Because you are my soulmate, and I love you.

You are my soulmate. And I love you.

You are my soulmate. And I love you.

Alice's words were like an echo that stilled Jasper's entire being, had he been human he was quite sure his heart would have stopped beating.

Because what?

That was… impossible.

He knew vampires mated for life, he knew that while there might be the occasional fling, at the end, all vampires were bound to one person and one person alone, some lived their entire lives without meeting them.

Others found them as humans.

Others lost them.

Like Marcus lost his, and the man had become a shell of who he once were, at least that's what Alec said, he hadn't known him before he lost her.

The loss of a soulmate could be so intense some vampires went insane, others fell into a suffocating depression, and others became hell bent on revenge against whoever had taken their mate from them.

Others, like the mind reader had almost done, fell on the suicide path.

That was how intense the loss could be.

He never believed in such things, soulmates were stupid stories humans and people in general made up because the idea of having someone who would understand and love them unconditionally was pleasant, an idea for those with tons of insecurities to feel better over thinking someone had been made specifically for them.

Someone they would be able to be their true selves with and never worry about saying or doing the wrong thing, someone who would accept all their imperfections instead of trying to turn them off or make them disappear.

For vampires… he had heard it was a somewhat similar reaction, with the slight difference where you would feel an intense and immediate connection that felt deeper than physical attraction at first sight.

You would feel a sense of comfort and ease in each other's presence, safe. Trust. And whenever they touched you, you would feel an intense sense of inner calm.

Still.

It was stupid. Stories made up by lonely people to comfort themselves, it wasn't true, it wasn't. She was just aiming to make this worse, to tear more of his heart apart, mock him, use him.

But then why?

Why did he found himself actually entertaining the idea that she might be telling the truth?

He remembers when he first saw her, he didn't knew her, had never seen her before in his life, and he had still felt a pit in his stomach when Demetri had threatened to kill her.

He had felt himself drawn to her since the moment he saw her, he kept seeking her out, he had warmed up to her touch with a frightening ease, he let his guard down around her with such unnerving ease too, why the hell did he trust so much someone he barely knew?

You are my soulmate. And I love you.

Was it true? Was this seriously happening? How could this be? People like him didn't have that kind of thing, he wasn't- why?

He wasn't special, there was not a single thing good about him, he was a simple broken man, stained, corrupted, he was soaking in innocent blood, with a darkness in his mind that could become a weapon even against himself. His mind was fractured.

What could he offer? How could this woman say he was her soulmate? How could she say she loved him so easily? It didn't make sense.

But all the signs he had once found strange were there. All along. She knew he wouldn't hurt her because as nature would have it, his instincts would never allow him to harm her, be it unconsciously or on purpose.

Vampires couldn't harm their mates.

But the stench of venom did great at reminding him that he had, in fact, harmed her.

He had almost tore her head off.

-You don't have to believe me, nor am I asking you for more, I just… I'm sorry I lied. I was gonna tell you the truth, I swear, I just… I was just hoping to befriend you first, to get to know you, that's all I wanted, I swear. I didn't mean to hurt you, I wasn't trying to use you or manipulate you either, I would never hurt you, I do care about you, more than you could ever possibly understand.

Her words burn something deep within and Jasper finds himself taking a step back, her honesty is suffocating, her sadness, her defeat, acceptation, pain, and worst of all.

That warmth that he was now starting to suspect fell between the lines of affection and something much more stronger.

Love.

And that's an emotion he isn't sure he can handle.

He loves her, he loves her more than he could ever imagine being possible.

And still.

The idea of her loving him back is terrifying, he doesn't deserve her love, he wants to accept her love, to tell her the truth of how he feels.

But fear was bigger.

The fear, the insecurity, so so many insecurities.

He wanted this beautiful angel in his life, wanted her by his side even though he knew he didn't deserve her at all.

But most of all...

He wanted to feel her tsunami of warmth and lightness.

That wonderful feeling that he only got whenever Alice was around, deep down, an extremely selfish part of him wanted to be worth something, time, love, care, worry...

He wanted to be worth all of that.

To be seen as a person.

Not a weapon.

Never again.

He wanted her, he wanted to leave the Volturi and stay with her forever, to bask in her warmth and light, to hold her hand whenever he wanted and have her weaving flowers into his hair, he wanted to feel her touch and watch her smile, to just be there for her, with her.

But the logical side of him knew.

That was nothing but a child's dream, the pathetic delusions of a damned soul.

He could never have that.

There were so many stains in him that refused to be washed away, stains that felt like they were burning, chaining him, forcing him to stay deep within a sea of darkness, a darkness where the stains couldn't be seen, such darkness people would never find him.

It had been comforting once, for a long long time, sitting in the darkness had been like a comfort zone for him, watch from the back while The Major bathed them in more innocent blood.

But now it felt suffocating, like he was being held there against his will.

And he didn't like that.

He wanted to be pulled out of the darkness.

To be seen.

He wanted to be found. Free.

But he also feared the light.

What could meet him there if he was to get out completely.

Alice was offering him her hand, and Jasper craved to take it more than he's ever craved anything in his life.

But he also feared that hand, feared that it could stain him more, break his mind even worse, but most of all...

He feared that that hand might let go of him if it was to find the extent of the stains that festered upon his soul. The demon lurking behind the shadows of his mind.

-Jasper?- Her voice was hesitant, soft, worried, hopeful, fearful.

Not of him.

Her gaze told him that what she feared right now was the possibility of him disappearing and never coming back.

And it burnt.

God how it burnt.

Because Alice was so good, kind, loyal, understanding, she didn't even seem to be holding anything against Jasper for his attack, he could see the silvery venom from the split skin on the side of her neck, trickling down her skin, and he knew that had to be hurting quite a lot.

The neck was an extremely sensitive area for vampires when it came to wounds, and at times, depending on the depth of the wound, it could take a whole day to heal.

And still.

There she was, giving him such a pleading look, for him to not leave.

And Jasper hated it.

Because how could someone so kind be his soulmate? Why did Alice had to get stuck with him of all people? She deserved so much more, she didn't deserve a broken demon for a mate, an angel and a demon, where was the compatibility in that?

They had nothing whatsoever in common.

He would end up hurting her.

But soulmates were made to fit each other, own what the other lacked, give what the other needed, balance each other out and help each other grow.

What if she was the answer?

Would Alice truly accept the stains?

Or would she be disgusted by them?

Was he allowed to take a leap of faith?

Or should he just leave and never come back?

But he didn't want to lose her.

This beautiful angel…

She was important to him.

He wanted to reach out, he didn't want to be alone anymore, he wanted someone he could trust blindly and not regret it, someone that would never abandon him, someone who would see the stains and be alright with them.

Because even if just once, even if a lie.

He wanted to be told he could be more than just a weapon, a demon.

That he could do more than kill and break things.

He wanted someone to tell him that he wasn't alone.

He was just that pathetic, just that selfish.

For once in his life, he wanted something and he wanted to keep it regardless of what that might bring.

Thus.

For the first time in decades since he began wearing it, he removed his muzzle infront of someone.

~

Alice is terrified, she won't lie. She's terrified that Jasper will run off and disappear to never be seen again, she can see the growing conflict in his gaze, the doubt, the fear, the defeat, the anger, something else she can't quite place.

And then there's such resolution she fears what it might be for.

But then he does the unthinkable.

He takes the muzzle off.

And he stares at her, it takes her more than she's willing to admit to realize that he's waiting for some kind of reaction, of all things possible this was the last thing she had expected from him upon telling him the truth.

She isn't quite sure what he expects from her, but something about his gaze…

Ah.

He's testing her.

He doesn't believe she will accept him once she sees his scars.

Well, he's about to be very disappointed.

She approaches him without hesitation. She can see how tense he is, and not even that hardened gaze can hide the vulnerability in his eyes, how tight his jaw is set, how ready to sprint he looks like, he looks…

Frightened.

Of what?

Her reaction? Hadn't her reaction to his hands been enough to assure him she could never be disgusted or whatever else he thought with his scars?

Once she was infront of him he averted her gaze, Alice didn't hesitate to reach up to gently cup his face between her hands, he flinched at her, but he didn't pull away, so she guessed that was a good sign.

She began stroking the scars softly with her thumbs, focusing in all the acceptation she can muster, comfort, affection, love, understanding, she doesn't care about the scars, they are just another part of him, this didn't change anything, she would still be by his side if that's what he wanted.

-'m not good for you, if you've been watchin' me then you know, my mind isn't right, I'm soakin' in way too much blood, I've done many horrible things and… I'm broken and stained, I don't want you to become stained by me nor do I want you to feel sorry for me.

Alice felt her heart break as she heard his words, God, she knew he wasn't right, she had seen his self-harm patterns, had seen when his depression led him to let The Major take over for weeks, but she could have never expected it ran deep enough for him to speak like that about himself.

She couldn't let him go back with the Volturi, not when he was being hurt worse than she ever thought possible.

-Hey, look at me.- Alice calls softly, fighting to keep her voice from breaking.

And he does looks at her, red tinged with orange meeting gold, his eyes are once again brimming with tears.

-You won't stain me, because you are not stained, nor broken. And even if you were, I wouldn't care, I would still stay by your side and help you put yourself back together, because I care about you, and I will always do anything I can to help you. Understand? You're not alone Jasper, not anymore.

-'m scarred all over.

-So? They are just another part of you, they show how strong you are, they show that you survived, you shouldn't ever feel ashamed about that. Ever.- Her voice is firm, leaving no room for argument over that last statement.

Jasper feels like his chest is breaking, those words… how could she be alright with this? He couldn't understand, and still, something about her words lift a weight off of his chest he's never realized he even had before.

And Jasper finds himself leaning into her touch, because for the first time in his life he feels like he might be able to keep something he wanted, for the first time in a long, long time he feels…

Hope.

Her emotions are so warm, so liberating, and for the first time in his life he truly feels like he isn't alone.

Meanwhile, Alice smiles, caressing each scar on his face with the utmost of cares, she traces the ones littering his jawline, on his left cheek, even the one on his eyebrow that looks particularly ravenous, she even runs her thumb over the scar on the corner of his bottom lip where he's bitten himself so many times.

She pulls him down to her level, daring to deposit a kiss on his cheek, she wants him to know that she's being honest, she doesn't mind the scars, he doesn't have to hide, doesn't have to feel shame.

This before pulling him into a hug, needing to hold him, she still doesn't like how he had spoken about himself, he wasn't stained, he wasn't broken.

He was just in a bad place right now.

And she hated that she wasn't strong enough to fight the Volturi, telling Peter and Charlotte wouldn't help either, even if it were four no amount of people could ever defeat the Volturi.

Not really.

They were thousands, and most of their members were gifted, not even Jasper could take on that many at once.

He was skilled and he was powerful.

But he wasn't some kind of undefeatable God.

All it could take to subdue him were the twins.

Jane's gift didn't affect him.

Yes.

But that if she used it on him while he was in his right mind, if she used it while Alec was using his… it could be enough to break him apart. And Alice feared that one day he might not be able to take it anymore, that one day, he wouldn't return.

And she didn't want that.

She's stood back for too long, she couldn't keep up doing this, she couldn't keep on acting like nothing was wrong, hearing him speak like that was the last straw.

Suddenly, she felt something on her neck, quite the odd sensation, and it took her a moment to realize what was happening.

He was licking her neck.

Right where the throbbing fire was at.

Well, that was unexpected, she tried to not let the feeling of his tongue bother her, she could feel the sharp sting as her venom and his came into contact with each other, a vampire's venom was much like fire, it could harm greatly.

But it could also be used to seal wounds.

At least she wouldn't have to worry over what to do with the wound anymore, it would definitely scar over, which wouldn't bring great reactions from her family, but it wasn't his fault, and he was fixing it anyways.

He pulled away from her as he finished, giving her a solemn look.

-Please forgive me, I'll never attack you again, I promise.

-I know.- Alice assured, her hand touching his arm.- You don't have to apologize either, you were just protecting yourself, I understand.

-But-

-Hey.- Alice was quick to cut off, her hand covering his mouth.- It's alright, I promise. We can still see each other, in fact… I would like to ask you to not return to Volterra.

His eyes widened at that before he was pulling her hand away.

-What? I can't do that, I'm-

-You're a weapon to them, none of them care about you as a person, Jasper, I can't keep watching how they treat you, I can't have you going back to them, not now that I know just how many awful things they have made you believe.

-That's my life, you can't just ask me to give it up, it's not that easy.

-No, that's not life. They're just using you, you know this, they made you kill Bree even though you told them you wouldn't kill kids, they make you wear a muzzle as if you were some kind of animal, they put you in chains when you talk back, they hurt you, and… they have been poisoning you.

Saying that out loud felt greater than Alice had expected, finally telling him the truth of just what the Volturi were doing to him behind his back…

-What? That's not right, that's-

-Haven't you noticed just how truly weak you have grown since you joined them? Your strength has diminished, your focus, your speed, your senses, your healing, you get dizzy spells, your lack of appetite despite your hunger, you even sleep sometimes. The Volturi have been giving you vervain, they poisoned the blood of the humans they gave you.

-But that's…- Jasper had no idea what to do with this new information, of course he had known something was off about his body, but he didn't think…

The Volturi had been poisoning him?

All this time… no wonder he felt so tired all the time, or how he could reach such point of exhaustion he could sleep, no strength to fight against the Volturi's orders, he had been… his fingers curled into fists as he felt his venom burn.

They had been poisoning and manipulating him from the second he stepped into Volterra, making him compliant with the vervain.

He felt The Major crawl beneath his skin as righteous fury coursed through his veins, a bitter taste in his mouth; shame over how gullible he had been, shock over how he hadn't noticed it sooner, but most of all.

He felt rage, pure obliterating rage that made his vision flash red, the Volturi had been using him, pulling the strings of each one of his movements, poisoning him to make him their perfect puppet.

The sudden hands on his arms made the air catch at the back of his throat. He looked down to be met with worried gold, her emotions all over the place, concern, resolution, calm, comfort, sadness.

-I'm not telling you this so you can go and get yourself killed, I told you, didn't I? You're my soulmate, and I love you, be it as friends or something else, I will always care about you, and that means that I won't let you go to your death.

-They-

-I'm telling you this because I can't stand their abuse towards you anymore, I hate seeing you in pain, I hate not being able to help you, I don't want you to go back there, I can't stand it anymore, I know you're mad, I know that you have all the right to be so, but you can't win in a fight against them, you know it, much less now that your body is so weak, please, don't do anything brash.

Alice's plea made something twist deep within Jasper's gut, he had never seen nor felt someone so worried over him, so… desperated, terrified.

For him.

And that… it made some of the fire in his chest diminish, fingers growing lax.

She was worried for him.

She was afraid for him.

Begging him to not leave and potentially get himself killed.

Her words… her emotions… this woman…

He reaches out to touch her face, he hates the Volturi, knowing what all those treacherous bastards had been doing behind his back, to know that at the end none of them had even felt a sliver of trust on him… he hadn't been their ally, not a coven mate, not an acquaintance, not even a weapon.

All he had been to them was a dog.

A slave.

Because even María had trusted him, at least at first, she had treated him like a person.

But the Volturi…

He should have never joined them, and he craved to rip them limb from limb.

But Alice's face…

Those beautiful eyes that stared back at him, it was like looking into pools of warm honey, a field of sunflowers, a ray of sunlight.

He couldn't bear to be the one to put such anguish in her gaze.

-Alright.- For the first time in his life The God Of War steps back from a potential war outbreak.

But he can care less when a bright smile is what he gets in return, relief washing the worry and desperation away, her gaze was so overwhelming, her smile so bright, he never thought anyone could be so happy over seeing him.

He caress her cheek with his thumb, and as Alice leans into the touch he feels the warmness envelope him, her eyes closing, there's such happiness in her emotions, bliss, peace, relief, affection, as if she couldn't be any happier right now.

And he could have never thought love could be anything like this.

A lot of things could go wrong, he knew this, the Volturi wouldn't hesitate to start looking for him once they realized he wasn't coming back, he did admit a little part of him wanted to go back, because if the Volturi found out about Alice…

If she was his soulmate… Aro might end up killing her.

Or worse.

Using him to get to her.

But God, he didn't want to leave her, not now that he knew how it felt like to live in a world with her, he wanted to stay by her side, and if danger were to come…

He would gladly give his life for her.

He knew this the moment her hand came to rest on top of his, as she kissed his hand.

He would die for this woman.

~

-Are you sure there's no one in the house?- Jasper asked, feeling a pit opening in his stomach, deep and deeper with each step he took, he was holding Alice's hand, her calm and warmth fluttering across his skin.

But not even that could stop the growing uneasiness over this situation.

It was getting dark, he wouldn't go back to Volterra, but he wouldn't stay in a motel either, he would have way too much temptation around, he had refused to go anywhere else too, insisting on just staying around the forest. He didn't need sleep, not much at least, so it wasn't like it was that terrible to begin with.

Alice didn't like it, though, he knew this, she had told him he shouldn't wander around like some homeless person, but he had been homeless in the past, a lot of vampires were, nomads.

It was nothing out of this world, vampires didn't need a home, food, sleep, weather, none of that mattered, humans needed homes to shelter themselves from the weather, to store food and sleep safely. To raise their offsprings safely and look after the weak ones.

Vampires didn't need that.

Or well, again, he did had the habit to sleep sometimes when the exhaustion got too much to handle, but he could do that somewhere else.

He had also refused to live with the Cullens, had turned her down before she could even finish the suggestion, he didn't want to live with a coven where he might not be welcomed, or where he might be used or put through the same emotional torture he had to endure in Volterra.

Whenever he wasn't in the forest he could spend his time in the ocean, he had grown comfortable with the atmosphere there anyways, he could sleep there even, again, Alice hadn't liked that, she had said that he wasn't a fish nor some kind of sea creature, but she didn't understand that as long as Demetri was alive he couldn't let his guard down.

Demetri hadn't managed to catch what he did so far because Jasper's scent disappeared at the beach. There was nothing to track.

But the Volturi kept watch over the Cullens due their numbers and gifts, even more so now with the hybrid girl.

It was better to not test luck and risk his scent being caught.

Meanwhile, Alice sighed.

-Positive.- Alice assured, she still didn't like the idea of Jasper wanting to hang around the forest or hide in the ocean.

But she had tried to not push.

Better let him do what made him comfortable, for the time being she just needed to find him a change of clothes, at least it would make it harder to find him, Demetri might be an amazing tracker, more so than James, but he couldn't track something that didn't exist.

Even more so if Jasper hid in the ocean whenever she wasn't around. The sea would hide his scent.

And she also needed to get rid of her clothes, get rid of whatever his clothes from Volterra might have touched.

She also needed to speak with the wolves, the last thing she wanted was for one of them to come across Jasper.

He would kill them if provoked.

-Won't the coven leader be mad if he finds out?

-Father.- Alice corrected on reflex, she had explained to him more than once about the relationship among the Cullens, but Jasper still had trouble believing her that there was no leader, no dictatorship, all of them were equals and the important decisions were taken with a vote.

Carlisle was like a father to them all, a wise man who helped and supported them all. He wasn't some kind of boss who ordered them around as he saw fit and had a say in everything they did.

Carlisle's rules were simple.

Don't bring attention to yourself, don't hurt anyone and be respectful.

If Alice wanted to bring someone to the house she could do so, just like Edward brought Bella.

But the house was alone now.

Carlisle was still at work and would still be so for the next two hours, Edward had taken Bella out, Emmett and Rosalie were somewhere in the mountains in a date, Renesmee would spend the night at Charlie's and Esme… well, she would be back soon.

But she was harmless and with some hope Jasper would be gone before she came.

-No, he won't be mad, he's at work anyways, but even if he weren't, he wouldn't be mad, I promise.- Alice assured as a statement of fact, at least her neck had healed thanks to Jasper's venom, she was quite sure it had left a thin scar behind, but hopefully no one would notice.

At least not while Jasper was within reach, she had a feeling that wouldn't go well.

Meanwhile, Jasper couldn't help but still feel hesitant about this, he was a Volturi, The Major, a threat, going into the house of quite the large coven, coven of which he knew several could pose a problem.

He didn't felt comfortable with this situation.

But he knew he needed to be wise, keeping his Volturi clothes was bound to get him too much unwanted attention if he were to be spotted, plus, it would make it easier for Demetri to track him considering he would know what to look for.

Thus.

He followed Alice up the steps at the porch, felt too much uneasiness over stepping into the house, he could smell the seven vampires, three males, four females, he could smell the ghost of the hybrid's strange smell.

And worst of it all?

He could smell several wolves, way too many, how could they even stand this? How did the wolves even agree to make an alliance with vampires?

The house did seem interesting enough, like people actually lived there, it was almost… human.

He let Alice lead him upstairs, into a room that smelt like lavender, it was intense, the room was… somewhat what he would had imagined Alice's room to be, there were thousands of sketchbooks and loose pages with clothes' designs sketches scattered all over the room; desk, chair, bed, nightstand, even on the floor.

There were even drawings, paintings, some odd enough to let him know those might have been from visions.

Her bedroom is as wild and bright as her, colors all over, yellow seeming to be the predominant one, it's… a good color on her he must admit.

-The shower is over there, you should wash your hair too.- Alice said, pointing at the door, a vampire's hair wasn't like a human's, it wouldn't suffer damage for being exposed to salted water for prolonged amount of times, but he still would collect a lot of sand in there.

Once Jasper was in the shower Alice left to get him some clothes, Carlisle's old clothes would do, Jasper might be taller, but an inch at least wouldn't compromise much on how clothes would fit him, plus, Carlisle wasn't as lean as Edward, Jasper was lean but he was still much more muscular than Edward, Edward's clothes wouldn't fit him well.

And Emmett's clothes were out of the question.

She went to the garage to rummage in one of the boxes where the old clothes from this month had been put in boxes, Esme had taken a few to donate this morning, but considering the amount of boxes it would require two trips at most.

She found some dark pants and a blue long sleeved shirt, it would do for the time being.

She went back to her room and gave a light knock to the bathroom's door.

-Jasper? I'll leave the clothes out here. I'll be downstairs, call me when you're done.

-Okay.

Alice sat downstairs with a magazine she was not really reading, her absolute attention put completely on the fact that Jasper was in her room, upstairs, here, it makes her chest flutter, she can still feel his tongue on her neck, were she human the reminder of it would have made her face burn.

She knew he hadn't done it with ulterior motives, just to help her sear shut the wound, but having him so close, the way he had held her face, he hadn't commented on what she had told him.

On them being soulmates. On the fact that she loved him.

Did he want them to stay as friends? But if she gave it thought… were they even friends? She held Bella's hand a lot and she liked to rest her head on just about anyone she had close while sitting down, physical contact was something she seeked out a lot.

But none of those were intended to wield ulterior motives, she just liked touching people, it comforted her, Carlisle once said that the time she spent alone might have made her touch starved.

But with Jasper was different, their relationship didn't feel like friends, hand holding, leaning against each other, touching each other's faces, staring into each other's eyes for prolonged amount of times, every touch, every look, it was all so much more intense.

She just couldn't help but wonder if the feeling was mutual or if it was just her the one who felt it all too intense, or if she was just reading too much into it because part of her deep down wanted more than just a friendship.

But she would never force him into a relationship, if he didn't like her fine, there was nothing she could do about it, what was there to like about her anyways? Compared to María and many other women there was nothing special about her, she had heard enough from the female teenagers at school to know she wasn't much to look at.

She was too short, her chest was almost flat and she was generally weird, even for vampire standards, and her hair was short, would never grow.

Rosalie said she was beautiful, that all women held their own kind of beauty, that just because it didn't met society's stupid standards of beauty it didn't meant it wasn't there.

Alice begged to differ, that's something a beautiful woman would say, Rosalie's beauty was unnatural even for vampires, even the Volturi referred to her as the "fierce beauty" because they couldn't be bothered to learn the names of the "useless" ones.

Still.

The point stood, she didn't had much perks, she knew Jasper had liked María, she had had a nice figure, and the woman had been a dozen times more stunning than her.

She shouldn't think much on this anyways, that wasn't important right now, what was important was solving the mess that might come with Jasper leaving the Volturi.

The Volturi might end up searching for him, wanting him back so as to hide their own crimes, their hypocrisies.

He could be caught and forced to go back same as he could be killed for betraying them, Aro wouldn't like the idea of Jasper running around free, of him leaving the Volturi. With his kind of power and skills it would be extremely hard to get the Volturi to let him go.

Even more so if it meant risking letting him join the Cullens.

Aro would not like that.

God, why did everything had to be so difficult?

At least he was away from Volterra now, that was the most important thing now.