AN: Thank you for all the support! It is very deeply appreciated!
Nobody could ever say Severus didn't dress for an occasion, not when there was so little difference between his teaching and formal robes. The latter was reserved for pleasant occasions only, such as a potions conference or lunch with someone who was worth his time. Given that this date would not be worth his time, he settled on wearing his teaching robes.
The date was to meet him at the Leaky Cauldron. How original. It was not as if he hadn't taken his colleagues there hundreds of times. Still, it would be enough to escape to Hogwarts, so he could not say it was the worst place to meet.
The date was also to wear a yellow rose on her wrist, and would be wearing glasses. Interesting wardrobe choices, though he doubted anyone with a rose on her wrist could ever attract his interest.
He took a sip of his Firewhiskey, bracing himself for the worst.
"Severus Snape!"
He blinked, hoping he had misheard that voice. The worst was not to occur, was it?
"Severus!"
Bile crawled up his throat as he observed the woman before him. As expected, she had a yellow rose on her wrist, along with her trademark thick glasses. Yet, she was no stranger, much as he wished she was.
"Severus, my love!"
Oh how he wished his date was not Professor Trelawney.
"Oh I foresaw this from the time you were hired!" Her smile was wider than it had any right to be. "I knew we were destined for each other from the day Dumbledore announced you had been hired."
"For the love of all that is sacred do not tell me you are my date," he groaned.
"Of course I'm your date." She took her seat across from him. "I've been waiting my whole life to be your date."
"No, this must be some kind of sick joke." He shook his head, hoping clearing his mind would make this all disappear.
"It's no joke, just destiny."
"Are you telling me Minerva believes we are well-suited to each other?"
"She didn't say that, but she was quite willing to set us up for this special moment when I offered her a bottle of Ardberg. So she must have faith in us."
He placed his head into his hands. Why must his life be one torture after another?
"I know you did not foresee this, but I know once this special evening ends, we shall be as one," she continued.
He flinched at the thought of uniting with Sybil in any way. It was hard enough to share a faculty lounge with her leering at him for hours on end. Hugging her was already a revolting enough thought. Anything more made him want to throw himself off the Astronomy Tower.
"Oh I had a vision of us last night," her voice was loud enough to attract the snickers of a few other patrons.
"I would prefer not to hear about it." Severus debated on gulping his entire glass of Firewhiskey. On the one hand, he didn't want to be too intoxicated, lest he be unable to escape her. On the other, he needed certain images out of his head.
"Yes, the dream I had last night was as vivid as this wonderful moment is. I saw that you were a woman with unruly hair, a dim aura, a hopelessly mundane mind, a heart like an old maid, and a soul as dry as the books to which you both so desperately cleave."
He raised an eyebrow. "That doesn't sound like the way you'd describe yourself."
"I know. That part confused me." She frowned before her face lit up again. "But I must have been viewing the woman from your perspective, not mine. I know after tonight, you will see me much more differently!"
He twisted his lips. As much as he hated to admit it, this description of Sybil wasn't too far from his perception of her. Then again, she was a loon on a good day. Knowing her she had too much wine last night and had a graphic dream. The sooner he stopped dwelling on what she may have dreamt the less nauseated he'd be.
"So, what shall we eat, my dear Prince?"
"Dear Prince?" He groaned.
"Yes, I've considered you my Prince Charming for years. Oh I've always wanted to say it to your face, and now I have!"
A child ran up his spine.
"I am in the mood for the fisherman's pie myself, although," she batted her eyes. "I'm partial to the scotch eggs in honor of how I secured this date."
Whatever appetite he had disappeared the second he saw Sybil. Given that he despised leftovers, he'd need to find a way out of eating.
"What would you like?" She asked.
An escape.
He cleared his throat. "I'm a bit under the weather tonight. I'll stick to my fire whiskey."
"Are you sure? It is not advisable to drink on an empty stomach."
"Given the circumstances, I think drinking without eating is most prudent."
"Suit yourself." She set down her menu. "I can just drink with you before we take a walk through town, drinking in the sight of the stars and whispering sweet nothings in each other's ears."
"I'm shite at sweet nothings, and I've never been one for star gazing."
"You can just repeat what I say, my little Prince Charming."
"Could you please stop calling me that?"
"Why? Prince was your nickname, and a very seductive one at that."
"I was young when I used that nickname. Until tonight I did not realize how it could be abused."
"I'm not abusing it."
"You make me sound like I am fairy tale character, when I am anything but that."
"Oh I didn't think about that," her eyes grew. "There are some pet names which should only be spoken in private, when two lovers are alone away from the prying eyes of the world. If I called you a 'prince' too loudly, others would believe they had permission to do so, which I certainly would not give them."
"At the moment, you are assuming you have permission to use this nickname, which is not rooted in any reality," he took a gulp of his firewhiskey.
"You're right, this is much too soon." She shook her head.
"I am glad we agree on something."
"We should kiss before pet names are used!" She leaned over the table. "I think you'll find I've practiced well."
"You've kissed other men?"
"No, I've only kissed you in my dreams. Still, they are so vivid that I'm sure I can reenact them."
A woman cleared her throat. "Excuse me?"
Severus had never been so happy to see Rosmerta in his life. At the very least, she wouldn't make the evening worse, or so he hoped.
"Yes?" Sybil returned to her seat.
"I was going to take your order." She glanced at both of them. "But it seems you two are busy."
"We are not busy at all," Severus argued. "In fact, I was just about to leave. I am feeling unwell."
"I'm so sorry to hear that," Rosmerta began.
"No, he's fine," Sybil answered. "He's just nervous about being in the throes of passion!"
Rosmerta glanced at Sybil, then at Severus.
"These emotions are new to him. He's been without human affection for so long he no longer understands how to respond to a woman's advances," Sybil continued.
"I see," Rosmerta drawled before glanced at Severus again. "You've been without a woman's advances, lacking her touch, haven't you?"
He glanced at the table.
"You bastard!"
Severus glanced up at Rosmerta, whose face was contorted and red.
"After all the steamy nights we've had together, not only do I see you with another woman, but now I hear you say we had no passion!" Rosmerta shouted.
Now the entire bar was looking at them.
"I thought we meant something to each other." She threw down her pad. "I thought what we had was special. How could I have been so mistaken?"
"Listen, this isn't what it looks like," Severus began.
"No," a tear creeped from Rosmerta's eye. "Don't say another word. I thought I knew what love was, but you're just another cheater, no different than any other man."
"He's cheating on you?" Sybil snapped.
Rosmerta sniffed before nodding.
"I can't stand cheaters!" Sybil stood. "I can't believe I didn't foresee any of this! How could I be so blinded by love that I would accept your sweet words and seductive glances?"
"I do not know," he retorted. "Perhaps you are not as great a seer as you believe you are."
She gasped.
"Perhaps Hermione is right about you in saying you are nothing more than a fraud."
"How dare you?" Sybil snapped. "First you cheat on Rosmerta, then you bring up Hermione's incorrect assessment of me, and then you insult me? You slimy pig!"
Severus gave Rosmerta a side eye. The barkeep gave him a small wink.
"I refuse to participate in this anymore!" Sybil stood. "I hope my vision was right and that you are tied to a woman with a husk of a soul like yours, one who would leave you for the chance to get her hands on the trashiest of romance novels."
"What makes you think I would date a woman who would enjoy trashy romance novels?" He snapped. "I have standards."
"They're subterranean!" She stomped out and wailed. "How could I not see this coming? How could I have been so blinded by love?"
The patrons turned their attention to Rosemerta, who glared at them. They returned to their meals, the hushed conversations resuming.
Rosmerta's eyes softened. "Are you doing okay?"
"Yes, thanks to you," Severus answered.
"Think nothing of it. Getting amorous patrons away from their unwilling victims is one of the ways in which we provide excellent service."
"How did you know I was in a bind?"
"We see it all the time with people trying to get too friendly with the female patrons. Usually it's Alfonso or Richard who pretends to be the scorned boyfriend, though I've picked up a few tricks from them."
Severus glanced back at the two male bartenders, who were laughing as they served two giggling women.
"I do thank you for your help." Severus' lips curled up. "Perhaps if Sybil goes to Minerva, I can get out of these horrid blind dates."
"Blind dates?"
"I lost a bet with Minerva, and now must go on at least one blind date a month unless I find a way out of the bet or I find the unlucky woman who has won my affection."
"You don't seem too confident either will happen."
He grunted. "I have about as much interest in that as I do in giving points to Gryffindor."
"Ooh, that is bad."
"You have no idea."
"Still, if you ever need any help or to get out of a date, just give me a signal and I'll get her off your back."
"I will do that."
"In the meantime." She picked up her pad. "Do you want another Firewhiskey or anything to eat?"
"I'll take a Shepard's pie and another Firewhiskey," he answered. "It may be advisable to wait to return to the castle, if only to give Sybil a chance to cool down."
"Agreed." Rosmerta wrote down the order before leaving.
Severus slumped in his chair and ran his finger along a groove in the table. If this was a portent of the kind of women Minerva planned to throw his way, he was in deep trouble. Still, he had the help of a good bar owner, and he didn't need to reenact Sybil's fantasies. If only for those reasons, one could argue tonight he broke even.
