Omake – Go Make Me A Sandwich!

A/N: Because Saber's best girl and my patrons need something a little less depressing.


Tonight's yet another coincidental meeting between the two. Sitting side by side, Artoria poked fiddled with the hem of her blue dress shyly while I- Well, I just sat still, letting the genderbent King rest on my shoulder.

I knew not what prompted this, but she had wanted to try and experience how it'd feel like. Why? Beat me. But any chance to get close to the blonde ball of cuteness was an opportunity I shalt welcome with open arms! Unfortunately, my arms were starting to grow tired, which was not in any way related to her weight.

Hell, for a woman who could bring down a fortress wall with her fist, Artoria's as light as feather, but it's rather uncomfortable trying to keep my hand above her waist but under her chest.

I didn't want to offend her, though with how clueless she could be, I doubted she would even make a fuss… Still, "Leo." Saber started, ahoge jumping like an ant antenna. "A- Are you uncomfortable?" My smile grew a little stiffer as her head bent back and round, stunning aqua green eyes, so much prettier than mine, gazed at me innocently.

I couldn't even afford to lewd this creature, that's how adorable she was. "It's just, you're shifting a lot."

"I'm fine." I shrugged, my reply tinged with awkwardness as I discreetly tried to stretch my arm.

Sadly, I was soon discovered and Artoria turned a quizzical look at me- nonverbally demanding an explanation. "Holding my arm in place for too long is kinda…" I trailed off, not willing to finish my words. While calm on the surface, I was internally beating myself up for, 'Stupid. Stupid! Shoulda' just lied. Now she's gonna think I'm–'

"Hmmm…" Artoria hummed. "I noticed your hand was clinging above my waist. Is that the problem?"

I chuckled shyly, scratching the back of my head. "Well, if we sit for too long, it does get uncomfortable. It doesn't hurt–" I immediately clarified. "But it's–"

Again, I stopped before I could dig myself an even deeper hole, luckily. "My apology, I thought you had room the maneuver your hand. It's my mistake." She attempted to bow, but I put a halt to her foolishness. "Don't, you're right. I could've moved my hand up or down, but- Uhmmm…"

"Then why didn't you?" Her head fell a bit to the right, causing Artoria's bangs to sway and I had to stomp on the urge to steal a peck. She'd not appreciate that. "Well, if I lower my hand, I will touch your bottom–" You heard that right, because 'ass' and 'butt' were too vulgar terms to use when speaking to King Arthur. "If I raise it, I'll touch your chest so–"

I hadn't finished when she grabbed my hand, putting it soundly on her small, yet surprisingly well-shaped ass- bottom! "If… If you want to touch it, I don't mind. This body's muscular and ugly anyway, if it'd please you- I–"

Shameful at her slip, Artoria's eyes glued to her lap, yet the bright red creeping up her ears told me she's not done as she finished quietly. "If it'd please you, I don't mind you touching… Just for a bit."

"Just for a bit?"

I repeated, feeling like my brain's being drained out of my ears. I tried- Gods knew I did but I couldn't help it. Removing my hand from the Servant's bottom, I caressed her cheeks- finger trailing her jawline as I closed- my lips and hers an inch apart. "I think I understand her reason now." Artoria commented dazedly. I knew not who this 'she' was, but I did know I wanted to kiss her more than anything in this moment… "Gods, you don't even realize how stunningly gorgeous you are, do you?

I know it's hard to see since we were fighting, but the first time we met, you stole my breath." I hadn't thought she could get any redder, and I was glad to know I was mistaken…

Struggling free from my grasp, Artoria stumbled to her feet like a drunk- surprisingly clumsy as a result of her turbulent emotions. I didn't need Super-Hearing to listen to her rapid heartbeats. "I've wasted enough of your time, Lord Magnum." The pang in my chest as she used my formal Title nearly floored me, but I held it together. She was attracted to me, she just didn't know or want to admit it for whatever reason. Maybe my relationship with Rin and Shiro?

"You've done me a great favor and indulged my selfish desire, is there anything I can do for you in exchange?" There were lots of things I wanted, yet knew I could not ask. So wracked with anxiety, the dumbest parts of me blurted idiotically. "Go make me a sandwich." Humor's originally meant to be a way to alleviate stress, but it's stressing me even more… 'Fuck! Really, Leonis?!'

From the look on her face, Artoria didn't seem to find the joke funny either- storming into the building and leaving me and my lonesome on the balcony. "Shit!"

.

.

.

I had pondered on whether I should give chase, eventually ending up with the answer: No. Girls didn't like simps- apologies should be reserved for after she had calmed down, not before for the same reason acts of grandiose should be reserved for special occasions and not made a daily thing. It cheapened the whole gestures. Instead, I opted for my room, wanting to brood for my fumble when a knock sounded on my door.

"Come back tomorrow!"

I huffed, throwing the blanket on and turning my back to the door.

"I'll leave your sandwich outside then?"

Hearing the voice, I jumped off the bed- all traces of sleepiness gone as I opened the door to see Artoria with a plate of tuna sandwich. "Leo, you–"

"I thought you were angry at me?"

She blinked owlishly, brows furrowed. "Why'd I be?"

"Well–" I trailed, not knowing how to describe it and settled for, "Go make me a sandwich is a pretty offensive joke for some women, I just- I thought- Why were you looking all serious back there?" Realizing how crazy I sounded, I simply changed the subject, questioning with genuine confusion as Artoria coughed- bringing her fist to hide her lower face which I knew for a fact's positively flaming.

"I was thinking of what sandwich to make."

Unable to hold it any longer, I burst into laughter, pulling the Servant in my arms and smothering her forehead with wet kisses while she put up the littlest resistance to my advances. "Lord Magnum!"

She stomped her feet cutely as I ruffled her hair. "Please have some decency."

"That word doesn't exist in my dictionary, I thought you knew?" I winked teasingly, tearing the sandwich in two and handing her the bigger half. "Here, you should at least try your own cooking. See how you've improved."

"But the sandwich's your compensation."

I rolled my eyes.

"Yes, and I'm splitting it to you so be grateful. You kids need nutrients more than I do– Ouch, stop! Stop- Ah!"

That night I learnt regardless of their upbringing, a woman's ability to pinch someone and make it hurt was deeply ingrained in their DNA, and though Merlin might've given her male part once, Artoria's very much still a woman.