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Chapter 113

Thoughts


Bella


I stood smiling in the doorway, leaning against my angel who had Emma in one arm, as Marcus and Leah reunited.

Now we were all happy and you would think that our story would end here.

But far from it.

Mike Hanks was still walking around at large, so I was still on leave. Jake was struggling with his new schedule. Leah had an away game next week, with the injury to Becky's hand prohibiting her from playing volleyball. And I wasn't married yet!

In order not to disturb my daughter who was in love, we started having breakfast without her.

"What did you tell him?" asked Edward in amazement after a while. "Two weeks ago he was thinking about whether he could hug her in front of us, and now they've been kissing for ... twelve minutes!"

"The truth!?" Jake asked sarcastically. "That you are no better than us!"

I certainly blushed a bit as I stared sheepishly at the table.

Edward leaned over to me and confirmed Jake's opinion as well, kissing me stunningly.

Emma giggled, sugary sweet.

I tried to take a deep breath and started chatting with her.

Meanwhile David came.

They had given up imparting to Emma that she couldn't just run away in the morning. Emma's arguments were simply unbeatable: 'Then just get up earlier!'

Over a cup of coffee, while Emma was still eating up, David told us that he would pick up Daniel in a minute and that he would stay until tomorrow. In this weather, however, he could not really do anything with the children. He invited us for coffee, because Sonya was about to bake her devilishly delicious and calorie-rich muffins.

As a weapon against the full-grown 'puberty monster' that Daniel was guarding inside him.

My mouth was already watering, and I just couldn't get the recipe out of her.

'Family secret,' she used to say.


"And what are you and I going to do now?" my angel asked furtively when the children were out of the house.

"I think we'll come ..." I began, and the phone promptly rang.

Edward handed me the phone that was behind him with a slightly offended gaze.

"Hello, my darling!" answered Renée.

"Hi, Mom!" I sighed a little. This would take longer ...

She noticed my sigh, of course, and I credibly blamed it on the rain.

Edward gave me a kiss on the corner of my mouth and disappeared for the time being. He knew that phone calls with Renée lasted for ages.

She talked and talked. About Phil, about his work, about Jacksonville, about herself, about her new hobby macramé.

At the same time, I asked the Internet what that was. From her excited enthusiasm, I could not make out what it was. Wikipedia was very helpful for this: 'Macramé refers to a knotting technique coming from the Orient for the production of ornaments or textiles.'

Two weeks, then the topic would be through!

I cleaned up and put away a few things thereby. Tidied up the enchanting little bouquet of flowers on the dining table that Edward had brought yesterday. Put a book back on the shelf. Sorted the remote controls on the table ...

"Which is why I'm calling in the first place ..." Renée then said after ... a quick glance at the clock ... a whopping fifty-four minutes, "... I wanted to talk to you about Thanksgiving," she finished, and I went to my calendar in the kitchen.

I knew it would be soon, after all it was already November, but somehow holidays and such had fallen out of my consciousness. Since Edward was with me. And even more so since I was no longer working. Today was Sunday, November 10. Tomorrow was a holiday, Veterans Day. And Thanksgiving was in two and a half weeks. How stupid. The flights to Florida would certainly have become more expensive again and certainly almost fully booked. And then Edward couldn't even come with us! Edward, as young as he was that time in the hospital?

Then my gaze went a little to the side.

There hung the tickets to the 'Lindsey Stirling' concert that my kids had given me for my birthday. The date seemed to glimmer at me.

One day before Thanksgiving.

"Tell me, Bells, would it be very bad if we skipped Thanksgiving this year?" asked Mom very cautiously.

A smile arose on my lips.

"Of course not completely!" she said quickly afterward. "We'll just postpone it for a week or two! I want to see my grandchildren, after all!"

I smiled, but first wanted to know why she didn't have time.

Phil, along with the other coaches from his baseball club, had received an invitation to an exclusive hotel as a bonus.

Did I mention that Phil no longer played himself, but was a coach. He was even quite successful with that.

"Mom, it doesn't matter at all. I just saw that it would actually fit me pretty well. I have concert tickets for the Wednesday before ... But what do you think about coming here then, when you have time?" I suggested. I would prefer that a lot. Even if Edward had to hide from Renée, he would be with me at night.

I explained to Mom, however, that the kids certainly didn't want to be away from home any longer than necessary. Because of Becky and now also because of Marcus, about whom I first had to tell all about. Besides, she would then get to know the two. That was argument enough and she would talk to Phil about an appointment and get back in touch.

I hung up and looked smiling at the clock.

New record. One hour and forty-seven minutes.


I jumped off the kitchen counter and searched for my angel.

I still had something planned, after all.

I found him in Jake's room at his desk. He was looking at the exams for the last three weeks ... since he had changed his schedule.

He had wanted to go through them with Jake yesterday, but then the two of them had driven off together. To Marcus, as I now knew.

"Are you satisfied with your son's academic performance?" I leaned into the door frame.

He smirked and held out a hand to me.

"Not really, but I know how hard he tries," he replied, pointing to the grades as I sat down on one of his legs.

A thick 'D' was emblazoned on the sheets.

"Besides, he's getting better," he said still, pushing aside the prominent 'Ds'. Below appeared a piece of work on which was noted an elegant 'B'. Satisfied, he told me that Jake had slowly come to terms with the new school subjects and was getting behind the 'secrets' of economics.

"Only thanks to you!" I whispered and kissed my angel. A light playful kiss.

But it did not stop there.

We both knew that we only had one or two days left until I got my period again. Until our love life would be limited only to the shower. Or bathtub, I thought excitedly.

I quickly found myself in my son's bed.

While I briefly pondered what Jake was going to think of this, I also congratulated myself on my foresight. When the kids needed new beds about two years ago, I had chosen ones that were a little wider than the usual single beds. It had been clear to me that the day would come when they would no longer lie in it alone. And now I lay in it. Completely befuddled by the sweet scent of my angel. Intoxicated by the playfulness of his fingers. Ensouled by his frantic breathing when I touched him. Enchanted by his dark eager gaze. And obsessed by his tireless lips ...


"Bella," I felt soft cool lips on my face. "Dearest, we should get up," my angel smirked, and I smiled happily.

My angel lay sideways against me, with the bedspread over his head, stroking my torso with his fingertips and smiling outrageously adorable.

It should be forbidden to look like that.

"Why?" I inquired, turning a little and kissing over his marmoreal chest. I wanted to stay in bed forever. Approximately. Plus/minus a few days maybe ... to shower or go to the sauna. Bathing also came to mind.

"Because this is not our bed!"

"Oh yes," I just remembered as I glanced to the side and looked into the accusing eyes of a small plush wolf enthroned peremptory on a pillow. "If Jake finds out we've been in his bed, he'll never lay in here again!" I chuckled.

"If the kids knew all the places we've done it, they wouldn't enter the house!" Edward corrected.

I nodded - a little embarrassed - and continued to kiss my way over his velvety skin.

Edward's gaze blurred and he flopped onto his back.

I straightened a little to continue to achieve everything I intended to achieve. At that moment, the little wolf tumbled off the pillow and came to lie just as if he wanted to bite me in the arm to defend his territory.

Filthy beast!

"We should at least treat Jake to some new bedding," I stated disillusionedly, sighing in frustration as I picked up the wolf.

Edward nodded, but still said that we should then probably make all the beds fresh. So that it was not noticeable.

We did it.

Unfortunately.

We were almost finished and stood in front of our bed.

"Why do you think Alice only wanted to see the kids?" I asked, just now adjusting the sheet over our huge mattress with him.

Meanwhile, I also congratulated myself on this bed that had been in my bedroom for two years as well. A king-size bed. I had not ordered such a bed at the time, but today I was very happy about the furniture store's mishap that could not be exchanged.

Edward pulled at the sheet, I forgot to let go because of his crooked smile and flew onto the bed.

"Alice has a wedding to prepare for!" said Edward leaning back over me, looking at me drunk with joy.

"Well, I hope she steps it up a notch!" I complained.

"Have you thought about who your witness to the marriage will be?" my angel asked after a moment.

I hid my face in my hands.

Yes, many times. Thought!

"I can't decide," I admitted.

"Who's up for selection?" he inquired.

I turned over on my stomach and Edward sat down in front of the bed.

"Zoey and David, of course. I have a hard enough time choosing between the two of them, but I'm really considering Esmé as well. And Alice. She will certainly be offended if I don't at least think about her as a possibility, and she actually deserves it. She has become my friend again," I enumerated.

"Esmé?"

"Yes. Esmé ... You know, our relationship has changed. Not for the better or worse or anything. No, just changed ... I see your siblings and that is exactly how they appear to me. I see Carlisle and recognize the head of your family, for whom I still have the same honest respect as I did then. But in Esmé I can no longer see a mother or better mother-in-law. She is more like a sister. A sister I never had ... I love to just sit and talk with her. Strolling around town with her without the urge to have to buy something like with Alice. Watching her work. She understands my mother-related omnipresent concerns. It's just little things, really, but it's those little things that somehow bring us closer together," I tried to explain.

"Esmé feels the same way about you," my angel kissed me on the forehead. "She realized very quickly that you can no longer be a daughter for her. She can't treat you like she used to or like one of us. We may be her children, but you have left that stage of being a child behind. You've grown up. Even more grown up than she is herself. She really perceives the eleven years that you are older than her ... You no longer need a mother that she could have been to you. Sister pretty much sums up how Esmé feels about you."

I nodded.

"And who do you want?"

"I have the same problem. I can't make up my mind either," he smiled with played torment.

I asked about the selection.

"Jazz and Em, of course. But I'm also thinking about Carlisle or David," he now enumerated.

"David?" I inquired in surprise, but when I thought about it, it was kind of predictable.

"Yes. David," he pinched my cheek teasingly. "Jazz and Em are more my brothers than they are my friends. Just as I see Carlisle more as my father. They are my family and I esteem and respect them. But in David I have found a real friend who has nothing to do with the family. I never had that before. Since we talked downstairs on the terrace together when I told him the truth about myself, our initial acquaintance is becoming more and more of a friendship. We are very similar in some things and that connects us," he explained.

"Which one?" I wanted to know. There were the small external similarities for me, the hairstyle, the height or stature, but that's certainly not what he had meant.

"How much we love our wives and would do anything for them. Each. Both of them," he smirked.

"Uh ... What?" I was just standing on the hose. It sounded like they each loved two women, but I couldn't have understood that correctly.

"He loves Sonya and Emma. I love you ..." he kissed me fleetingly, "... and Leah."

"And Emma!" I put right.

My angel smirked.

"And he loves Leah! So it's a tie! But what I meant to say was that we get along very well. Since he's been living here, I've seen him more than I've seen my own family. School aside. We talk to each other about all sorts of things. About trivialities as well as significant things. For example, he's the only one who can understand why I don't actually want to turn you. Don't get me wrong. I have given you my word and I will do it if you ask me, but it is still against my own convictions ... You know it's a moot point," he ended with a pitying smile.

I sighed.

In the meantime, we had talked in more detail about my theoretical im/mortality. About the fact that he no longer knew what was right and what was wrong. We had ended the conversation after a few hours with the fact that we could not agree, but in the end it would also be without meaning. His word was valid as soon as I explicitly expressed the wish.

"So, what do we do now?" I then inquired.

"Lying in bed again!" my angel stated smirking. "That seems to be our fate," he murmured incomprehensibly, while he lovingly ran his lips over mine.

I don't know how, but I was able to think clearly for a brief moment and pushed him away from me a bit.

"But that doesn't solve our problem!" I stated, and Edward pulled an offended face.

Then he seemed to think, tilting his head as he did so.

"A suggestion. No one will be hurt, and no one will be favored," he then began to say attentively.

I looked toward him curiously.

"We ask the kids!"

I kissed him tenderly for this idea.


Somehow, we still managed to finish making our bed without lying in it ourselves and go to our favorite neighbors.

They all played together, and everyone was in a happy mood. During a break between two games, we adults sat in the kitchen, and I munched on my first muffin. It certainly wouldn't be the last.

The Mitchell family owned a large modern eat-in kitchen. There was plenty of storage space for supplies, the latest technical appliances, a cooking island in the middle of the room, and a kind of counter with comfortable bar stools attached to it. And there was still room left for a table with four chairs around it.

That's what I was sitting on.

I didn't have that much space over there, unfortunately. When we sat in my kitchen, we actually sat on the kitchen.

"How does it feel to have all four kids here?" I asked curiously.

"Great!" David opined. "Finally, no more secrets from my wife ..." whom he immediately kissed, beaming with joy and stunning, "... and that the four of them get along so well, too. It's just ... great!"

"The noise level is a bit high, but that's to be expected," Sonya added with a smile.

She appeared happy through and through.

"It's bound to get a little louder with the fifth one," Edward interjected.

"If it sticks somewhat to its godparents, we have a good chance it will be contained," David casually remarked.

I lifted my head in his direction.

I was curious who they had chosen for this child. I was already godmother to Daniel and Emma, Sonya's sister to Luces and a very good friendly couple of the two from Philly of Deacon.

David and Sonya smiled mischievously.

"Both of you!"

I was just about to drop a piece of the muffin into my mouth but now choked on it.

I coughed. For a long time.

"You're not serious!" retorted Edward incredulously.

I was still coughing and in the meantime drank the glass of water that had been handed to me. The cake crumbs sorted themselves leisurely and I swallowed.

"Who else should we choose for this child? You brought it to Saco together!" confirmed Sonya, standing right in front of me.

We hugged each other and a little tear rolled down my cheek.

"You'll watch over my kids when I can't!" I heard David behind us.

"Here's to all five of them!" promised Edward, and the two hugged as well.

We swapped and I fell into David's arms after getting my foot caught somewhere.

Probably on myself.

Sonya and Edward also embraced each other warmly.

"May I?" asked Edward then.

I turned in David's arms.

Sonya just nodded.

He stood behind Sonya and carefully slid his hand under Sonya's T-shirt. She flinched briefly from his coldness, but then held still.

Edward closed his eyes and a gentle smile spread across his face.

"The heart is beating. I can feel it pulsing," Edward whispered reverently, and Sonya's hands immediately rested on Edward's. Probably hoping to feel it as well. "It's pretty lively ..."

"No wonder!" groused David.

We all looked at him.

"With hands that cold, it surely just got a chill. If the baby catches a cold before it's even born because of you, you're in for it!" David threatened playfully.

"What do you wish for? Boy or girl?" my angel asked.

"Can you feel that, too?" asked David, completely flabbergasted.

I also looked at him in astonishment.

His hands were gentle and tender and felt some things that others did not notice. But this?

"Nonsense. I'm just asking," but he said immediately.

"I couldn't care less!" clarified Sonya.

"Me too. The main thing is that mother and child are healthy ... By the way, you can stop grabbing my wife now. Take your own!" David possessively pulled Sonya back into his arms and gave Edward a played vicious gaze.

The two of them didn't notice, but when Edward - as prompted - came back to me, a very somber expression crept over his face. A gaze that I knew. A look that frightened me. A gaze that tore the ground from under my feet. When I realized where I knew this expression from, I suddenly felt dizzy, my heart skipped a fearful beat, an ice-cold shiver chased down my spine and I slumped. A blink of an eye.

"Bella!" I heard polyphonically.

I blinked instantly and looked into the frightened eyes of my angel. I lay in his arms on the kitchen floor. I clawed at his T-shirt, while David and Sonya also crouched anxiously at my side.

"You're not leaving me alone again!" I said as emphatically as I could.

"Never, Bella, my heart! I will never leave you again!" he promised.

A hand laid against my cheek and feeling the cold did me good. Just a moment until my heart got back into a decent beat.

I was fine again. So far. The fear was still there, but now I was prepared for it. It would not knock me down again.

I sat up a little on the floor. On both sides I noticed the hands that gently held me in the process.

"What about Bella?" I heard Luces ask.

Sonya rose and walked toward the boy.

"No harm done, honey. Bella just tripped," she answered soothingly and went with Luces to the other children.

"Oh, I see," I still heard.

It sounded bored.

Great. Even the kids knew that this belonged in my usual repertoire.

I rolled my eyes in annoyance, while the two men around me smirked. A short mischievous look and the smirk was over.

More or less.

Edward looked at me again, with eyes of liquid mindful gold, and took my hands in his.

"What makes you think all of a sudden that I could leave again?" asked Edward.

"Your face! ... When you approached me just now, a certain expression flitted across your face. A face that I've only seen once before on you. When you decided to leave me alone for my own good," I explained.

He smiled faintly.

"You really miss very little for only being human!" he murmured, gently stroking my cheek and breathing a kiss on my forehead. "It was possibly the same expression, but still I remain. David's words just reminded me of something ... He said, 'Take your own.' But I can't. Not literally, as he didn't mean it either. I can't give you the happiness that Sonya is experiencing. I will never be able to give you a child. That saddens me very much. When I see you with Emma or the boys, I feel like I'm robbing you of something precious. It really makes me doubt that I should be with you. But I can't live without you!"

"I'm sorry! I didn't think you would take it that way," David said softly.

"I know you didn't mean it the way I understood it," Edward replied, nodding at him.

David left us alone.

"Edward, I no longer wish to have a child," I now clarified.

He looked heartbreakingly confused.

"Yes, I complain often enough about Jake and Leah growing up way too fast. But those are just sentimental thoughts of the moment. I am grateful for my children and would never trade them for anything. Grateful for the time I have been able to spend with them and proud of what they have become so far. I enjoy the time with the twins as long as I can. But honestly: I'm also glad that the two are already so big. I'm not sure I want to relive the whole procedure of getting up in the middle of the night, changing diapers, children screaming - not knowing what they want me to do - and all that entails. I enjoy playing with David's kids and I'm looking forward to the baby, too. But I'm also relieved somewhere that they're not my kids. That I can just hand them back over."

"Then you don't feel like you have to give up anything significant because of me?" he asked again.

"No, Edward. You're all I've ever wanted. And I have Leah and Jake to boot! That's all I need to be truly happy!" I affirmed and he took me tightly in his arms.

It was the truth through and through. I had my children, and I didn't need any more. A child by Edward would make our happiness even more perfect and I would do everything to have it. However, I knew that there was no way for this. I did not mind. I was happy. But silently I often thought about what our child could be like. Bronze or brown hair? Brown or green eyes? My clumsiness or his musical talent? But they were just meaningless musings. Pipedreams.


Thank you for reading!