QUICK PSA: I've changed the name of this story. I loved the original - Brothers: Here We Go Again, but I've been thinking about the series as a whole and with my plans to write a third, maybe even a fourth story for this series, I just felt that it needed a change. So I've changed it to Brothers: The Second Chapter.


December 25, 1996 - Part 2

Sirius found himself wondering if perhaps he was wrong. Talking with James about the past had felt right when Annabell had suggested it during his last session with her. Of course, his thoughts had been more focused on the possibility of having his best friend back. Sirius knew it was unrealistic to think James would listen and then shrug it off, not after so many years and not after what he did. James had every right to hate Sirius, but he still held onto a sliver of hope that perhaps one day they could find their way back.

When they had finished their midday meal, Harry had disappeared with Fleur and the kids, leaving the adults to talk. Sirius had laughed along with Allard as he retold a rather humorous story about how his dealings with a Russian Wizard whose French hadn't been quite up to par with what he had been told. But when the story was finished, Allard moved to discuss business with Orion, and Remus headed outside with Lily – who wanted to stretch her legs, leaving Sirius with James.

Sirius had suggested they share a drink, a scotch that he had been waiting to open for a while. And it seemed for that conversation he wanted to have that some strong scotch would be best.

In Sirius' office, he grabbed two glasses and summoned the scotch from the cellar. James sat down on one of the armchairs, slouched down and crossed his ankles. As Sirius poured, he said, "Don't fall asleep on me. It will be a waste of scotch."

James smirked. "Let's be honest, you'd drink mine for me if I did."

Sirius chuckled. James was right. He screwed the cap back on before walking over to James to hand him his glass. He took a large sip of his own before turning to look out the window. Outside his office, he would see the forest that lined one edge of White Oak Manor. A few kilometres through those trees was a small muggle town that he remembered visiting once when Harry was a baby. Harry had been crying all day, and so Sirius had taken him a walk to try and soothe him. A few muggle women had taken sympathy on the single father and his young child and had helped bring a smile to Harry's face. It had been right after that Halloween.

"So, out with it," said James.

Sirius frowned and turned to look at him. "What?"

James sighed. "Don't think I'm stupid. You've been weird all day, and I saw you whispering with Lily earlier. So whatever you want to say, just tell me." He took a sip of his scotch and sat forward.

Sirius let out a long breath before turning back to the window. He said, "I don't know if Lily mentioned it, but I've been seeing a psychologist."

"Isn't that a muggle doctor?" asked James.

"Yes. Except mine's a witch. She helps people deal with their issues. I actually met her last year when she spoke to Harry after last Christmas," explained Sirius.

"The woman from the Ministry?"

Sirius nodded. "Yes."

"Okay." James gave him a confused look.

Sirius walked over to the other armchair and sat down. He put down his scotch glass and looked at James. "Miss Winters thought it would be beneficial for me, for all of us, to talk about everything that happened at that time."

James' face turned sour.

"I was hoping you would let me explain—"

"Lily already told me what happened," said James. He swallowed the rest of his scotch and stood up.

Sirius nodded. "Yes, I know. But that is her side of things, not mine. There's a lot more that happened – not with Lily – but other things I never told you."

James clenched his fist and said, "What more could you possibly want to say? You slept with the girl I had been in love with the whole time we were at school. You fucked Lily like you did all of the others girls and didn't think about what it would mean for two seconds. You didn't even have the balls to admit what you'd done."

Sirius took a sip of his scotch. "You're right; I did. And I have lived with that mistake for the last sixteen years."

James leant against Sirius' desk. "So have I. Every time the son you share with Lily appeared in my home, I had to remember what you both did."

Sirius stood up and said, "You don't think I didn't feel that too. I lost my best friend because I got too drunk and made a fucked up decision. Harry is the best thing in my life, but how I got him was probably the worst thing I could have done. I wish I could take back the choices I made that day; I wish that Harry hadn't been created out of a drunk emotional mess where two friends who felt like that had nowhere else to turn did something they couldn't change. But it happened, and I want to explain why."

James' teeth ground together. He slammed his glass down on Sirius' desk and said, "Fine. Explain."

Sirius looked down at his glass. It trembled in his fingers. "During the week that you and Lily weren't speaking, I got a letter from my parents. They told me that they were sorry and were practically begging me to come home."

James frowned. "You never told me about that."

"I didn't want you to think I was weak."

"Why would I have thought that?"

Sirius rubbed the back of his neck. "Because I wanted to. You knew how bad my mother was, how she treated me, and how my father didn't really care. But I still wanted to go home because I wanted a family like yours, one who loved them. I showed the letter to Regulas, and he was surprised by it. He told me that the last time he had spoken to our parents, our mother was cursing my name. I sent them a letter back, telling them that I would consider it, and then Regulas went missing."

"You said he didn't go missing till that summer."

"I lied because Dumbledore told me too."

"What? Why?" James pushed away from the desk.

Sirius explained, "Regulas was helping Dumbledore with something, or he was doing something that Dumbledore knew about. I'm not really sure, but whatever it was, he left school the day I showed him the letter. When I couldn't find him the next day, Dumbledore told me he'd left the school and that no one could find him. He told me to keep it to myself, or I could make it worse for Regulas, so I did. I didn't tell anyone…but Peter."

James' eyes widened. "Peter?"

Sirius nodded glumly. "Yeah. I don't remember the whole conversation, but I had downed about half a bottle of fire whiskey and was slumped in the common room late one night when Peter came in. I thought he'd be in bed; it was after midnight. Now that I think about it, I should have realised him sneaking about so late was weird. But he asked me what was wrong, and it came out. I told him Regulas had gone missing, that Dumbledore had told me not to say anything."

"Do you think that Regulas was doing something in regards to Voldemort?"

Sirius shrugged. "I think so. And when I told Peter about Regulas, he probably passed it on."

James crossed his arms. "Sirius, don't tell me you blame yourself for Regulas' death?"

"I do. Because I told Peter, and we all know he was Voldemort's side, the rat." Sirius finished his scotch. "Regulas disappeared just before the summer, Peter disappeared right as we finished Hogwarts, and we didn't see either of them again, until…."

James frowned. "Sirius, what happened to your brother isn't your fault, and what Peter did isn't your fault."

"I agree to disagree on that one. And then, because of my stupidity, I kept drinking, and I destroyed the best friendship I would ever have by sleeping with Lily. All because I couldn't cope with what was going on around me. And I'm sorry, Prongs. So fucking sorry, and I wish I wasn't such a fuck up because then I wouldn't have spent the last sixteen years hating myself. Out of all of us, you deserved to get the girl and be happy, not have your stupid fucking friend ruin everything like I did."

James rubbed his face with his hand. He looked up at the ceiling and huffed. "You are an idiot; I won't disagree with you there. You've made a lot of stupid choices, and while I do hate you for what you did, I've missed you."

Sirius looked up, shocked.

"You were my best friend for seven years; that doesn't just disappear. You were my brother, Padfoot. And for a long time, I was so angry, and not just because you slept with Lily, that you ruined our friendship. There were so many times that I just wanted to go back and just tell you that I forgave you so we could go back, but I couldn't. And I'm not saying that everything is just all good because it's not. I don't think I'll ever completely get over what happened, but I do want to be your friend, Sirius. I want to make this easier for everyone, which is why I've been trying."

"I want that too, mate. I know I can never make up for it, but I just don't want you to hold this against Harry."

"I don't – at least, not anymore. I realised that I did hold it against him for a long time, and he didn't deserve that."

James and Sirius both stared at one another for a few moments. They shared a brief smile before they stood, and James surprised Sirius by taking his hand – and instead of shaking it – he pulled him into a hug.

As they stepped back, James clapped Sirius on the shoulder and said, "Now, let's not discuss the past again; let us leave it where it is."

Sirius nodded. "No problem. I'm just happy you know everything that happened now."

James said, "Me too. Even though it doesn't excuse anything, I can understand what led to it…I suppose."

"Thank you for listening."

The two of them fell silent. Sirius looked at the bottle of scotch and stood up. He filled his glass before holding the bottle towards James, who smiled and held out his glass.

James said, "Do you think they'd notice if we just stayed here and drunk the bottle?"

Sirius smirked. "There's only one way to find out."


Then sun had set when it seemed everyone was ready to leave. Walburga and Orion had left around mid-afternoon, Sirius sharing another hug with his mother before Orion apparated them home. Harry had stepped aside with Fleur to confirm their plans for the next day before snogging her stupendously – Fleur's choice of word – just around the corner from their family. Once the Delcour's were gone, James asked Lily if she was ready to go, but she turned to Harry and pulled him aside.

Harry closed the doors of a sitting room behind him and then helped Lily sit down on one of the lounges. He took a seat beside her and looked at his mother, and wondered what she might want to ask him. After talking to Fleur about his feelings earlier that day, Harry didn't feel like opening up anymore.

Lily took Harry's hand, squeezed it and smiled warmly. She asked, "Did you have fun today?"

Harry nodded. "Yeah, it was good." He smirked. "Less dramatic than last year."

Lily cringed. "Yeah…Fleur is a beautiful young woman, and I noticed the new addition to her neck at lunch. Very nice."

Harry said, "Dad gave me a few suggestions."

"Did he?" Lily asked, surprised.

"Yep. He surprised me too."

Lily smiled. "He is full of surprises, even after all these years."

"Mum?"

"Yeah?"

"Just ask me whatever you want to ask."

Lily frowned. "What do you mean?"

He said, "I know Dad and James talked earlier."

She asked, "How? Your father didn't give you anything to drink, did he?"

Harry sighed. "No. I went to grab popcorn for Harvey and Gabby. I overheard their discussion before they'd made it halfway through the bottle."

Lily sighed. "Oh."

"So, if you want to ask me how I feel about them talking? I don't like it when anyone talks about the past, but things seemed to go well, so I can't complain."

Lily shook her head. "While I am glad things went well between Sirius and James, so well in fact that Remus had to sober them up, but I didn't want to talk about that."

"Then what?"

"The baby."

Harry frowned. One of the few topics he didn't like to discuss, most of all with his mother. "What about her?"

She said, "Your father mentioned that he thinks you've been holding back again. I was concerned that perhaps what you had told me about your…acceptance of the situation might not be true. Or at least, you want it to be true, but you can't bring yourself to make it so."

"Are you asking me if I'm happy that you're pregnant?"

Lily nodded. "Yes. And I want your complete honesty."

Harry pulled his hand away from Lily and stood. If he gave his mother complete honesty, it wouldn't be good. The night Harry had found out about Lily's pregnancy, he wanted to hate his mother; why would she do something so stupid to ruin everything they were pushing for. Why did she have to add another complication…another sibling to compete with? Harry was angry at her, he was even angry at Harvey for how excited he was, but Harry couldn't say that.

"You don't want my honest answer," said Harry.

"Yes, I do."

Harry scoffed. The truth could do one of two things. It could tear them apart completely; Harry's honest feelings about their family, about the baby, about everything that had happened to them, wasn't kind. He blamed them all and thought it would be better if they didn't try and force themselves to be one big happy family because it was unrealistic. The other possibility would be the opposite; understanding how Harry felt might make Lily see what was really going on.

"Harry, I understand that you think that keeping everything in makes things easier, but we've already talked about this. It isn't fair to you if I just go on with things and pretend like everything is okay. I want you to be honest so that I can be a good mother to you, so I can do what I failed to do for so long, which is put you above myself. So, please. Please talk to me."

"Say I talk to you and tell you something you don't want to hear, then what? There are some things that you can't change."

"You aren't happy about the baby, are you?"

He shook his head. "No, I'm not. I'm angry."

"At me?"

"Yes, at you. Why would you do something so stupid?"

"It wasn't intentional—"

Harry cut her off. "I know that, but that makes it worse. Things were finally starting to feel okay, I thought for a split second that I would be able to have you in my life, and I wouldn't have to be so paranoid. But then you tell me that you're having another child."

Lily's face turned sad.

Harry continued, his voice growing louder. "The woman who couldn't manage to put her first two children before herself thought it was a good idea to have another child. To me, all I see is you trying to push me further away from you. All I see is you trying to grasp that perfect family you always wanted…and that perfect family doesn't include me!"

Lily shook her head and buried her face in her hands. Harry hated himself for hurting her, but she wanted his honesty. He heard his mum's first sob, and he wanted to comfort her, but he stopped himself.

The door to the sitting-room opened, and Remus stepped in. Harry turned to him and saw the concern. Looking back at his crying mother, Harry swallowed his anger and said, "I didn't mean to yell."

Remus stepped into the room, closed the door and walked over to Harry. "I'm not angry at you for shouting."

"I shouldn't be yelling at my mother," said Harry.

"No," said Lily. She pushed herself to stand, Remus moved over to help her up, and she walked to Harry. "You should be because once again, you're right. I'm sorry I made you feel such a way; I didn't think…." A few tears fell down her face.

Harry felt his own tears trying to break out, but he pushed them back. He didn't want to cry in front of any of them.

"I think that you both could use some rest," said Remus. "It's been a long day."

Lily nodded. She wiped her cheeks. "You're right. Harry, baby." Lily grasped his cheeks. "I love you. Can we talk tomorrow?"

Harry frowned and said, "If it's okay, can we wait?"

Lily nodded again. "Of course, whatever you need."

"Thank you."

Lily tried to smile, but the pain in her eyes was obvious. "Merry Christmas, baby. I love you." She kissed Harry's cheek and turned to walk out of the sitting room. She paused at the door, giving Harry one last forced smile before walking away.

Remus grasped Harry's shoulder. "You okay?"

Harry shook his head. "Far from it, Uncle Remy."

Remus smiled. "I don't remember the last time you called me that." He slung his arm the whole way over Harry's shoulders, and they left the room.

Sirius was walking away from the floo and met them in the hallway. He took one look at Harry and hugged him, not offering any words, only using the hug to say everything.

When Sirius pulled back, Harry said, "I think I should talk to someone."

Sirius smiled. "Really?"

He nodded. "Yeah."

"I'll send Annabell an owl in the morning."

Harry said, "Thanks, Dad."