Things did indeed settle into a new normal, but neither Virgil nor Janus seemed inclined to ever want to talk about their animalistic traits. The three Light Sides were trying to be patient, but as the days passed, no further conversation happened. In fact, Virgil was back to wearing his eyeshadow, and Janus tended to only let his right side face them whenever possible. As for their fangs, there was no sign of them.
Remus, on the other hand, was just as vibrant and disgusting as ever. The Light Sides were swiftly learning how to navigate his intrusive comments and determining the ones they could stomach and the ones they couldn't. And Remus honored their aversion when they couldn't handle a subject, avoiding talking about it or veering off in another direction when he noticed he was doing it.
Things were running so smoothly with Remus that even Patton found himself willing to spend more time with him. But he was still desperate to talk to Virgil and Janus. He felt like such a failure when it came to them. How could he know so little about two people he considered his friends? So many bad things swirled inside of him that he felt like he was going to explode even as he corked the opening to try and stem the flow. But the pressure was building.
Though the others had spoken to Patton about being honest about his feelings, and told him repeatedly that bottling them up wasn't healthy, the Moral Side really didn't know where to begin. Yes, he'd promised himself to stop hiding how he felt from them ages ago, but the feelings he was experiencing made him feel so icky. He thought of how selfish it would be for him to reveal all his negative feelings to Janus and Virgil when they were already struggling to meet his eyes and turning away whenever his questions probed a bit too close to their nonhuman traits. He craved that they would understand his love for them and who they were and he wanted to share his acceptance with them, but anytime he got close enough to try and mention it, they fled back to the shadows. So by the end of another week, Patton felt no closer to them than before, and he actually felt farther away.
After a particularly upsetting hour of fretting alone in his room, Patton came into the common room to hear Roman chatting with Logan.
"Sure, we can go as soon as I finish sharpening my sword."
Patton paused in the doorway and peered at Roman. His eyes were bright with interest, and Logan stood off to the side, fiddling with his tie.
"I appreciate it. I simply cannot fully comprehend the subject. I believe a visual display of the data will be most helpful."
"You're going into the Imagination?" Patton asked, brightening.
Logan turned to face him. "Yes. Roman said he'd take me there this afternoon."
The Imagination was a wonderful place of pure creativity that Roman guarded like a prince protecting his beloved. Anything could happen in there. Patton loved to go and create the most amazing things. Yes, they were simple, but he enjoyed it. Going in there was like having Roman's connection to the Imagination. But Roman rarely took them inside. Things often got overwhelming when he had to juggle Logan and Patton inside of his domain. It was not fun for him to be an escort, though Patton was pretty sure that a prince would have that in his job description.
"Can I come, too?"
Roman's smile dimmed. "Ah… I'd rather you not, Pop Star."
The nickname was bitter because Patton knew it was Roman's way to soften the rejection. He wilted. "Um, okay kiddo. Can I ask why?"
Roman looked uncomfortable. "Well, you got lost last time. It's dangerous to be in the Imagination and not know what you're doing."
"I'll stay by you this time," Patton said, trying again. He wanted to go so badly.
"Your track record is not good, actually," Logan said. "You get distracted so easily. I believe you've been lost every time we've gone in there for the past three years."
Patton's cheeks warmed. "Yeah, well I'll try extra hard this time."
"No, Patton," Roman said. "I don't have time to go gallivanting around trying to find you. Again. Stay here."
Patton tried to hide his disappointment with a smile. "Then I'll make a great dinner and you can tell me what happens!"
"Sounds great, Pat," Roman said, relief in his eyes.
When Roman had finished sharpening his sword, he took a few practice swings then sheathed it and he and Logan headed for his room. Patton checked the time, seeing if he could get away with starting dinner. It was far too early, and he sighed then looked around. He felt so alone. Then his eyes fell on the stairs to the Subconscious. He perked. Maybe Janus or Virgil would be up to talking. Heck, he'd even take Remus for company. Though he'd never admit it, Remus's dark humor made him feel better when he felt all mixed up inside. So he grabbed a plate of cookies he'd made the day before as a present then headed downstairs. He set the cookies on the coffee table then skipped over to Janus's room. He tapped on the door.
"Jan? Virgil? It's me! I was hoping we could share some cookies!"
Nothing moved. Maybe they were in Remus's room? Patton turned around and crossed the hall then tapped on Remus's door, ignoring the rude sayings carved, painted, and drawn all over the dark green paint. The door swung open at his tap, and Patton took a deep breath before walking in.
"Hey!" he said. Then he stopped. Nobody was there. Patton peered around then saw the soft glow emitting from a door. He approached cautiously. It wasn't a closet door. After studying it for several moments, Patton realized that it was Remus's door to the Imagination. He wilted further. Had everybody gone to the Imagination today? Without him? A bitter twisting in his gut hurt him. Why could everybody go there but him?
As he stared at the door, he could hear a whisper from the other side, and Patton walked over to open the door. It opened not into a wall of white, but a wall of black. It was the polar opposite of Roman's room. What lay in there? Then almost as if a stranger appeared in his mind, a thought teased him.
'Why not find out?'
Patton blinked and considered that. He really shouldn't. Roman had repeatedly told him again and again that the Imagination was dangerous to those who didn't know what they were doing.
'If that's the case, why doesn't he teach you?'
Patton bit his bottom lip. It was a good question, but there was no way he was thinking it. He wouldn't want to worry anybody. And Roman and Logan would worry a lot if he went in.
'They just don't think you could handle it.'
That thought made Patton flush with anger. It was true. They thought him entirely naïve in some ways. Yes, he hadn't known what adultery was, but he'd learned. He had grown and changed and he knew a lot more (in most cases thanks to Remus, Janus, and Virgil) about the darker side of things. He wasn't all sunshine and rainbows anymore. Yes, he really enjoyed that most of the time, but the longer he stood there staring at the door, the louder the thoughts became and the wilder the storm in his heart grew.
'They think you're a child. Accusing you of getting lost. Well, you knew exactly where you were. They were the ones who were lost. And you can prove them wrong. Just go in and find the Dark Sides. Show them all that you can go in anytime you want.'
Before Patton could think about it too much, he swung the door completely open and peered in. His stomach churned and his face was warm with anger. They were wrong about him. He would prove it. Besides, he wasn't going to spend another afternoon alone while everybody else had fun. So he straightened up and stepped inside.
A tingling rush spread over his body and the Imagination solidified before him. He found himself in a field, a lush green field with pretty flowers. He hadn't expected that. He had never ventured into this half of the Imagination before. He'd expected a horror movie scene or something. But this was nice. Without looking back at the door, he strolled forward and peered around. The power of creativity sent sparks through him. He always felt so alive in the Imagination, and he grinned and held out his hands, willing a puppy into existence. Instantly, a cute little dog with big, floppy ears and a wet black nose appeared, and Patton squealed.
"Hello there! You're so cute!" Patton said.
The little dog let out a woof, and Patton set him down and watched him run around. Then his attention was pulled to a strange tree. He climbed into its branches and enjoyed himself for a while then hopped down and began to search for the Dark Sides. But he began to wander farther and farther into the Imagination, following his good feelings as he explored.
First he found a waterfall that ran with thick, red water. It reminded him of pain and heartache, so he quickly lost interest and headed in another direction. He came across some flowers that grew thick and wild in a tangle of vines, each one shaped like teardrops. As the wind blew and rippled their petals, they gave the effect of crying, and Patton skittered past them, his eyes wet. His next stop was to watch a couple of squirrels playing. He saw a third one off to the side, nibbling an acorn as it watched the other two. It reminded him of Logan and Roman skittering off without him.
He left the scene and continued to wander around, avoiding the feelings bubbling in his heart. But each thing he came across reminded him in some way of the corked bottle in his heart. Wanting to avoid the thoughts and feelings pleading to burst out of him, he continued to go from place to place, aware of nothing else but the wonder around him.
Time was strange in the Imagination, and it was only when Patton's stomach snarled that he realized it was probably time to start dinner. Then his thoughts began to race as he realized he hadn't found Remus. So that meant no door. Only Roman and Remus could conjure exit doors anywhere. And Patton began to panic.
"Why did I do this?" he asked himself as he sat down. "I was supposed to find them. And they're probably long gone. And now I'm stuck in here!"
Frustration welled inside of him as he realized that Roman and Logan had been right about him. Why was he so happy-go-lucky? Why did he always follow his heart? His dumb, stupid, too-much, not-enough heart! What was wrong with him? Pain lanced through him, and he let out an angry shout. All the feelings that had been bottled up for days and pushed aside for hours suddenly exploded. He slammed his fists into the grass and screamed. Hot shards of glass pierced his heart, and he began to cry and thrash in the grass. Everything was suddenly far, far too much and he lost all control.
His throat grew raw from his screaming and he lurched back and forth as if an earthquake was ripping across his stupid heart. Everything inside of him seemed to crack and crumble, and he could hear himself disintegrating from the inside out. It hurt so bad! And he was alone. Nobody could help. He was trapped in the Imagination and nothing was okay. What was wrong with him?
Suddenly, arms wrapped around him and a silky smooth voice spoke to him. "Easy there, Patton. It's okay."
Patton sobbed and buried his head in Janus's shoulder. He screamed and shook as the cauldron of pain continued to bubble over. Somehow it was easier to weather the storm of emotions with somebody else. As he continued to break down, Janus held him tight, riding out the storm without a negative word. And as tears poured down his cheeks and the entire world seemed to shake around him, Patton was grateful that he wasn't alone.
