He stared at his phone as he leaned back in his chair. The annoying old office chair that creaked whenever you moved an inch. She would always complain about it over the phone and tell him to get it fixed or make them buy him a new one. He still hadn't done it.
"Rick." Aaron waved his hand in front of him to catch his attention.
He flinched as he was brought back to earth, "Sorry."
His fellow officer understood how distressed he was, people talked and, well he didn't look exactly well rested, "It's fine. I get it, but I'll fax these if you just sign them."
Rick quickly glanced at the papers and put his name and stamp on them. Aaron quietly left his office, he didn't want to interrupt his thought process.
It was the same frustrating face off the with phone. He waited patiently for a message that was probably never coming. It had been a week since they had their spat. He tried calling her. She didn't answer. Lori was still gone. He was just floating around and existing. Thankfully, his kids were back home and things had improved on that front. Every single day he made sure to be home for dinner. Even for an hour. He could tell how important it was for all of them. They talked about regular things and laughed. It made him sad that he didn't do this before. The shift was definately needed and he knew if anybody was to blame, it was himself.
Negan and Lucille were still an important part of their life, but things had calmed down on that front also. Lucille even apologized for her harsh words. He didn't know what was up with that, but for the sake of the kids he accepted. He could say hey to her, it didn't need to go deeper.
Every day he hoped he would run into her and Andre so that he could apologize, but she clearly avoided him. That was a real talent considering how every place she knew was a place that he practically visited multiple times a day. He didn't want to type that I'm sorry message. It would feel empty, he wanted to talk to her in person.
He had been bad at respecting her space. He didn't know why he had this posessive nature built into him. As he was thinking about her and how his actions affected their relationship, he realized he hadn't thought about Lori. Maybe because he knew deep inside that she was okay. Rick hadn't heard a peep from her and it solidified the fact that they didn't need each other the way they thought they did.
He liked Michonne.
He cared for Michonne.
He needed Michonne.
Those were his last conclusions. He nodded to himself and at the things that swirled in his mind. He had to start making real decisions. It was time.
"No, we will get it done, I promise you. I'll prep you for an hour before court." Michonne walked back and forth as she finished her phonecall.
Connie watched her and wondered if she knew how thankful she felt. Having her and Andre around had helped her adjust. Her life was wonderfully new and she would never say she regretted this, but it was also scary. Daryl was worth it. So having family around was needed. The last few days had been non stop fun. Swimming, dinners, camping and everything in between. She loved seeing Andre and Michonne together and enjoying their time. The backyard wedding was coming together. There was only a day left and Carol was driving her crazy.
Michonne sat down across from her and furiosly typed on her keybord. Then she looked at her friend, "It's a sure win, I know it, but it makes me nervous that I wasn't there in person to do the groundwork."
"You did amazing." Connie signed and smiled.
She smiled back and looked out of the window, Andre was happily playing with Dog and Daryl, "Thanks for making sure he wouldn't come around again."
Her friend was puzzled. She had never seen her so frazzled over a person she claimed wasn't important to her. She just blocked his existence, but still managed to bring him up daily.
"I think Rick was out of line," Connie agreed and tried her best to steady her hands as she approached the uncomfortable subject, "But I also think he was taken aback because you clearly fell for him and he could see it."
Michonne gasped aloud and signed, "What?"
"Michonne," She wanted to help her friend reach an understanding over her own feelings, "It's out of your hands. You met someone who managed to tear down your walls."
"Sure, but it's not that deep."
Connie disagreed, "You know whenever he comes around he first looks to see if you happen to be here. He always scans the room for you even when he knows you won't be here. He is sorry."
"It's too difficult, okay?" Michonne was frustrated, "I didn't know what I was doing. It was stupid to engage in something that would never be anything real. We hardly know each other. I've been acting like an idiot. He is married and I was just a distraction to him. Now, can we get back to work so that we don't have to do this at your wedding?"
Connie had to just accept her stubborn words and nodded. She leaned against her other hand and looked out of the window. She smiled at the sight of Daryl and Andre who were play wrestling around. There was something about those country boys. Michonne just wasn't ready to deal with it.
"Marcus is my plus one." She announced nonchalantly from behind the computer.
Even though Connie could read lips well, she wasn't sure if she read that right. She gave her a questioning stare.
"Dont look at me like that," Michonne said, "He has the weekend off and I wanted to see him."
She wasn't sure what to say. This was just getting messier, Connie shrugged and signed, "Or you're forcing yourself to move on and want to make him jealous."
"Move on from what? She slammed her laptop shut," We kissed. Okay, we kissed like a bunch of times. We talked about stuff, but there was never anything close to a relationship. We were Rick and Michonne, just friends." She couldn't hold back the smile that escaped her when the last sentence was out of her mouth.
Connie shook her head, "You just proved my point."
She thought back to Vegas. It was crazy, it was impulsive and most of all real. He was the funniest person she had met in a long time. Well, he was unintentionally funny. His sense of humour was dry and crass. If she could do it all again as much as it pained her to admit she would do it in a heartbeat. This explosion of feelings was torture for her. She felt insane for being hung up on him. This all just felt like a cliché lifetime movie and it was far from her own reality.
"Stupid cowboy." She muttered under her breath and opened her laptop again. Connie did her best to keep her smile hidden.
"You sure you wanna do this?" Negan asked while smoking as they leaned against his car.
Rick held the car keys in his hands and played with his keychain that held a picture of their family. Lori got it made for father's day, it felt like a lifetime ago. Carl and Judith were much younger, their little faces always cheered him up.
"I need to." He looked at his kids who were painting the porch with Lucille.
"What if she doesn't want to come home?"
"She probably doesn't," He answered his friend with honesty, "I gotta try. I'm tired of living like this."
Negan stumped his cigarette on the car and tossed the cigarette butt, "You managed to tear shit down in like a month, that's impressive."
Rick chuckled at the miserable situation.
He grabbed his shoulder and squeezed it hard, "You're gonna be okay prick. It ain't like Lori is innocent. She did her part."
Judith walked over to them with a fresh paintbrush and chucked it at Negan. He didn't see it coming so the brush just bounced off of him and hit the ground.
"What the hell!" Negan rubbed his chest.
Judith rolled her eyes, "Stop being a little princess," she picked up the paintbrush and handed it to him, "You said, you need help painting. I don't see you doing anything, so chop chop!"
Negan looked at Rick and laughed, "Why y'all had to make this demon?"
Judith took his hand and dragged him with her.
He could only laugh at his daughter. Nobody could walk all over her and he thanked heavens for that strenght she had.
Carl was the next one to abandon his painting duties and walked towards his dad, "Maybe I should come with you."
He could appreciate the offer, but shook his head, "You don't need to worry about it."
"Lucille gave you the adress, but mom doesn't know you're coming does she?" Carl questioned.
Rick looked at his son who stood next to him. He was almost as tall as him these days. Whenever he realized something like this, it reminded him how time really was something that he couldn't stop. His son was the better version of him. Even during these extremely hurtful times he could still forgive and try his best to understand. This week he finally saw him as a young man who was going to be so much more than he ever was.
"What do you want dad?" Carl suddenly asked. It was a direct question.
He had some of the answers, but not all of them. It wasn't simple. It wasn't like the history and the home they built with Lori meant nothing. It didn't just disappear. It was something that he would always carry with him, but maybe he had finally understood history wasn't enough. A home wasn't supposed to feel this empty. He knew for a fact that was how Lori felt because right now he was in her shoes. He couldn't fathom how she carried on for years without breaking. He was weak compared to her. He couldn't stand the feeling of want and need he felt for Michonne while he had this ring on his finger.
"Carl," His accent came out thick whenever he said his name, "I want your mother to be good. I want you and Judith to good-"
Carl stopped him, "No,but what do you want?"
"Carl." He looked at the keychain and then back at his son, "I don't have the answer for that."
"Yes you do," He cornered him, not letting him off the hook, "if you didn't know we wouldn't be here. Mom would be here. You always knew how this would go."
Rick was tense, he didn't think it was appropriate to talk about it, "I didn't know."
He could only laugh, his dad was a bad liar, "We don't need to talk about her, but you promised me you wouldn't lie to me."
"When the time is right you will know," He said with a stern face, "I need to talk to your mom first. I need to apologize and make it right with her, but I also need to honest. I told you, I like Michonne, but it's-"
"It's shitty I know." He finished for him and then looked at his sister, "But we'll be alright."
"We always will be, son." He patted Carls back proudly.
She was straightening her cheap polyester uniform when she heard the diner door open. Lucille knew this would happen. It was bound to happen today.
She watched her closely and she knew it was uncomfortable for her. She cocked her eyebrow as soon as he stepped in after her.
Well this is interesting, she thought to herself as she watched them from behind the counter.
Michonne could feel the eyes on her. She quickly glanced et Lucille who was smirking from behind the counter.
"This is the best around here?" Marcus chuckled as he sat across from her on the booth.
Michonne didn't really know why her brain was like this. The talk with Connie had brought up a lot of emotions. She had managed to bury some thoughts and feelings during the past week, but her friend tore everything open again. Truth hurt and made you do irrational things. Now the results of that sat from across her. She had tossed him the idea of being her date for the wedding as a joke at first, but as they spoke she figured he was a great guy why not. Then after Rick Grimes and the memories from Vegas invaded her mind she asked Marcus if he could come today, the day before the wedding.
Of course he did. He sat there, gorgeous, heartbreakingly beautiful, and unaware that his date was stuck on a very simple man and this was her best attempt to move forward from a forbidden web they had created.
"After you have their mac and cheese you're gonna be sorry you ever said that." Michonne joked.
He was looking at the menu and then grinned at her, "How do you even eat carbs?"
She laughed, he always could make her feel more relaxed, "I do yoga and run. Nothing special."
"You gave up on the martial arts?"
"I still do krav maga and jujitsu back in Atlanta," She told him and sighed, "If I had more time I would do more. Right now I really wanna learn how to swing a katana."
"You're joking right?" He was laughing, "You're something else."
Their moment was ruined by a scoff, "You wanna order?"
Michonne was not sure what she was playing at, but Lucille stood there. Usually her coworkers served her and she kept her distance. Now, here she was chewing gum and tapping her pencil against a small notepad.
"Sure," She smiled forcibly at her, "We'll have the macaroni and cheese for two, two cheeseburgers, loaded fries for both and two cokes."
"Cool," Lucille was nodding, still loudly smacking her gum, "That's enough for you or you want something more?"
Marcus picked up on the snappy tone in her voice and answered for them, "We're good. Thanks."
Lucille smiled at him, "Where did you leave that adorable boy of yours?"
He smiled at Michonne, "Oh, um, that's her son."
"You're not the daddy?" She shrugged and looked Michonne in the eyes, "Well you sure are busy."
With that said Lucille happily turned around and left the pair. Marcus raised his brows in shock, "Wow goddamn, what's the history there?"
Michonne tried her best to contain herself, she forced a smile, "It's a long story."
"So you take all your men on dinner dates here?" He had to crack a joke, "What number am I?"
She tossed her napkin at him, "Stop it."
"I'm just kidding," He smiled back, "It's not really my business. You are a single woman aren't you?"
"Some people don't seem to know that." she said mostly to herself as she looked over at Lucille, "I'm gonna be back in a minute."
"For her luck you ain't wielding a katana around, yet." Marcus joked. She felt relieved he didn't question what Lucille said.
Michonne walked to the counter, this woman didn't intimidate her one bit.
"What?" Lucille asked, the tone of her voice changing soon as they were left alone.
"I admire the loyalty you have for your friend," Michonne leaned over the counter, trying her best to not go full Atlanta on this woman, "But what I do in my personal life is none of your concern and I would really appreciate it if you kept your nose out of my business."
She placed her hand on her hip, "Well it's kind of my business since you inserted yourself in our lives."
"I inserted myself?" She laughed, the fire in her gut lighting up, "Rick practically begged for me. You want some honesty sweetheart? Your friend and her husband have been done a long time ago. What happened between me and him is between us. It's not yours to dissect and to weaponize."
Lucille stared back just as determined and let out a short laugh, "You were screwing around with a married man so, yes it's rightfully dissected. You don't deserve to be the one who demands anything around here. You came here and thought you could break something that goes much deeper than you could ever understand. Men are weak, but they can learn and thankfully so did Rick."
Her tough exterior didn't slip when she wondered what she meant.
She could tell it bugged her,"Oh that was rude of me, you dont know do you? He is on his way to get Lori back."
The mask didn't slip. Michonne smiled back while that familiar stung of jealousy filled her heart, "Well that's good for the Sheriff. I'm extremely relieved he is doing that."
Lucille laughed maliciously, "I touched a nerve didn't I?"
"You know what, fuck you, " Michonnes eyed ignited with anger, "Why don't you focus on your own miserable life and do your fucking job?"
"Luci!" Yell from the kitchen interrupted their heated conversation, "Table three is ready!"
Michonne stepped back from the counter and looked at her with disdain, "See, they need you. For once in your life do something useful and serve some fucking tables. We would like to get our drinks asap."
She gathered herself and tried to detain that anger she felt as she returned her seat.
Marcus hadn't heard what was said, but could tell it was a heavy exchange," You alright?"
She truthfully needed time to process what Lucille had told her, but like always she would carry on. She wouldn't allow the hurt to take over, she shoved those emotions deep somewhere and hoped they would never resurface again, "I'm better than alright."
It wasn't a long drive, but it wasn't like he was happy about arriving at the adress Lucille had given him. He didn't really know how to start the conversation. This past week had probably aged him ten years. The last days he had started to tear down all those years of hurt and confusion. He knew it all stemmed from Shane. It just broke him and he never fully healed. He just sort of went through life like he never existed.
But he did exist. He was an important part of his life and he chose Lori over him. It hurt. It fucking hurt. To make matters even worse Lori chose him and kept choosing him over and over again.
They lived a lie. Both of them. He ignored the rage and pain inside of him and his wife ignored the feelings she felt for another man.
Rick got out of his car and looked around. It was a quiet neighborhood. He didn't know what to expect. He didn't want to waste anymore time and with a firm walk approached the small house and knocked.
He could hear steps from inside and swallowed, anxiety filling him as the door opened.
In her favorite moss green jumper stood his wife. Her eyes big with emotion, she was clearly shocked to see him. He quickly noticed her hair. She had cut it to her shoulders. She looked somehow much younger, like she had pressed a reset button.
"Rick?" She finally gasped, "What are you doing here? How did you-"
"Lucille," He interrupted her and continued, "Don't be mad at her. She did it for the kids. They miss you."
She wasn't blinking, probably trying to digest that he really stood infront of her.
"We've gotta talk," Rick wanted to crawl into a hole, but this was overdue, "We need to talk about everything."
Lori looked at him and to his surprise she nodded, she held the door open for him, "Come in."
He hestitated to walk in, but he did. It was a small house, her suitcase was sprawled in the hallway and there was a book on the windowsill. This seemed like a good place for some soul searching.
"It's an Airbnb," She said as she noticed his eyes scanning the house, "I didn't really know where to go and Sheila wasn't too eager to have me, so I just got what was available."
Sheila, Loris older sister wasn't the most empathetic person so it didn't come as a surprise she didn't offer her sister support when she needed it.
He walked into the small kitchen and sat down. It felt like he was visiting a complete stranger," Lori, I don't know where to start."
She held on to the kitchen counter with both of her hands, like she was grasping for support, "Shane was here."
His eyes lifted from the table and he stared at her.
"I called him after... " She confessed, "He has his own life, but I needed someone to talk to. He came here as a friend. Nothing else."
"Oh..." He managed to mumble out. It didn't really surprise him, but he was glad she didn't want to lie.
Lori turned around to face him and decided to just jump into it, "Rick I never chose to go behind your back. I texted him after you were shot because we didn't know if you would even make it," her voice was softer than usual, "He wanted to know how you were and how recovery was going. Then after that he asked about the kids and we never stopped. It was never supposed to be a dirty secret, but I knew you wouldn't like it. I still kept it going though."
"You knew how I felt about it."
"I did," She agreed, "But I felt like you had no right to ban him from our lives. Not like that, when everything was a mess. We should have talked it through."
Rick shook his head, "No Lori, you loved him."
She didn't say anything, she just waited for him to continue. Silence stretched between them before he continued, "I knew," He took a deep breath, "That's why I wanted him out of our lives because I knew, you loved him. There was no other option because I didn't want to give up on us."
"Why didn't you tell me this back then?" Her voice was shaky, but filled with frustration, "Instead you shut me out, you treated me like I was air. You moved downstairs and acted like I meant nothing."
"I was hurt," Rick sighed tiredly, "I didn't know how to even talk about it."
"I gave you everything for years and you didn't know how to talk to me, but now all of sudden you can talk about everything after like a month of knowing her." She erupted like a volcano, the hurt pouring out, "I could have lived with a quick screw, but this. You gave her so much in a few lousy weeks, when I got nothing for years."
"Look," Rick started carefully, "I didn't go to Las Vegas looking for... anything. She... just happened. I'm not going to lie, after a few days I knew, i couldn't control it anymore. I thought about you and I still wanted to be around her."
He winced inwardly at the pain in her eyes as she gazed at him with unshed tears in her eyes, "When did we turn into this?"
"I don't know." He whispered and turned his gaze towards the table and focused on the car keys he had tossed on the table, finding it hard to break down in front of her.
Lori sucked in a shaky breath as she took a seat and noticed the keychain, "We did good."
Rick lifted his eyes to meet hers, "We did."
"But it's time," She cried now, tears falling freely, "We need to get a divorce.
It's an never ending roller coaster isn't it. But hey, that's life. Until next week!