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Chapter 78

Uncertain Future


Leah


"Good morning, Princess!" I heard Edward's familiar voice whisper through my dream.

Was the night really already over? It couldn't be!

Tediously I opened my eyes.

It was still dark outside and Edward had flicked on my bedside lamp. The light stung my eyes and made me blink.

"Morning," I mumbled sleepily, yawning and taking the cup from him.

"Jake's already wide awake," Dad warned me before leaving me alone again.

I just nodded and carefully sipped the coffee.

Jake's good mood was almost unbearable. And as a wolf, even less so. I was glad to finally be alone in the shower, but it didn't change my mood. I felt like I was shattered today. Powerless. As if I hadn't slept properly for weeks, although I was actually in bed relatively early. I wasn't really even hungry when I struggled with the roll at breakfast.

"Of course, Em. I'll come over as soon as they're all out of the house," I heard Edward say over the phone.

The sun was shining, so the vampires were off school ... I could also use it today.

We cleared the table, Jake was already walking to the car, and Mom was in Edward's arms.

Her amorous murmuring somehow got on my nerves today.

I put on my jacket.

The summer was definitely over. In the last three weeks - since our trip to the lake - it had cooled down quite a bit.

Somehow everything was bugging me today!

"Leah? Are you all right? Are you not feeling well?" Edward asked me as I was about to walk out the front door.

"What? No. Everything's okay. It's just not my day today," I appeased and quickly walked out.

I felt his gaze on my back, but my eyes were stubbornly forward.

I wasn't sure he wouldn't have followed me if the sun wasn't beating down full on our driveway.


Finally, we moved away from Edward and I dared to think again.

What a shitty evening that had been! I was with Jenny at Becky's. Becky had been hugging a hot water bottle all evening since she had her period. That was when I noticed for the first time when I had gotten my last period. And that it was during summer vacation. More than six weeks ago! I should have gotten it right after Mom, but nothing had come. Then somehow, I hadn't thought about it. I had never had any significant difficulties with it. I could usually set the clock after it, had almost never had any pain or mood swings or anything else that other girls would complain about. In this respect, there was only one explanation for me: I was pregnant! I had only slept with Ben once. Of course, we had used a condom, but these things were no guarantee. Yesterday I had been crying with Jen and Becky about this assumption that had hit me like a bolt out of the blue. The two of them had reasoned with me. Even though I was no longer with Ben, I have a mother in Mom who would show understanding. After all, she herself had not really been older then.

The two of them immediately came running up to me and asked how I was doing when we got to the parking lot.

How should I be? Shit! But I had made the two of them promise not to tell anyone.

I had gotten along with Ben again to some extent. He had apologized to me for his insults, but I had told him quite clearly that there were more secrets and I didn't need a friend who goes crazy at the most harmless ones. Had he then understood. We greeted each other and spoke to each other when it could not be avoided.

When I walked into class during second period, I stood still, rooted to the spot, and put a hand on my stomach.

Ben was already sitting there. In the seat right behind me. He saw me, nodded friendly and turned back to his buddy.

What was I supposed to do with Ben if I was really pregnant? If I was carrying his child under my heart? A new little predator? What would he say about it in general? Did I even have to tell him? Probably should. After all, it would also be his. His predator. I caught myself smirking at how horrified he would be at this news to be related to a predator.

But as quickly as it had come, it was already gone.

What effects would a pregnancy have on the wolf in me? Was I allowed to phase at all then? With a thick ball in front of my belly, I imagined that would be quite difficult. And how would I look as a wolf then? With Edward and his family in direct contact, when would this Little One phase himself for the first time?

Questions upon questions kept buzzing constantly through my head, even the image of having a puppy instead of a baby, so that by lunchtime I had a headache.

I asked Jake for the car keys, went to the school's office to excuse myself, and drove off.


Actually, I felt like throwing myself right back into bed.

That might get rid of the headache, but I still wouldn't have certainty.

So, I stopped at a convenience store and got a pregnancy test.

It was the longest five minutes of my life ...

I had paced up and down my room. It hadn't taken me a minute to get a drink from downstairs. Had intermediately cried, cursed, laughed, threw myself furiously into bed and considered repainting my room. Until finally the damn time for the test was over.

And then this: It showed nothing! Nothing, nada, absolutely no strip was to be seen, not even the test strip for the statement 'Not pregnant'!

I drove off again.

This time to a pharmacy and got some advice.

There were many such tests. The young lady there was less regretful, like the cashier at the convenience store, but rather helpful.

So, I repeated the test ...

I could rearrange my furniture once again. If I put the bed in the corner and pushed the dresser a bit to the right, there was enough space for a baby cradle ... Same result! Again absolutely nothing!

Frustrated, I sat in the far corner of my room. I had my cell phone in my hand, but I didn't really know why.

Who should I call already?

For a long time I just sat there until I finally had an idea.

I typed a message on my cell phone.

Are you at home?

The answer came quickly.

Yes.

Is Edward around?

The answer did not come quite as quickly.

No, but Esmé is here.

Doesn't bother me, I'm on my way.

I wrote, pocketed the two tests and drove off.


Why did the house have to be so damn far away? Half an hour of driving was long enough to mess up my thoughts again. Well, they weren't really tidy all day today. But the time span was enough that I got scared. Fear of really being pregnant. What would become of me then? What would Mom say about it?

Carlisle was already waiting for me at the front door. He saw my eyes and took me directly into his arms.

And I blubbered unrestrainedly on him.

"Leah, dear. What's the matter? Are you hurt? Are you in pain somewhere?" he asked immediately, concerned.

I just shook my head, unable to say anything, and Carlisle just held me.

It took a while, but then I got out the two pregnancy tests and silently held them out to him.

I was ashamed.

That I needed these things at all and then they also withheld a clear result from me. Maybe I had done something wrong.

Of course, he immediately understood what exactly he was holding in his hands and also that they had apparently not worked.

"Take it easy, Leah. Everything will be fine," he gently stroked my back.

It worked, just like it always worked for Mom or Dad. I calmed down.

With tear-wet eyes, I looked at him. I felt completely helpless.

Then he pulled me up - with one arm over my shoulders – up to his examination room and took blood from me.

While we waited for the now hopefully final result, we sat together on the stretcher. My head rested on his shoulder and he continued to whisper encouragingly.

That no one would leave me alone or reproach me, that I was loved by everyone, that everyone would help me, that it was a cause for joy however young I was, that he would help me tell my parents.

When Esmé joined in, I was already almost smiling again.

She said the same thing and directly offered to quit her job to spend time with her great-grandchild while I was in school or studying.

"What about the father?" asked then Esmé, having probably already planned everything in her thoughts until my baby started school.

"If I'm pregnant, it's Ben, but I'm not together with him anymore," I stated. I had not really told the two of them about Ben yet. Why would I! After all, he didn't matter in my life anymore. But that would possibly change again. More or less.

It beeped and I immediately got nervous.

Esmé took my hand as Carlisle walked over to the appropriate device and looked at the evaluation. Thoughtfully, he came to me and smiled hesitantly at me.

"Negative!" he said, and I jumped in his arms with relief.

I didn't have to confess to Mom that I was too stupid to use birth control!

Esmé appeared a tiny bit disappointed, but was happy for me.

"You'll have great-grandchildren soon enough," I embraced Esmé with joy.

Because I wanted children. Just not yet. With Ben, I had often imagined it and also when one told us that Sonya was having another baby, I was already looking forward to experiencing it myself one day. As I said: one day. In the relatively distant future!

"But now tell me why you assumed that. You didn't just come up with the idea," Carlisle then questioned me.

It was clearly the physician who spoke out of him and who frightened me again.

Yes, there had to be a reason why I wasn't getting my period. Maybe I had something worse than just a pregnancy that was done after nine months and eighteen years. But hadn't Seth said that as long as we phased regularly, we would never get sick again? We were not even supposed to catch a lousy cold.

So, I told why I had come up with it.

Carlisle asked if I had ever been to a gynecologist.

The question was quite justified. Some of my girlfriends had not yet and also did not think it was necessary, because they had neither problems nor sex so far. But Mom had taken me to a female doctor as soon as I had gotten my period for the first time. Since then, I had been going regularly for checkups, and so far everything had always been fine.

"We should find out the cause of your lack of menstrual bleeding," Carlisle said with a serious undertone. "There can be all kinds of reasons for this, and most of them are harmless to one's health," he added immediately.

He listed some things and asked quite a few questions.

Stress, physical changes, previous surgeries, and so on.

I answered dutifully.

Then when he asked about sex, I felt the heat in my cheeks and looked down at the floor in embarrassment.

And what did the damn floor tell me? I wouldn't be here now if I hadn't had sex!

"Edward is back," Esmé then stated, as she looked straight out the window.

Good. That saved me from having to answer ... Crap. He will certainly already know why I'm here, when I should actually be sitting in school right now. And I'm sure it won't be very long before he ...


"Leah," he said, just coming through the door.

He sounded very concerned, which actually didn't really surprise me.

Carlisle and Esmé left us alone while Edward joined me on the stretcher.

I sighed.

Then I guess I should start confessing on my own, although I'm sure he already knew why I came here.

He shook his head indulgently.

"Carlisle takes his doctor-patient confidentiality very seriously. He never thinks about his patients when I'm around and immediately stopped thinking about you when Esmé told him I was back here ... I don't know why you're here, and you don't have to tell me if you don't want to ... But I'm worried, of course. Because I don't think you are sitting in this room, of all places, for no reason."

I mulled over his words for a moment.

Doctor-patient confidentiality. That sounded very reassuring somehow.

But since Carlisle's words made me quite nervous, I told Edward what had brought me here. My initial fear, my subsequent relief, and now fear again that it might be something really bad.

"Then that's why you were trying not to think about anything this morning and fled?" he asked now.

I nodded. A little guiltily.

He was my dad; I should be able to talk to him about anything. Especially when I was afraid.

He put a hand to my cheek comfortingly and I leaned against his shoulder.

"You should never be alone with your fears. I can understand that you don't necessarily want to come to me with such problems. But why didn't you go to your mother with this worry?"

It wasn't that I wanted to hide it in general. I just wanted to be sure before I said anything to anyone. My fear of being pregnant had been too hasty. I would only have made everyone unnecessarily crazy ...

Edward's cell phone vibrated.

"That will be Bella wondering where I am," he explained to me as he pulled his phone out of his pants pocket. "What do you think? ... Do you want to tell her about your fear or do you want to know what's going on first, yourself?" he then asked.

But I wanted Mom there since it seemed I wasn't 'just' pregnant.

"Hello, my angel. Miss me already?" he whispered delightedly into his cell phone.

I smirked.

It was still nice to see the two of them so in love with each other. Well, hear in this case. This soulful behavior by the two of them had not diminished a day. Edward just said he was still here and asked if she wanted to come too. She rejected the idea of Edward picking her up on foot to get here faster.

I laughed.

I knew how Mom looked every time Edward ran vampirically through the woods with her. She tried regularly, but it just didn't get any better. I wonder what Mom would have said if I really had a baby?

"I've gotten out of the habit of guessing Bella's opinion ahead of time. I'm usually wrong," Edward laughed when he hung up.

I chuckled.

Esmé had even been really excited.

"That I can imagine," Edward then said quietly in my thoughts. "Did Esmé ever tell you her story and how she got into this life?" he continued to ask.

I shook my head and he told ...

Esmé had my deepest sympathy. It must be hard for a woman when a wish for a child is not fulfilled.


"Bella is here," Edward then said after some time.

It was just like Mom. As soon as he was near, an extremely amorous expression came over her face. Just like with him now.

"Well go to her already!" I summoned him with a smirk.

"Do you want to tell Bella yourself, or should I prepare her beforehand?" he asked, though.

He had successfully distracted me from my own thoughts with Esmé's story, but immediately it was back. The fear. But I wanted to tell Mom about it myself.


Thank you for reading!