A/N: Get ready. This chapter and the next, wrap up this episode, and it's a doozy, at least I think so. Thank you all for the love for this fic. Again, after this ep, we will have an ep that is full of shenanigans and Tom-foolery. That ep has been completely written, hence the update coming quicker. Strap in, and prepare yourself or part 4 of Handy With a Knife.

Disclaimer: I don't own Chuck


Sarah turned off her recording device on her phone, laid down the journal, and put her head in her hands.

God damn it.

That's all she could think. Everything was right here, and at the same time, nothing. Nothing that would stand up in a court of law. She lifted her head, now realizing what Carina was doing. At least, she had a good idea.

She grabbed her phone and shot Carina a text. Tell me the truth, are you still with the DEA?

A bubble popped up under the text she'd sent, and Sarah watched it. She wondered if this was the modern-day equivalent of a watched pot never boiling. The bubbles went away, then reappeared. Sarah groaned. Suddenly, text popped up.

You and Chuckles are still working that case, huh? No, Blondie, I am not with the DEA any longer. Why don't you and Curls come by tonight? We can discuss it.

Sarah thought for a moment. She started to respond multiple times, but each time she caught herself. She wondered, truly wondered, if she and Chuck weren't dating, if her answer would be different. But they were, and right now… right now, she needed to protect him. She kept thinking about Rene and how if this thing was going the way she thought it would, that could be her.

God she was being selfish, making that choice for Chuck. She knew she wasn't perfect, but she thought she was better than this. She was being greedy and selfish in this moment, and she wasn't proud of it. But she had to protect him. He meant too much to her. It was wrong of her, she knew.

How about you and I talk and then we'll see if we need to involve Chuck?

Sarah noticed no bubbles, and began to chew on her lip. Had she made the right call?

See you tonight, came the response. Sarah nodded. He was safe. She had kept him out of it. But had she done the right thing?

If she had done the right thing, why did she feel like shit?

}o{

Watching Anna leave, she began to mentally prepare herself. This would be fine. She was still a former CIA agent. She knew this world, knew the dangers, and had training. So why did she still feel like shit? She shook it off and got up, walked out of her office, and stopped at his door. "Hey," she said softly.

"Hey," Chuck replied. "So, I've been researching Dr Black, doing a little fishing expedition, if you will." Sarah snorted at that. "And, the good doctor has a shit-ton of money in various off-shore accounts."

"Is that a hacker term?" Sarah asked, grinning. "A shit-ton?"

"No," Chuck replied, shaking his head. "There's millions here, Sarah. Millions. Ten times more than I can account for, given a 10% return on investing his gross income."

Sarah let out a low whistle. "That is damning."

"Yep," Chuck replied. "So, you about ready to go?"

Sarah was silent for a moment. "Would it be okay if, you know… I went to my place tonight?"

"Sure," Chuck replied.

"I mean, I know that I spent a lot of time with you there even before we were dating, but-"

"Sarah," he said, cutting her off. She looked at him, and Chuck swore he saw worry on her face. He also saw something else. He thought about singing Look at this Photograph to her, but something was really bothering her. And he wasn't about to push it. "You don't owe me an explanation. You're not beholden to me."

She looked even more bothered by that. "I mean, I know… but…"

"Sarah, it's okay." He held her gaze. "I'm not that guy. I know you love me-"

"See, that's the thing," Sarah insisted. "I told you that I loved you, you said you loved me… we should be together tonight."

"Says who?" Sarah thought her legs would give out from under her. "Sarah, our relationship," he said as he gestured with his hand between them, "is our relationship. You aren't beholden to me, nor I to you."

"You know you want to be holdin' me," Sarah said, grinning at him.

"What fool wouldn't?" She should call Carina, she should tell her that her and Chuck would be over. But all she could see in her mind's eye was Rene. All Sarah could see was the mourning and loss Rene was feeling. "Admit it, you kinda like to be holdin' me too, wouldn't you?"

"I would, and I will, but tonight…" she trailed off.

"Tonight you can't, and that's all right." He got up and walked over to her. He leaned down and gave her a peck on the lips. "Be safe getting home." He started to lean back up, when she grabbed him and kissed him so thoroughly, he thought his soul had left his body. "Jesus," he muttered.

"I'm gonna miss you," she admitted.

"I'm gonna miss you," he told her. She squeezed his hand, nodded, turned, and left. She felt like absolute shit. She had to protect him, but she knew, deep down, this wasn't right.

}o{

Chuck left the agency, got in his car and started home. He wondered what was up with Sarah. Whatever it was, it was obviously important to her. He wasn't going to lie, he wanted to know what it was that she felt she had to keep from him. He was a little hurt that she felt like she had to keep something from him, but it was her right. He meant what he said. She wasn't beholden to him. He pulled into his parking spot, turned off the car, and got out.

Pausing, he looked around.

The hair was standing on the back of his neck. He felt like… he felt like he was being watched. No, that wasn't right… stalked. He began to walk to his apartment, his head on a swivel. He couldn't see anyone. He couldn't hear anyone. But damned if he didn't feel like he was in the Predator movie, and he was the prey. He got his keys out, put them in the lock, and turned the key. That's when he felt the rush from behind.

As the door opened, he was shoved inside, spun, and shoved against the wall face first. The action was forceful, but somehow also gentle. He heard the door shut and lock. "SEE!" he heard a voice he recognized.

"Sarah?"

"SEE!" she repeated, spinning him. She grabbed his face and kissed him like her life depended on it. She pulled away, leaving him breathless. "I don't want to be Rene! You knew someone was following you, but you didn't know what to do." Before he could answer she grabbed him and kissed him again.

When she broke away this time, Chuck gathered his wits. For that, he was proud of himself, because she had kissed them right out him. "Sarah, what are you talking about?"

She stared at him. "Is that really what you want to do right now?"

Chuck struggled with the answer. "I feel like a good boyfriend would want to talk about this."

"Jesus, just when I think you can't make me want you more," she breathed. He nearly moaned. "Can we take care of this, and then talk?"

"YUP!" he replied in a high pitch squeak, as she dove back in.

}o{

Sometime later, the two were sprawled across Chuck's bed. Sarah didn't know if any of her limbs were working correctly. She blinked. She had attacked him. She swore she had, but… he had… turned the tables on her and now… she looked over at him and the grin on his face.

He deserved that grin.

She couldn't help wondering what he was going to do next to surprise her. She'd had sex before, but with Chuck… it wasn't the same. He made sure her needs were met… multiple times. She shook her head, trying to get control of her facilities.

"We still need to talk," she managed to get out. Okay, so she could talk. She had questioned it. Not that she couldn't make noise, but that she could form words, because sometime during their time together, she had lost that ability. She knew sounds came out of her, but coherency? Umm, not so much.

"I don't know if I'm ready for an after-action report, after that," Chuck muttered. She pushed herself up onto her arm nearest him, to stare.

He was chuckling.

That son-of-a-bitch who had just made her question how to spell air and count to two, was chuckling.

"Think you're funny, huh?" she asked, unable to contain her grin. Good God. This was what was so unreal. Their ability to just be… them. She needed to have a serious talk about them, and he was making sex jokes.

Of course, she was laughing, but that wasn't the point.

"Chuck, we need to have a serious talk."

"I'm sorry, I know you wanted to attack me, but you seemed a little crazed so… I thought I'd distract you for a moment."

Sarah's eyes widened. That… that was distraction?! Jesus Christ, she wondered how often he was willing to distract her. She knew how often she was willing to be distracted. Any time and every time. That's how often.

"Too much distraction?" he asked, a worried look on his face.

"Baby, you feel free to do that any time," she told him, cupping his cheek.

"Not at work though," Chuck told Sarah. She couldn't help but laugh.

"Okay, so, I need to tell you something," she began. She swallowed. "And, if you're mad at me, then… I get it."

"Hey, you can tell me anything," Chuck told her.

"I'm married with two kids," she told him. His jaw dropped, and she burst out laughing.

"I don't know why I put up with you," he muttered, shaking his head.

"'Cause you love me," she said softly and shyly. He reached over, pulling her close to him. "And I did what I did because I love you."

"You got married and had two kids with another guy because you love me? You're weird, Walker."

She giggled into his chest. "Okay, I totally deserved that. So, I need to be serious." Chuck nodded. "I deciphered that journal, and Chuck…." She paused, trying to keep her emotions in check. "Chuck, Rene lost her husband because he was trying to do the right thing."

He tightened his arms around her, and she seemed to mold her body even closer to him. "All I could think of was how he was killed, just trying to help people, and what Rene was going through."

"You think I'm in danger," Chuck said softly. She nodded her head against his chest and began to cry. He kissed the top of her head. "Hey, it's okay."

"No, it's not," Sarah told him, losing the battle with her emotions. "I can't lose you."

}o{

He was awakened by his phone vibrating.

Which was odd, because he had no idea where it was.

He scooted out from under Sarah, and found his pants at the bottom of his bed. He pulled out his phone, and saw Carina was calling.

"Hey, Carina," he said softly, slipping on a pair of boxers and leaving the room. "What's up?"

"I just want to make sure Sarah is with you," Carina replied. "She was supposed to see me tonight, but she's not here, and the app says she's at your place. I just wanted to verify."

"Wait, you two have an app to find each other?" Chuck asked, confused. "You're both former federal agents that can kick anyone's ass."

"Chuck… people are fucking crazy," Carina pointed out.

"Point," Chuck admitted. "And yes, she's here. She's… she's had a day. A really hard, emotional one."

"Damn, she finally admitted she's in love, huh?" Carina said. He could hear the mirth in her voice. "So, what broke her?"

"I don't know what you mean," Chuck admitted.

Carina chuckled. "Chuck, Sarah's really good at burying feelings. Hell, all of us former federal agents are. But at some point, something gets to us in civilian life, and that shit comes rushing out. And it brings friends. Think of it like an infection. All that nasty stuff has to come out of you, and as long as she and I have been holding things in…"

"But, Carina, you talk to me, to Sarah, to Casey… and Sarah talks to me," Chuck protested.

"Yeah," Carina replied. "But do we… talk? I mean do we really talk about all the nasty shit we saw, and did, and know about…and how we know how that can affect the ones we love?"

Chuck, Rene lost her husband because he was trying to do the right thing.

It dawned on him what this was all about. He felt her hands slip around him, the side of her face lying on his bare back. "I need to go."

"Okay, let her know that it doesn't have to be tonight." And with that, Carina hung up.

"So, I guess she told you," Sarah said softly. Chuck turned, wrapping his arms around her as he did, and pulled her in tight. He kissed the top of her head. "Chuck, we have to do something. I hate to have to say this, because I have to do this for me. You're not the problem. It's me."

"Oh, gurl, I am so the problem," he said. She giggled into his chest. "What do we need to do?"

"No secrets, no lies," she said softly, looking up into his eyes. "Tonight, after reading that journal, I was going to cut you out of this case. To protect you. I can't lose you, Chuck. Damn it, this is scary." Tears were threatening to stream down her face. "But, you're a grown adult, and you get to make your own choices. I can't take that agency away from you."

"When you say agency, do you mean the actual literal agency, or my choice in matters?" Chuck asked. Sarah stared at him, pressing her lips into a thin line. "Got it… innapropriate time for a joke."

"It was not," Sarah told him.

"You don't have time for my ridiculousness," he continued. She narrowed her eyes and couldn't stop the smile that threatened to spread across her face. "I mean, you do have to get back to your husband and children." She began to laugh. "God forbid if you're trying to have a serious moment, and I'm over here being a smart-ass."

She placed her forehead against his chest. "God, I love you so much." He pulled her tight against him. "I need you to be careful."

"Well, I don't know if you know this, but I have the most bad-ass girlfriend there ever was," Chuck told her.

"I'm kicking her ass," Sarah muttered.

"Oh, so you get to have a husband and two kids but when I tell you about my girlfriend – which is you, by the way – you get to be upset?"

"Any chance I can stay tonight?"

"What about your kids? Don't you have to get them to bed?"

"Great, now I'm a deadbeat mom," she groused. Chuck reached down, lifting her chin, and looking her right in the eye.

"You don't ever have to ask to stay here," he told her. She thought she would melt… that's why she wasn't prepared for what came next. "And I have a feeling you would be an amazing mom. A little overprotective, probably, but amazing." She was fighting tears again. "Did I say something wrong?"

She shook her head. "You probably need to text Carina, and ask her if we can meet her in the morning. You're going to be busy all night."

"Big poker game?" Chuck asked.

"Yeah, apparently, you're going all-in," Sarah told him. His eyebrows nearly shot off of his head.

}o{

The next morning, Chuck and Sarah sat down across from Carina. They sat in a local diner where the three of them would occasionally get breakfast. Back when Casey and Carina were together, the four of them would get breakfast there more often.

Carina was looking out the window, lost in thought. "Case, or Case?" Chuck asked, grinning. Sarah rolled her eyes and groaned.

Carina looked over at Chuck and shook her head. "Both," she said softly. "This case is tied in more deeply to Casey than you'll ever know." Chuck and Sarah shared a look. Chuck started to speak when Casey sat down beside Carina. He looked a little uncomfortable, but his face lit up when he saw they still had pancakes on the menu.

Casey set the menu down, laying his right hand on the table. Carina laid her hand over his and squeezed. "Oh," Chuck said before he could stop himself.

"Don't," Casey said. "We don't even know…" he trailed off.

"Yes, we do," Carina said, squeezing his hand.

"Yeah, I guess we do know what we are," Casey admitted. He moved his hand, to take hers in his and gently squeezed, looking her in the eye and smiling. "Moron over there wants to make a ladyfeelings joke so bad."

"Okay," Chuck said, interrupting the two of them. "Will you two tell me what in the hell is going on? And I don't mean about your love life."

"Hell, this whole thing is about my love life… or lack thereof," Casey replied.

"There is no lack," Carina said. Casey couldn't help but grin. "After you talked to me and Casey separately, Chuck, Casey came to see me. He apologized. He didn't have to, I knew why he lashed out. And it wasn't directed at you."

"Shouldn't have done it, regardless," Casey added.

Carina nodded. "He's been in therapy. He lost a friend, and there's some survivor's guilt there."

"I came over to apologize," Casey said. "Really apologize."

"Boy, did he," Carina hummed. Casey shifted in his seat, but he was slightly blushing, all while looking quite proud of himself. "We began to talk, really talk. We were both going to talk to you last night, but you became… otherwise occupied."

"I couldn't lose him, Carina," Sarah blurted out. Carina nodded. "When I saw Rene… and the grief… the pain…" Sarah shook her head.

"I get it," Carina told her. "I totally get it." Carina looked at Chuck. "You had any fishing expeditions?" Chuck nodded. "How much money does he have?"

"An obscene amount," Chuck told Carina.

Carina grunted a laugh. "More than Blondie?" Confusion filled Chuck's face. Carina realized quickly that he was unaware. Turning to Sarah, she found her fuming. "Keeping secrets, are we?" Sarah immediately thought about the pact she had made with Chuck the night before, and turned toward him. The look he gave her made the anxiety leave.

"It's fine," he said softly.

"Listen, she doesn't like to talk about it," Carina told him. "She only moved into that apartment because she was worried about me being alone."

"Carina," Sarah groaned. She turned to Chuck. "So, when I got out of the CIA, I was given a generous severance package."

"Whatever you're thinking, quadruple it," Carina told him. "Then multiply that by 20, and you're probably in the ballpark." Chuck's mouth dropped. "Curls, he recruited her underage, and had her killing people." Chuck looked over at Sarah. She shrugged. "Plus, you know our girl is smart; she made some very smart investments. Like the house."

"The house?" Chuck asked.

Sarah blew out a breath. "So, there was this house that was seized during a drug operation, that I got to buy at a very steeply discounted rate."

"It's kinda famous," Carina told him.

"It was used in the first episode of a detective show on Amazon or something," Sarah told him. "Then they built it on a sound stage. I rent it out a lot. It pays all the upkeep, insurance, utilities, etc."

"She can live on what's left over," Carina told him. Chuck gave Sarah a bewildered look.

"Listen, Chuck," Sarah began, "when we first met, you had been kicked out of college, screwed over by the CIA, and I wasn't sure how you'd take it. After I moved in with Carina, I never really thought about it as a home."

"No, it's fine. It's just… can I see, it some time?"

Sarah smiled at him. "Did you just ask your girl to take you back to her place?" Carina asked. Sarah turned to Carina and simply glared at her. "Too much, huh? Anywhoooo. So, about your case, and the question you asked me. I do not work for the DEA. Johnny kinda works for the NSA, but not officially."

"Okay, but how does this all fit together?" Sarah asked.

"Probably easier to show them than tell them, which is what I wanted you to do the other day," Casey said to Carina. "But, you can't take Walker. She'd stick out like a sore thumb. Besides, this is more a Bartowski thing." Sarah gave Casey a look. "You're more like me than Bartowski, in this case, Walker. We've both seen shit. So has Carina, but she's… she's not one of them, per se, but they know her, accept her."

"And Chuck won't stick out?" Sarah asked.

"Yeah, he will, but in a different way. One that will be more accepting," Carina said gently. Sarah looked at Chuck, concern on her face. Carina laid her hand on top of Sarah's. "Sar, I won't let anything happen to him." Sarah nodded. "I mean, I'm with Casey now, and you having to stay with me, because you're all sad and shit because Curls is dead, would pretty much be a downer." She looked at Casey. "I mean, I'd figure out a way to make it happen."

"Of course," Casey said.

"So glad their priorities are straight," Chuck muttered to Sarah.

"Something happens to him, I'll tell Ellie it was your fault," Sarah said softly. Carina's eyes went wide.

"No screwing around," Casey choked out. Carina nodded. "Come on, Walker, I'll show you the evidence I have and what we think, and you'll see the legal hell I'm in. Maybe between the four of us we can get enough, legally, to take out the real son-of-a-bitch in this case."

"Wouldn't that be the killer?" Chuck asked. Casey gave Carina a look. "What did I say?"

"Come on, Curls," Carina said. Casey got out of the booth, and Carina slid off after him. Sarah gave Chuck a kiss. "You'd really tell Ellie?"

"Abso-fucking-lutely," Sarah answered.

"I'll protect him with my life," Carina swore, and led Chuck out of the diner.


A/N: Next time…the big climax (and I ain't talking Chuck and Sarah)

"I hear you are trying to find out who killed Dr. Good?"

"I am," Chuck replied. "Did you know him?"

"I did," Rita said. "I thought he was a good guy, but it's his fault."

"What's his fault?" Carina asked her.

"He stopped us from getting help," Rita told Carina. "He stopped us from getting what we needed." Carina stood there, silent. "He took away our relief."

"Oxy," Carina said. Rita nodded. "How do you know this?"

"Fred went to the clinic," Rita began.

"Dr. Good's clinic?" Carina cut in.

"No, no," Rita replied, shaking her head. "The Phoenix Rehab Center. It's where we go for support and we can get a hot meal and a shower. It's for vets. It's for vets like me, Sam…..and Hank."

If you've read a certain book or watched a certain TV show, you might start to recognize the plot of this ep. What can I say it's a good show/book. Again, thanks for reading, review if you could, and take care of yourselves. It's nuts out there. See you soon friends.