She didn't really know how she was going to handle this. She obviously felt bad because she didn't know Lori Grimes. She only knew the picture Rick painted of her. Everything was hear say. So it was hard to look her in the eye and feel any sort of animosity for a woman who rightfully was upset with her. It was a hurtful situation.
This wouldn't feel as bad if it was him who was the one that sent that first text message. That stupid how are you message kind of solidified their connection. If she had just listened to her brain and not been so careless. She thought there was no harm in one question. And now she was here, face to face with his wife who rightfully probably wanted to punch her lights out.
Rest of the women stared from the porch, as if this wasn't awkward enough.
"Could we take a walk?" Lori asked her, her tone was neutral, she was pointing towards the small path into the forest.
Was she trying to murder her? Possibly.
Michonne looked over her shoulder at Connie and smiled. She was signaling that everything was cool and she didn't want them to intervene.
"Sure." Michonne said with confidence, and walked ahead.
They walked for awhile, the dirt underneath their shoes and birds being the only sound around. She was counting the steps as they walked to keep her mind occupied. A lot had happened in twenty four hours and she couldn't let her mind wander.
"How did he initiate it?" Lori finally spoke from behind her, her voice still calm and collected, "The first time he kissed you, how did he do it?"
She wanted to just run off like a coward and not answer. Michonne stopped in the middle of the slim forest path, and faced her. She wanted to do her best to keep this peaceful.
"You don't want to know that." She was blunt as always.
Lori crossed her arms, "I do and I think you owe me every detail there is." Her control was starting to slip, "So, tell me. How did he initiate it?"
Michonne looked at her feet and shook her head, "He didn't come on to me if that's what you're asking."
"Then what, you were the one who started it?" Her eyes were like glass, there was pain and it was grave, "You saw a man with a ring on his finger and decided to have fun? Is that it?"
The way the words came out of her mouth, she could tell this was only the beginning. Tension filled her body and she took a deep breath.
"No," She denied it without hesitation, "Neither one of us started anything. I can only say I'm sorry which means nothing to you and I get that."
"I don't need an apology!" Lori blew up, "I want to know how did he do it. How did he get you? Did he tell you about the kiss I shared with his best friend? Did he complain about how I'm a lousy cook? Or how we don't have energy or time to have sex? Or how I'm a mom who doesn't really even see her kids? What was it?"
Michonne could see her mentally crumbling in front of her. It made her feel awful.
She could only shake her head at things she listed.
"Lori-"
She held her hand up as she stopped her, "You owe me. Do your part and tell me what I deserve to know. What did he tell you?"
Michonne tried her best to explain it, grasping at straws, "We talked about life. We talked about work. We talked about the kids and everything in between. He never bad mouthed you or your relationship."
"How does casual talking then escalate into sex?" Lori gritted her teeth and looked at her, giving her no mercy, "How many times?"
"There wasn't any sex." She denied it, "If there was I wouldn't bother denying it now."
"I'm supposed to believe that?"
"If there was sex, you would know." Michonne regretted the snappy tone instantly when she said it. Lori just stood there. Overwhelmed with everything, she turned around and walked back and forth, trying to calm herself.
"Why?" her head whipped suddenly in her direction, "Why didn't you stop it? You must have felt at some point that you were doing something wrong. This didn't just conjure itself from thin air. Last night, you pursued him knowingly right under my nose."
"I did." She wasn't going to lie and she didn't want to talk in circles, "I don't have any comforting words for you. You should talk to your husband."
Lori walked closer to her, her eyes hard, "You're cold," She spoke every word slowly so that they registered, "I see why your sons father doesn't want to have anything to do with you and even abandonded his son because of you. You're a cold, heartless human and I feel sorry for you."
She didn't have the chance to answer her, Lori kept going, "And you really have no idea what you're getting yourself into. Rick is not what he seems. You think you know him?" She laughed at something, before turning serious, "That man is a walking contradiction. Have fun with the years of therapy you will end up having with him around."
Michonne narrowed her eyes at her, "I'm not doing this with you. This back and forth, petty nonsense. I know, I fucked up. I'm a horrible person for my part in this and you can go at me all you want, but I will not let you talk about my son."
"Maybe you should have thought about the kids before pining after a married man." Lori was still too close for her liking as she kept going with the cheap shots.
This time Michonne laughed, feeling something ignite inside her, "Sure, it was me who was pining. Like I said, talk to your goddamn husband."
They stared at each other, their brown eyes reflecting a whole lot of similar emotions even though they were in the opposite ends of things.
"Leave us alone," Lori said with gritted teeth, "Go home and let us be."
Michonne didn't want this to turn uglier. She kept picturing her baby boy and it worked. For the most part her pulse stayed calm, but when she went in on her son and their situation it made her want to squeeze her head and crack it open like an egg. She was proud of herself for not going completely off the walls.
She didn't want to risk it and walked past her like she was not real. She just wanted out of the situation, it felt suffocating.
"I'm sorry. I really am." She turned around once more before walking back towards the house.
Lori splashed water on her face as she kept repeating the same mantra, "It's okay. It's gonna be okay."
Lucille knocked on the bathroom door before walking in, "They left."
She nodded as an thank you to her friend. She didn't want to go out when Michonne and Sasha were still packing their bags. She walked inside that bathroom and kept repeating the same words over and over again.
"I think I'm good to drive," Lucille suggested, "let me take you home."
"Home?" She looked at her friend tearfully, "Is that place even home?"
It broke her to see her friend in this much pain.
"I'm sure Rick will want to talk," Lucille felt bad even saying his name, "You'll have to see him eventually and work this out."
"Is there even anything to work out," She rubbed her swollen and teary eyes, "He is out there with her son. So he will go and see her. He has been lying to me for weeks. Talking to her. I told you he felt distant, I just didn't think it would be this."
She couldn't give her anything else, but her unconditional support. Lucille rubbed her shoulder and kept close,"What did you two talk about?"
Lori fumbled with her sleeve nervously as she recapped their conversation with Michonne,"I wanted to be angrier. I wanted to yell and curse her out, but I saw the way she looked at me."
"What do you mean?" Lucille leaned against the bathroom counter.
"She felt sorry for me, like I was some poor housewife whose dream crashed, so she doesn't know a thing about me" She laughed bitterly, "Rick is the one who deserves that anger."
Her friend got her point, and agreed with a huff, "I still would have spit on her fancy car."
Lori nodded and chuckled, before turning silent. Thinking about the possible things that were said between this woman and her husband, "I think the worst part is that she is the complete opposite from me."
"It doesn't mean anything, she could have been anybody," Lucille disagreed, "Rick is going through some lame ass crisis and used this woman to boost up his bruised ego."
She looked in the mirror, and sighed, "I don't think that's it."
"Hold up," Her friend was shocked when the realization hit her, "You think he actually has feelings for her? They've known each other for like a month. That's nothing if you think about all of the years you've spent together."
Lori hated to admit what her initial reaction was, it crossed her mind immediately, "It's Rick. He only sees right and wrong. Why would he keep going back if it was so meaningless. I know him, Lucille."
Lucille could only stare.
"I think Ricks falling for her and he doesn't even know it." She sniffled again, the truth really hurt.
She couldn't sit still. She got up and straightened the bedcovers once more as she waited for them.
"You know I can take Andre to eat when they get here." Sasha leaned against the cabinets that were in the other corner of the room, "You two need to talk."
"I'd rather-"
"Michonne," Sasha always made sure she kept it real, "You need to talk him. You promised him. Don't chicken out now."
She groaned, this wasn't really what she expected this weekend to turn into. They waited a few minutes longer when there was a knock on the door and Sasha went to open.
"Sasha." Rick was polite. Even she could tell the man was not alright. His eyes looked different. His whole demeanor was intense in the worst possible way. The energy he gave out was so dark, he was like an animal trapped in a small cage. It felt like he wanted to burst and every polite word took a lot out of him.
"Momma!" Andre ran past Sasha to his mothers arms who embraced him, "I had so much fun. I got to see the room where Sheriff Grimes roughs up the bad guys and-"
"Ah! Andre!" Rick interrupted him, laughing and looking at Michonne, "Let's not give your mom a heart attack okay?"
For a minute there he felt light, normal even, the worries melting away and could laugh. The little boy and Judith were only things that kept him sane during this day.
"Andre, what if I took you out to eat and you can tell me all about your day?" Sasha kneeled down on his level.
He looked at his mom who nodded as an approval.
"I know where they have the best milkshakes." Sasha took his hand and they were heading out of the door.
Andre stopped suddenly and looked at his mom, "Don't yell at Sheriff Grimes, he is my friend."
She smiled at her little boy, "I would never, I promise."
Rick held up his hand in a fist and Andre bumped it with his own, "See you, buddy."
And they were out. The light atmosphere turning darker.
She could tell his thoughts were racing, she sat on the bed and watched him pace around nervously. She wanted to give him his space and not ask, but she knew it must have been something bad.
He exhaled finally and spoke, "Lori and Shane have been in contact for years without me knowing."
Ouch, Michonne thought and looked at him with more empathy, "As friends? Or?" She didn't know what else to say.
He couldn't control his feelings and he snapped unintentionally, "I don't know, I don't care if it was a fucking talk about the weather I told her if they talked it's over for us."
She felt devastated for him, because she knew how big the consequences were after everything unraveled the last time.
"She even got Carl mixed up in it. He found out by accident, and he wanted me to know," His accent was heavy as he explained the details, "but she lied to him that I knew and that's why he kept away from me. My own son thought I was fine with that bullshit."
Michonne felt angry, but tried her best to control her personal feelings when this didn't affect her directly. She just mumbled, "The nerve some people have."
He casually sat next to her, "Did you talk to her?"
She chuckled, "Oh she made point to call me heartless. Maybe she has amnesia and forgot what she did herself."
Rick rubbed his tired eyes and buried his head in his hands, "Fuck, I'm sorry I should have been there."
She shook her head and grabbed his hands, forcing him to raise his gaze towards her, "I'm not a victim."
"I never said you were," He squeezed her hands back, "She shouldn't have come to you."
Michonne dropped his hands, pulled away and stood up, "Rick, it's not like what we were doing is any better than what she had going on. Lori has the right to be hurt, just like you do."
"Why are you starting a fight with me?" He got up, narrowing eyes at her, "I'm not allowed to be on your side?"
"No, Rick, there are no sides!" She almost growled at him in frustration, "This is a very fucked up situation. Now, I need you to be there for your wife because it's the right thing to do. Regardless what she has done she is the mother of your children and you need to talk to her instead of trying to comfort me."
He was left speechless. He was staring at her and she could tell he was thinking about something.
"What?" She stared back.
He smiled suddenly, "I like the new hair."
Michonne couldn't help, but to smile, "You are impossible."
Rick knew this was not what he was supposed to be doing. He sighed, the smile faltering, "I know I need to talk to Lori, and I will. Being here won't resolve anything. Talking to you won't resolve anything. But, it's the only thing that feels good right now."
The words from him were pure and honest. As much as she wanted him to go home and fix what was broken, another side to her hated the idea.
"My marriage was in trouble long before you came along," He wasn't trying to make excuses for his actions, "I just didn't know it."
Michonne tried her best not to look at him. It just did something when their gazes met. She hugged herself, "Rick I told you I need time-"
"What are you so afraid of?" He challenged her, taking a step closer.
She finally looked at him, her eyes displayed a lot of emotions, "Us," Her voice cracked as she said it out loud, "I'm not about to put my life on the line again for something reckless. I did it with Mike, I'm not doing it again. I'm still paying for it."
Rick could understand her point of view. It hadn't been easy for her either and he knew for Michonne everything was about Andre.
"I'm not asking you to do that," He said, his hand finding hers, "I'm only asking the same thing I did yesterday. Don't disappear on me."
She nodded wordlessly as she held his rugged hand.
They stood in silence, the lightbulb in the bathroom buzzing quietly in the background. Memories of the night before plagued them both. It all changed so quickly.
"I'm sorry you are in pain." She said quietly, letting go of his hand. She knew this hot-blooded man was more sensitive than he lead on. Underneath it all was something more complex. Michonne couldn't just stand there and look at him. She hesistated at first, but then got the courage to pull him into her embrace. She feared that it would have felt strange after last night, but it didn't. It never did. He hugged her back, allowing himself to be comforted. He really needed it.
Lori sat on their bed and thought back to the day they had finally bought it. The first bed they had was a hand me down from Ricks relatives. It was uncomfortable, the springs would dig into your back and all around it was just god awful. Soon as Rick had his first proper paycheck he bought this bed. It was expensive at the time, but it was important for him. He wanted them to have it. So they did and it was worth every penny. He would always make sure to keep her close, even when they slept. She could feel him inhale her scent as she peacefully slept in his arms. They were so in love. She cherished those memories.
This same bed however was nowadays almost untouched.
"Mom?" Carl came upstairs looking for her.
Lori held back the tears and straightened herself up, "I'm here."
"Why are we supposed to sleep over at Negans?" He came into the bedroom, complaining, "I don't want to sleep over there."
She tried her best to look normal, but failed miserably, "We need some space to talk with your dad."
Carl was alarmed at her choice of words, "Talk? About what?"
"Carl..." She really didn't want to go into the details, "I just need you to sleep over there with Judith. Please."
He took a firm stance, "What's going on?"
"Nothing."
Her short answer wasn't acceptable to him, "Is this about the seventy bucks I borrowed from Connies friend Michonne? Dad didn't know you told me not to go."
She shook hear head suddenly at the mention of her name, "What seventy bucks?"
"Michonne gave me the cash when dad didn't have any. I'm just saying, he didn't know I was supposed to come home and clean my room. Don't blame him."
She could feel herself losing it. Was this woman trying to win her son on their team like this? Nothing would surprise her at this point.
"Carl you can't take anything from that woman," Lori scolded him, "Promise me."
Carl was confused, she seemed frantic. So he asked her carefully, "Mom, what's going on?"
Lori burst into tears, "I'm sorry sweetheart."
He was right by his mothers side when he saw how she reacted, "You can tell me."
His mom wiped away her tears and looked at him, she looked desperate, "Your dad is cheating on me."
He didn't have to be a genius to figure it out.
"Dad and Connies friend?"
Soon as he said it, it clicked. He thought back to the moment earlier and how he didn't understand how his dad was so laid back. The way he looked at her didn't go unnoticed from him, but he never imagined... it made him want to barf.
Lori sniffled and nodded, "That's why I need you to go to the neighbors."
"That piece of shit!" He cursed, his temper mirroring his fathers, "You'd think after you were honest and he forgave you, he didn't have to humiliate you!"
"Carl." She tried to calm him down.
"No, mom I swear to God I'm going to-"
"Carl I lied!" She shouted out. She couldn't look at him and turned her gaze away, "I never told your dad. I lied to Negan in Vegas. He didn't know until today."
He didn't say anything. He was just trying to understand what he heard. The anger inside him was about boil over.
"You're both sick," He managed to say, his voice so shattered, "You deserve each other."
"Carl, please." She whispered, trying to reach him, but he stepped back.
"No, I'm done with both of you! This house has been fucking miserable for years! And now you can't even be honest about it! You're both a bunch of pathetic liars!" He shouted, "I'm done! I'm getting my stuff and moving to Negans. Him and Daryl are the only ones who give a shit!"
He marched off, stomping the floors angrily and slamming the door behind him. Lori allowed herself to cry, she could hear him rummage his stuff. It felt like she was sinking in quicksand and it was impossible to climb out. She reached for her phone and decided to find a way out.
"I really wish I could say I know it's gonna be alright." Michonne leaned against the fence, they were outside waiting for Andre and Sasha to arrive.
"I think we both know it's going to be a war zone soon as I step inside that house," Rick sighed next to her, "Thanks for seeing me."
"Well you had my son, is not like I had a choice." She joked.
"I see how it is," He laughed and kicked her leg playfully, "I'm only good for babysitting."
She scoffed, "Somehow I feel like Andre was babysitting you instead."
He glanced at her and smiled to himself. He enjoyed seeing her this way. He wondered had she always been this gorgeous. It felt like when they spent time in Vegas she was just a shell of herself. Michonne in her simple hoodie was everything and more. This was truly her. She had no idea how much he appreciated the fact that he got to see her like this.
"He is a sweet boy," Rick could see her smile big at the mention of her son, "He is also smart as hell. It's a bit intimidating."
Michonne laughed, turning towards him, "Did he ask you if you knew the periodic table? he memorized some of the rows just to freak people out."
"Of course he did." He laughed again.
She actually enjoyed the silence around them, it was so different from Atlanta. There were just crickets and an occasional car going by.
"Thank you for giving Andre some special attention." She didn't know how else to express her gratitude, "He really needed it. It means a lot."
Rick nodded, humble like always. He really wanted to say more, afraid of running out of time again, like in Vegas. She was heading home soon, and it felt awful for him. Everything was a mess and her presence in his life felt needed.
"Am I upgraded back into the friendzone?" He couldn't help himself. He had to joke about it.
She appreciated the humour and smirked back, "If friends sometimes make poor decisions and end up making out in garages, I guess so. We can be friends."
He was surprised she mentioned the garage. It was mostly what replayed in his mind since it happened, but this confirmed it wasn't just him. She was just as guilty. The insane pull they had between them hadn't weakened one bit.
And just like that Sasha pulled over with Michonnes car. She hopped out effortlessly and Michonne helped her son out.
"Is your tummy all full?" She kissed her sons cheek.
"I ate a burger and a milkshake!" He announced proudly.
"Jeez even I can't fit that much in me." Rick played along, giving him a high five, "You're gonna grow into a big kid in no time."
"I am a big kid!" He pouted back, he looked adorable with his curls that were wild from the humidity.
Sasha looked back at her friends happy expression and then at him, "Grimes," She said, her tone far from playful, "I think Andre would like to show you the swings they have around the corner. Me and his mom will catch up in a bit."
He got the message loud and clear, "Sure."
Michonne raised her brows at Sasha, questioning her, "I think Sheriff Grimes has other things to do already."
"I don't mind," He assured her, "Talk. We'll wait back there."
Andre took his hand without objections and they walked off. She watched them and noticed how natural it seemed.
Sasha knew this suggestion she was about to make could lead into a catastrophe or it could give Michonne more than she ever imagined.
"I think you should stay."
She was shocked, "What? What do you mean stay?"
She took in the view, "It's been a lot for you and Andre for the past few years. We've been pushing forward with our company, this stuff with your divorce and Mike, your mom passing away," She then looked at her best friend, "Andre needs his time with his mom right now. Maybe a change in scenery would do him good."
"Sasha," She protested, "That's not going to work. We have too much to do."
"I already talked with Connie. She wants to handle the current cases with you. It makes all the sense in the world for you to be at the same location. Besides she also needs you. She is going to have that wedding and move on into a new direction. This could be your last hurrah with her."
Michonne thought about it,"You do realize everyone in this town is probably going to hear about me and Rick. It could get so ugly. I can't have Andre around that."
"Since when did you take shit from anybody?" She chuckled, "Michonne. Let people talk. Andre really likes it here, and he has his summer vacation coming up anyway. Let him have this with you. Just a couple of weeks. We can do it, you don't need to be at the office."
"I don't know Sasha..."
It made sense. Of course it did, but at the same time, there would be no possibilities to detach from this crazy mess. She was going to have to face the facts. Rick Grimes was going nowhere. Since Vegas she probably knew it in her gut, but now it was terrifying. This was all too real.
"I don't really care for Grimes right now or this, whatever you two are doing, but" Sasha didn't like this part of her plan at all, "I think this could be something you two need. You two made this mess, so you two figure it out for good."
Michonne took a deep breath, "I guess I'm gonna need a pair of ugly boots."
Next week there might be a little break from updating because I'm going on vacation. But you never know if I end up writing. I love going deep and writing, but it also takes up a bit of time and energy. Thank you for keeping this story alive and living this with me.