She looked down on her bed and the dresses she had picked out. She was never the nervous type, but today she didn't feel like herself. Her gut was telling her to go with the simple black cocktail dress from Dior, but the little devil on her shoulder was screaming for her to choose the red satin dress from Dolce and Gabbana. She felt a little petty. Or, maybe a huge amount of pettiness. She liked to have all the cards in her hands, but right now she felt like she had one card left until she had to forfeit.
Michonne took a picture of the red dress and asked Connie if it was okay.
Connie: You're looking for trouble aren't you?
She laughed a little at her message and tossed her phone next to the dresses. She walked back and forth around her bed. Her mind was racing. Had Rick really just used her like Sasha had predicted? Maybe he indeed had the type of loyalty to Lori she didn't understand. She made her own life complicated when she insisted on going with this friendship aspect and created unrealistic expectations over how things would turn out. Of course they couldn't just be friends after everything. It wasn't like they crossed lines once. It seemed to happen every single time they talked. Her dignity was gone at this point.
She did feel bad about Marcus. After dinner she went to pick up Andre and he went back to his hotel room. She was way over her head. She genuinely liked him, but she also knew there was an underlying issue she had with a certain someone and it caused her to make reckless decisions. Marcus was simply collateral damage.
Rick was like a storm that came and took everything it had with him. Every cell and fiber in her was fighting this urge since she met him. This urge, that had turned borderline obsession. She probably needed a psych evaluation when she returned to Atlanta.
"Dude, I didn't even recognize you!" Carl was shocked at his fathers reflection in the bathroom mirror.
Rick grimaced and turned around with his razor, "Don't call me dude."
"No, but really dad you don't look like a caveman anymore," He gave him a thumbs up, "Good job."
He sprayed his shaving cream at him and he ran, laughing his heart out like a little kid. Rick shook his head at him and returned to cleaning his face up.
He hadn't really thought about what was the end game here. Carl had asked a valid question earlier and he knew that the first thing he wanted to do was apologize to Michonne. He figured maybe if he did things one by one it would resolve a lot in his life. Michonne had changed his world. There were almost impossible obstacles between them, it was like a brick wall and piece by piece the wall got higher. He knew this was far from something considered normal, but the pull and infatuation he felt for her was like water, something he couldn't live without.
He looked at his reflection and felt lighter without the big beard. He left a little stubble because, well, a baby faced Sheriff wasn't the look he was going for right now.
"Finally you got rid of that thing." Lori appeared on the doorway.
He took a small towel and rubbed the excess shaving cream off with it.
"You sure you don't wanna go?" Rick asked, very aware of the uncomfortable situation it would be if they both attended.
Lori shook her head with determination, "I'd rather pluck my eyebrows out one by one."
It wasn't really an easy transition right now in their household. He encouraged her to come home, for the kids of course, but it was hard. They decided she would stay under the same roof until they could figure out the living situation. Her one condition was that he didn't do anything to escalate their problems. Meaning, don't make moves towards anybody or bring anybody around. That anybody, being Michonne.
"I'll see everybody when things are more... clear," She was uncertain over the future, "I need to get back to work and just focus on the kids."
He could tell she was having a hard time wrapping her head around the new normal, "I'll help you every step of the way, I promise."
"Yeah, the problem is Rick I don't think I want that," She mumbled out, "I don't need you to solve my life. I don't need you to micromanage my process."
Rick was surprised by her blunt words, "I didn't mean it like that. I just want to help because-"
"You can't fix it," She held her hand out to stop him, "You don't need to fix anything anymore okay? I'm not going to feed into your hero complex."
"Hero complex?" He narrowed his eyes at her, "Lori I thought we were on the same page."
"Rick," She snapped and took a deep breath, "We will never be on the same page. I'm sorry, but if you think it's all good now you're more arrogant than I thought. I told you I will come back for Judith and Carl. I will coexist with you inside this house, but we are not good and we won't be in a long time."
He was speechless as she left him standing there.
The worst thing imaginable for him had happened. He couldn't help and solve things. Someone close to him wasn't having it anymore. This was his karma.
"I'm kind of impressed you lasted these two weeks with the cow shit and bugs." Sasha chuckled next to her as they watched Connie get ready. There was a local beautician doing her hair and makeup.
"I'm ready to go home," Michonne drank her tea in her robe, "I need to go back to court and get humbled real quick."
Sasha gave her a questioning look, "Why my girl needs to be humbled?"
She wasn't sure how to respond to that, "It's a lot Sasha. I keep doing stupid shit because this asshole somehow got inside my mind."
"Marcus?"
She gave her friend the famous side eye.
"Grimes?" Sasha let out short awkward laugh, "We're still stuck on that fool?"
"I know, I know," Michonne groaned, trying to remain calm so that she didn't interrupt Connies moment, "He went and got his wife back after throwing a fit over my personal life. It's insane. It's pathetic and you were right about him."
"Well, um," She started unsurely and sipped her tea, "Don't get me wrong I don't like the guy, but I guess he was thinking about making moves to sort this out and it made him feel like you was playing him."
Her friend wasn't sure if her ears worked correctly. Michonne took her cup and smelled it, "Are you drinking?"
Sasha laughed and took her tea back, "No, girl, I just kind of get his thought process. Abraham did that to me. He kept Rosita close by and played if off like she my baby mama and friend when he was still unsure on who to go with."
"That's totally different," She shook her head, "You were fucking around back then and heading towards a full blown relationship. Of course you had the right to be jealous. Rick had no right, we haven't even-"
"Making out multiple times is considered fucking around Michonne."
"No it isn't," She grumbled, annoyed, "And that's beside the point, you know I'm not his property. If I want to talk to someone you don't go off on me when you yourself have a whole wife at home."
Sasha nodded, "Yeah, I agree that's kind of messed up."
"It's going to be fine," Michonne tried to reassure herself, "besides I like spending time with Marcus. He is funny. He is easy and a safe bet, nothing like Rick."
"Oh wow you almost managed a whole sentence without bringing him up."
She rolled her eyes and Sasha laughed.
"Maybe tonight I should take Andre with me," Sasha suggested, testing the waters, "You could finally get over Grimes and focus on Marcus. I'm not saying jump into bed with him, but you could give him some alone time since he came all the way here."
Michonne thought about it and agreed, "Yeah, why not. Besides Andre missed you."
The door opened suddenly and Daryl grabbed onto both of them, swooping each woman under one arm, "What's with the back and forth? I could hear you in the hallway."
They wiggled themselves away from him and laughed, Sasha pushed him towards the door "You are not supposed to see her."
"We don't believe in that," He smiled at Connie who smiled back as her hair was being pinned up. He then turned again to look at her best friends, "You two stay out of trouble today okay?"
Sasha crossed her arms, "You give your friends the same pep talk right?"
"It's not my friends and your friends anymore," He was unusually chatty today, "We are one dysfunctional family from this day forward."
"Jeez." Michonne laughed. Her phone suddenly vibrated and she smiled at the message, "Marcus can't find the house, I'm gonna go outside and help him."
Daryl looked at her with a frown and his eyebrows scrunched , "Marcus? You brought your boytoy here today?"
"I told Connie," She explained unbothered as she headed out of the room, "I promise, there is no drama today. Just trust me."
She was gone and Daryl turned to Sasha, "She does realize Rick is gonna tear that guys head off soon as he gets the chance."
Sasha sipped her tea and shrugged, "I think she is counting on it."
The backyard was decorated with garden lights and flowers. Nothing over the top, but the atmosphere was peaceful. It was very earthy and grounded. Simple arch was placed on the grass, teal fabric and lilacs around it. Connies favorite colors peaking from the details. Sasha and Michonne sat on the lawn chairs that were placed beside the isle which was just grass in between. The edges were decorated with big stones with purple and teal paint splashed on them. Michonne smiled at the detail, she now understood why Connie and Andre had painted them.
Andre was swinging his legs back and forth, probably nervous over the situation. He had been excited for his favorite auntie and he had learned to love Daryl. They were always horsing around and usually Daryl returned her child muddy and giggling.
Michonne didn't introduce Marcus to Andre directly. She didn't want to do that yet. She told him he was a friend and he sat next to them, but it didn't seem odd to the little boy. She also explained to Marcus she didn't want to him to go out of his way to connect with him. He understood that very well and didn't take it personally.
"I didn't get to say," He whispered to her, "you look amazing."
Michonne smiled at him and mouthed thank you. At the same time this burning sensation inside of her was getting worse. People were arriving and he still wasn't there. Maybe he did it on purpose to torture her.
Andre sat between her and Sasha. Sasha would glance at her, knowing very well how nervous and on the edge she was. Just when she was about to succeed in calming her nerves, like a storm once again, he finally arrived. She could hear his daughter commenting on how pretty the place was. It was like ripping off a bandaid, she thought. It would momentarily sting and then the pain would end. Michonne looked from over her shoulder towards the end of the isle.
It took her a good minute to even recognize him. He had shortened his hair and shaved the beard off his face. He was holding hands with his darling daughter who was dressed in a lavender dress. Carl slouched behind them, his long hair in a low ponytail. They were both dressed in sleek black tuxedos with teal colored ties.
She didn't have a chance to absorbe all of him when his blue eyes landed on her. He didn't even blink as he found her big brown eyes staring back at him. The moment lasted only seconds, but it felt like a small eternity.
They walked along the isle, Andre noticing the familiar faces, "Hey Judith!" He waved at the girl who was taking a seat on the opposite side of the isle.
She waved back at him while Carl took a seat next to her sister. Carl didn't acknowledge them at all which was understandable. As Rick walked along he realized she was not alone. He felt blindsided.
"Won't you look at that," Marcus got up as Rick approached and extended his hand to him, "Nice to see you Sheriff."
"You too," He quickly gathered himself and shook his hand firmer than usually, "What brings you here?"
She knew the question hid a very direct jab at her, this was embarrassing and she knew it.
Michonne kept her gaze away, focusing on the kids as they chatted on the background. Sasha couldn't help herself and watched the men wide eyed.
"Michonne invated me," Marcus said casually as he took his seat, "I thought why not, I'm all about seeing new places."
Rick smiled at him coyly and took his seat on the opposite side, "Sure you are."
Marcus was puzzled by his answer and sat down. The men exchanged a few more looks to each other and Michonne felt like she wanted to die. Rick would lean back in his chair and tried his best to catch her attention. She refused to give in.
Rick wasn't really listening. Glenn was explaining something about the the first ultrasound they had with Maggie and he could only register her from across the yard. The ceremony was quick and simple. Ezekiel was actually the one who officiated the ceremony. Since the man had many talents like sign language, it was only appropriate. Carol obviously might have pushed him into it, but he spoke beautifully about the couple. Connie looked beautiful in her beaded top and long tulle skirt while Daryl looked like a total stranger in a dark blue suit. Rick tore his eyes away from her and looked at the couple, they were talking with with Connies folks. His childhood best friend finally got his happily ever after and he was glad to see it happen
This was an evening to celebrate their love, bur for Rick right now this was pure torture. He didn't think it would go like this. In his mind he thought he could apologize to Michonne, they could just move on and talk. He missed talking to her. He wanted to share what happened with Lori. He felt like he needed her input. She would understand him.
But this time he didn't understand her. Why did she invate Marcus as a date? he wondered as he stared at them, again. She was sipping her champagne and laughing at something he said. It made his blood boil.
Her red dress reminded him of the night they met. It was tight, but beautifully draped on her body, the satin fabric was glossy and the color looked amazing on her skin. Everything about her tonight was breathtaking. Her long braids were simply down and tucked behind her ears. If he had known she looked like this and she was openly flirting with another man, he would have taken a xanax beforehand.
"Maggie was nervous that Lori didn't come because of her. You know since Hershel arranged Michonne a place to stay." Glenn said quietly so that his pregnant wife didn't hear, "I hope Lori isn't avoiding us."
Rick was quick to answer, "Lori knows Maggie didn't mean harm. She just needs time before jumping back into our circle."
"I get it," Glenn could clearly see where Ricks eyes wandered. He looked at Michonne and Marcus, "What's up with the Ken doll?"
He snorted at the joke, "I don't know."
"You shouldn't take it personal."
"I'm good." Rick drank his glass empty with one swing.
Glenn laughed nervously. He had known this man for years. Of course it was personal.
The kids were running in circles around the property, even Carl and his little date, Enid entertaining them. He was happy that Carl had taken it to heart when they asked him to look after his little sister. Not literally, but keep an eye on her. They were afraid how she was affected by the situation at home. She didn't fully know what was going on, but she were smarter than most kids her age. Judith was complicated though. They knew she wouldn't talk about her feelings with them. Rick was very grateful for Carl.
He grabbed another champagne from the bar they had set up on the porch. He was not going to just stand there and look stupid. Most of the people there knew some extent of the situation with him and her. Funnily, he wasn't keeping track himself what the situation was.
He was brazen and walked up to them. The talking halted soon as he reached the three. Sasha raised her eyebrows, not really understanding this fool who couldn't take a hint.
Michonne didn't flinch, she didn't hide or avoid his eyes this time. He wanted to reign himself in, but he couldn't. Her cold stare ignited a fire inside of him.
Before Marcus got a word in, Rick handed him his drink and took Michonnes next, "Could you hold these? We need to have a quick chat."
The arrogance didn't go unnoticed from him this time. Rick walked a few steps before turning around to look at her, "You coming or not?"
She couldn't believe him. She looked at Marcus apologetically, "I'll be right back."
He held the two champagne glasses and tried his best to look unbothered, his mouth tight with confusion over what was going on.
She took quick steps to go after him.
Sasha smiled awkwardly at Marcus who was left dumbfounded.
She followed him out to the garage. Oh great, she thought soon as she saw him pivot towards the place that reminded her how weak she could be around him.
Rick didn't seem to dwell in the memory as he turned around to face her soon as the door closed, "What the fuck is going on?"
Michonne had to laugh at the question, "What?"
"You think this is some kind of sick and twisted game?" He accused her, his original plan going out of the window, "You're using him to get to me, why?"
She felt like she was hitting her head against a brick wall, he was really pushing it, "You know not everything in my life revolves around you," she seethed, "This is why you dragged me here? You really are delusional if you think I will stay here and listen to your bullshit."
"I'm sorry for how I acted before," He exploded hotly and closed the distance between them by charging into her space, "I really am, but I'm not here to be ridiculed by you."
Michonne swallowed nervously. She knew whenever he said sorry he really meant it.
"I told you it would be a lot easier if you just admitted to yourself what you want." Rick practically whispered the words, "You can't keep pretending."
She didn't understand him and narrowed her eyes, "You got your wife back in the house and you want to scold me for going forward in my life. You realize how insane that is?"
He looked back, surprised, "What? Who told you that?"
Michonne sighed, "Word travels quick around here."
"Well," He began with a deep sigh, "I did get Lori back home. We talked, and we agreed that we're done. We're getting a divorce."
She wasn't sure what to think about the news.
"Looks like you were right all along." He thought back to Vegas and the first conversation they had.
"Shit," she muttered to herself and reflected on her own behaviour, "I'm sorry."
Silence took over. She was painfully aware of her part in everything. Mike had once said she was like omen for bad luck. It stuck with her and eventually she started believing it. All of her insecurities plagued her mind when he finally brought her back.
"Hey," he unsurely swept a hand over bare shoulder, "It's not on you."
Michonne closed her eyes and threw her head back, the anxiety erupting finally, "Rick you need to let me be."
Rick didn't step back, he kept looking at her and hoping for answers.
"I'm doing you a favor," She looked at him, really looked at him, "I'm not a good person. You need to move on and let me do the same."
He was reluctant and shook his head, "I'm not innocent either."
"No you don't get it," Michonne let out strangled, "We were right here when I tried to fuck you. I did that because I wanted to, even when your family was here. I do horrible shit because I want to and I can. I invated Marcus here because I could and I knew I could mess with your head. I did that, for me."
Rick wanted to pull her in, but he knew she wouldn't be having that. Instead he opted to keep his distance and tried his best to comfort her from afar, "Nobody is perfect Michonne."
She let out a sad laugh, "Rick, you don't get it. You stopped it, despite your mistakes you make the effort to try to be better because you don't want to hurt people. I'm not the same."
"I don't believe for one second that you would want to hurt anybody," He could see she was worn out, "It's been a lot, you can't blame yourself for being human."
Michonne wasn't receiving his message, she felt unbelievable guilt and shame. She took a step back and out of bad habit he followed. It was hard for him to see her so overwhelmed. She always stood so confident. This vulnerable side to her made her even more attractive in his eyes.
"Rick, " She whispered his name once more, "This is done. We're done. Please stay away from me."
He watched her walk away in that red dress and wondered if it was the last time he'd have a chance to talk to her. If only the world was on his side, just this one time.
The rest of the night was a blur to Rick. He didn't feel like drinking or being swept into the happy atmosphere. He tried his best. These intense feelings swirled inside of him as he watched her from a distance. She was clearly trying her best to ignore him. Their eyes would meet for seconds and he would feel it in his bones.
The party was over for him when he noticed her leave with another man on her arm. He took the kids home and wondered what the hell had happened.
"Rick, you mind taking these out?" Lori pointed at the trash that was overflowing.
He automatically did what was told and hauled all of the trash bags out, still in his tux.
A car honk startled him. Negans car arrived from the road and parked next to him. Rick ran a hand over his tired face. He didn't have the energy.
"Hey Prick! You coming back to the party or what?" Negan asked from behind the wheel.
Lucille stepped out of the car, strutting past Rick and heading towards their home with a bottle of champagne, "Is Lori home?"
"Yeah." He mumbled at her and watched her go inside the house. The women laughed loudly inside and Rick grimaced.
"You should come so you don't have to deal with tweedledee and tweedledum." Negan was still trying to convince him.
"Nah," He put his hands in his pockets, "I'll just crash in your garage."
"Well shit," He cursed, "I'm gonna go and get shit faced on Daryls money."
"Have fun." He laughed dryly at his friend who gave him the middle finger as he drove off.
Rick could hear the women cackle in his home. A sound that was irritating and reminded him of the promise he made to Lori.
He thought about the evening he had and looked at his family home. This was not how it was supposed to go.
The knock on the door didn't surprise her. She had a feeling in her gut and it was proven right when she took a deep breath and opened it.
There he stood, unapologetically in his tux.
"Rick, you shouldn't-" Michonne didn't get a chance to finish, when he pushed the door enough to walk right in.
She was walking backwards, not tearing her eyes off of him as he closed the door.
"Marcus-"
"Is not here." He said with confidence, his voice deeper and raspier than she was used to, "I know you. He is not here."
Still in her red dress, she stopped and stood unflinching in the hallway as he walked closer.
He was untying his tie at the same time and smoothly pulled it from his neck, "I'm not a good person either."
The tie landed on her feet. Her mind went blank. She could feel her whole body heating up and her heart racing. The smirk on his lips didn't leave as he reached her. Their relationship was like a chess game and she knew he was ready to knock the game over. Rick Grimes was done playing around.
"Andre is with Sasha, right?" He started to take off his suit jacket. The words didn't seem to formulate immediately as her eyes locked with his.
"Uh, yeah," Her breathing was shallow and broken when she finally found her voice again, "What are you-"
"Good," He cut her off and tossed the jacket on the ground, "You can be loud as you want tonight."
Rick waited the moment to register in her brain. Seconds later she finally lost that self-control she had been holding onto.
She let out a shaky breath, "Fuck it."
All of the anger, desperation and need exploded in that moment when she kissed him. It was frantic, it was anything, but gentle. It was everything and more as clothes flew and they grabbed on to each other like their lives depended on it.
Rick didn't need the world to side with him this time.
This time, he took the world and ran with it.
Beyoncés slow version of crazy in love was on loop when I wrote this. I think by the end of this I had listened to it for 3 hours straight... This is my superbowl chapter. Fun fact, The end of this chapter was partly written after the first one. I always knew where I was going. What a doozy. Finally got there. I have the ending written already, but it's a daaaamn complicated road to get there. Lets go!