Here with another chapter.

I am not sure how i feel about it, i mean i like it but not sure if i went to OCC with everything.

Oh well... as always there will be errors because i am far from perfect.

Rowyn POV

When Kie had called me to the back of the boat, the urgency in her voice told me it was probably Singh men. What I hadn't expected when I rounded the corner was to see JJ in a goofy hat staring at me. I forgot how to breathe, forgot how to move, I was frozen. My body was moving under its own volition. As my brain registered my moving forward, I stopped blinking a few times as if the person in front of me wasn't there, that they were going to disappear. But he didn't, he was staring at me pushing that hat from his head and I couldn't wait any longer at the risk of him being taken away again.

I was running before I could tell my feet to go, I didn't care about the people around us, or the man hunting us. I was fully focused on the one person in front of me. Jumping from the boat I was only steps from JJ and in less than a second I had my arms wrapped around him and was lifted into his. He had his hand around my back, the other on the back of my head holding me as close to him as he could. I buried my head in the crook of his neck and I couldn't help the tear escaping down my cheeks, wetting the shoulder of his shirt. Through my cries I could hear him telling me he had me, telling me I was safe, and I knew he was right, trusted it to be true. The entire time on this island I hadn't felt safe until this moment, and I wasn't willing to let it go.

As I pulled away from him, I placed my hands on the sides of his face, my eyes scanning his face as I smiled at him. He looked tired, there were bags under his eyes, but I didn't look any better, and I didn't care because he was right here in front of me. Releasing my legs around his waist, I placed my feet back on the ground still holding his face. His hand was still on the small of, still holding me to him.

"I didn't think I'd see you ever again." I whispered looking up into his eyes. They were bright and filled with unshed tears. As I blinked up a stray tear fell, and JJ moved his hands to hold my face, his thumb brushing the tear away before leaning down and placing his lips on mine. It was soft and tender, and it was everything I needed to know I was okay.

"I'm so glad you're safe." he said when he pulled away from me, putting his forehead to mine. His voice was strained, I nodded against him before he pulled back again still holding my face and then pulled me into his chest. His hand moved to the back of my head, and I wrapped my arms around his back gripping his shirt scared he would disappear if I let go. I heard noise around me, heard familiar voices calling out in excitement and relief and heard footsteps running towards us. I heard Kie and realized the others must have been hiding nearby.

"God, I love you." I mumbled into JJ's chest taking a deep breath. I felt his hands pull me away and he was smiling, looking down at me again before putting his lips to mine. I smiled against him and continued smiling when we broke apart. Pulling me to his side he turned, so the others could see me. Sarah was the first to come over her arms wrapping around me, tears in her eyes as she told me how happy she was to see me. John B was close behind and I could see JJ pulling Kie to his other side. Soon we were all wrapped in a giant group hug, that couldn't have felt more amazing.

"Are you kidding me?" JJ asked once everyone finally pulled away and Kie and I directed them to the boat. He ran his hand through his hair, eyes wide as he looked up at it confused and surprised.

"Is that... is that your?" John B asked. Everyone seemed to share the same reaction and Kie and I just looked at each other shaking our heads.

"You wouldn't believe us if we told you." Kie laughed and JJ looked down at me with a scowl, his grip tightening on my shoulder.

"I'll tell you later." I sighed walking beside him as we went to the boat.

"Where'd you get this?" Cleo asked, still stunned. After a fair amount of awe-struck comments and touring of the boat we all agreed that we should probably start getting packed up and away from the island before Singh or his men find us... again. I went towards the stern of the boat working to untie the lines with JJ jumping off the boat to get the lines from the ground.

"Okay, so yeah, I have a couple questions." JJ said and I looked up at him as he walked to the line. Smiling, I crouched on by the back line and waited for him to look up at me.

"I'm sure you do," I laughed with a nod.

"A lagoon 620 with twin 150 Volvos?" He pointed to the motors and nodded at the description of the boat, "you understand we can go anywhere with this thing, right?"

"Yeah," I sighed looking around at the boat. "Pretty crappy boat huh."

"Way to be discreet by the way." JJ chuckled wrapping up the rope as he moved to get back in the boat.

"You know me, I love to make an entrance." I rolled my eyes pulling the line into the boat. JJ stopped and his face got serious for a second, making me scowl as I stood up. Finally meeting my eyes, he sighed.

"What did they want anyway?" he asked, hesitating for a second before continuing, "They didn't hurt you guys... did they?" I held his eyes for a few seconds before looking down and shook my head.

"No, they didn't...n nothing happened like that." I sighed looking at the floor of the boat, feeling his eyes on me. Singh hadn't hurt us... hadn't laid a finger on us to be honest, he gave us bed and clothes... but he didn't have to physically hurt us to make us fear him. He killed Jimmy, locked us in a room, hunted us, he made it clear that if he wanted to off us, he could and would. And that was almost worse, the haunting fear, the looking over our shoulders not knowing if we were actually safe. Clearing my throat, I shook my thoughts from my head and looked up at JJ again, his eyes still on me waiting for me to say something more. "But... you're never gonna guess what Singh was after, what he was looking for, why he wanted us to begin with."

JJ raised an eyebrow as he made his way onto the boat.

"Denmark's Diary." I said and I watched his eyes get wider before scowling confused.

"Why?"

"No clue." I shrugged, "He gave us this big, long monolog about a treasure that's bigger than the merchant... bigger than the cross. Said it was his destiny to find it."

"So... you're saying there's a bigger treasure?" He asked, walking over to me and I looked up at him as he wrapped his arms around me and placed his chin on the top of my head thinking about what I had told him. Pulling away he looked down at me and smiled. "Then sign me up." He shrugged, I rolled my eyes and laughed, shaking my head and leaned into him again. Before I could say anything else I saw John B jump from the boat.

"Hey John B! John B!" Pope called a few feet away watching his friend run away from the boat. I pulled away from JJ as Pope looked back to us and then back at his friend.

"I'll be right back!" John B called and I scowled looking at JJ, but he was trying to figure out what his friend was doing too.

"Where are you going?!" Pope yelled.

"I'll be right back!" John B repeated before waving his hand to the top of the boat. "I love you, Sarah." I quickly looked up where I could make out Sarah standing at the edge watching her boyfriend run around the corner.

"What?" Pope called looking back and JJ and me. "What the hell?" JJ shrugged at him, and I pulled away and quickly moved up the steps to the wheelhouse area. Sarah was still staring out at where John B had gone.

"Sarah?" I asked stepping up to her, placing my hand on her back. "What's going on?"

"I... I don't know..." she shook her head, her voice had a small tremble in it, but she just sighed and turned towards me. "He needs to do this."

"Do what?" I asked, hearing the others make their way up towards us.

"Find his dad." she said softly. "He needs closure, one way or another."

"His... Big John's here?" I asked taking my hand from her back and turned to see Pope, Kie and JJ all stare at her surprised.

"I don't know..." Sarah shook her head. "But he thinks so, and I don't want him to resent me for not letting him check."

"Okay, but like Singh's still looking for us…" Kie stated.

"He said he would be back soon." Sarah nodded, taking a deep breath.

"What made him think his dad was here?" I questioned looking up at the direction I had watched him run off.

"The bell at the church." Sarah said, pointing up on the hill and we all turned to look and listen as the bell rang. "He said…"

"It's how his dad used to call him home." I finished and she gave me a sad smile. "Okay…" I said, looking at everyone still trying to figure out what was going on. "Okay. Look Singh isn't here yet, so we have some time."

"Roe…" Kie started, and I groaned.

"We can't change anything, he's gone, we're waiting." I said frustrated.

"Okay, okay…" Cleo stepped in, "Since we are gonna be here for a while, I want to know how you got this boat."

"It's uh…, It's Rafe's boat." Kie answered taking a seat by the wheel. There was a hush that went around the group as everyone comprehended what she had said, and I had to avoid the intense stare I was getting from JJ.

"Rafe, as in Rafe Cameron?" Pope asked looking between Kie and I.

"Yep." I nodded sliding to sit on the floor.

"How did you take my brothers boat?" Sarah asked and both Kie and I looked at each other with a smile.

"Yeah, and where is he now exactly?" JJ added.

"In the channel," I answered innocently shrugging before Kie started laughing.

"The channel? How…"

"She pushed him." Kie answered and I started laughing too looking at JJ who's concerned yes turned into proud ones.

"And how'd that feel?" JJ chuckled moving to sit by me, his arm going over my shoulder.

"Really good." I sighed with a smile.

"Damn girl." Cleo added.

"Okay but why was Rafe here to begin with?" Sarah asked.

"Singh wanted him too since he has the cross." I answered laying my head on JJ's shoulder. "Singh had it in his head that Rafe knew about Denmark Tanny and was part of the search for the cross. He also didn't care when we told him he didn't. This dude just wanted to get information and didn't care who gave it to him."

"Shit." Pope sighed. "So how did you guys get out?"

"You guys." I answered and JJ turned his head to look at me confused. "He came after you when you texted him from Jimmy's phone, left the compound unguarded."

"He knew?" Sarah questioned.

"Jimmy's dead." Kie said quietly and I looked up at her giving her a sad smile. "Singh killed him." The group fell silent as they processed the information, and I could feel JJ's fingers brushing up my arm. The sun had started to set, and the group was starting to get antsy.

The longer we waited the more anxious I got. I had started pacing the deck clenching and unclenching my fists looking for any sign of John B running towards us. JJ was leaning on the wheel, his head bowed as he tried to control his frustration on the situation.

"I can't believe he just took off." Pope groaned for the third time, and I turned to watch Sarah look towards the bell tower. Before I could say anything, truck engines caught my attention from the bridge, and I instantly turned to see them passing over the structure heading in our direction.

"Kie." I said, turning to her, eyes wide. She looked at me and then up at the road.

"Guys." She stated loudly, "Incoming!"

"That's Singh's men." Cleo said, coming around Kie to look out towards the trucks.

"Where's John B?" Pope asked turning to Sarah. I could see the tears briming in her eyes as she shook her head.

"I don't know?" she said. "He said he'd be back by now."

"Well, he's not! JJ, what are we gonna do?" Pope turned to look at JJ and I watched as he pulled the gun from the waistband of his shorts and checked the magazine before cocking it back.

"We gotta make a stand," JJ said, and I just watched in disbelief looking around as Pope walked up to JJ as if they were gonna go to war. I couldn't belief this was happening, this couldn't happen… not again. "That's the only option."

"What?" Kie scowled.

"That's suicide." I added and JJ looked up to me searching my eyes.

"We're not splitting up again!" JJ exclaimed.

"I am not going back there again!" I stated walking up to him grabbing his wrist. "You weren't there JJ, you didn't see what we saw, what we heard."

"Rowyn we're not leaving John B." his eyes pleaded with mine.

"No Pogue left behind." Pope said.

"What are we gonna do?" Sarah asked quietly and I started to feel my lungs constrict and my vision blur as I was brought back to the men taking me. I bent down and put my head in my hand's tears filling my eyes.

"They're here." I heard Kie say. "Shit, Roe." She came over and knelt in front of me her hands on my shoulders. As the others argued I heard through my panic attack her trying to calm me down, trying to get me to breathe.

"We're not splitting up again!" JJ said anger in his voice.

"We don't have a choice anymore!" Kie stated, "Now will get over here and help her?" I am not sure what he saw or what was said but I felt Kie's soft hands remove themselves from my arms and they were replaced by rough calloused ones.

"What's going on?" JJ asked.

"She's having a panic attack." Kie stated. I had my eyes squeezed shut as I tried to ignore everyone's yelling, ignore the jerk of the boat as it pulled away from the docking area. JJ was yelling for John B despite having his hands on me. It was all too much; I was overwhelmed and terrified. Pops were going on over us and the arms on my shoulder wrapped around me and pushed me down, his body dropped on top of me as the gun shots continued.

As fast as they started, they stopped and slowly JJ lifted off me but never released my shoulder. Slowly I took a deep breath and my lungs allowed air to fill them without seizing. After a few shuddered breaths I finally opened my eyes and met JJ's concerned look. Shaking my head, I tried to give him a small smile.

"I'm fine." I whispered and nodded up towards Pope and Sarah who both were looking back. He seemed reluctant to leave but eventually nodded and got up. I watched as he stood and watched the island shrink behind the boat, his and roughly running through his hair before he turned and slammed his hand on the console. I looked around at Kie who was staring in shock at what had happened and then let my eyes settle on Sarah.

"I'm sorry John B." I heard her whisper. Despite the protest from my muscles and my pounding head I got up and walked to her and placed my hand on hers. She turned to me and with tears in her eyes I nodded, telling her it was the right choice.

"So, this is what we're doing huh? We're just sailing out?" JJ asked once we were far enough out to feel safe. I turned and watched as he paced angrily looking back at the speck of land behind us. "We're just gonna forget about John B.?"

"No one is forgetting about John B." I sighed. I was sitting up on the control console to the left of Sarah, my hands still shaking from my panic attack earlier.

"We go back there, we're gonna get caught." Cleo added, "What type of plan is that?"

"It's a plan to stick together Cleo." JJ said.

"It's a plan to get ourselves locked up." Jumping down from where I was, I stood beside Kie and looked back at the island before continuing. "There is no way we would escape again the same way, not without someone getting hurt. Staying would have been suicide, and as much as every single one of us here would go back for John B... if it was feasible, which it's not, John B. knows and would do the same thing, and you know it, Jay."

He studied my face for a moment, and I could see the itch to argue with me for the sake of arguing and for his best friend still back there. But I could also see the pained look as he realized the logic behind what I was saying. He didn't want to give up on his friend and to him, running away, that's what we were doing. But we weren't, no different then, them watching us get taken by Singh's men after the plane crash. They had to watch us get dragged off and regroup to come up with a plan. This was the same situation.

"Look." I sighed running a hand through my hair. "We just need to regroup. We should be far enough out that if we stay put for a bit we can go back when the island isn't as hot. Think about it, Singh doesn't know John B isn't with us, for all he knows we are heading back to Kildare... that's where he's gonna go if he really wants the diary. If we wait that gives Singh's time to leave the island with his men, leaving less there to guard it. We go back and pick up John B."

"She's got a point." Pope pointed out.

"What if he's already got John B.?" JJ challenged me and I crossed my arms and tilted my head at him with a scowl.

"You know John B. best... you think Singh would nab him that quick?" I asked. JJ stared at me like we were in a contest until he finally let out a chuckle and looked to his feet with a nod.

"Nah, dudes a survivor." he answered, and I smiled stepping up to him and grabbing his face, so he was looking at me.

"We're gonna find him, we aren't going to leave him." I said quietly and he took a deep breath nodding. "I promise."

Before anything else could be said a jingle filled the air and I released JJ's face and scowled looking towards the noise. Kie walked to one of the seats and pulled the phone we had stolen from the guard out and looked at it confused.

"Who's that?" JJ asked.

"It's Portis." Kie said looking up

"Portis?" JJ repeated receiving a nod from Kie and he quickly stepped away from me and reached for the phone. "That's John B., that's definitely John B. hold on."

"Wait he has Portis phone?" I asked looking to Sarah and Pope as JJ put the phone to his ear. "If he had the phone, why are we all yelling at each other... we could have called him."

I received a glare from JJ, and I just shrugged stepping back as he put his other hand to his ear trying to listen on the other end. "Yo! Dude! Is this you?"

"Speaker." I hissed, smacking him on the arm.

"What... do you need us to turn around?" JJ asked quickly, before pulling the phone away from his ear and putting the speaker on so we could all listen.

"No, don't worry about it." I could hear John B at the other end. The reception was crap but what he said was clear.

"Yo, say it again?" JJ scowled confused.

"I said don't worry about me." The conversation was coming in and his words were broken but I could make out the words to put the sentence together. "Look, it's way too hot here, you gotta get out of here, go back to OBX."

"We do not copy." JJ stated. Either he really didn't hear his friend, or he didn't like what he heard. Sarah was scowling at the phone and stepped beside her putting my hands on the wheel.

"Go I got this." I nodded and she smiled at me before walking towards JJ.

"Let me talk to him." Sarah demanded, taking the phone from JJ. He came over and stood by me as we watched Sarah pace the boat floor.

"John B?" she asked.

"Sarah?" I heard her boyfriend say and I could see the sudden relief on her face. She had been carrying so much guilt after we left, she needed to hear him.

"Are you okay?" she asked, her voice wavering slightly.

"Yes. I'm fine, everything's good." John B said and I could hear a smile in his voice. "Listen..."

"He's fine..." Sarah sighed pulling the phone away as she rolled her eyes. "Thank God. What happened?"

"I uh... I found my dad." he replied, and I looked away from the horizon and pulled the throttle back to stop the boat. JJ scowled down at me, and I shook my head frozen, waiting for the boy on the other end of the phone to continue. "He's alive."

"Wait... what'd you say?" Sarah asked, taken back by his revelation. "John B?" she repeats as the phone starts to cut in and out.

"Sarah...?" The voice on the other end called but it was so broken I could hardly make it out.

"I can't... I can't hear you?" Sarah said, putting her mouth close to the mic on the cell phone looking up at us. "John B?" There was a lot of static as a response, but one word came through as Sarah desperately tried to get John B back on the phone.

"...Kildare..."

"John B?" Sarah cried, her voice breaking as she looked defeated at the phone in her hand. "John B. no, no." The phone went dead, ending the call due to lack of service. We all stood processing the information and I watched as Sarah stared at the phone, waiting for it to ring again. "Kildare, what the hell?" she finally asked, turning to us, handing the phone back to JJ.

"You think he found his father?" Cleo asked and I swallowed the lump in my throat and looked from JJ to Pope.

"He went missing almost a year ago..." I said quietly looking down and the console. "He was assumed dead, but … nothing was ever proven."

"Sarah, what do you think?" Kie asked and I looked back up to the blonde who was staring out at the water. "Should be go back?" Sarah didn't respond and the tension in the air built up until JJ finally spoke again.

"Sarah, we're sitting ducks right now, so we need to make a decision." He said firmly anxiety riddle in his voice. But I felt for the girl. After everything, she is now posed with the decision to leave her boyfriend... husband... on an island with a mad man or go back and risk her friends. I didn't envy her for the choice she had to make here, if I was in her shoes and it was JJ... I'm not sure how I would have been able to make the choice without being racked with guilt. "Are we turning back around or are we gonna keep going?"

When she didn't respond he looked down at me and I shrugged, not sure what we were supposed to do. I kept my hand on the throttle and felt my heart pound against my chest. Whatever was decided I would follow, its what family does, no matter how terrified I was on that island, I would go back for John B if that's what was decided.

"Sarah come on." JJ tried again stepping away from. "Sarah, we need to make a decision."

"He said to go." Sarah sighed, looking away from the water and down at her feet.

"Hold on, listen..." JJ tried but Sarah just shook her head.

"Go." She stated looking at me and I swallowed but gave her a small nod. Pushing my hand down, the engines in the back of the boat whirred to life as the boat pushed forward.

"Sarah..." JJ tried again but she looked up at him and pursed her lips.

"Go." She didn't wait for another response, she just turned around and leaned on the edge overlooking the lower portion of the boat and out to the endless horizon. The group separated to different parts of the boat soon after and I stayed at the helm holding the boat steady on the course towards Kildare. JJ had left to go check the motors and wrap up the lines that we had quickly discarded in our escape but came up to join me soon after.

"So, what does Singh want with this diary?" he asked, dropping down into the lounge seat behind me.

"He's convinced it has a clue in it, a clue he's been looking for and needs..." I responded looking over my shoulder at him giving him a small smile before I continued, "to the location of some city of gold... like bigger than the gold on the merchant, that 400 mil wasn't even half."

"Okay, so the diary we have, leads to a 500-year-old treasure that no one's ever found?" He summarized everything I had told him since the pier earlier and looked at me skeptically as I thought through what he said and nodded.

"Yeah, that about covers it."

"I'm in." he said after a few seconds, and I turned around leaning a hip on the steering wheel to keep it straight and raised an eyebrow to the blond sitting in front of me. "I mean, it's kinda like my best option at this point so... I mean definitely beats sitting in Geometry class."

"Yeah, beats going to the mainland with my mom." I mumbled, taking a deep breath and turning back towards the ocean in front of us.

"I mean I don't even know what's gonna happen when we get back to the OBX." JJ sighed and I nodded. "Nothing good I can tell you that... nothing good."

"Shit's defintely gonna suck that's for sure." I said without turning around. He was right... what did we have to look forward to going back to Kildare. If I was lucky my mom would have left to go back to the mainland so I wouldn't have to deal with the idea of being forced off the island... forced away from my real family. I took a deep breath as the idea of being dragged away for a third time in the last month went through my head. This whole thing would just give my mom ammo to take me away, like she was helping me. And then there was my dad. I had no idea where he was, I made a point to keep myself from asking Rafe about him, because I wasn't sure I wanted the answer. I wasn't sure I wanted to know if he was alive and well or dead. Sure, he was a crap dad, but he was still my dad... I know when I shot him it wasn't fatal, it was a shoulder wound... but what if they didn't have the medicine to help him, or it got infected... then that would be on me and was I okay with that? I was so caught up in the spiral of thoughts in my head I didn't hear JJ move from behind me or hear him as he called my name quietly until he was standing right beside me, his hand gently gripping my shoulder causing me to jump.

Blinking a few times, I took a deep breath and turned to look at him. His blue eyes were searching for mine, his face scrunched in a concerned scowl.

"I lost you there for a second." he said quietly, and I felt my cheeks warm with embarrassment. I tried to turn my head away, tried to keep the feeling away but his hand was on my cheek forcing me to keep my eyes on his. "Where'd you go?"

"No where." I answered but my voice gave little conviction or confidence. Closing my eyes, I focused on the feeling of his hand on my cheek before opening my eyes again to see his still focused on my, still waiting for an answer. "Just not sure what's going to happen when we get back, I was just... over thinking..." I could tell he wasn't buying, not completely, but instead of fighting me he moved to stand behind me and put his arms over my shoulders pulling me back into his chest. "You know it's funny." I said after a few moments, "two days ago we were on the island, waking up on the beach...now..."

JJ didn't say anything, but I could feel him take a deep breath and his arms seemed to pull me closer. "Roe..." his voice was quiet when he finally spoke. Turning me in his arms, so my back was now pressed against the steering wheel, I kept my eyes focused on his chest. Lifting my chin, I stared up at him, "what happened earlier?" he finally asked. I continued staring at him, unsure how I was about to answer. I knew he wouldn't judge me for my panic attacks, but I didn't want him to be hurt because I never told him earlier. I knew JJ about as well as he knew me, and I knew he would take it persona, knew he would think of it as a reason he isn't good enough for me, and that wasn't true.

"Hey!" Pope called as he rounded the corner to the helm and looked up at us. "Shit sorry, was I interrupting?"

"No, Pope..." JJ rolled his eyes and lifting his head up and towards his friend annoyed. I giggled which seemed to ease the tension in JJ's jaw.

"Sorry... Just wanted to let you guys know that we should probably stop for gas." he shrugged with a sheepish smile.

"Thanks Pope." I smiled back at him and laid my head on JJ's chest wrapping my arms around his waist. "I think there's a port coming up. I'll make sure we stop."

"Aye, aye," he replied with a salute that just made me laugh more.

"Perfect timing." JJ ground out and after a few more minutes of holding me he stepped away. Leaning down he placed his lips gently on mine before saying he was going to go down and check on Kie and Sarah before checking the motors and getting the lines ready. We pulled into the closest port just as the sky started to get darker. By the time Pope and Cleo came back with food and fuel the air had gotten colder. I left Kie at the helm and found myself sitting at the front of the boat, leaning against one of the masts, arms curled around myself.

A body came around and pulled me into its lap, blanketed arms wrapping around my bare ones, and I smiled relaxing into his hold, feeling his breath on my cheek as he kissed it. We fell into a comfortable silence and closed my eyes listening to the waves splashing the side of the boat, JJ's arms keeping me warm, the blanket draped over both of us.

"I've had panic attacks most my life." I finally spoke, opening my eyes to stare at the dark horizon. I could feel him tense behind me and his breath hitch.

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" he asked, his voice hurt his eyes shining against the moon above us. "That was the rule remember, I would be your safe space."

"You are Jay... you always will be, but... I don't want to be this fragile person around you, I don't want you to look at me as broken or weak... They got better after I met you guys. Remember when I told you I was in a dark place, its why I had a ticket in my safe deposit box?" I waited for him to nod behind me before I continued. "It had been bad, they were becoming too much and overwhelming, so I was gonna leave... once I met you, they stopped."

"I still had them, when I was going out with Rafe, or playing pretend on figure 8. After that night you came over, I can count maybe five I had after that, but none of them were terrible. Just chest pain. I think the night at the Boneyard with Rafe was the worst the whole time I knew you guys." I explained, "I don't want you to think you were just oblivious JJ, or that I just didn't tell you and hid them... I didn't, with you they were just almost non-existent."

"What happened then? Why all of a sudden..."

"John B and Sarah's disappearance." I shrugged. Sitting up I turned in his lap so I could face him, I put my legs over one of his and leaned on the other. "That night at the Chateau with Rafe and when my mom bombarded me at the Sheriff's office. Those have been the worst I've had since meeting the Pogues... since being with you... and every time, you were the one that brought me out of it."

"How bad have they gotten?" he asked genuinely curious. I could see his wheel turning, piecing events together in his mind that could have been potential signs and I smiled, loving him even more for being concerned and curious and wanting to understand.

"I've passed out because I held my breath, but that was before you guys... it's mostly just my chest hurting, and not being able catch my breath." I explained, "When I'm spiraling it's like my brain is telling my body to shut down... When Singh's men took Kie and I, they locked us in a bedroom. The sound of the lock it just took me back to the ship and the feeling of dread, being alone... Kie pulled me back from that."

"I wish you wouldn't put that mask on and pretend you're okay all the time." he whispered, pulling towards him. I laid my head on his shoulder, he turned his head and placed a gentle kiss to my forehead. "It's okay to not be okay Roe, it's okay to not always be strong and to lean on me."

"I know." I answered quietly. By the time the sun had started rising the next morning we were all standing on the bridge of the boat watching as land came into view. Familiar boats and homes scattered the area. As we got closer JJ left the bridge and I followed him. He stood just under where everyone stood looking over the water, out of sight. I watched as he paced and ran his hand anxiously through his hair. Moving towards him I laced my fingers with him, and he finally looked up at me. His face showed just how uncomfortable he was. What did he have to look forward to, what did I have... Taking a deep breath I gave him a soft smile and squeezed his hand, if nothing more than to tell him I was there with him... for him.

Leaning down he used his free hand to cup my cheek and kiss me pulling me close to him. When we broke apart out of breath, I tucked myself into his side and turned back towards Kildare.