AN: Thank you all so much for the support! It is very deeply appreciated!

"So how is the most eligible bachelor in Hogwarts doing this evening?"

If Lucius didn't wipe that smirk off his face, Severus was going to hex him all the way to Irkutsk. Already it was becoming clear that coming to Malfoy Mansion was a mistake. Now all he could hope for was to emerge from this visit with his dignity intact.

"I hear your second date didn't go much better than Trelawney," Lucius continued before taking a sip of his bourbon.

"Bachelorette number 2 was a bit too stuffy for my liking," Severus admitted.

"She was too stuffy for you?" Lucius was struggling to keep his composure.

"Indeed."

"Tell me her name. I must know who could outdo you in sullenness."

"Her name was not worth remembering."

"Truly?"

"Indeed, so many of my mistakes are unforgettable. It is pleasant to expel some from my mind."

"What was so regrettable about her? It seems like you two would be well-suited to each other."

"Hardly, she made me appear as happy as a child riding a unicorn."

"You, on a unicorn?" Lucius burst out laughing, almost spilling the drink on his pristine, white sofa.

Severus gripped the leather armrests of his chair. So help him if Lucius was going to spend the rest of the night laughing at his expensive…

"I'm sorry, but the whole conversation is absurd. You saying someone is too stuffy for you is akin to me saying someone is too refined for me."

"And here I thought you appreciated being the most refined person in the room."

"A beautiful, refined woman draws attention to you in ways you could not imagine," Lucius answered. "For instance, Narcissa makes me appear more intelligent. When I'm with her, it is apparent I have excellent taste. In that way, she is like the finest bourbon one could imagine."

"I'm sure she'll appreciate being compared to your Baccarat Woodford Reserve."

"Being compared to something this refine is a huge compliment. The bourbon is divine, wouldn't you agree?"

Severus glanced at his half empty glass. He couldn't deny the drink went down smooth, yet gave just enough kick at the end to be memorable. Still, he knew better than to get too used to it. After all, it did no good to get addicted to a drink he couldn't afford, and would only drink with a man who was becoming more insufferable with every passing moment.

"In all seriousness," Lucius crossed his legs. "I look forward to more of your terrible blind date stories."

"Let's hope I get through this year in one piece," Severus grumbled.

"Assuming you do not make any more foolish bets and must do them again next year." He chuckled. "I mean really Severus? Betting on Quidditch? Should you not know better?"

"I suppose I should have," Severus picked up his glass. "Then again, spending time at the Quidditch pitch worked out quite well for Draco and Ginevra. How else would he have been able to steal her away from Potter?"

Lucius frowned. "My son has always did lack exquisite taste. One day, we will need to discuss the importance of elegance and class in a potential wife."

"Personally I think one could make an argument that Ginevra scandalized herself as much, if not more, than Draco. I thought Arthur would vomit when he gave her away to Draco."

"He was not the only one with indigestion that day."

"Draco is happy though."

"Happier than anyone with a Weasley for a wife has a right to be," Lucius sighed. "And I suppose he did marry a pureblood. In that way, I should not complain too much, even if my invitations to the dinners at the Burrow always seem to get lost in the mail."

Severus chuckled at the image of Lucius in a Weasley, Christmas jumper, giving those around him a glare which could melt any snowman. That image alone made the evening worth his time. Grinning, he took a sip of his bourbon.

"I was surprised to hear you had not applied for the job of Defense Against the Dark Arts professor," Lucius began.

"Why would I do something so foolish? It is difficult enough to deal with students trying to blow the dungeons to kingdom come. I do not want to deal with them trying to kill each other on a daily basis." Severus took another sip of his drink.

"Indeed. That being said," Lucius picked up his glass. "I'm surprised you haven't brought any candidate to my attention."

"The candidate who had my vote will not be interviewed."

"Why? Did they withdraw?"

"Not voluntarily."

"Are they at risk of causing a scandal if they are hired," he leaned in closer. "You know how well I can make scandals disappear."

"Yes, that is one skill in which you excel."

"It may take some maneuvering, but if this candidate is up to my standards I could work my magic so to speak, make evidence disappear, witnesses forget, anything you require for them the obtain the position."

"Can you make a leg stop spasming?"

He raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

"This candidate will not get an interview until her leg stops spasming."

Lucius blinked.

"Hermione Granger was the candidate I supported."

"You supported a cripple?" Lucius exclaimed.

"No, I supported a qualified candidate who unfortunately did not make it further into the process," Severus argued in an even tone.

"Normally I'd offer to help Minerva see your perspective, but even I cannot perform a medical miracle, nor can I justify hiring someone who cannot stand upright without some type of aid."

"There is no need to look down on her use of aids. Most days she stands just fine, assuming she uses a cane or walker, and gets around as well as we can."

"Until she collapses in your arm and you ruin your coat transfiguring it into a wheelchair."

Severus closed his mouth.

"Why would you support Granger?" Lucius leaned in closer. "Does she have evidence against you which I must make disappear?"

"No, she is simply a friend who happens to be qualified for this position. I put my recommendation behind qualified people."

"Why? She can't fight."

"She thinks she can."

"How?"

"That she has not made clear," Severus answered. "For the last week, she has been quite secretive, skipping meals in favor of reading and practicing differing spells. It's concerning Minerva, Neville, and me."

"Why? For Hermione researching a project is just Tuesday."

"No, this is different. She has a fire in her eyes I have not seen since she was a student."

"Perhaps she's thinking of a more effective way to teach Muggle Studies."

"No, she has something planned concerning the Defense Against Dark Arts position."

"So long as she is not planning a way to get out of your horrendous dates then I suppose she can do as she pleases."

"If she could release me from these women, I would consider her my best friend."

"Even better than me?" Lucius gave him a sweet smile.

"Much better than you," Severus grumbled.

"Well whatever her project is I hope she succeeds in it, assuming it does not cause me any trouble."

"You cause enough trouble for yourself. You hardly need her help to do so."

"I'm much better at getting out of trouble than causing it."

"Sure," Severus drawled.

"In any case if you find a qualified candidate for the Defense Against Dark Arts Professor do let me know. I'll make sure they get a fair hearing."

"If I find another person worthy of my recommendation I will pass their name along."

"Just make sure whoever it is will be worth my time. I wouldn't want to focus on a lost cause," Lucius took a sip of his bourbon.

"I refuse to focus on a lost cause either," Severus answered.

"Let's just hope the women in your life don't feel the same in regards to you. It would be quite tragic for you to emerge from your ill-advised bet as single as you are now."

"So you say," Severus muttered, hoping he would someday drink enough bourbon to wash the nightmares of blind dating away.