Patton didn't know how long he cried, but eventually the tears slowed and stopped. Still, Janus continued to rock him gently, back and forth, humming a low, soothing tune in his ear. Patton didn't want to move. He was so tired, and he wasn't sure what had gotten into him. He hadn't ever broken down like that in front of anybody before. Janus eventually pulled back a little.
"Are you okay now?"
"I don't know."
"Considering what you just made, I'm not surprised, Pop-injay," another voice said.
Patton blinked and sat up to see Remus and Virgil sitting in front of him, looking concerned. "I didn't make anything," Patton argued.
Remus snorted. "Yeah. Right. Then what's that?"
He pointed behind Patton, and Patton turned to see what he meant. All the breath squeezed out of his body when he saw what Remus was talking about. Behind him was an enormous statue carved out of black rock, and it appeared to be him trapped in a cage. A heart was outlined on his chest, and lava seemed to flow out from it in a breathtaking yet frightening display as his head was bowed and his face contorted into an expression of pain.
"I… I made that?" Patton asked softly.
"Yep," Remus said. He popped to his feet and looked it over. "Not bad. I mean, you're obviously feeling trapped by your feelings, which isn't good, but the artistry and creativity is %#*&ing fantastic."
"Kinda dark, though," Virgil said. "You feeling okay, Patton?"
Patton's lower lip trembled and he looked down and began to pick at the grass. "I'll be fine."
"Liar," Janus said idly.
Patton flinched and shrugged. "I'm supposed to be okay."
"Are you?" Janus peered at him.
Patton's gaze was drawn back to the statue. "I guess you know I'm not," he said, blushing and looking away.
"Yes. But I'm unsure about what's wrong."
Patton shrugged. "It's hard to explain."
"Then show us," Virgil suggested.
"Show you?" Patton asked.
"You made that," Remus said. "Show us how you're feeling. Use anything you want. This is the Imagination, Patton! Go wild!"
Patton hesitated and glanced at the statue. "I… I don't know how. I've never done anything like… like that before. I can only do simple things."
Remus snorted. "What kind of $&!# teacher is my brother?"
"He never taught me anything."
The Dark Sides paused and looked at him, their eyebrows coming together.
"Um, what?" Virgil asked.
"Yeah," Patton said. "Me and Logan don't know much about the Imagination. We're not supposed to go in without Roman. And… I don't know why I did. I can't even do anything right in Roman's half. I don't know what I was thinking."
"Well, if I were to hazard a guess, your negative feelings fueled some intrusive thoughts when you came into Remus's room," Janus said, holding out his finger to catch a ladybug.
"Yep. That sounds right," Virgil agreed. "My room fueled your anxiety. Remus's would have fueled your negative thoughts and turned them more… intrusive."
"Really? Is that why I didn't recognize them as mine?" Patton asked.
"Most likely," Janus said.
"Hold it!" Remus boomed. He walked over and dropped down beside Patton. "You said my brother never taught you. Do you mean, like, anything?"
"Um, not really."
"Can you conjure an exit at least?"
"No," Patton said in a small voice. He hunched over. "Guess now you know I'm stupider than you thought."
"That pompous #$&hole!" Remus roared. He jumped to his feet and started to pace, and as he walked, Patton saw the grass begin to darken beneath his feet. "He thinks I'm the reckless one? He thinks I'm irresponsible?! He hasn't taught either of you the basics of the Imagination?!"
Remus gave a bellowing cry and fire erupted behind him. Patton gazed in astonishment a the visual display of Remus's emotions. It was so bright and vivid, and as the fire turned to steam, Remus seemed a bit calmer.
"I shall have a little chat with my brother," he said darkly. "To explain what a raging dumb#$& he is."
"I'm sorry," Patton said. "I didn't mean to get him in trouble."
"How could he not explain things?" Remus demanded. "Ugh, that wriggles through my gut like a forty-foot tapeworm! Stupid! Idiotic! What if you get lost? What if something happens? You wouldn't know what to do!"
"I don't understand," Patton said. "I'm the one who messed up. I shouldn't have gone into your room. I shouldn't have gone into the Imagination. Roman always keeps his locked, and he says it's dangerous. And with somebody like me around, I get it."
"Stop it, Patton," Virgil said. "Roman messed up. Even if we'd found this out from Logan or even Roman himself, Remus would still be pissed. And he has every right to be. It is dangerous if you're not prepared. But what Remus is saying is that Roman could have and should have prepared you. And he didn't."
"Mm, yes," Janus said, and Patton could hear the sibilant hiss of anger in his voice. "And we shall be sure to share this displeasure with him. Foolish, that's what it is. And he should really know better."
"No kidding," Virgil grumbled. "Guess it was a good idea to find you, Patton. We just thought you'd lost track of time. It was almost six-thirty when we got back and you hadn't even started dinner. We had no clue you were stuck in here."
Patton flinched. "I'm sorry."
"Oh, do keep apologizing, Patton. You have so much we need to forgive you for," Janus said dryly.
"I know you think you're lying Jan. But you're not," Patton said.
Janus paused. "Meaning?"
"I shouldn't feel this way at all! Not when you and Virgil are having so much trouble!"
"Trouble?" Virgil asked, puzzled.
"Yeah! I mean, you won't even look at me most of the time. You keep running away anytime I try and show you that I still love you and don't care about your animal traits. It's frustrating, and I feel like you're running away from me. I feel like I've done everything wrong since we found out, and you just won't let me talk to you. I don't know what I did wrong."
Janus and Virgil exchanged glances. "Ah. Well, you've done nothing wrong," Janus said. "It's just… Naturally it will take a while for us to become comfortable with showing those… parts."
"But how long?" Patton asked, flopping back on the grass. His face was pinched with distress and he reached trembling fingers up to wipe at his eyes beneath his glasses. "I feel like any progress we made was lost. I'm afraid to offend you, to do something wrong and set us back even further. I don't know what to say or how to say it, and all this time I've pretended that I'm okay with it but I'm not. I feel like I'm losing you, and I don't want to go back to ignoring you and thinking you're all bad, and I feel bad that I'm afraid and…" Patton swallowed and looked away. "I'm sorry. This is too much."
"It's a lot," Virgil admitted. "But it's not too much. You've been hiding your feelings again."
Patton flinched. "Yeah. I guess so. But they're so big, and I just didn't want to bother anybody."
Remus stared at him thoughtfully then looked at the statue. "Well, it's not good for you to do that. As the heart, you have big feelings. It's the opposite of Logan's issue. He has small feelings. But it's also the same in some ways. You both try to repress your feelings, Logan because he's confused and you because you're afraid."
"That… sounds right, actually," Patton said, sounding surprised. He paused. "Why do you get all serious when it comes to times like this? You were serious with Logan, too."
Remus shrugged. "I've felt some pretty bad things, and nothing's really funny when that happens. I know how you feel, and I wouldn't appreciate anybody making light of it. So I don't. Even though I want to go and bathe in the lava coming from that statue and scorch my skin off, now is not the time."
"Wow, Remus. I… Thanks."
Remus grinned and thumped him on the back. Patton's eyes flickered down. "So… are you mad?"
"At your feelings?" Janus asked, surprised. "Whatever for?"
"To be honest, I didn't know I wasn't looking at you," Virgil said.
"Or… or running away from certain topics," Janus admitted. He looked away and covered his mouth with his hand. "It's just… Self-consciousness is a &!(?#. I feel like you're all judging me for my scales and fangs."
"What? No! No, Jan! I mean, I am curious. I've never gotten to touch your scales, and they look all shiny in the right light and I want to know how they feel, but I'm not judging them! I never was! They're a part of you!"
Janus pressed his lips together. "You… want to touch my scales?" He squinted at him. "Are you serious?"
"Yeah! I've been wanting to for a while, ever since we became friends. Or sort of friends, or whatever."
"Friends," Janus said firmly.
Patton beamed, his entire face lighting up. "Friends then!" he proclaimed happily.
Janus peered at him for a moment then held out his gloved hand. Patton reached out to take it, but he was surprised when Janus wrapped his fingers around the back of his hand and shifted closer. Without breaking eye contact, Janus pulled Patton's hand to his left cheek and rested his fingertips on his scales. Then he withdrew his own hand and sat very still. Patton didn't move for a moment, too stunned and excited, then he slowly traced the scales, careful to watch Janus's face for any sign that he should stop.
When Janus made no threatening movements, Patton focused on the scales under his fingers. They were definitely reptilian, glossy and slightly rough to the touch. His scales were firmer than his human skin, denser in a strange way. They felt so very different from human skin, and it was almost a shock for Patton to feel the edges where the two overlapped. Janus watched with big eyes, looking so vulnerable and afraid, and Patton knew what a gift this was. This was Janus trusting him with a part of himself that he despised, and he could feel him trembling with anxiety. Patton smiled warmly, openly, then he leaned closer to study the scales.
"It's so cool, Jan," he breathed.
Janus blinked slowly, his pupils dilating as Patton became less of a threat. "You really think so?" he asked, his voice so shy that Patton just wanted to scoop him up and cuddle him close.
With great difficulty, Patton restrained himself and brushed his fingers gently over the scales. "Yeah. This is way cool, Jan."
Janus blinked again then flashed his teeth in a smile. His fangs glinted in the light, and Patton smiled back. His thumbs moved gently over the scales, pressing into the strange skin. Janus gave a tittering hiss then pulled back.
"That's enough for now," he said, turning away. But Patton saw the red flush on his human cheek, and he nudged Janus.
"Thanks. I know that was really hard for you."
Janus shrugged. "I don't know what you're talking about."
Patton giggled. "Mmhm. Sure."
A call from a ways away startled them. They sat up.
"Was that Roman?" Patton asked.
"Probably. I nailed a note to his door so he'd know we were going to get you," Remus said.
"Why not just tape it?" Virgil asked in exasperation.
"Couldn't find the tape," Remus replied with a grin.
"You could have conjured tape, you nitwit!"
Remus laughed then stood up. "Come on. I need to have that talk with my brother." He conjured his morning star and swung it menacingly.
"Ah, no fighting please," Patton said.
"Not even one teeny-weeny swing?" Remus asked, pouting.
"I'd rather you not."
"Ugh! Fine. But you should totally show them this awesome statue," Remus said.
Patton looked unsure and Janus curled an arm around his shoulders. "It might help to talk to them about how you're feeling, Patton. And that is an awful way to broach the subject."
"It's not too much?" Patton asked, peering shyly at the raw pain etched onto his stone face.
"It's how you feel, Patton. And I know that it can be brutal to be honest about feelings. But that," he gestured at the statue, "is a far healthier way to cope with your feelings than what we usually do. And you do so hate fighting, so…"
Patton considered this then nodded. "You know what? You're right! I'll show them!"
He turned and hurried toward Roman's voice. He broke through a line of trees to see Roman and Logan booking it toward him.
"Roman! Logan! I have something to show you!" Patton exclaimed.
"There you are!" Roman screeched.
Patton stopped at the shout, his heart skipping a beat as he remembered that he wasn't supposed to be in the Imagination at all. Both Logan and Roman looked angry as they ran over. The statue was forgotten as they reached him, and Patton suddenly felt very small as they crossed their arms and glared at him.
"What were you thinking, Patton?" Roman demanded.
"Clearly, he wasn't," Logan replied.
And Patton flinched.
