Chapter 2

Elliot blinked in and out of consciousness. He could hear her voice. Panicked. Yet calm. She spoke next to him.

"It's okay. I'm here. Elliot?"

He could feel the hospital gurney moving quickly down a hallway. He could feel her hand gripping his and a sharp pain in his head and his leg. He squeezed her hand back. "I can't move. My head…."

The bed stopped at an elevator and he opened his eyes. "I can't feel my leg."

She whispered close to his face the way she does to keep everything at ease. "You were shot outside of OC headquarters. They're taking you into surgery. Do you remember anything? Anything at all…"

"No.." he winced. "I remember I was getting everyone lunch…I…that's it…"

The elevator opened and the dr moved Olivia to the side. "This is as far as you can go. We'll call you when he's out of surgery."

Olivia's eyes filled with tears. "I love you."

She kissed his lips one last time and watched him fade behind the doors.

Rollins stood close by and walked back to the waiting room with her.

Olivia was out of it. She started going through her mental checklist of things she could control. "I have to…check in with Bell…"

"Did Bell give you any other details in the car ride over?," Rollins asked.

"No…and…I don't have my marriage certificate, but I think..I'm on his health insurance policy so I should be able to sign for blood….I need to give them my blood…and then grab dinner for Noah…eh…Noah…Lucy leaves early on Mondays…I should see if Kathleen can pick up him.- Oh my god- Kathleen….his kids-" Olivia stopped to catch her breath. She held onto the wall and tears fell down her cheeks.

"Liv, slow down. I can do this for you." Rollins touched her back and soothed her. "It's okay. Let me help you. Let's just get you to a chair. As soon as you get your thoughts together we can ask about blood. It's going to be okay."

"Don't…say that."

Rollins backed off slightly as she could sense Olivia's agitation.

"Don't say what?"

"Don't say 'it's going to be okay', I…I'm not a victim."

"I didn't mean to make you feel like a victim, Liv."

"It's just…it's not okay. It's bad. He could be paralyzed. He could die. And this…I…I am a curse. And…he can't die, Amanda," she sobbed and tears smeared down her face. Amanda had never seen her so broken.

Amanda pulled her into a hug. "Hey, now. Elliot Stabler has lived through a lot of shit, there is no way a little blow to the knee is going to take him down. He's not going to die."

"I'm not meant to be happy. It was too good to be true, and I let it be true and…now-"

"Stop that talk right now, Olivia Benson," Rollins got tough with her. "This has nothing to do with your happiness or a curse. This has to do with his job. Hell, our jobs. Bad circumstances. Do not even allow yourself to think that way. You are better than those thoughts. Do you hear me?"

"I wish I could," she sniffed and pulled herself away from Amanda.

"Okay, then, you don't have to right now, but you do have to let me call Elliot's children. And Sonny can take Noah for the night. Can I do that for you? Please."

Olivia silently nodded as they entered the waiting room and sat on the couch. She didn't even give Amanda eye contact, she just pulled her phone from her pocket and handed it to Rollins, who nodded with worry and then went to another room to make the phone calls.

Olivia looked out the window and watched the sun fade behind the clouds. A purple orange haze filled the sky and reminded her of their first night together on their honeymoon.

Flashback to Portugal.

Elliot opened the hotel door. The room was lit with candles and the sunset spilled in through the open balcony doors. Roses were placed around the bed with a bottle of champagne.

"Wow…breathtaking," Olivia beamed.

Elliot watched her warmly. "Bah, that's nothing compared to you."

Olivia smirked at him. "Nice, did you google that before or after we landed?"

He laughed and walked to the balcony to look at the view as she dropped her bag, pulled off her panama vacation hat, and read the card next to the champagne.

"Love is someone to share paradise with."

She lifted a brow pretentiously. "And the cliche quotes just keep on coming. Maybe it's something in the air."

"Yeah," he playfully wiggled his eyebrows. "Loooove. Cause we're…on our honeymoon."

He could tell she was anxious, so he was trying to make her laugh. Though, she had no reason to be nervous. It certainly wasn't their first time making love. "Come here," he nodded sweetly.

She popped the champagne and walked over to him on the balcony with the bottle and two glasses.

He smiled warmly as he watched her pour their drinks and set the champagne on the table.

"You," he kissed her hand as he took his glass from it. "Are." He pulled her in and gently swayed back and forth in a slow dance motion. "The most beautiful woman I've ever met."

"Oh, and...what else," she egged him on.

"So… smart and strong and independent."

"And," she laughed as she made him flounder for words. He spun her around and noticed another bad quote on a hotel advertisement card on their balcony table.

"Olivia, love is a flower you have to let grow. And you are the perfect flower."

Olivia turned to see what he was reading, and they both laughed at each other. Olivia raised her glass.

"To cheesy romantic quotes from now until death do us part," she smiled.

"Salud," he softly replied. "Mrs…Stabler? Or..Stabler-Benson…" he was afraid to make the decision for her, but he was curious how she would really respond to the confines of marital formalities. It was old hat for him. He was happy to play by the old fashioned rules, but he knew she was a modern woman with a chip on her shoulder, and he was just as content to let her make new rules.

She took a sip of champagne as she thought about the question.

"Mrs Stabler reminds me too much of Kathy and I couldn't possibly fill her shoes. Nor would I want to. How about we just keep our own last names…for now, at least, and you can call me your wife…or your Olivia," she replied with a sultry voice.

He playfully watched her lips.

"Sure thing, my wife Olivia."

He pulled her close to his body and kissed her ever so sweetly. The taste of champagne on her wet lips aroused every part of him.

He took her breath away and she downed the glass quickly and got rid of the glass, as he gently kissed and nibbled the nap of her neck.

Their silence was filled with deep conversation.

She pulled his face in front of her own and traced the sides of his cheeks and neck. Their eyes locked and their noses nuzzled.

His hands waited at her hips for permission to move, but she pulled away from him and unbuttoned his shirt slowly.

"So many buttons," she teased.

"Too many," he squirmed, and then pulled it up over his head revealing his abs and arms.

Her eyes grew wild, and he in turn could barely contain himself from taking her.

But he waited. He grabbed her hand and lay her on the bed. Rose petals surrounded her.

He knelt down and pulled the linen pants from her waist down.

"What are these like vacation pants?"

"Apparently this is what people wear on a beach vacation," she softly smiled.

"I don't know that I've ever seen you in public without slacks or a skirt on," he remarked.

"I don't know that I've ever been on vacation," she replied playfully.

He bit his lip and watched her blush and smile. Her eyes so full of light. She was even more beautiful now than he'd ever seen her before.

"What?", she coyly asked as he watched her from between her legs.

"You're…just so beautiful," he blushed, unable to put his thoughts into words.

"You mentioned that," she grinned.

He nuzzled her thigh and then playfully rubbed his face into her silk underwear.

She jumped a little and laughed. "That tickles."

He stopped and held her smile with his horny grin. He then got serious and pulled the silk to the side as he kissed her and touched her slowly and softly until she moaned and writhed beneath him.

"You're so good at that," she sighed.

He made his way up her torso and lifted her shirt.

"I love you, my Olivia," he replied.

She sat up and forced him to touch her breasts as she undid her bra. She knew exactly how she wanted him and where she wanted to be touched.

He followed her lead and kissed her nipple and rubbed against her as she moved her hips into his body.

"I want you," she said softly as she pushed him onto the bed.

"I want you more," he replied, as he let her take over.

She climbed on top of him and even after a year of making love to her, he still couldn't believe she was his and he was hers. That this was actually happening. That it wasn't a dream, even though she was a dream. Truly, a dream.

Her breathing grew quick and her hips moved with his. He held back as long as he could. Her whole body suddenly started to climax. Her hard taught nipples teasing him. Her hips riding him. She was loud and uninhibited, and he too let out a long audible moan as he released at the same time.

They fell breathlessly onto the bed and held each other tightly.

"That might have been the first time there wasn't a kid or my mother in the other room," he mumbled.

"Yeah," she sighed. "Amazing. I could have screamed."

He gave her a double take. "Ah, nothing stopping you, here."

Olivia listened to his heart as he played with her hair.

"Did you ever think about us…when we were younger… and think this was possi-"

"No," he interrupted, before she could even finish. "I mean…not before…before Italy. I…you were always a dream…guilty pleasure. A thought. A confession. Never a reality." He paused and then looked into her eyes. "How about you? Did you ever…I don't know…have thoughts about what could have been…"

She lay next to him in thought. "I…yes…I did…often. But for a long time, I just quickly put it out of my mind and decided that I wanted to be with someone like you. I mean…if I couldn't be with you, I wanted someone as close to you as I could get. Someone with your moral high ground and maybe even some of your irrational bravery. Ha. Though, that could also have been the reason I never married."

He lightly pet her hair. "I often thought that if Eli had never been born, I would have divorced Kathy, and I we could have fallen in love the, way back then. We could have had our own Eli."

"Don't say that," she softly replied. "Eli was…the closest thing I've had to giving birth. And I wouldn't trade that moment for any divorce."

"Not even for your own pregnancy?"

She sat up and looked at him. "No. If I were meant to be pregnant, I would have been. There were plenty of chances. This was how it was supposed to happen and I'm okay with it."

"That's because you're a damn saint."

"Ha," she lightly traced his chest and brushed off the compliment. "Besides…I would have probably taken way too long to come around, and you would have given up too easily back then, because you were full of anger and testosterone. And then having children would have been out of the cards anyway. So here we are."

He kissed the top of her head. "Anger and testosterone? I suppose that's true. Well…I thought about us as an us often, and I guess that's something. Let's just promise to make up for lost time. I want to go on lots of vacations with you. I want to see the world with you, and have Sunday dinners with the whole family. I want to buy a house with you and hang my favorite Christmas ornament on our Christmas tree. Rub your feet after a long day or just… I don't know, just be retired and sit on a swing under a big porch."

Olivia beamed thinking about it. "That's really specific, Stabler."

"Doesn't that sound nice though?"

"Yeah…it does," she smiled.

"Life is short, and I am so thankful to be able to grow old with you. My Olivia. My greatest love. My best friend."

Olivia held him tight and took in his words. Words she had always been too afraid to say herself. Then she smirked "Wait…aren't we already old?"

"Speak for yourself, sweetheart," he jabbed and she poked him in the gut.

"Ah," he laughed.

Flash to present day

Olivia's heart hurt thinking about it now. She felt foolish.

Rollins came back and handed Olivia her phone.

"Ellito's kids are on the way over now. Sonny is picking up Noah. And the nurse said she'll be in soon to take you back for blood withdrawal. That is, if you're up for it."

"Of course," she almost inaudibly responded.

She then pulled Rollins in close, and started doing what she knew Elliot would do for her if the shoe were on the other foot, she demanded details. She wanted facts. She wanted justice and revenge. She wanted a perp.

"Go to OC and find out everything. I want security camera footage, street footage, parking lot footage, gun details, Bullet casings, case files from every piece of shit criminal that he's worked with over the last 3 years. Lazer technology. I want answers. I want a perp in holding. And I want it before he wakes up. Am I clear?"

"Crystal." Rollins nodded.

"I'll call you the second I get finished with this blood, and we can get this figured out."

"Or," Rollins gently suggested. ", you could just sit here and be a wife and a mom, and let me and Fin work this, so that when he wakes up…your face is the first thing that he sees.."

"I really don't want the psycho therapy session right now, Amanda. Just get me some answers. Okay?"

Amanda nodded and watched as Olivia paced near the window. She hoped Bell had something on the shooter, otherwise Olivia was about to spiral back into her old bad habits, and it killed Amanda to see it.