Sir Gerson's office felt emptier when Cter stepped in. The multiple looks she got as she entered seemed to go right through her into the hallway behind her, perhaps even further away. "I'm here," she greeted quietly in an attempt to bring the distant looks back inside the office. Wearing just simple clothes lent to her by Idyll added to feeling of sticking out like a sore thumb on a foot.

Cter didn't blame Kry, Kurant, Frioke, or Gerson at all for reacting in such a way to her entering. Her eyes were red and sunken from the exhaustive crying she had wept deep into the previous night. Her cheeks were puffed, and her hair was beyond messy. It was important for Cter to be in Sir Gerson's office though. It was important for her to continue to do rather than get stuck in not doing. The situation was beyond her, so she had to attend.

"You may return to your room if you're not feeling well," advised Sir Gerson while looking out the window with his hands clenching a game piece behind his shell. His voice was forlorn, yet he meant what he said with all of his soul. "We will wait until you are ready, Cter."

He had repeated that twice already, once during morning, and once during late afternoon, and twice Cter had heeded the wise turtle's advice. Twice she had been helped back to her room where warm food and her soft bed were waiting for her to try and rest up her energy. Thrice she had woken up determined to attend her own debriefing. Twice she had failed.

"I'm ready now."

Third time would be the charm.

Sir Gerson turned slowly from the silvery landscape the moon so eagerly painted with its cold color. He observed the dilapidated Monster Mage that stood with a hunched posture at the entrance of his office with a calculated, but non-judging look that he concluded with an approving nod, despite Cter looking like she had just gotten out of bed. "If that is the case then please take your seat, Cter."

Technically she just had gotten out of bed.

The vacant chair next to Cter's was chilling, an infinite void that inhaled all the light present in the room to be sure that none in it could ignore the vacancy it roared deafeningly. It had been empty before, but that was with the knowledge that the day afterwards it would have been filled again. That it would be leaning back carelessly with a pair of slumped shoulders resting on top of its backrest. That said shoulders would shrug innocently periodically.

Never again.

A mournful pair of tears were blinked forth as Cter sat herself next to the chilling vacancy. She could only look at it for a brief, few seconds before she had to avert her head and cough out a sob away from it. She inhaled sharply, but it didn't help. She grimaced against the tears, but it didn't help. She bit down on her balled fist, but it didn't help.

"Sund..."

The name washed like a monsoon over the already darkened office, pushing down the heads low with shadows taking over the grim expressions. Frioke's ears folded over her eyes, and her lean against the wall became more tensed as her arms crossed more tightly. Gerson leaned his furrowed forehead into his folded hands, putting enormous weight onto his elbows that sunk deep into the weathered wood of his desk. The game piece he had clutched so hard he let touch loosely against his lips from which he whispered a silent prayer that only he could hear.

Kurant and Kry Cter did not observe as they sat across from the vacant chair.

The collective silence lasted for longer than anyone could keep track of. The vacant chair none had to address, yet all knew, and all mourned in unison for its vacant Monster Mage.

Cter was the first one to speak up. "How do you want me to...talk about this?" she posed to the Leader of the Royal Guard sat behind his desk with his folded hands pushed deep into solemn prayer. "How do you want me to tell you how Sund...died?"

The room became quieter, as if afraid to answer. Not because they did not want to face the truth, but because they did not know how Cter was facing it. She asked it angrily. She asked it with a push that stemmed from deep within her soul. Her soul that was new to her, and to the room as well. To everyone her soul was new.

And no one knew how to act towards it.

"I'm here now."

Not even Cter.

"I need to tell you."

But she wanted to know.

"Please let me tell you."

And for that she needed to tell.

"I need you to hear."

It was why they were all in Sir Gerson's office, was it not? To debrief the events of Clinic Hill? To formulate what the future held?

Sarbor had already told his side of the story inside the room. Cter knew that. She sensed that he had been there. She recognized the lingering aura that had spoken at the front of the curved table the Monster Mages were sat at. It was from Sarbor, that Cter knew. How she knew though was a mystery to her, one that she hoped that someone in the office would tell her once she had told hers.

Which she began by explaining the journey in the carriage from Jarasevo to Clinic Hill. How it had been a smooth journey, and how the spirits had been high between her and…

No, no she had to say his name. She had to say it! Otherwise she wasn't respecting who he was!

"We stayed in the same carriage during the days, Sund and I. I was reading Tourest's Memoirs about Xoff to learn more about the land while I waited. Sund he...he stayed with me to talk and to not feel alone. We discussed what Tourest had written about the Xoffians, but humans and monsters. We compared the Xoffian way of utilizing the day to the lie and truth about the Cooperative Connection. We talked about the flowers around Time's Square and how Sund was worried about how they would be growing without him near them. The buns and scones that Idyll had given us ran out just a few days into the travel and–"

Cter's hand closed over her mouth as her eyes widened.

"He'll never see Idyll again," she let trickle from between her fingers after a few harsh breaths. "He'll never..." Her hard blinks conjured more tears that drummed a lamenting rhythm on the curved desk. "And I promised myself to give him an evening with her when I pushed the reasons why he had stopped her in the hallway that day when I was..."

What was she gonna say to Idyll? Would she have to keep it a secret about Sund's feelings for her? Did Cter have to lie to her best friend? Lie to her for her own good? So that she did not know that Cter had said to Sund that she was fine with him having feelings for her friend. That she was happy with it. That once she gave it some thought she found it possible that Idyll would return the feelings if given the chance. That Cter would have–

"Cter," said Frioke to calm. She did not want to interrupt, only to remind Cter that she wanted to talk. She was allowed to grief, of course she was, but she wanted more than to just grief, and for that she needed others to remind her of that want when her grief overwhelmed her.

It took a long minute of breathing before Cter could continue.

"We arrived to find that Clinic Village had been struck hard by the plague, and that the Royal Guard Ziki..."

Oh god...Ziki…

"That Ziki was the only adult left in Clinic Village. For weeks he had done his everything to keep the remaining children alive in the village. He'd failed with a few, but had succeeded with more. It had taken its toll on him though. When we arrived he did not dare let us in as he did not see us as monsters. That Sund and I looked human was too much for him, and he stood his ground until Sund managed to break through to him."

"We only got the message about his request for reinforcement a few days ago," said Gerson from behind his balled fists over his mouth. Despite that though his every syllable was as clear as the day that had passed during Cter's three attempts to debrief. "From Sarbor's story about how he escaped with you I'm assuming that all of Ziki's paperwork have been left behind at Clinic Village."

His brow furrowed harder. "We stationed Ziki there due to his diligence and elegance in keeping a paper trail of everything that happened at Clinic Village and Clinic Hill which he gladly made multiple copies of to be given to the Xoffian military as well. However, I fear that we won't be seeing any of those." The green of his fingers tightened. "I appointed him the task myself..."

That Gerson was displaying such remorse flew past Cter as her ears had picked up a certain word that Gerson had uttered behind his balled fists.

Escaped.

Sarbor had escaped with Cter?

"You said that...Sund...got through to him?" voiced Kurant carefully after some strengthening breaths. "How do you mean by that?"

Cter did not look Kurant in the eyes as she answered. "He let the influence of Sir Gerson in his sleeve take him over." For doing so meant looking across the vacant seat. "So that he would be able to talk to Ziki as a superior officer enough that the Royal Guard managed back from his weeks of horrors."

Was it because of Sund letting Gerson's influence wash over him that his soul fused with Bonny's? Did he open up his soul partly to being taken over by a monster's presence from his sleeve to then have it be ripped open as he and Bonny fused?

The thought made too much sense for Cter to be able to keep it quiet inside of her. Her head shook, "Dammit," and her head slid down her palms. "Did you know that it would happen, Sund?" She asked through strained inhales to the vacant seat without looking. "Did you..."

"Did he what?" pried Kry after a courteous second of waiting. "Sund? What did he know?" He asked in Kurant's stead to help her keep herself in order. "Something that you only realized now? Something he..."

Cter felt her left arm sting when Kry's words trailed off. He must've looked at it, and brought the full attention of his aura along with the look.

"Something he told you?"

Cter's only option was to ignore Kry's questions lest she would be unable to continue. Sund was quiet, he didn't answer. She'd not heard him or Bonny ever since the two disappeared. They're gone.

They're gone…

"We spent the coming days helping out at the village while we waited for an opportunity to contact Dr. Sallus," said Cter after some long and focused breaths which had her able to release her grip on her left arm carefully. "We had noticed that the Xoff military had a presence at Clinic Hill so we did not want to alert them to our presence since we were a foreign military looking to operate deep inside Xoff during a time of crisis. Their chain of command was shattered, so red tape would have meant weeks if not months of Sund and I sitting idle in custody until they could verify."

Sir Gerson nodded solemnly behind his grimly folded hands. "The general of the region where Clinic Hill lies is a friend of mine which was how we managed to negotiate the arrangements for the location and that Jarasevo would hold some authority over it. I have yet to receive any word from him, so I have to assume that he has also been...claimed...by the plague." It was heavy for Gerson. "My opinion is that you made the right choice in that situation, Cter. The sooner you changed Dr. Sallus' magic the sooner the plague could have been stopped."

Could have been…

"You may continue, Cter," the Royal Guard leader offered with another nod. "Only if you feel that you have the strength to though."

She didn't.

Yet she continued, regardless. It was more important than her feeling drained and wrought with grief that she told her side of the story.

"Once we managed contact via a child that wielded the most magical potential Dr. Sallus informed us of how we would be able to make a visit to Clinic Hill without the Xoff military finding out. He needed some time before that to prepare things both with his patients and with the Xoff military stationed on the other side of Clinic Hill from Clinic Village. He also wanted to finally catch up on some of the sleep that he had been putting off for the sake of his patients." Cter's fingers clutched hard as she quelled a welling sob from within. The numb pressure of her left-handed fingertips was uncomfortable. "There was hope from Ziki. Hope that he had not felt for such a long time, and a hope that was twisted from him when..."

Cter was getting ahead of herself. Her entire being wanted her to skip to the fusion so that she could be done with it. So that she could go back to her room and collapse in her bed. She couldn't though. She couldn't ignore what happened to Sund.

"Sund...fell ill the day before Dr. Sallus had scheduled the meeting. I didn't want to imagine that it was the plague. At first it seemed like it was just a cold that he had which had flourished at the scariest possible time and–" Her scoffed chuckle flung thick tears from her eyes. "I thought it was due to what he had witnessed in one of the village houses he was tasked to search through for any sources of miasma. In one he found something so horrid that he set it all ablaze in terror. The only reason he was able to stand up afterwards was because he again called upon Gerson's influence from his sleeve to gain some stability."

He'd given up…

Just like Cter had done, Sund did it before her. He had let the magical presence in his sleeve take his soul over completely.

That was why it sought itself into Bonny. The magic Cter had given him was to connect with Sund. Had she known, had she thought beforehand about it, then she'd realized that what Bonny proposed was the worst possible scenario!

Had Cter thought before she acted she would have known!

She would have–

"Cter..."

"I killed him!" she screeched painfully as she threw her head into her hands, gripping hard at her forehead and hair. "I killed them both! I didn't think! I KILLED THEM!"

The entire castle heard.

The entire city heard.

The entire world heard.

"I killed them..."

Cter's arms barely managed to fold before her head collapsed onto them. Her long, unkempt hair drizzled around her, cocooning her into a cave of despair that she coughed harshly through even harsher sobs. "Sund..." she wept, yet didn't look. "Forgive me. Please, please forgive me."

But how could he?

"Please..."

How could Sund forgive her?

"Please come back to us."

His chair was vacant.

"I didn't mean to..."

He was quiet in her arm.

"I didn't..."

He was gone.

"I..."

And Cter kille–

"You didn't."

First came one arm around her. It was long and warm.

"You didn't kill them."

Then another, shorter, and just as warm.

"Whatever happened, you did what you could, Cter."

"Had I not–"

"You only have to visit the past for a bit longer," assured Kry with the sliver of what he could. "We need to know, Cter, and it pains us without limit to ask you to continue." His forced-back tears spoke more of how much it hurt him than even his aura did. "I will carry you back to your bed and let you sleep for days afterwards. Kurant and I will watch over you to make sure you're not disturbed. We'll tell the entirety of Jarasevo to be quiet for you."

"We can't possibly understand what you had to go through, Cter," voiced Kurant weakly afterwards with her arm tightening around Cter's back. "Yet we need to know what happened to Sund. Give me your memories as you've visited others before if you have to, Cter. I'll speak for you. I'll relieve you if you want to. Please."

Cter wanted nothing else but to keep laying there on the curved table with her two Monster Mage colleagues surrounding her with their warmth and care. She wanted nothing else than to be comforted and cared for. What she had seen...what she had done…

No one in this world or the next ever deserved that.

Least of which Sund and Bonny.

Least of which the two she failed to protect. The two she made suffer as one in an indescribable form of confusion and suffering and–

"Cter!"

The sharp, vicious call of her name had her neck snapping up to the voice.

"You are to continue, Monster Mage!"

Towards Sir Gerson.

"Not for anyone else's sake but yours!"

His order was that of utmost law.

"What you have experienced goes beyond you, and thus you can not carry it on your own!"

His fervor without equal.

"In this moment you are both human and monster!"

His compassion unheard of before.

"Both are underneath sorrow unimaginable!"

His command as solid as the densest mountain.

"And both need to speak."

All for Cter.

"Lest they fall down beyond even the darkest void."

All for the one he would be the evil in the moment to help save.

"Sund sounded just like you..." laughed Cter into the table followed by another small percussion of heavy drops losing their grip from her tensed jaw. "He sounded just like you when he helped Ziki."

Which meant that Cter had to let Sir Gerson help her.

That she had to let everyone help her.

For his sake.

For Sund.

"The surviving children of Clinic Village notified me that Sund hadn't left the house he'd retreated to for an entire day, which I then notified along to Dr. Sallus who sent Sarbor down to judge Sund's health."

It was still difficult to speak about it despite Sir Gerson's rallying order, and Cter had to yet again pause to collect her thoughts before they ran rampant. She was approaching the end of what she remembered.

"Sarbor has already shared what he and you found inside Sund's house," said Frioke to fill the silence. "From what I understood he was still alive."

"Barely," whisked Cter through a forlorn exhale.

The Monster Priestess nodded, her ears relaxing from their tensed stand. "Then that was why his barricade magic was still active." She grabbed her forehead, but not out of grief. Not more grief. Out of relief. "For what Sarbor told afterwards was that he imagined himself seeing that Sund's soul was–"

"It was."

The two words shook the room like an earthquake, knocking both Monster Mage and monster out of their chairs, auras pale with fear and shock.

"I saw Sund's soul," Cter spoke while drawing the shape of it in the curved table with a naked finger. "A human's soul. Just like what had been theorized, in the inverted shape of a monster soul." Her voice became cold and informative as she continued to trace the shape in the wood. "It glowed a bright yellow, and hovered like a cloud just above Sund's body as he laid there on the surgery table."

The feeling of being overwhelmed with emotion to the point where she did not feel any was infecting Cter with its close proximity, making her words akin to her reading them out from an uninteresting book. The onslaught of shocked auras pouring over her from all directions in the room did little to help. If anything it only made the overwhelming memory more relevant. "I had to shield both Dr. Sallus and me from the massive aura that poured from Sund's soul, and before the doctor even had caught his breath he began to explain how he wanted me to change his magic so that he could preserve Sund's soul."

The shape in the wood was slashed by Cter's clenching fingers scraping deep into the curved desk without any fear of splinters. The shocked auras, despite their collective power, weren't even close to the aura that began oppressing Cter after she had changed Bonny's magic.

"He explained how he would dedicate the rest of his life to bring Sund back. To make a new vessel for his soul to inhabit. His life's work was to find out what the human soul was, but not like that. In the proud moment that completed his life's work he was compassionate enough to declare a new life for himself tending to Sund, but..."

It washed over Cter, the memory of the last expression Bonny showed her. The panic mixed with the realization that he had done something wrong. A wrong that had never been possible before, and which Cter had enabled him to do. Her entire body flinched as she saw in her memories how his expression vanished.

When the two became one.

"His soul...absorbed Sund's." Cter said slowly. "They became one. Their souls were fused together through the Cooperative Connection that I had given Dr. Sallus to give him a chance to communicate with Sund. I had accustomed Bonny's soul to outside magic influencing it. Together with Sund's soul which he had made accustomed to outside magic influencing it the two became one. The two fused, but they did not come together. Their souls were confused, and what they became rampaged throughout Clinic Hill."

Cter's hand moved up to the back of her head to feel. "I had no power against it. I was a monster while it was a human. It killed. It murdered humans and monsters in its confusion. It...lured Ziki up to Clinic Hill via hope. Enough hope that he abandoned the children of Clinic Village. All he found up there was death, others...and his own."

Her left arm, covered in tight bandages, Cter lifted in front of her horizontally. "In my attempt to kill the fusion to prevent it from inflicting more of the death that had born it, I inflicted enough pain onto it that its two souls found common ground and came together rather than being fused. It carved a Cooperative Connection into my arm, and filled it with its own soul. It wanted me as the human to receive its soul and magic, but with me also as the monster so that it could cast its given magic through me. It was..."

With the finger she traced the shape of Sund's soul in the table, Cter loosened the bandage at the base of her neck.

"It was trying to make me understand it."

The scours in her flesh were faint on her shoulder, like scratches from a Whimsun.

"But it did not understand itself."

As more and more of the fabric was unraveled, the scratches turned into long, deliberate cuts down her upper arm.

"So it hurt me."

At her elbow the cuts deepened into carvings, held in the state that it was due to the healing magic that bled from the opened flesh. It was Cter's healing magic, not the fusion's, but it was not her that it was summoned. It was perpetual, the healing magic keeping open the Cooperative Connection that allowed it to be cast. If Cter were to stop the healing her left arm would have become unusable. It was how her new soul saw her as. The body that it was born into. Like with Kurant's knee, but with the injury on the surface, stinging from Cter's own breaths touching it.

"And it didn't understand that it was hurting me."

Her hand did not have the Delta Rune on the back of it, but instead an abstract amalgamation of lines from where the fusion had gripped at it. It felt strange as Cter flexed her hand, but that paled against what awaited her at the ends of her hand.

"So it hurt me more to push through that it didn't understand."

The last wraps of bandages unraveled from her fingers.

"It was too much for me."

Revealing at their tips the same viscous, white flesh that the fusion had worn.

"So I gave up."