopped that evening. It got worse when the kids went to sleep and the adults continued their night. Carol, Ezekiel, Maggie and Glenn had already left, but the rest of them didn't want the night to end too early.
"How on earth are you single again?" Negan had started the conversation. He sat across from her and shared a cigarette with his wife who was starting to pass out because she had drank more than all the adults combined. Bless her heart.
She smiled at his question, "You tell me."
Sasha playfully nudged her and laughed, "She is so picky. It's ridiculous."
"Oh I see," Negan smoked as Lucille leaned against his shoulder, "You're one of those."
She was about to toss her heel at him when Rick joined the conversation out of nowhere, he sat on the other end of the table, "It's good to have standards, I get it."
"Lori went inside?" His friend asked him and pointed at his wife, "She could have taken this one with her."
"She is coming back. She needs a minute." He mumbled and poured himself something a little stronger.
There was an awkward silence before she broke it with a scoff, "Won't you look at that, another renewal gone wrong."
"Michonne." Sasha tried her best to reel her in.
Negan burst out laughing, "She did not just say that."
Rick drank his whiskey and stared her down, "I'd be offended if it came from someone who had actually been married."
Negan laughed louder, stirring the pot as usual, "Ding, ding, ding. Round two!"
"Jesus Christ." Sasha hid behind her hands, she knew what was coming.
Michonne smirked back at him, "You're right cowboy. All I got is a deadbeat baby daddy and one hell of a vibrator, who am I to judge?"
"She just called you a cowboy." Negan was red as a tomato from all the laughing and pointed at Michonne , "I like you. You're better at busting his balls than I am and that my friend is a rare talent."
Rick pulled his sunglasses on his face and leaned back in the chair, unbothered and used to the cat and mouse game they played.
"What did I miss?" Daryl joined the table.
"Michonne is single because she has high standards and owns one hell of a vibrator." Rick announced before anyone else had the chance, just loving the situation.
"Huh?" Daryl grunted, confused as to what, the hell was going on.
"Don't even bother, it's bananas over here with these two." Negan smoked his second cigarette in a row.
She flipped Rick off and he returned the favor with a wink.
Daryl and Sasha looked at each other knowingly.
"You know I don't know what's going on and maybe you don't want to tell me, but whatever it is," Sashas voice caught her attention, "I know you are the best person and you didn't choose to be mixed up in all of this. Just don't forget that. I'm here for you."
Michonne looked up at the dark sky and tried her best to keep herself from falling to pieces. She couldn't form a coherent sentence that would even express what she felt right now, "I just need to sleep this off."
"Daryl and Connie arranged a room for us next to the kids," Sasha got up and offered her hand to her, "Let's go."
She took her friends hand with a sad smile and followed her. For the first time in a long time she wasn't sure of herself. She was lost.
Ricks feet hurt as he walked along the sidewalk. He really didn't think it through when he walked off with Daryls Crocs that were literally falling to pieces. He just grabbed them in the midst off it all. He was embarrassed for himself.
He stopped and stared at the stupid shoes. He didn't really think about where he was going. He was just wandering around. He didn't know why he couldn't just face the facts.
Drinks were still flowing. All of them were still gathered around the table and chatting away. Nobody was particularly drunk except Lucille who was put to bed. They were just enjoying their time together and talking about life in general.
Michonne was avoiding him now. Lori had joined them again, and obviously she sat next to him. Naturally she kept her eyes away. He couldn't do that. He was so much weaker.
"Michonne," Lori surprised them as she started a conversation with her, "I'm sorry for what happened with your son and his dad. Rick explained to me, about the badge."
"Oh he did?" She was not happy about the topic being discussed.
"I explained further since Judith had told her version of things." Rick clarified quickly.
Michonne didn't say anything, but her expression told a different story.
"I can't even imagine," Lori leaned against Rick and took his hand, "Even though sometimes we don't see eye to eye he is the best dad. I just, I know I should be more grateful."
Rick gulped awkwardly, he didn't know if this was sincere on his wifes part or was this her odd way of marking her territory. It felt out of character for her. Just earlier she was snapping at him for no reason at all. Things felt bad between them. She refused to tell him what was wrong and he was too tired of trying.
"Thankfully we do just fine without his dad." Michonne sipped on her red wine and shot daggers at them both, "It's better this way than to go through life pretending."
Rick knew it was a message to him. A very direct one.
He could see Loris lips tighten nervously as she forced a smile, "Of course. You're absolutely right." Her hand squeezed his hand even harder and she flipped her long gorgeous brunette hair, "We've been through hell and back, but I think both of us would agree that after a lifetime together nothing could tear us apart, right honey?"
Rick nodded and looked elsewhere, "Right."
She was unfazed and raised her glass at them, "Cheers to that."
Her lack of reaction bothered him. Deeply.
Rick kept looking at the shoes on his feet and wondered how his life got to this point. He was walking around looking like a pathetic garden gnome and feeling sorry for himself over a situation he orchestrated. He wanted her the moment he laid his eyes on her. This whole day he couldn't contain himself around her and it got worse. After this evening he was starting to really feel unhinged. God, he knew what he was obligated to do, but it didn't mean it would be easy. It was really time to talk to Lori.
Michonne tried her best to find a position that felt comfortable. Sasha was snoring beside her. Daryls guestroom wasn't bad, but the anxiousness from earlier combined with the amount of wine she drank was the worst possible combination.
The day had started and ended on a very different note. She should have stayed in Atlanta. Rick Grimes had turned her world upside down. Her morals had gone out of the window soon as he looked at her with those stupid piercing blue eyes. She just wanted to shut off her brain and stop thinking about him.
It was getting darker. The conversations were more slurred and filled with laughter. She and Sasha giggled like little girls whenever they saw Connie and Daryl kissing passionately. It had indeed been a lot of affection, so they quietly exited into the home.
She could feel the competitive side of her raise its head as she watched Rick with his wife. She felt needy over a married man which was appalling to admit.
He didn't really help. Lori would practically sit on his lap and he would still stare at her in a way that made her feel things that she hadn't felt in a long time. He would pass her the wine bottle and lightly graze her fingers or lift his leg under the table and purposely touch hers. They were on dangerous waters. This was much deeper now than ever before.
Maybe a part of her got off on the fact that he couldn't control himself. Thankfully Lori had downed a bottle of wine in record time so she didn't really pay attention on the pent up sexual tension. It was thrilling and wrong at the same time. She didn't enjoy being this person, but she also was mesmerized by him.
"We need that moonshine Daryl cooked up last winter!" Negan announced as he kept explaining to Sasha it was a experience they needed to have on their visit, "Where'd he hide it?"
"I know where it is, but it's horrible shit, y'all don't want to taste it," Rick laughed, "For legal reasons I'm gonna deny even knowing there is moonshine on this property."
"Come on, Sheriff don't play around," Negan ordered around like he always did, "besides we now have lawyer friends."
"and we will gladly help for the right amount." Michonne said to him with a grin.
"Yeah, we ain't got that kind of money." Negan laughed and looked at Rick, "Cowboy, go get the juice."
He rolled his eyes and got up, leaving his wife in the table who was now deep in conversation with Sasha. He kicked himself mentally, Negan always talked him into doing stupid shit.
This was the moment Michonne knew she should have taken a different path, but deep inside it felt like the only option at the time. She excused herself. Nobody really paying attention to her. Each step she took she was more confident and conflicted.
Rick was kneeling down in the garage, rummaging through Daryls things as he looked for that specific bottle. He didn't hear her walk in at first, but the moment her heels hit the pavement the second time, he quickly turned his head around and got up from the floor.
"You can't be here. Fuck, you can't be here."
It felt like a warning.
She didn't say anything. She just stared.
"Michonne..." Her name escaped his lips. It was like a plea. He knew exactly what this was and the consequences for it.
She was so done with this fire inside her gut that had turned so big that it got in the way of her actual life. She was so over this and needed to move on from him. Carelessly, slowly, she walked up the workbench that was against the garage wall and hopped on. She took off her heels one by one, never breaking eye contact and then she just sat there waiting.
It was like she was serving herself up on a platter. He didn't even blink. It was probably the most sensual thing he had seen during his lifetime. This woman was going to be the death of him. He could have just turned his back on her and walked out. He really could have, in the end he didn't want to.
He was done with only looking. He quickly crossed the room and stopped right in front of her. Michonne felt like she was about to come unglued. Her whole body was covered in goosebumps. When he woke up this morning he never imagined ending up here. Not even in his wildest dreams. He always thought she was so out of his league. It wasn't just her looks, but her brilliant mind.
His bright eyes were dark with desire and desperation. Rick reached out to her and pushed her hair from falling on her beautiful face. He moved slowly, like he was savoring the moment.
He could tell her breathing was getting harder. She might have been the most assertive person he knew, but in his hands she turned into putty and it was a major turn on.
"Not like this." He now stood between her legs, his heart could have exploded out of his chest, "You deserve more than this."
She didn't say anything, she just grabbed his face with fierce determination and pressed her lips on his. Daryls tools were falling on the ground as he lost control. He kissed her back, the passion just erupting right there and then. Tongues battled and teeth were clacking as he grabbed her thigh in a way that would leave bruises. She moaned, trying her best to keep herself quiet. He didn't need to touch her to know how ready she was for him. He groaned at the thought and pushed his hand further into her dress. His fingers danced on her skin teasingly.
Rick knew this was something he couldn't take back. His demeanor turned more and more aggressive as he grabbed on to her like his life depended on it. Michonne bit his lip, reminding him who was in charge. He was so close touching the edge of her underwear that it made him ache. She blindly reached for his belt and it suddenly brought him back to earth. He panted heavily as he pulled back, "I can't do this to you.. I need to make it right before... We can't, I'm sorry."
She was catching her breath as she sat there confused. Her needs clouding her mind.
He backed away from her reluctantly. It wasn't like he did not want to, jesus, of course he wanted, his whole body was obviously painfully rigid from wanting, but she didn't deserve to be quickie in a garage.
"Fuck you." She finally said, frustrated out of her mind.
Her anger at him was not surprising, since he was the one leading her on all day long.
"Michonne." Rick reached out to her, but she pushed his hand away.
"Just go."
He looked at her disheveled appearance and hated how unwanted she must have felt.
"Go!" She felt rejected and tossed the first thing her hand landed on, this time it was a ruler and he barely missed.
He didn't want her to be more upset, so he walked out of the garage. Giving her the space she wanted.
She could only hear Negan shouting, "Where the fuck is he going?"
Michonne tossed and turned again. She decided to give up. What had happened was too much. She quietly climbed out of bed and thanked heavens that Sasha was smart enough to get her bag from the car into the house. She tossed her dress aside, pulled a hoodie and a pair of leggings on. The wooden floors creaked, but Sasha didn't hear her leave their room. She closed the door quietly and walked a few steps forward. She peeked inside the room where Andre and Judith were sound asleep. She couldn't help, but to smile. He was safe and sound, nothing else really mattered at the end of the day.
She looked around curiously, the whole house was quiet and dark. Michonne walked downstairs and realized the porch light was on.
Of course. He was there. She sighed and walked into the kitchen to get a glass of water. She braced herself. It would probably be the most awkward conversation she would ever have.
She closed her eyes, hoping it was someone else, but deep inside she knew it was him.
Rick was sitting on the porch swing, looking somewhere into the distance. She felt the lump in her throat when she walked outside into the night air.
He was surprised to see her, "I'm-"
Michonne held up her hand, "I should be the one saying sorry this time."
"You don't need to." He didn't want her to feel bad.
She took in a shaky breath, "I don't know what to say."
He had never really seen her this raw with emotion.
She tried her very best to keep her voice void of emotion, "We shouldn't see each other anymore."
Rick shook his head, "You know it doesn't work like that."
Michonne drank the rest of her water, she placed the glass aside and sat down on the porch railing, staring him in the eye, "We can make sure we don't run into each other. It's pretty simple actually. We just don't attend the same things."
"I don't need to see you to think about you," He said bravely, he didn't want to dance around the subject anymore, "You know this week was complete shit when you stopped talking to me."
"Rick..." She wasn't ready to hear it.
"No, Michonne," He was adamant, "I care about you and that's why I stopped it because you're more to me than a two minute fix in the garage."
She sighed and refused to believe him, "Why do you have to make this so complicated? We could have just fucked like normal people and moved on."
He snapped, "I'm done lying. You think this magically disappears if we fuck? It's not even about that."
"Don't even go there" Michonne pleaded as the words just rushed out of her, "My entire life I've been fighting.I fought to fit into school, I fought to get into the best college without a trustfund behind my ass, I fought through law school while pregnant, I took care of my son, my house, my job, my mom and I still lost her. Now I have to be mom and dad because my sons dad is despicable piece of shit. You think I want to start with you and fight your wife for the rest of my life, and probably everyone you know? I'm done with the battles."
His heart plummeted, he was having a hard time accepting what she was saying.
"I need you to listen," Every spoken word between them weighed heavy on her mind, "I don't know what you want from me, but whatever it is I know I can't give it to you."
The war inside her mind was starting to really overpower her and she clearly ended up making poor decisions. This whole night was one of them.
"Where do we go from here?" Rick got up from the swing and carefully approached her, "We both know it's impossible to avoid each other. It just makes this more..." He stared straight at her, "difficult."
She hesitated to look at him so he took control, pushing her chin up forcing her to face him, she took his hand and pushed it away, "This is kind of the issue. You don't respect the boundaries."
"And you do?" He joked, referring to what happened earlier.
"Fine," Michonne accepted her part in the problem and hopped off the railing, "We have to stop this. For Connie and Daryl. We try our best."
He didn't know what to say so he just laughed.
"What?" She questioned.
"It's just," He was still laughing, it had been a long day, "our best hasn't exactly worked out the last few times."
"Rick," She warned, turning her back on him, "It's not funny."
"I'm sorry," he turned her back around to face him, "I know it's not funny. I know, It's just kind of insane to go back to pretending, we both know what happened."
Rick was clearly too comfortable around her at this point, he stood so close to her that the lower half of their bodies almost touched. That invisible barrier completely gone now, which made everything a bit more complicated.
"I'm aware of what happened," She lowered her voice and looked at the door, realizing that this was the worst place to have an intimate conversation like this, "It's just easier to go forward instead of looking back. You are married and I was wrong."
"I'm the one who should have walked out," he narrowed his eyes at her, intensity taking over, "But I couldn't."
She stumbled back a little, her back was firmly against the railing, "You need to talk to Lori. You owe it to her."
He was surprised she suggested it, earlier she didn't want him to tell her anything, "I will."
Their eyes locked, "I'm not saying you should tell her all of it, but you really need to stop and think about your relationship. You can't tell her one thing and then do something completely different."
She was right as usual. Rick took a step back, giving her more space, "I'm sorry for putting you in the middle of this."
"I'm a big girl. It's not like I was forced. I'm just as guilty and I did the same thing," Michonne crossed her arms, hugging herself, "Rick, I don't know what we are doing, but I think we both are smart enough to understand that it's not healthy. We are hurting people. I don't like that."
They stood in silence, a peaceful moment before going their separate ways.
"I don't like it either, but I don't regret meeting you." He admitted suddenly.
"You should." She was blunt as always.
He knew it was just her desperate attempt to disentangle from him.
His fingers itched to touch her skin, now the desire being even stronger because of what happened earlier, "I don't want you to just disappear when you go back to Atlanta."
Michonne groaned in frustration, "How do you think this is going to work Rick? Huh? You play house over here and then keep me on speed dial whenever there is something you need to talk about and Lori is not enough?"
"I'm not asking you to be on speed dial. I'm not saying we go back to what we were doing, but I'm hoping you don't just leave me out of your life."
"You want me to be the other woman?" She had to laugh at the thought, "You do realize what you're saying right now?"
"Of course not," Rick was stunned and explained, "I'm gonna be honest with Lori about everything. I need to make things right and it will take some time, but I hope you don't shut me out completely."
Michonne rubbed her temples, this man was really stressing her out, "Then what? We have our happily ever after?"
He chuckled, "I'm pretty sure there is a whole lot of things in between talking and happily ever after."
"I already told you. I'm not what you need," She stood there defiantly, "I don't want this. I don't want you."
"You can't be serious?" Rick scoffed. She was so stubborn, "Why can't you just admit it?"
"There is nothing to admit!" Michonne shouted at him, "Rick. Leave me alone. I'm done with this. I'm done with you and your stupid marriage and stupid vows. I'm done."
It stung.
Rick didn't understand how she did it, but she affected him in a way that made him question his own sanity. He took heated steps forward, pushing her against the railing, and trapping her. She looked at him with just as much determination while she was trapped between the railing and his body.
"You're done?" His eyes narrowed at her in his usual manner.
She searched herself for strength. She refused to give in.
He kept staring at her as he basically towered over her.
Michonne wanted to tell him to fuck off, but it was not happening. She could feel the same excitement curse through her veins and she felt alive. She hated how she lost herself in all of the feelings that overcame her. She knew how bad it was morally, they were literally the worst people on the planet right now. Their kids were right there, his wife was there. It was horrible. They both knew it.
It was game over and she kissed him...again.
This time it was different. It wasn't just lust.
This was slow, this was meaningful, this felt like the first kiss they would have shared in another universe.
When they broke apart, her heart shattered once again. She was disappointed in herself. She was so confused. She was in too deep for this to be nothing. Her hand ran down the side of his face, his beard tickling her fingers, "You're still obnoxious."
She leaned against the house, trying her best to keep quiet. She was desperately trying to comprehend what she had heard and saw. All she wanted to do was interrupt this disgusting display of affection, but instead she decided to listen and watch. She did it for her best friend. Lucille stumped her cigarette, and walked around the corner towards the house. There was going to be hell to pay.
This might be my favorite thing I've ever written. Like ever. Y'all are the best for hyping this up! You have no idea how much I enjoy writing this story. It's so important to me! Thank you, thank you and thank you!