Arizona stood at the operating room table, listening to the long continuous bleep, her hands covered with blood, she knew she had failed, the woman and her baby had both died. It was a risky surgery, they would have died without it, but still, the loss of both lives was hard to take, especially this woman her perfectly happy life, with her amazing caring husband. Their journey to get pregnant had been difficult, 9 rounds of IVF $45,000, 2 miscarriages, and finally today, a viable foetus at 20 weeks the scan detecting an abnormality, if she didn't operate, they'd both dead by 22 weeks, not that operating had made any difference, they were both still dead, their blood coating her gloves.
"Dr Robbins?" the scrub nurse said, jolting her back to attention. Her blue eyes met brown; she knew what the team needed. She took a breath, taking just one moment to steady herself and her voice, it didn't pay to show weakness as a surgeon, she had to be strong.
"Time of death 1646" Arizona called sadly, "I am so sorry Kirsty" she whispered, although she knew it wasn't her fault, that she had done everything possible, she still felt guilty, she should have done more, something different. She was meant to be the best, Nicole Herman had left her legacy to her and every time she lost a patient, she felt like she let Nicole down, diminished her teachings. She fought back tears of failure, she hated failure, she hated feeling inadequate. Taking a breath before removing her gown covered in blood going to scrub out, using the time to try think of the comforting words she was going to say to the husband. Her pain could wait just a little longer, firstly she had to destroy his world. To tell him everything he held dear was gone.
It was days like this she really missed Callie and Sofia. Really missed returning home to her family, holding her wife and daughter who seemed to instinctively know what she needed to cheer her up. They were gone too, not like Kirsty and her baby. Callie and Sofia were both alive just hours away, enjoying their new lives in New York, new lives that didn't include her. Arizona wiped away her own tears. She had done this to herself, she had cheated on Callie, she had destroyed her family. She had driven them away and had nobody to blame but herself. Not like Jason, she had taken his family, she hadn't been good enough. Mentally she added another failure to her growing list. Sighing deeply, when had she become such a failure.
Stepping out she checked her scrubs, amazed none of the litres of blood lost by the woman had soaked through the gown. Through the glass she could see the waiting room and Jason pacing up and down. He looked so hopeful, so positive, he trusted her implicitly, and she was going to destroy that. Arizona rubbed her face, trying to wipe the tiredness she felt away, taking a deep breath before walking in.
"Jason" she greeted,
"Dr Robbins, is she okay? Are they in recovery? How is our baby?" Jason's questions bombarded her, the moment he saw her not pausing to let her answer.
"Jason, please, follow me" Arizona ordered, making sure to keep her expressions neutral her voice even, taking him out of the public waiting room to a relative's room nearby.
"Jason let's sit" Arizona invited, trying to lead him to the chairs,
"No, what's wrong?" Jason asked his face falling, "Why did you bring me here and not recovery? Are they okay? Did we lose the baby?" he questioned, standing too anxious to sit.
Arizona felt her eyes water, she knew she had to keep it together for a bit longer, she had to get him through this.
"Jason" she began again, "We did everything we could, everything, but the odds were against us from the start. I am so sorry, but Kirsty and your baby didn't make it, they both died" Arizona explained,
"No" he denied, "No they can't be, they said you were the best, they said if anyone could do it you could" he raged pacing,
"If there was anything I could do" Arizona began trying to defend herself, his eyes flashed, his anger focused,
"No, you should have done more, you should have saved them" his hand formed a fist before Arizona could move it connected with her face, unprepared she felt it hit her left temple, the pain radiating across her whole head, before she knew it, she was falling her head bouncing off the floor before her hands could go down, her leg twisted off. He last thought was of seeing Callie and Sofia and a prayer they would be okay without her.
Scared he had just killed the surgeon who had killed his wife and unborn daughter Jason took off. Leaving Arizona unconscious on the floor. A large pool of blood surrounding her head growing rapidly.
Oh no, what have i got myself into, i can't help it, i was watching an old Charlies angel from the 60's and the inspiration just hit,
let me know if you liked it,
or if you can guess which episode i was watching
