December 27, 1996
It was almost twelve months before that Harry found himself in the same office, sitting across from Annabel Winters, meeting her for the first time. The space hadn't changed in the past year, and neither had Annabel. She had greeted Harry warmly upon his arrival. She had even spent a moment briefly talking with Sirius before they sat down.
Sirius elected to wait for Harry outside. Even though Harry had tried to insist that he was old enough to bring himself, Sirius wanted to show his support for Harry. Sirius didn't mind spending an hour waiting.
Even with his insistence, Harry was glad that his father chose to stay. He felt comforted that as he sat across from Annabel that his father was just outside if anything were to happen. Harry wasn't sure what would be brought up in their conversation – as Annabel had labelled it – and he was still slightly worried that his magic might react as it had the year before.
But his fears seemed to fade as Annabel started to ask him about everything. Harry felt more relaxed than he'd ever expected.
"How are things going between you and Harvey?" she asked.
Harry smiled. "It's good. Our brotherly bond is in full swing."
Annabel smirked. "Driving you crazy, is he?"
Harry let out a small laugh. "Sometimes. All my friends assure me that is a normal thing."
She nodded, her quill flicking along the page of her notebook. "Very normal. You are both in very different stages of your life, and Harvey probably sees you as a role model. He could start to mimic you or follow you around. That's just typical younger siblings' behaviour."
"Follow he does. He also doesn't knock."
"The knocking probably isn't intentional." Annabel tilted her head to the other side and asked, "And what about your mother? Your relationship with her?"
"It's…." Harry couldn't really think of a word to describe it. "Complicated?"
She nodded again, her eyes showing her understanding. "I can't imagine her becoming pregnant was easy for you."
"Not really, no." Harry tapped his finger on the arm of the couch. "I thought at the end of last year that we had reached a point where she was going to make some changes. I thought that maybe she would do things differently, and I wouldn't feel this way all the time."
"And how is it that you feel?"
Harry swallowed. "Scared."
"Scared of your mother?"
"No, not of her. More of what she will do."
"Of what she will do once the baby is born?"
Harry nodded.
"Are you worried that she'll be so focused on your new sibling that you will be forgotten?"
Harry tensed his brow and clenched his jaw before nodding once.
Annabel kept her eyes on him, her face relaxed. She continued, "Have you discussed this with her?"
Harry dropped his head. He leant forward on his knees and looked down at the patterned rug beneath his feet. As he stared at the lines, he said, "Yeah. Christmas day; I told her that I thought she'd act like she did with Harvey." Harry clenched his fist and said, "She keeps making promises, ones that I haven't really seen her keep. She says over and over again that she loves us all equally, that I'm important to her. But no matter how many times she tells me, I have this voice that just yelling at me not to believe her."
"Do you want to believe her?"
The answer should have been easy – at least, Harry thought it should be – but he hesitated. He stretched out his fingers and looked up at Annabel.
She said, "It is normal for you to feel negatively about your mother. You've taught yourself over the years to expect disappointment from her, so now, when you want to try and do the opposite, internally, you aren't giving yourself the chance to actually change. You are protecting yourself from any further pain if you don't let her in."
"I let Harvey in."
"Yes, but Harvey isn't who you directly link your issues with. He was connected to it; after all, it wasn't until Harvey was born that things changed, but it was your mother who you knew was the direct cause."
"Would it be the same with the baby?"
Annabel shrugged her shoulders. "Possibly. You're at a different stage in your life; you experience emotions differently. You have more control over how it affects you."
"So things could be fine after the baby's born?"
She sighed. "Things won't be fine until you sort out your emotions. And I don't mean having another conversation with your mother. You can have the same conversation over and over again; in the end, your mother will make her choices, and you need to be ready to accept what happens and process it in a healthy way."
Harry's furrowed his brow. "I don't know what you want me to do."
Annabel placed her quill into the ink pot on the table beside her and closed her notebook. Her shoulders dropped, and she said, "You need to figure out if you actually want to give your mother a second chance. You have said that you want your family to be happy for all of that pain to be gone. But there is a chance that your mother won't change, she could make the same mistakes over, and you will be faced with being put aside. But there is also a chance that she will do the right thing, that she will make good choices. But you need to decide if you are willing to go through that again."
It wasn't the conversation Harry had expected. He figured that Annabell would tell him that he needed to accept what his mother was saying, that his reaction wasn't normal. But she wasn't. It sounded like she was telling him to give up on his mother – at least, she was explaining to him that was the choice he needed to make.
Annabel opened up her notebook again and asked, "How is Fleur?"
Harry felt his body relax at the mention of Fleur. Just thinking about her helped calm him down and clear his mind. "She's great."
"It's good that you have someone outside of your family that you can lean on."
Harry frowned.
"What is it?" asked Annabel.
He explained, "I love Fleur; she's my rock. But sometimes, I wonder if she'd be better off without me."
"Why do you think that?"
He ran his tongue across his lower lip before leaning back. "We met at my lowest point. I was so desperate for a way out that I managed to apparate to another country, 286 miles away. Our whole relationship has been built upon all of my mess that I feel that at some point that foundation is going to crumble, and she'll get hurt."
"Have you asked Fleur what she thinks about that?"
Harry laughed softly. "No. She'd call me a imbécile."
"I think it would be wise that you discuss it with her anyway. Even if she calls you a moron, she should know where your head is at. Your relationship will be stronger with honesty."
"The whole communication is key cliché?"
Annabel smirked. "There's a reason it's a cliché."
The house was quiet when Harry and Sirius returned home. It was something that Harry used to thrive in, the dead silence of White Oak Manor, but now it only seemed to make his thoughts louder. Everything was still muddled, but his next steps were a little clearer. What he really wanted was to focus on school, his apprenticeship, his friends and Fleur. All this other complicated stuff he wanted to just go away, but it seemed that he was never meant to have a simple life.
Harry walked towards the stairs, his shoulders sagging and the proper posture he normally maintained gone completely.
Sirius stopped a few feet away from the floo and watched Harry walk, his face concerned. He said, "I know you said that things went well, and I have no right to pry, but is there anything you want to tell me?"
Harry stopped on the second step. He gripped the railing and dropped his head down, his eyes focusing on the small details on the dark carpet. "She told me to consider if I want Mum in my life."
Sirius frowned, his mouth popping open silently.
"She wants me to consider if I truly am willing to give Mum another chance or if I'm lying to myself."
"I thought that this whole thing was so you could give Lily a chance to make a mends?"
Harry shrugged. "It was, at least I thought so. But Annabel said that it might be better, healthy for me to let her go."
"And what would that mean? You cut her out completely?"
"I don't know."
Sirius pushed back his hair as he turned away from his son.
Harry hated what he knew his father would be thinking, but Harry didn't even know what he wanted. The idea of cutting off his mum scared him; if he separated himself from her, he would be making sure that finding that relationship he had always craved would become impossible. And what about Harvey and the baby? What would his relationship with them become like? Harry didn't think that Lily would keep Harvey away, but there was no way he'd be able to meet his new sister without being around Lily.
"Is that what you want?" asked Sirius.
Harry took in his father's scared eyes and shrugged. He turned around and started to climb the stairs again. He needed time to think, or maybe he needed to not think. Focusing on something else sounded like a perfect idea.
"Harry?" called Sirius.
He stopped.
"Before you do anything, can you talk to me first?" he asked.
Harry nodded. He knew that no matter what he chose, his father would stand by him, at least he hoped he would. Sirius had just healed his friendship with James; at least, they were mending their friendship, and if Harry cut Lily out, that would possibly drive the wedge back in, and it would never heal.
The stairs felt like a never-ending climb, and when Harry made it to his lab, he pulled off his jacket and rolled up his sleeves. He summoned his notebook from his bedroom and watched as it landed on the desk before him. He frowned at the cover, running his fingers over the precious gift his mother had given him the year before. It was insane to think about how much had changed in so little time.
This time the year before he had just met Fleur, after his accidental apparation to Paris, he had woke up in her home and found himself falling for her. And then he had to face what was really going on, the truth about himself and those around him.
Harry opened his notebook and flicked to his most recent notes on his potion. He had been making small progress and had a few theories that could help him solve some issues, but he'd been a little consumed with everything else. He pulled out his wand and started up his caldron, summoning ingredients; he got to work measuring, cutting and weighing everything.
It was a strange thought to imagine what it would be like if he never saw his mum. He wouldn't be visiting the Potter's at all, which would be strange. Harvey would still be able to travel to White Oak to see him; Harry didn't think Lily would keep him away. He wasn't so sure about James. But he would never see his sister, the baby that would be joining them soon. To see her and spend time with her, Harry would have to see his mum, and if he understood what Annabel had said, then seeing her would make the whole thing pointless.
Harry stirred his cauldron and sighed; it was a mess. Nothing made sense. It also didn't help that the whole mess at Hogwarts was happening. Petrified students, ghosts, and a cat. The mysterious Chamber of Secrets was becoming more frustrating, and it seemed that the teachers were just as clueless as the rest of them. Fleur had helped him narrow his search for the cause of the petrification, some type of serpent was slithering about Hogwarts; he just needed to figure out what one. He'd search the library in White Oak and discovered their section on magical creatures was a little lacking; he'd need to do something about that. He hoped that he might find something in the Hogwarts library, maybe even in the restricted section. But that wasn't something he could deal with until the holidays were over and he was back at school.
Everything just felt like too much.
Harry stopped stirring his potion and moved around the desk to a cupboard that he kept locked. There were a few lethal ingredients he kept locked up since Harvey had started hanging around more; he didn't need his brother accidentally hurting himself by touching or spilling something. He took out some hemlock and paused as he noticed a jar of dried boom berries. He didn't know why the berries were sitting in the cupboard, it wasn't where he normally kept them, but then he glanced down at the hemlock and smiled. Boom berries had restoration properties; it was why they were used in the wiggenweld healing potion. It was the one component that he was struggling to find, as his hemlock – which he was using as the halting component of his potion – kept ignoring the other ingredients he had tried. Harry grabbed the berries and moved back to his potion. He added the hemlock before taking out three berries and crushing them into a paste. He gave three stirs to combine the hemlock before adding in the paste. Harry took a deep breath before stirring the potion four times. The dark green colour shimmered before turning an aqua blue. Harry let out a surprised laugh and stood back. It seemed to have worked.
A wide smile overtook his face; a feeling of pride and victory lept in his chest and everything else just faded away for a minute. Harry knew he would need to test it, but for the moment, he had successfully made a potion and hadn't melted or destroyed anything like he had the last few times.
As Harry was considering the best way to test his potion, Sirius appeared in the doorway. He paused, surprise on his face as he took in Harry's pleased expression. He said, "Something good happen?"
Harry nodded. "I think I might have done it." He gestured at the cooling mixture.
Sirius smiled. "That's great."
"Yeah." Harry scratched the back of his head. "I just have to test it."
"That will need to wait."
"Why?" asked Harry.
"Your grandparents are here." Sirius' expression tightened as he slid his hands into his pockets. "They thought it would be nice to surprise us."
Harry nodded. "Seems to be their thing at the moment."
Sirius widened his eyes and turned. "Yep. My mother is all for family time now that she's dying." He huffed and walked out of the room.
Harry smirked at his father's behaviour before waving his wand to clean up his lab. Ingredients packed themselves away, and his quill stopped writing the notes it had been taking and dropped into its ink pot. He rolled back down his sleeves and grabbed his jacket as he walked out of the room. He made sure to check his appearance before he descended the stairs, knowing his grandmother would always be looking for a reason to complain about his appearance.
He found his grandmother, grandfather and father in the main sitting room. Walburga was looking tired but still dressed as the Pureblood she held herself to be. She was sipping on a cup of tea and glancing out the window. Snow had started to fall since they had returned home, and it was building up along the window ledge. Orion leaned back in his chair, slightly slouched, talking to Sirius.
Orion said, "It is a shame that Narcissa chose such a man; she could have done better."
Walburga snorted. "Please, Narcissa did what she was supposed to: marry a pureblood. Look at her boys; they are excellent cases of good breeding."
Harry wanted to laugh. If only she knew.
Her eyes snapped towards Harry, and she smiled. "Harrison, you are the exception. While you couldn't control your mother's blood, you certainly inherited all of those good Black genes."
"My father raised me well," said Harry. He had no intention of having a blood purity conversation and didn't want to discuss his mother in general.
"That he has," said Orion. "How is your apprenticeship coming along? Snape made you reconsider your future plans?"
Harry moved to take a seat in one of the armchairs; he unbuttoned his jacket as he did. "No, he has only made me enjoy potions that much more."
"It will be wonderful for you to have such a respected profession once you graduate. Of course, I do hope you will one day take over from your father and take care of the Black estate. Someone with your mind could do wonders for our community," said Orion.
"It could happen, but maybe my father will have another child."
Walburga huffed. "Not bloody likely."
Sirius rolled his eyes.
"That is not a mature response, Sirius." Walburga frowned.
"Because the way you talk to us all is mature," argued Sirius.
"I am your mother; I can do what I wish," she snapped.
"And you have done so since I was born."
"Really? Walburga, what happened to family time?"
"If the two of them didn't argue, Grandfather, it wouldn't be a true Black family experience."
Orion chuckled. "I suppose you're right. Still, Walburga, you need to try and not overexcite yourself. That is what the medi-witch told you."
Walburga scoffed. "I will do what I like."
"Wait, you went and saw someone?"
Orion nodded. "After much argument, she relented."
"It was a waste of time. She wasn't any help."
"What did she say?"
"She gave Walburga a potion for the pain and also things she needs to take into consideration."
"She told me that I have to take it easy." Walburga shook her head and pursed her lips. "But what does she know? I'm fine."
Orion frowned and sighed.
Harry knew it was useless for anyone to argue with his grandmother. She was stubborn and didn't care for other's opinions on how she conducted herself. And she would stay that way until her last day. He felt somewhat sorry for his grandfather; dealing with Walburga day after day must have been exhausting for him.
"Harrison, how is school? Your father mentioned that the Chamber of Secrets tale has been running rampant," said Walburga.
Harry nodded. "With the multiple petrifications, it has sent a number of rumours running about. The chamber seems to be the most believable tale."
"It's certainly an interesting one," said Orion. "That and you've discovered that you are a parselmouths, how spectacular."
"I am."
"You would have inherited that from your great-great-grandfather, Phineas. He was a parselmouths, always had snakes around him," said Walburga.
"It was an interesting gift to discover. I haven't yet discovered its advantages," said Harry.
"It was rather strange that Harvey also seems to be one," said Sirius.
Orion frowned. "Interesting, Harvey, you say? There must be a parselmouth somewhere in the Potter family tree."
"It could have happened, but unlikely," said Walburga.
"How else do you explain it?" asked Orion.
Walburga shrugged. "Maybe he absorbed some of you-know-whose magic when he died. Wasn't he one?"
Harry frowned. "Voldemort?"
Walburga nodded. "Yes, him."
"Are you saying that whatever happened in that nursey led to Harvey receiving part of his power?"
"It's not unheard of," said Orion. "Not so much a common practice today, but there was a time when wizards would pass down unique skills and magic to their children to strengthen their bloodlines. Purebloods stopped doing it once they realised that sometimes the results can have catastrophic consequences."
"Yes, it was said to be distasteful to kill one's children," muttered Walburga.
Sirius rolled his eyes and shook her head. The look he gave Harry made Harry want to laugh.
Harry asked, "Is there a way we could find out if Harvey absorbed anything from Voldemort?"
Orion shook his head. "Not that I know of."
It wasn't the answer Harry had been expecting; he'd wondered if perhaps there was more to Harvey's ability. If he had absorbed it from Voldemort, what else might he be capable of?
